I'm going to a lesbian wedding

[Sometimes Steffi]

I'm going to a Lesbian wedding this weekend. My cousin is getting married. I'd like to tell her that she's not alone on the trans spectrum, but I'm not out to family and I don't want to be. Normally, I'd just pull her side for a few minutes, explain things, show her a few pics and tell her I was still in the closet, and I'd like to keep it that way.

But I guess you know how hard it is to get even a few minutes alone with a bride on her wedding. Any good suggestions?

[Zylia]

Not sure if I'm missing something here, but lesbians aren't on the trans spectrum, except when they are (e.g. a gynephilic transwoman).

To answer your actual question: your mileage may vary on this one, but I don't think that someone else's wedding is the best time to out yourself, especially if you're not sure how she's going to respond.

[Shelly Preston]

I agree with Zylia that this is not the time or the place to let anyone know about you.

You can tell her before the wedding or after, but not in the immediate days surrounding the special day.

I would be curious as to why you feel the need to do this. Go to the wedding and show your support for her decision to get married.

[Sandra]

Let her have her day..If you want to tell her then leave it until after the wedding.

[Sabrina133]

Hi Stefi,

We've not talked in a while. I have to agree with everyone. While she may be very accepting of you (and remember, many in the gay community are not that accepting of trans), it is her day. Let the brides enjoy their day.

Hugs
Bree

[kimdl93]

Save this for later. This is her weekend. Find another occasion to share your secret.

[Marcelle]

Hi Steffi,

I am in the same camp as most here . . . This is her day and I would keep it about her. Go as her cousin, enjoy the festivities and after she is back from her honeymoon then you can have the talk if you feel you need to.

Hugs

Isha

[Annaliese]

Let her know how much you support her let it be her day. Find a time later to tell her about your self.

[bridget thronton]

I agree - share your secret another day. Letting her and her partner know you support them and share their joy at getting married is the better plan.

[Nikki A.]

If you don't want to out yourself then wait until after the wedding. I went to a lesbian wedding dressed and had a great time. The bride (an aunt of one of my coworkers) was asked before the wedding and she had no problems with it and we ended up having a nice chat towards the end of the wedding.

[NicoleScott]

I'd like to tell her that she's not alone on the trans spectrum...

She's getting married, for goodness sake. She doesn't NEED to hear this. It's her day. Make it about you another time.

[Eringirl]

As much as I don't like to "pile on"...I agree with others. This day is all about her. You can have your day another time. Enjoy the wedding!!!

[Genny B]

I can see the happiness in finding another family member falls under the LBGT 'tree'! I also understand the words of caution, but you know your cousin much better than any of us! Have a good time at the wedding!

Genny B

[Sometimes Steffi]

Sometimes I think too much like a guy. I was so clueless.

You're all correct. It's her wedding. It should be all about her.

I can find some better time to tell her when there's less people around.

[Paula_Femme]

You're all correct. It's her wedding. It should be all about her.

Congratulations, you GET it!!! :battingeyelashes:

[Taylor186]

I think it is also important to consider that while LGBT is a common grouping acronym, Ls and Ts are totally different. Most of my gay and lesbian friends/acquaintances have no better understanding of Ts than the average non-T straight person, and feel no allegiance whatsoever to us Ts.

[flatlander_48]

Sad, but true...

[Claire Cook]

Sometimes I think too much like a guy. I was so clueless.
You're all correct. It's her wedding. It should be all about her.
I can find some better time to tell her when there's less people around.

Steffi, One of the things I'm really trying to do to is to "think less like a guy". I don't know about others, but I'm trying to repress a lot of those testoterone-driven reactions and feelings and I'm sure this makes me a better person.

So enjoy the wedding, and play it by ear after that.

[NicoleScott]

Sometimes I think too much like a guy. I was so clueless.

I'm a straight guy and I think like a straight guy. I don't have an internal feminine identity, and I don't try to think less like a guy.
Yet I agreed with others who think telling should wait for another time. It's courtesy and common sense, not driven by any point of view, agenda, or testosterone.

[Krisi]

I don't know if this is a "good" suggestion but my suggestion is to not bring this up, especially on her wedding day. If you really think she needs to know and are willing to take the risk that she will "spill the beans" to your family or others, wait until well after her wedding. She has other things on her mind right now.

[Teresa]

Steffi, Letting her enjoy her wedding day is the best thing to do ! Beside a same sex marriage may not have gone totally smoothly behind the scenes, some feathers may have been ruffled ! Standing back and giving them space is the right thing to do !

Taylor,
A good point often overlooked ! We can be as blind in our minority groups as any member of the public is ! Possibly more so because we tend to be more defensive of our own situation !
This point reminds me of a thread I submitted titled, " Can only see it though a CDers eyes !". Certain aspects of life are only seen that way because I've been a CDer all my life , a so called normal guy will have a different slant on it !

[sometimes_miss]

To answer your actual question: your mileage may vary on this one, but I don't think that someone else's wedding is the best time to out yourself
^this. Her wedding is HER DAY, not yours. Attend and send her off with your best wishes. You can always talk to her about yourself at a later date.

[alwayshave]

Steffi, weddings are about brides and nothing should take away from her day. By way of example, I have a cousin who work for the Red Sox front Office and received his world series ring in April 2005 after the 2004 World Series. All employees of the team receive the ring. Anyhow, we are at a family wedding in early May and he is wearing the ring. Every guy in the place, including the groom asked to see the ring, try it on, have their picture taken with it on. The bride was livid, it was her day, people should have been paying attention to her and her ring. She is still mad about it 10 years later. Long story short, keep a low profile at any wedding.

[Beverley Sims]

:thumbsdn::thumbsdn::thumbsdn:Forget it!!!!!!

Tell her sometime in the future when the time is yours.