considering counseling. but ????

[Melissa_Rose]

I have recently been considering starting counseling to try to come to accept some of my gender vs cross dressing desires. I have read a lot of posts here about gender specialists and usual outcomes posted here.
Can anyone give me some perspective as to the frequency of gender identity disorder that is diagnosed as compared any other diagnosis?
It would seem to reason, that someone with my personal history, a desire to present as a female, and a desire to seek counseling would be an easy fit for that diagnosis. However, I am considering counseling to help understand things and to improve coping ability.
Just wondering what other diagnosis options there really are.
Hope that makes sense

CDN

[Michelle.M]

Not to pick nits, but the term “gender identity disorder” was replaced with “gender dysphoria” in the DSM-5. A therapist who is current on gender issues will be operating along the lines of that assessment.


Can anyone give me some perspective as to the frequency of gender identity disorder that is diagnosed as compared any other diagnosis?

In a sense, it doesn’t matter. The issue is whether it’s appropriate for YOU. One figure I read states anywhere from 1 - 5% of the general population experiences some level of gender dissonance and from 1/4 of 1% to 1% may be transsexual.


However, I am considering counseling to help understand things and to improve coping ability.

Excellent idea! Getting a handle on what you’re experiencing is the first step.


Just wondering what other diagnosis options there really are.

Depends. Also new in the DSM-5 is the inclusion of transvestic fetishism, a desire to dress primarily for sexual gratification. Beyond that (and in all clinical cases) your therapist would have to assess you.

And if it’s a diagnosis you’re after then you need to find an actual therapist with experience in gender issues, and not a counselor. There’s a difference.

[Allison Chaynes]

My advice would be to search for a counselor with experience in this area. I found mine through a site Google gave me called Psychology Today. Just be sure to be totally honest with your counselor if you want results.

[I Am Paula]

Usual outcomes, other peoples diagnosis, and percentages don't matter. YOU matter.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

You are you.
The stats don't matter. If it's one in 30000 or 1 in 3000 , I am one of them. It's the same for you.

Don't focus on diagnosis.
Focus on understanding your feelings and inner monologue; and how they impact your actions and your quality of life.

Then you can focus on understanding options and the possible real life consequences of taking action.

[MsVal]

Much comfort can be gained by meeting with a qualified therapist, and through those sessions, coming to a clear understanding of your unique situation.

Best wishes
MsVal

[LeaP]

I'll echo what Kaitlyn said – don't focus on diagnosis, but on understanding. Unless you are going to take steps toward transition, there are plenty of reasons not to have a gender-related diagnosis in your medical record.

[Jorja]

You are questioning your gender. If nothing more ever comes of it, go see a gender therapist. Learn and understand what your feelings mean. At this point do not worry about diagnosis,usual outcome,or percentages. Worry about you and you alone.

[Rachelakld]

Also remember, life is a journey, how I felt towards CD or TS when I was young is quite different to now.
So go to counseling until you accept who you are, and if you change and become uncomfortable, go back until you accept yourself again.

[Melissa_Rose]

It's not that I am questioning anything more than I ever have. I have been dealing with this since childhood. The only thing that is different than in the past is a supportive spouse.
My biggest internal issue is the difference between my mental self image and the reality of my reflection in the mirror. In my head I am 5'7 135 lbs size 4 or 6.. in reality, I am 5'10 190 on a good day.. and need a 1 in front of that 4 and 6 to have a chance to fit and know I look like a guy..
I want help changing that mental image to an atleast obtainable goal. I don't like that I like how I feel when I present as a woman right up to the point where I see a reflection.
My disgust is not because I am in female clothes, it's because my reflection doesn't match how I feel. I don't ever like my male reflection. I at least like parts of my body when dressed.
So that's where I am at.

[Rachelakld]

How would you like to look, then train for it.
I'm 5'9" and was probably the same weight

I lost 25KG in 3 months in the pools, to make my body fit my mental image, it was also a good body to attract the girls, and looked a lot better in a dress.
We are luckier than the girls, as we have more muscle to burn fat easier, and easier to shape our bodies.
Use your will power to make your body the way you want it.

The alternative is to change your mental image of yourself (I always wanted to be the big protective bear, and my body responded but not in height, then to lose weight thought about being a sleek panther instead and my body responded - through diet & exercise)

[Jorja]

When we are beginning I don't think any of us like the image we see in the mirror. For example, I was 6'1" 280lbs when I started. I had to call Omar the tent maker to make dresses for me. It took several years to get myself down to 150 pounds and a lot of learning to begin to look like I wanted to look. Nobody will tell you it is easy. It takes a lot of work to develop the female body and then there are going to be things that you don't like. You will have to learn to live with it. I would suggest you go take a walk around wherever it is in your town women congregate. Look at them, you will notice all different shapes and sizes. This is not a contest to see who has the best body. It is about you and your need to look female.

[KellyJameson]

Crossdressers escape from the self with every intention of going back and transexuals search for the self with nothing to go back to.

Transexuals come out of a void that they created by rejecting the gender identity imposed on them for the one they know themselves to be.

It is not consciously done but instinctive, like a reflex.

Understand your pain and what is creating it and you will know if it is identity or something else.

