PretzelGirl
11-01-2014, 07:51 AM
I have passed one month of being full-time and I am in disbelief if anything. I even commented to my wife last night the same as I sat in the living room staring into space tearing up thinking that I can't believe it is this way. This isn't the first time I did that.
It is not just the behavior of everyone, although that has been fantastic. My family has been great. Last time I called my Mom she said Hi Sue right away and for the first time. The rest have been more than fully supportive. There is some pullback from men that I sense and that isn't a big surprise. I left the team. But the engagement of the women has been amazing. I suspect that will settle out when the newness wears down. But only for some at work I believe since I was mostly out outside of work for a while. So that should be the new normal.
My HR has been fantastic also. They pretty much let me write the book when I told them. This week I got invited to HR and I was asked to review an article going out in a monthly manager's newsletter. The article was on diversity but only got one paragraph in before it was about transgender individuals in the workplace and how to treat them. I commented on how well written it was and was told the information was from a site that I recognized right away as when I first told my HR rep, I gave him that link.
So I find I have to make the effort mentally to let things start normalizing already. I was ready to be an educator and now realize people may want to ask questions later, but right now don't, possibly while feeling out the situation. Out of the questions/statements asked, I was surprised at the most common. I was asked if I was gay once, surgery three times, but almost everyone stated that they were afraid they would slip and say Steve or misgender me and not want to offend me. And I could sense this was from politeness and not fear of repercussions. I assured everyone it would happen and not worry about it as it will take time. After a few, I used a story of talking to myself and saying Steve in error just to ease their fears. Are they slipping? Very few. One guy is perfect outside of meetings and in front of the directors slips as I assume his mind is deep into the topic. This week he actually caught it and corrected himself. Other than that, I think I have been "he" twice and that is it. Of course I had to "Steve" myself once mindlessly, so who can get mad. :D
It is not just the behavior of everyone, although that has been fantastic. My family has been great. Last time I called my Mom she said Hi Sue right away and for the first time. The rest have been more than fully supportive. There is some pullback from men that I sense and that isn't a big surprise. I left the team. But the engagement of the women has been amazing. I suspect that will settle out when the newness wears down. But only for some at work I believe since I was mostly out outside of work for a while. So that should be the new normal.
My HR has been fantastic also. They pretty much let me write the book when I told them. This week I got invited to HR and I was asked to review an article going out in a monthly manager's newsletter. The article was on diversity but only got one paragraph in before it was about transgender individuals in the workplace and how to treat them. I commented on how well written it was and was told the information was from a site that I recognized right away as when I first told my HR rep, I gave him that link.
So I find I have to make the effort mentally to let things start normalizing already. I was ready to be an educator and now realize people may want to ask questions later, but right now don't, possibly while feeling out the situation. Out of the questions/statements asked, I was surprised at the most common. I was asked if I was gay once, surgery three times, but almost everyone stated that they were afraid they would slip and say Steve or misgender me and not want to offend me. And I could sense this was from politeness and not fear of repercussions. I assured everyone it would happen and not worry about it as it will take time. After a few, I used a story of talking to myself and saying Steve in error just to ease their fears. Are they slipping? Very few. One guy is perfect outside of meetings and in front of the directors slips as I assume his mind is deep into the topic. This week he actually caught it and corrected himself. Other than that, I think I have been "he" twice and that is it. Of course I had to "Steve" myself once mindlessly, so who can get mad. :D