10 things I'd wish I'd known sooner about crossdressing

[JenniferYager]

This week has been awesome. I spent Sunday in San Francisco with Allie and Kim bumming around town and seeing the city, plus having a wonderful dinner. I've spent the rest of this week transforming into Jennifer almost the second I get home and hitting up stores and restaurants. Today I realized when I looked in the mirror I actually LIKE my makeup job, I look like I have real breasts, and I just feel comfortable in women's clothing.

It wasn't always this way, and I know there are lots of crossdressers on the forums that could learn from all the dumb mistakes I made. So, without further ado, here are the ten things I wish I knew when I first started crossdressing:

1. It doesn't go away. I tried so hard to quit. I purged multiple times. I dumped everything. I beat myself up about it. But the desire doesn't fade. You can fight it, but it'll just make you mad. I found it much more healthy to accept crossdressing and put limits on it. For me, my rules were home was off limits so that my family could always have Dad. Knowing when I could and couldn't crossdress gave my life a lot of balance.

2. If you're overweight, use crossdressing to slim down. I hated having to shop in the women's section. I would see a cute dress and realize it was a size 16...so close, yet so far away. I'd always struggled with my weight, but crossdressing finally got me to knuckle down and lose weight. I realized that while I regularly worked out, I ate a ton, and a lot of it was just social. I would eat whatever was put in front of me because it was there. So I started pushing food away. I also took gracinia cambogia to help cut my cravings. I asked my wife to make me smaller meals. I deliberately wouldn't take cash to work so that I would only eat my packed lunch and not buy snacks. All of that worked, and I went from 225 to 175. I used to be a size 20, but today I found I can now fit in a size 14.

3. When you shop, say it's for you. I struggled with this. I always used to lie and say "Oh, it's for my wife." Thinking back, I don't think one store associate ever believed me. I finally got the courage to go to a Lane Bryant and ask to try on clothes for myself...and the store associate darn near hugged me! I spent 100 dollars and walked off beaming! Most store don't care at all. Seriously. And most shoppers won't say anything, either out of fear or lack of care. Heck, after a while, you might get good enough they don't notice. Besides, if the store refuses to let you try on clothes, would you want to shop there anyway?

4. Keep a makeup journal. Especially if you're a part time crossdresser like me, keep a journal. Everytime you go to MAC or Macy's or wherever, take notes. Write down techniques, colors, whatever you need to remember how to do it. Heck, make it a scrap book and take photos. You'll be surprised what you forget.

5. Talk to people. I still suck at this, but seriously, talk to people. Ask the store associate how his day is going. Tell the mom standing next to you her baby is beautiful. If nothing else, simply pay someone a compliment. Nobody is going to scream "Oh my gosh you're a crossdresser!" if you pay them a compliment; in fact, they'll probably smile and you might just make their day.

6. Until you practice, plan out your time. I can now simply walk into my hotel room and in an hour become Jennifer, makeup and all. It was NOT that way for a while. Starting out, take your time. I tried to rush and I'd inevitably forget things, or look like crap and be self conscious, or not have a backup plan. It would make what should have been a fun evening very stressful. If you think you need an hour for makeup, give yourself more time so that you aren't rushed before dinner.

7. Don't forget the accessories. Crossdressing was all about skirts and dresses for me. After a while, I realized that if I wanted to pass out in town, I needed all the accessories: purse, scarf, jewelry, nails, lip balm and a sparkly headband. With these, I don't feel like a dude in a dress. Instead, I feel a lot more put together, and a lot less nervous. Don't forget pants too! I've fallen in love with yoga pants and girl jeans.

8. Talk to other crossdressers. This forum rocks for meeting people. You don't have to go out en femme. Some of the best dinners I've had are with fellow crossdressers while in guy mode. Just meet up for coffee, or lunch, or something small. You don't have to talk about crossdressing either (for most of us, it doesn't define us). It gets you out of the closet and helps you talk with others in your situation.

9. Do normal stuff. When I first started crossdressing, I met a girl that always wanted to go clubbing. It got old fast (and I was 25). Today I went to a quiet sushi restaurant and enjoyed the food in a nice top and maxi skirt, and I even caught the guy next to me checking out my cleavage. Dressing up for something like a club or a prom can be a blast, but often times it's the day to day stuff that I enjoy the most.

