Outed myself to a friend on an impulse

[Allison Chaynes]

I met a woman online (not in a romantic way, we have mutual facebook friends and were both in the Army) about three years ago and we became friends on Facebook. Anyway we share a number of mutual interests and are in a FB group. She pm'd me early last week at her wit's end. She's beaten a deadly disease and still isn't fully over it, her husband just got sent overseas and her son just joined the military also. So she's pretty much alone.

She contacted me to let me know she's been having chest pains and her doctors aren't telling her anything. Since she knows all the medical issues I've had, I tried to help her out however I could just answering questions and hearing her out. I felt horrible, after all the lemons life has thrown at her, they just keep coming, because apparently her marriage isn't going great either. She asked me to keep all this stuff between us (I'm not sharing anything that would give her away). I don't know why, but I felt like since she was sharing so openly, I had to tell her about Allison. It's almost like I felt she needed to know something secret about me for trust purposes. So now I'm out to an internet friend, who knows several of my real life friends, who are not overly T friendly. Let's hope, as I believe, that we'll
mutually keep things quiet unless/until Allison comes out fully if that happens someday.

What do ya'll think, was that a dumb move?

[kimdl93]

It's your call. In my own life, decisions made on impulse have generally proven to be unfortunate at best and disastrous on a few occassions.

[CynthiaD]

No, not dumb. There's nothing wrong with being out to anyone. If someone doesn't like it, it's their problem, no yours.

[SusanaO]

Perhaps you unconsciously did it as insurance for her. You won't tell if she won't tell, though there still exists that possibility she says something to someone. Or, maybe you wanted to be on a same level of trust. If you think it has strengthened your trust, then it was not a dumb move at all. If not, then be prepared just in case. But seems to me like she has far better things on her mind than outing you.

I'm out to a friend from high school and although she lives 1000 miles away, we still have mutual friends on Facebook. I have no secrets of her (she's very open anyway) but she knows I sometimes like to be a girl. No, I don't regret telling her. If I told her its because she's understanding. And sometimes I wonder if I told her because maybe I'd like to get caught sometime (hint).

[swansong]

I don't think it was a bad move, based on what I read. Deffinatly risky though. I couldn't imagine my unit finding out while i was in. That is what nightmares are made of! Haha

[Katey888]

Alison, not dumb... but I would say impulsive... :)

I'm sure you're giving her the benefit of the doubt for all the right reasons, and I hope you won't be disappointed... but I'm afraid only time will tell whether or not anything will come of it, good or bad... wait and see - I'm sure you'll survive, and you might be pleasantly surprised... I hope so... :hugs:

Katey x

[Ivie]

It sounds like you both have the measure of each other, I'm sure all will be cool.

[Jammee]

being that I'm new to it, the subject weighs heavy on my mind, given the really small town we are in, probably be a while if ever.

[Beverley Sims]

Yep!
You got it!

[kkaye]

Hi Allison:
It's not like you came out as something completely unadceptable. This a part of you and what makes YOU HAPPY. I think it's on a need to know basis depending on the person or people that need to know. I tried to see how my grown daughter would react to this and she stole the show. I could not get a word in. She spoke as an advocate for people doing what they want and that is their business and its not up to others. This is all that counts. And how we tell people makes a difference. You must understand that we are always going to be perceived at first blush as drag queens, gays, etc. If we introduce this life style as what it is to us, and your personal circumstances. I feel it is important. I

[MelanieAnne]

Why the need to tell anyone? Especially on the internet.

[Andy66]

Time will tell if it was a dumb move. It was definitely kind, though, because you did it to make her feel safe. I think it was being kind to yourself too, because secrets are such a burden.

[susan jackson]

What was her reaction when you told her?

[Kate Simmons]

A secret known to two is a secret no longer. :)

[Teresa]

I don't think there's any harm done, she's putting a great deal of trust in you about her life, I don't think she'll risk losing a friend ( Even an "E "one. )by letting you down !
I don't think you can fight coming out for ever, living with a secret life can't last it has to come out !