[melissakozak]

I have had a gender therapist for over two years now, and she has been a blessing. Therapy is first and foremost and journey in self exploration and finding your truth. Many other posters have said this already. Labels mean nothing because how you choose to live your life, how far you are willing to go and what your personal needs are unique to you. I know more about who I am and what I need than I ever realized or dreamed possible, and the greatest gift therapy has given me is that I have now put to rest all the reasons as to "why" I am who I am. Self acceptance, and then self love as a trans identified human being has been revolutionary in allowing me to finally live a whole, internally happy life. Is my life perfect? No. It never will be....but it is a whole lot better than it used to be...

[DebbieL]

First, I'll second the guidance of so many people on this forum who say get a therapist. If you are anything like most of use, you have been struggling a while now, and may have dealt with that struggle in various ways.

The importance of having a therapist who knows how to work with Gender Dyshporia. Many of us manifest our struggle in other ways that can lead misdiagnosis as depression, bipolar disorder, or drug addiction or alcoholism - without addressing the root cause at all. Many of us do suffer from these issues as well, but trying to treat the symptom alone without addressing the root could just lead to more complications.

One of the thing the therapist will do is work with you to determine whether your cross-dressing is just the expression you have allowed yourself, or if your gender dysphoria has also expressed itself in other ways. There are some medical tests that can be run as well. The fact that you shared what you did in your post would tell me that you are probably transsexual. Most cross-dressers I've met who weren't transsexual were "men's men" and enjoyed being a boy, and dressing was "an expensive hobby".

Many of us try to "settle" for cross-dressing at some point, because it's something we can do alone and in private. On the other hand, I had parental support for many things EXCEPT cross-dressing. I learned to cook when I was 6, to sew when I was 7, to crochet when I was 5, to knit when I was 7. By 8 I was doing the laundry, folding the clothes, and ironing the shirts and blouses. By the time I was 10 my family used to tease "Rex, you'll make some lady doctor a wonderful wife". And I would beam with joy when they said that. I loved doing "women's work". I liked to read and color and do art, and spent most of my time inside, making up stories, playing with baby dolls, and even playing Barbie with my sister.

I never liked being a boy, and hated having to go out to the playground with the boys even more. My least favorite classes were gym, lunch, and recess.

The key is that being a girl is more than just wearing pretty dresses, although that's a fun part of it. But there are things that go much deeper as well. I was so feminine that I couldn't hide it even as Rex, but most people just assumed that I was gay. I don't think that they understood that after being violently attacked by boys for 6-7 years, about the LAST thing I wanted was to be sexually assaulted by a boy. There were boys I thought were cute, the same boys most girls thought were cute, but I was more attracted to girls. I had one inexperienced therapist who thought I couldn't possibly be transsexual because I was attracted to women.

The next question that you and your therapist will look at if you are transsexual, is "what do you want to do about it?".
Some people know they are transsexual but decide not to transition. They risk losing wife, children, job, stability, and respectability in the communities in which they have established themselves as a man. Some wait until "later". You'll want to look at what you are afraid might happen, and then address those fears. You also need to decide whether you are willing to take the risks, and if not, can you accept that people will love, like, and respect something that is not you - more like the ventriloquists dummy?

You may need to plan a number of changes. If your employer is sexist and homophobic, do you really want to be working there as a transsexual woman?

Then you will begin getting Real Life Experience. This is the real acid test for most cross-dressers. Cross-dressing is lots of fun when you only do it for special occasions, and you can be as sexy and glamorous as you want and are able, but when you are putting on make-up, heels, longer skirt, conservative blouse, and maybe a jacket, and you're doing it 7 days a week, on workdays from the time you get home from work to the time you get your boy shirt on and go to work. And if you have to stand for 4 hours in heels, after a full days work, you will develop an appreciation for flats and ballet slippers at the end of the day.

Eventually, you will reach the point where your Real Life Experience enables you to go out as a woman any time you want, as often as you want, for as long as you want, and just be another average girl. You will be age appropriate, weight appropriate, and situation appropriate. You'll be able to walk through a group of teen-age girls without being read, you'll be in the elevator and the 4 year old kid will think you're a "pretty lady". Even other CDs and TGs won't be able to spot you from a distance.

At that point, you will decide whether to go full time or not. If you decide you do want to go full time, your therapist will recommend you for HRT, and you'll start the process of full-time transition. Ironically, the transition may be easier than you think. Getting so much RLE, you begin to have the girl "bleeding" over into the boy's life. People notice the traces of nail polish you missed, the thin waxed eyebrow, the earrings in both ears, the lack of 5 o-clock shadow (due to laser and electrolysis), your mannerisms are more feminine. It will be like people have been waiting to meet the REAL YOU!

But it starts with the first step. You need to see the therapist, let her know exactly what's going on, and make sure that she can help you. If she can't, she should be able to refer you to someone who is qualified. I found my therapist through the employee assistance program. I looked up each name with LGBT to see which ones were LGBT friendly, then added "Transgender". I started with a list of 20 that EAP gave me, and ended up with 5 that were actually experienced in Gender Dysphoria issues. I chose the one that could see me on Saturdays, because that was the only day I would reliably be in town.

[Melissa_Rose]

Thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement. I have started looking for therapists in my area. There aren't many with experience in gender dysphoria.
A formal diagnosis is very scary, but maybe the clarity it brings is worth it.
I am constantly amazed by my wife's acceptance, but I am sure there are limits for her. Career is a huge obstacle as it isn't as simple as finding a different job (self employed)...

Just a few things I have to consider.