10. It goes as far as you want it to. There are always people who want to pressure you to do more, and there are others that will pressure you to do less. Ultimately, none of them are you. Don't ever feel like you are "just" a crossdresser. Nobody can make decisions for you on whether to get therapy, whether to tell your family, who to tell at work, or if you should take drugs, because frankly nobody else has to live your life. So decide where you want to go and go there, and don't fill other people's expectations.

And a bonus one...

11. Get a big sister. I consider John Warrener from tgfashions.com the closest thing I have to a big sister. I wish I was back in Massachusetts to be able to visit him again. If you can, find a big sister and meet up. Hang out. Do makeup together. Chat over coffee. Let that person help you. For all you know, you'll make a friend for life.

[MelanieAnne]

and a sparkly headband.

Seriously? :D

[Allison Chaynes]

Great thread Jennifer! Number 4 taught me something new, since I rarely get to do makeup.

[Martina]

Jennifer
Thanks for the post very good advice, we all wonder where this is taking us on the journey into dressing, I am lucky being 5'-3" with a uk size 6 shoes and a uk size 12 dress so even with 4" heels don't stand out in the crowd when I have been out a few times.

[Melissa18]

Hi Jennifer
I found this post one of the most positive tHreads Ive read here. I'm going to try to make the list my CDing life guide,
Thanks
Adelaide

[JenniferYager]

Seriously? :D

Heck yeah a sparkly headband! I'm getting a second one in pink...and with a bow...as soon as I find a store with one. I hate the thin bands, they don't hold my hair back.

[Rachael Leigh]

Jennifer very well thought out and some great advice thanks for taking the time.

[Diana1517]

Wooooowww !!! You really make my day! I'm very thankful for you post, you're amazing! !!😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😘
Thank you, thank you 💋💋💋

[Eryn]

Seriously? :D

Why not? I have blingy barrettes in various shapes. Things like this do add to one's presentation!

Jennifer, thank you for a positive and well-thought-out post. I found myself nodding to myself as I read each part of it! :)

[Persephone]

Nominee for Best Post of the Year!

If I had a #0 before the others it would be Don't Wait. It took me a long, long time to get over the fear and the guilt and the hiding, tiny baby step by tiny baby step at a time. If I knew then what I know now I would have had some years of youth added to my enjoyment of my sunset years.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[bridget thronton]

Excellent post

[heather ann martin]

I wouldn't get arrested and thrown in jail for dressing as a girl!

[Danitgirl1]

What a lovely post.
Thank you so much for sharing!

[Leahann]

Thank you, Jennifer!

[Claire Cook]

Nominee for Best Post of the Year!

If I had a #0 before the others it would be Don't Wait. It took me a long, long time to get over the fear and the guilt and the hiding, tiny baby step by tiny baby step at a time. If I knew then what I know now I would have had some years of youth added to my enjoyment of my sunset years.

Hugs,
Persephone.

I agree! This is a great list and we should all think about Jennifer's points. And I would vote for Barb's #0 too.

[Rabecca]

Your list is dead on, thanks for posting it.

[Katey888]

Nice list Jennifer... :)

We probably should all have something similar that covers the generic guidelines, and most of yours would be the same as mine, but I think we do need to remember that not everyone aspires to or needs to adopt 'full emulation' mode... ;) So I think your #10 is the most important and only universal truth and should be top, front and centre... :thinking:

And I was surprised you didn't include: "Never, ever believe that acetone with vitamins is a beverage..." :lol:

Katey x

[Shelly Preston]

I love it Jennifer the only thing I would add is,

#11 relax, be confident and enjoy yourself if going out.

I know when I started to relax my confidence grew. Nothing gives you away more than being all nervous.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jenn, We need to have this included in the Crossdressers Handbook .

[CostaRicaRachel]

I agree with Blue Orchid, but the article might have a tendency to
cloud the eyes of the reader with a little bit of pink fog:)

[Jamie Lynn]

VERY helpful, Jenn! Thank You!

[CarlaWestin]

Thanks Jenn, great post.

May I add the one thing that I wish I'd known sooner?

Crossdressing is not a BAD thing.

[Ressie]

Thanks so much Jennifer. Your list should help out a lot of us that aren't that experienced.