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Allison, I hope that it all works out for you.:daydreaming:

[Allison Chaynes]

I didn't hear back from her right away, but I know she's on a lot of medication and going through a bunch of tests this morning. She texted me back to tell me she's still waiting on test results this morning. The only thing she said so far was, "If that's the worst thing going on, it's better than a cheating spouse."

To answer the why question.... I've been CDing for a while now and honestly feel like I may be more T or bigendered than CD, if that makes sense. At some point I may decide to go full time or close to it. Since my heart surgery, I'm wondering if they used pink fog for anesthesia because I keep thinking how close I was to death and that I don't want to miss out on living anymore, and I want to be whoever I am. It helps that my wife lately seems to be embracing Allison more since all that happened, I think it scared her pretty badly and the thought of losing me did something to her. Anyway....

I'm tired of not having anyone close I can talk to outside of a therapist (this is the Bible Belt and my area does not have any CD groups, just a T group that honestly spends more time talking politics I completely disagree with than doing much support), and I know her mother came out a couple years ago, not quite the same thing but it's in the ballpark, so I figured she'd be someone I could trust.

[Teresa]

Allison,
That's very young to have heart problems I hope you're on the mend now ! It's a shame it takes something like that to concentrate the mind on what matters !

I 'm sure if it happened to me now my son would be asking where certain tools are ? My daughter would be asking if I would be fit enough to decorate her spare bedroom and my wife would need to know if she needs to get someone in to cut the lawns ?
Oh why has dad taken to wearing a nightie after the operation ? It was the pink fog anesthetic had something to do with it , not unless he's become a CDer !!

[Allison Chaynes]

Thanks, Teresa. I had a rare heart disease as a kid that apparently has long term effects no one knew about until last year when a study was done in Japan... the joy of being one of the older survivors still on this planet, never knowing whatvto expect! But I'm alive and recovery is going well, so I've nothing to complain about, really. But it did really make me contemplate life thus far and ask myself if I had really lived. You'd think with all the near death experiences I've had in life, it wouldn't have changed much for me, but this time was different because I had time to think about it.

On the plus side, the wife has been super embracing of Allison lately, so there's that. I'm not out to my kids and won't be anytime soon.

As far as the tools and yard.... We've had family come in and help out. My wife has had to take over laundry and dishes, but I can do some of those things again now, with a little help. I'm getting around well now, driving again and walking several miles at a time. In fact, my pedometer tells me my walking pace has IMPROVED from where it was before I knew anything was wrong! I'm hoping to complete a two mile run by the end of the year, doctor permitting, and I've got a skydive planned for April, so I'm feeling good about the near term.

[MeredithG]

Allison - you reached out at an emotional moment - it just happened. I hope it ultimately is a good thing for you to have shared. I never have. I have one female friend that seems to know I have a feminine side and jokes about it at times in an encouraging way. I would really like to tell her more and be HER girlfriend at times, but who knows if that will ever happen.

[binair10]

Hi Girls, I used to work with a female friend in the late 80s and early 90s, but lost contact with her when she moved up to Scotland. We were always in each others company (we were both married. My Wife fell out with her many years ago.
About 4 years ago I managed to make contact with her through `Friends Reunited`. We have kept in contact ever since. During the conversations we have little things about dressing were dropped out, but nothing came of it. About a couple of months ago I said that I would send her a photo or two but didn`t as I did not know how she would react. Anyway, 2 weeks ago I sent her a couple of photo`s but heard nothing. I thought that I had upset her, but no. When we spoke again last week she said that I looked very `Elegant`and that my make-up was much better than hers. But she said that she has no problem with me being Julie, but to her I shall always be Jimbo (as she always called me).
I have outed myself to another casual female who used to call at my house, and the only thing that she once said was my`blusher was a bit too pink`.
I have also had a conversation with a Policeman, who called at my house when making enquries about an attempted break in a couple of doors away. After our conversation he said have a good evening. It seemed that he was not phased about how I looked.
So dont hide away. Be honest to those that you can trust. But, much better if they do not know your Wife or Girlfriend.
Julie.