3. When you shop, say it's for you. I struggled with this. I always used to lie and say "Oh, it's for my wife." Thinking back, I don't think one store associate ever believed me. I finally got the courage to go to a Lane Bryant and ask to try on clothes for myself...and the store associate darn near hugged me! I spent 100 dollars and walked off beaming! Most store don't care at all. Seriously. And most shoppers won't say anything, either out of fear or lack of care. Heck, after a while, you might get good enough they don't notice. Besides, if the store refuses to let you try on clothes, would you want to shop there anyway?


5. Talk to people. I still suck at this, but seriously, talk to people. Ask the store associate how his day is going. Tell the mom standing next to you her baby is beautiful. If nothing else, simply pay someone a compliment. Nobody is going to scream "Oh my gosh you're a crossdresser!" if you pay them a compliment; in fact, they'll probably smile and you might just make their day.


I'm assuming that #3 you're shopping in guy mode, but in #5 you're in fem mode. I've never shopped en femme, but either way it seems better to start a nice conversation with the SA. Many will think you're weird when they see you come back a few times buying more female clothing, so I've only admitted that I'm shopping for myself a couple of times. But if there's no dialog, there's a bigger chance they'll think negatively. For me, it's a difficult step to come clean.

[binair10]

Hi Martina, I am also lucky in that I am only 5`5" and can squeeze into size 7 shoes and boots. Skirts are usually a size 12, although dresses sometimes have to be a size 14. Coats that I have are generally a 14-16 depending on the style.
I even wear a pair of stretch jeans which are a size 6, brand new brought for £1.75p. It is nice to be on the small side.

Julie.

[Chari]

Fabulous "to do" list Jennifer, which matches up with being comfortable and confident in who you are, no matter how you present! Enjoy.

[Eringirl]

Nice List Jennifer! Good to have all of this info gathered together in one post. "sticky" any one ? ;)

I agree with the make up journal. When I had my first make over at Sephora, they made notes for me and have a really need "teaching" aid of a women's face and they were able to apply the make up to the photo to show you how and where to apply etc. I still reference that to this day. I can go from Drab to "Fab" in 30 minutes now. But I like your journal idea for sure! will help when I try new things.

And yes, talk to people!! Last month when I was in a store in the mall, the was a new mom holding a new born. I couldn't resist. She was thrilled to receive compliments on how good she look having recently given birth and how cute her baby was. You are correct, she didn't even notice me that much, we were focused on the baby.

Erin

[kimdl93]

All good stuff.

[binair10]

Hi Ressie, I have always gone into`ladies shops`dressed in drab. Never had any trouble. I have 2 shops that I visit every week and the SAs know that what I buy is for myself. I made that clear to them when I first started to shop there. Never had any problems,
as they are there to serve not criticise. I must say that I have never had a problem wherever I go or whatever I buy. Also, if the shop is not a well known high street name (small privately run shops) you can normally get a better service. Asking the SA what else they have on sale (but not on show)has worked for me in the past. I have brought some beautiful underwear that was hidden away in the back of the shop.

Julie.

[CONSUELO]

Some useful advice. I particularly like #1. It does not go away and what is more discomforting, it changes in intensity and expression with time. I was not prepared for the latter.

[Isabella Ross]

Excellent list. Perhaps you could get it on Letterman before he retires?

[Lexi Moralas]

Great post thank you for sharing your experience !

[Michelle 78]

Thanks Jen, great post!

[Kate Simmons]

Good list Hon but since there exists no "Crossdressing 101", "Crossdressing for Dummies" or "How to" books, we usually have to "wing it" and/or make it up as we go along. Such is life. :battingeyelashes::)

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

I even have an alternate 'blingy' phone case. WHY NOT? :) :)

[audreyinalbany]

on #7…I'm not sure I would want to "pass out" in town….

[aly01]

Good thread jenn. # 4 is very good

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Jennifer,

This is a great list. The only thing I would add is that famous quote "We have nothing to fear but fear itself." We are our own worst enemy.

[AnneC]

This is a wonderful list, full of great observations. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[Kallyope]

Thank you so much for putting this list together, and I couldn't agree more.

Particularly on the fact that it does definitely not go away. And mainly because of that I so wish I had been born a girl.

[Ally 2112]

Have to agree this is a good list :)

[Christen]

I'm seconding the nomination for 'Post of the Year'!
Thanks Jennifer!

Christen x

[liz.thomas]

Maybe it should be a sticky thread? Great post!

Liz

[justmetoo]

You make a number of good points! (this one goes to 11)

[Sometimes Steffi]

I'm assuming that #3 you're shopping in guy mode, but in #5 you're in fem mode. I've never shopped en femme, but either way it seems better to start a nice conversation with the SA. Many will think you're weird when they see you come back a few times buying more female clothing, so I've only admitted that I'm shopping for myself a couple of times. But if there's no dialog, there's a bigger chance they'll think negatively. For me, it's a difficult step to come clean.


Regarding Shopping in Guy Mode (#3), if I've shopped without an SA and just bring my purchases to the cashier, I neither confirm nor deny.

Cashier: I'm sure she'll love that.

Me: Yes, I'm sure she will.

Regarding Starting a Conversation (#5), it works great in guy mode too.

Me: I really love that perfume.

Me: I hope you don't mind me saying it, but those shoes are really cute.

I even helped a GG pick out jewelry to match a dress she was buying

[Janine cd]

' impressed by your advice. I ,too, have purged too many times and have come to realize that crossdressing is a lifetime commitment. As for the makeup guide and accessories, I am concentrating on these same objectives as we speak.

[Babbs]

Excellent list Jennifer...I wish I knew those things years ago as well. I particularly like #11. A few girls on here recommended Florence's Fashions to me. (also in Mass) Once I went and met the owner Barbara, you couldn't keep me out of her store. I've learned so much from her and she gives me so much confidence to venture out in public en femme. I've learned what works and doesn't work for CD'ers from her. If you can find someone like that, especially if you are closeted it makes all the difference in the world with your "en femme" lifestyle.

[Donnagirl]

So I've finally learnt (accepted) that number one is true... Only took forever to learn that.

The rest I whole heartedly agree with, especially talk, find support, find friends and do everything you can to meet them. There is no better way to come to terms. Ok I'm a freak, but I'm not a unique freak!!

[DebbieL]

Some more that I would add to that top 10 to make it top 20

12 - Talk to someone, anyone - many of us keep our secret too well, which can be very lonely. Often our self esteem suffers as well.

13 - Learn to BLEND - You don't want to be the prettiest, sexiest, or most feminine girl in the room. Dress appropriate to you age, weight and situation and you should blend in so well you won't even be noticed - you'll just be another woman.

14 - It's not a beauty pageant - human nature is to compare our insides - with all our self doubts, fears, insecurities, and secrets, to others' outsides, the best face they have created to make everyone think they are superior. Even the girl on the cover of Cosmo doesn't look like the girl on Cosmo. When you see a woman who looks too good to be true, it's probably because she is. Often, for a photo shoot, the model will literally be sown into a dress or pants to make them look unnaturally skin tight, they use boob tape to maximize the cleavage, and the blouse is pinned to the bra so that the bra is just barely hidden. The model works out 4-5 hours a day - dance, yoga, and weights to sculpt her body, then knows how to pose for the camera so that the photographer can get 50-60 good shots, only 2-3 of which are great shots, and only one of those will be on the cover. If you look better than half the women in the building, and not as good as the other half - you are doing very well indeed.

15 - Don't assume you're being read. When you are walking in a crowded place, look at other women, especially older women and heavier women, imagine that they are actually guys rather than girls. That way when someone in a crowd shouts "oh my god, she's a guy" you won't be looking for who said it, making others think it's one of those other women.

16 - Body language speaks volumes - one that gave me away all the time was the head nod. Men regularly nod to each other as they pass each other on the street, it's a very informal version of the bow - a show of respect for the other man. We do it instinctively because at one time in our lives, not giving the nod could result in open and even violent confrontation. Women don't look the approaching man directly in the eye and nod, they look to the side and slowly tilt to the side and down, an informal version of the curtsy. Sit with your knees together, when you bend to pick something up, cross your legs slightly so your knees don't spread and put on a show. Study how women move differently. If possible, have a woman coach you - 4 hours with a woman who knows the differences (and most women do), can eliminate hundreds of "tells".

17 - Learn to move - motion is a big tell. Taking ballet or modern dance is a good way to learn the same kinds of gentle fluid motion that women spend years learning - often starting as young an 4-5 years old. Wear a long necklace with a pendant on the end, when you can walk down the street at a brisk pace without moving the pendant, your hips are moving correctly. Many genetic girls practice with a book on their head - often in "finishing school" modeling courses, or in a dance program. At one time, this was a practical skill, the mother would carry a water jar on her head while carrying a baby in one hand and some food from the market in the other. Not having a head that was reliable could mean two trips.

18 - Think about what you really want. If you knew when you were 6 that you wanted to be a girl, and you've wanted to be one ever since, you shouldn't tell someone you're a cross-dresser - just to try and keep them from freaking out. Each time you deny what you really want, it's a form of suicide. If your heart, mind, and soul are female, and you keep trying to deny it, you are killing the real you in order to keep the "Facade You" respectable. Ultimately, it will come out and you will seem even more dishonest and untrustworthy.

19 - Separate the boy and the girl - No matter where you are on the transgender spectrum, you want to try and think about your male and female as two separate personalities. Each has different strategies for survival, each has different likes and dislikes, each has different experiences of life. As a boy, you were told "Boys don't cry" - remember Tom Hanks saying "There's no crying in baseball". Alpha males are bread and raised to be soldiers, to go into combat, and if taken prisoner, to avoid showing any weakness to their captors or jailers and fellow inmates. They have also been raised to exploit weakness in others. The Alpha male wants to be "top dog" and will fight to stay on top, no matter who gets hurt.

A traditional girl on the other hand, is trained to be a mother, to nurture, to be more submissive. Feminism has changed that, and more women are learning to adapt the skills of motherhood to the workplace, very effectively. They are much better at forming teams and keeping them cohesive, and are good at making sure that everyone who contributes to the effort feels valued and appreciated. Many women lead volunteer organizations or groups while raising the children, those skills translate very effectively into leadership roles.


20 - Who are you? - By looking at what you like about being a male, and what you like about being a female, what you don't like about each, what you would like to try in each, you can begin to define both your male and female roles, identify your male and female strategies. What about the boy irritates the daylights out of people? What about the girl do people like? For example, my wife notice that Rex tends to "motor-mouth", talking non-stop for 30 minutes to an hour or even 2 without stopping, while not expressing anything personal or important. Often, it would turn into a "factoid dump filibuster" - which I eventually realized was designed to help me avoid painful or unpleasant subjects. Debbie on the other hand, would really listen, and then share her real feelings, sometimes crying as someone told her a story that expressed pain, and cried even more when moved, touched, and inspired. Take a look at when and where you use the "girl talents" even when you are in the suit.

[JenniferYager]

The NOD! I noticed I did it today quite by mistake and the guy looked back at me in confusion. SO TRUE!

[Beverley Sims]

Jennifer,
Just experienced all those things you mentioned in San Franisco.
Even had to walk after the power failed to the cable car museum.
That.... keeps you trim taut and terrific.

Have to look up tg fashions now are they in the Boston area?

A bit colder here than San Francisco though. :)

[lilly_may]

Some great advice thanks.

I had to travel for a meeting across country 2 days ago with a stop overnight so decided to treat myself to a new negligee. I went into a large department store for it and a sales assistant asked if I needed help to which I replied I was looking for something for my wife. Naturally she asked about size and i came out with my usual about this tall and this wide. as I was so far away from home I just fessed up and said its to fit me actually. She raised an eyebrow then flashed me a huge smile and said right honey we are in the wrong section, follow me. I came out of the store with exactly what I wanted and feeling very good about myself.

[Marcelle]

Hi Jennifer,

What a great thread! I am sure the list resonates with many here. The other thing I would add to the list for those who go out "Accept the possibility you may get read by others but don't ruminate on it".

Hugs

Isha

[Sarina Curtis]

Thanks for the great list Jennifer! These are definitely words of wisdom that are helping me as I discover more about both sides of myself. Yesterday I went panty shopping and when I was at the register the clerk asked if they were a present and I said "Yes, for myself" The clerk gave me a lop-sided grin but I walked out of the shop with a pretty pink bag and a smile a mile wide!

[Sally24]

My additions....

12. Your hair is very important! Visit a retail wig store with good techs and get them to help you pick a color, style and length that suits you. Then let them style it properly for you. A bad wig is no girls friend! Don't settle for an on-line pick that won't look as good on you as in the picture. After my one mail order wig, I bought all the rest (6) in person and got them styled. It has made a huge difference. I would one day like to have a few human hair wigs so that they move a little better and wear better on windy days.

13. Look for a local Out-And-About Group. If there isn't one, make one! Here in New England, one person started a group, then another expanded it, then several others started other groups. It only takes a few people, willing to come out on a regular basis, to get a group started. Once it's going, more people tend to show up. http://becomingwomen.org/

14. It's alright to be excited and apprehensive. And it's good to be cautious and wary when in public. Just don't let fear rule your life. And don't do the newbie mistake of trying to go to dark empty places at night to get out. Those are the most dangerous places to be. Go to a movie theater, a shopping area or anywhere else where there are plenty of people. Crowds are actually your friends, not your enemies!

15. If this is important to you, think about permanent hair removal, at least on your face. I can't stress enough how much easier my makeup is now that my dark hairs are all gone. Shaving is so much easier and I don't have to wear any more makeup then any cis gal does. Being able to wear light makeup and having really smooth skin can make you so much more comfortable and at easy with yourself.

16. If you are not in a relationship yet, consider being forthright when you do get serious about someone. I can't talk about coming out to a spouse after years but I can relate my situation. I told my girlfriend about Sally before we were even engaged. We've been married for over 27 years and it never has been much of an issue. We communicate what each of us is comfortable with and what we want and don't want. Don't let this side of you become a burden to you and others. Whatever level you are at, this is a part of you and should not be denied and supressed. Most will find that you can't keep this buried forever so try to manage it on an active level so you can decide what and when to do things.

Above all else, try to be kind to yourself and enjoy whatever freedom you can find to be yourself!

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Jennifer, thank you for making my day brighter. Peace, mel

[JenniferYager]

I should add a few more, but in engineering fashion it would be an annex.

Annex A: Clothes

A1. Shop for your size today. Some people give advice to buy smaller clothes to try and force you to lose weight. Not a good plan. You don't know how long it'll take to lose weight. You need clothes to wear today, so measure yourself, get your size and buy clothes that fit now.

A2. Don't buy it unless it's perfect Especially if you're bigger and shop at a thrift store, there is a tendency to get something simply because it fits. Don't. If you aren't in love with the clothes you're trying on, return them to the rack. Resist that urge to get it because it's there.

A3. Think outfits. I have a gray maxi skirt. It goes with darn near anything. I can wear it in all seasons, with all sorts of shoes, and with all sorts of tops. Any piece of clothing that you buy you want to have paired up with at least one-two other items. Don't buy a top unless you have jeans/skirt to match. I've given away too many clothes because the one item was great, then I realized later I had nothing to match it to.

A4. Patience is cheap. Thrift stores and Ross are your friend, but they rotate stock everyday. Be patient. Impulse buying is what gets you expensively over your head.

A5. Wear your forms/pads/etc. If you wear forms, wear them when you try on clothes. If you wear hip pads, same deal. Don't bother approximating, because women's clothing is tighter and you want it to be comfortable.

A6. Some stuff just doesn't work. Unless you're lucky enough to have a very feminine body or good at latex body wear, some things (like deep-V necklines and thongs) are probably not going to look good no matter what. Don't waste your time, all you'll do is be frustrated.

A7. Dress your age, but remember that every age is cute. I'm in my thirties...mini skirts are not going to look normal unless I'm going to a club. So I don't buy a ton of miniskirts. I've got knee length and longer dresses/skirts and tops that show some cleavage (but not too much). Dressing such that you fit in with your age helps people not notice you. However, don't be afraid to be cute. Add a colorful scarf, a large flower to your hair, or a charm on your boots. Cute doesn't disappear with age unless you let it!

[angelfire]

A lot of these are things I am currently trying to tackle, and some are things I have already dealt with.

As for it not going away, that was something I accepted a long time ago. I purged once shortly after I started dressing, and that was the last time. Even though I was on a several year hiatus from dressing, I still kept everything. In boxes. I knew if I threw it out, it would just mean I need to spend more to rebuy it or something similar.

Likewise, I was very obese back in college. I went from 350 to 200lbs. Went from "I'm so huge I would need at least XXL" to "Wow, I can fit into some size 13 jeans now". Crossdressing helped. When I ended up taking a break, I ended up putting the pounds back on. I find myself more proud of my appearance in girl mode and I try to take care of it better.

I'm still working on saying I'm shopping for myself, but this week my therapist basically told me if I don't try it on, I shouldn't buy it because it is likely a waste of money. Sometimes I've just bought things and hoped they fit, but a lot of times it ends up being a waste.

As for makeup journal I keep pictures from every time I dress. See what worked and what didn't. Haven't had much beauty counter experience except getting them to match my skin tone.

I'm not out too often, but I generally don't like to chat with people, so that is probably something that will be hard for me.

I always budget more time than I need. I give myself 3 hours. I've been ready in 1, but I'd rather have the extra time incase I goof my makeup. Plus, shaving takes a loooong time.

I've always loved accessories. Mostly hair clips and head bands, but with winter coming, I am starting to like scarves. As for pants, I've only been out in pants. I have legs that look great in jeans or yoga pants so I'm lucky.

I haven't talked much lately but I'm trying to change that. Likewise, I want to go out and do the normal stuff. Get dressed, go to the mall, shop, grab a coffee & lunch.

I'm quickly discovering the last 2 parts with my therapist. She thinks I should join a support group, where I can maybe meet a big sister, and she is helping me find where my balance is, where I am comfortable.

Great list, and thanks for sharing!

[Samantha_Smile]

Admin - Can we get this stickied?

[Megan b]

I just read Jennifer's post, all I can say is loved it. Thanks for sharing.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

A8. Once the genie is out of the bottle there is no putting her back, ever.

A9. Be prepared to accept the possibility that said genie will always want more, and more.

A10. Take your measurements, know what brands of clothes fit and look good on you before blowing half your life savings away on the initial pink fog blow out.

A11. If your still in the trying to stop mindset, gaining weight is a perfect way to lose all motivation and desire to dress. Be warned it can have a very negative depressing affect once out of the closet so try not to let that happen.

[brandi.tgurl]

awesome advice and affirmations! thanks for sharing.

[Teresa]

Sorry Jennifer I've come late on this one but it's a great list and very useful, thanks for that !

The shopping point well still do that thing it's for wife or daughter ! Obviously bit the bullet on shoes and had a great experience !
Can you believe I told them in the charity shops that I was making picture frames from wide belts !
Just last week a designer was doing just that on a house makeover show on TV, I wonder who they got the idea from ??

[Dana Nichole]

Great stuff.


We need to have this included in the Crossdressers Handbook .

I really need to find this handbook. :battingeyelashes:

[CindyR]

Big Thanks Jennifer!

This thread has given me the guts to come into the foreground, it really hits home. I already started loosing weight on the CD plan a while ago, beats Jenny Craig ;) But most of all it's given me the willpower to talk to others, which is what I think i need most....great advice!

[stephanie71]

I know that dressing has helped me loose weight as well. Not as much of a change but 214 down to 190, on my way to 180, which is what I was in my prime in my twenties. I am already at a size 12 though, at least for most things.

[JimmiLynn]

Great list! I wish I'd had this several years ago, I will start working on it.....

[victoria76]

Great thread indeed!

[Closeted Kat]

wow some great suggestions going on here. Wish i'd have found this thread sooner. It could be very helpful indeed.
-kat

[CrackedFacade]

This is a wonderful thread! Thank you very much for posting.

[Cassie.]

3. When you shop, say it's for you. I struggled with this. I always used to lie and say "Oh, it's for my wife." Thinking back, I don't think one store associate ever believed me. I finally got the courage to go to a Lane Bryant and ask to try on clothes for myself...and the store associate darn near hugged me! I spent 100 dollars and walked off beaming! Most store don't care at all. Seriously. And most shoppers won't say anything, either out of fear or lack of care. Heck, after a while, you might get good enough they don't notice. Besides, if the store refuses to let you try on clothes, would you want to shop there anyway?

I have to say I've not got what it takes to do this yet. When I'm out shopping I'll buy something if I like but i can never say its for myself. I always think something bad will happen if i do or that it will start a scene.

4. Keep a makeup journal. Especially if you're a part time crossdresser like me, keep a journal. Everytime you go to MAC or Macy's or wherever, take notes. Write down techniques, colors, whatever you need to remember how to do it. Heck, make it a scrap book and take photos. You'll be surprised what you forget.

I used the internet as my makeup journal the amount of saved pages I've got all with tips or videos on how to do great things with makeup. Once or twice I've taken a picture of a models makeup that's on display in that store.

6. Until you practice, plan out your time. I can now simply walk into my hotel room and in an hour become Jennifer, makeup and all. It was NOT that way for a while. Starting out, take your time. I tried to rush and I'd inevitably forget things, or look like crap and be self conscious, or not have a backup plan. It would make what should have been a fun evening very stressful. If you think you need an hour for makeup, give yourself more time so that you aren't rushed before dinner.

It still takes me about 2/3 hours to get fully ready but I don't think I'll ever speed up not anytime soon I am still get the shakes with my hands as i drink to much coffee due to unsociable work hours most days or nights at work.

7. Don't forget the accessories. Crossdressing was all about skirts and dresses for me. After a while, I realized that if I wanted to pass out in town, I needed all the accessories: purse, scarf, jewelry, nails, lip balm and a sparkly headband. With these, I don't feel like a dude in a dress. Instead, I feel a lot more put together, and a lot less nervous. Don't forget pants too! I've fallen in love with yoga pants and girl jeans.

I love girls jeans even more so the faded style ones and they always look so much better than men's jeans or maybe its because of how i am that i think that way.

8. Talk to other crossdressers. This forum rocks for meeting people. You don't have to go out en femme. Some of the best dinners I've had are with fellow crossdressers while in guy mode. Just meet up for coffee, or lunch, or something small. You don't have to talk about crossdressing either (for most of us, it doesn't define us). It gets you out of the closet and helps you talk with others in your situation.

I have to say this is the reason i came here and i haven't regretted it at all. Everybody here is so nice and you learn so much from a place like this.

Great list sweetie was a lovey read and had some great advice in it too. So thank you every much for sharing it with us all.

Cassie xx

[Sharon B.]

Just wish I would have accepted this side of me sooner, for the past ten years I have kept my body hair free and have a selection of lingerie that any natural woman would envy.
It took me a long time to get to the point of telling the SA that the items were for me, once you get that out things start to get a little easier. I do keep track of what makeup works and what doesn't. I hope to start losing some weight this year and I want to start going out as a woman not just under-dressed as one.
Yesterday was a first for me, usually I will leave my home dressed as a woman find somewhere to change into male clothes go shopping then change back into my female clothes and come back home. Left here as a woman, did change shoes, removed my silicone breast, removed my earrings and left my purse in my vehicle when I went shopping for shoes at Payless. Still had on woman's top, woman's slacks, woman's wool coat, woman's watch, wig and makeup. Decided after buying the shoes that the next time I go in Payless I will be all woman I won't remove anything. Baby steps at least in buying shoes.

[JenniferYager]

I know that dressing has helped me loose weight as well. Not as much of a change but 214 down to 190, on my way to 180, which is what I was in my prime in my twenties. I am already at a size 12 though, at least for most things.

YAY! I did something similar: 220 down to 177 in about 6 months. Took a lot of work, but I'm so much happier with my weight now.

[cdncdwife]

You guys have all shared some very practical tips that I'm going to pass along to my SO. So thank you! Also, I ran a lingerie store in West Edmonton Mall, Canada and we would have some of our regular TS and CD clients simply call ahead and book a time for me to open the store early for a private shopping session. It also gave me time to pull a selection of appropriately sized stuff or to order it in for them. They'd come, bring bubbly sometimes, and then we'd lock the door again and have a party an hour before regular opening times. Let me tell you, it was a blast watching these grown men turn into giggly school girls, lol. At the time I didn't know much about CD and just wanted them to be able to feel beautiful, but I think that exposure helped me when my SO told me he was a CD many years later. I think that if you can find a store and explain what you need, gather a couple of girlfriends and have a shopping party, you'll have a great time. We never minded it as store management (these were some of our best customers $$ wise) though a couple of our employees would rather not work. We never made it a big deal. But honestly, sometimes you need a pro to tell you if that garter belt needs to be a size bigger. Whatever you do, buy things that fit comfortably. You'll be happier and as an added bonus they last longer if they aren't over stretched all the time.

Hugs to you all.

[Ddannie]

Jennifer,
I found your list organized, practical and positive.
Thanks for taking the time.
Danielle

[StephiSpring]

My sisters, why did my eyes leak while reading all these great comments? You are all so encouraging and inspiring, so willing to pour out your wealth of knowledge. Thank you! HUG!

[Sallee]

great list I wish I was better at a lot of those things