Generational differences

[CONSUELO]

I have been a member of this site for several years and have read with interest the experience of others as they found cross dressing as young children and then tried to deal with their desire to cross dress and the social imperatives to marry and start a family. I get the impression that younger members of this site are following a different path. They seem to be better informed because of the ease of access to information via the Internet and also appear to be more open with their peers.

I know from experience with my children at university that being gay is widely accepted and many heterosexual students have several gay friends and hardly even remark on it. I wonder if the same may be happening to young transvestites. I would hope that their journey through society is much easier than those of us who went through the 50's and 60's. I often find myself thinking that if I had known then what I now know, I may have made some better decisions. The paucity of information about transvestism was remarkable. Even books on human sexuality would devote barely a page to the subject.

What do other's think. Are today's cross dressers better informed and better prepared than the older generation?

[Kate Simmons]

As an "oldster" myself Hon, I compare it with the two Star Trek series', Star Trek, the original series and Star Trek, the next generation. In the Original Series there was less talk and more action, more firing from the hip, that's how we learned. In the Next Generation there was always more talking and less action and a lot of techno babble before anything was actually done. We can talk the why's and wherefore's to death all day but there is no substitute for actually doing it. That's the biggest generational difference I personally see. In any case, the old adage "He (or she) who hesitates is lost" seems to bear out truthfully. :)

[Ceera]

There's no question that a teenager today who has CD or TG interests and inclinations will have a far easier time of it than those of us who were at that age 30 to 40 years ago! There is so much information available on the Internet now, that we never had openly available back then. Society in general has become much more accepting of LGBT people. My daughter's high school had a large LGBT support club, consisting of both actual LGBT members and of straight kids that supported the rights of their LGBT friends, and the school sponsored several school-wide LGBT awareness activities each year. That would have been unthinkable back when I was in high school. Any teacher or school administrator that even suggested such things 30 to 40 years ago would have lost their job and been blacklisted from teaching forever.

There will always be those who will not accept a crossdresser or someone in the LGBT community, simply because they are 'different'. But it's so much better now than it used to be!

[melanie206]

I would say that a significantly larger proportion of young people are comfortable with gender variations and sexual preferences. That said, I'm sure there are still many young people who secretly struggle with who they are and so there is still work to be done.

[Nadine Spirit]

I grew up in the "in-between" time. Not in the 50's or 60's but still before the wide spread knowledge provided by the internet. As a kid I had access to BBSs, do you remember those? Still, I never sought out information on transgender issues. I used it mainly for accessing naughty pics. Even when the net exploded in the 90s and 00s I didn't start seeking information until about 5 or 6 years ago really, (even though I was doing gender non-conforming stuff for the past 30 years at least!) That was when I found out how widespread all of this stuff actually is. I remember seeing Eddie Izzard on HBO and that really opened up my eyes to the possibility that I was not alone.

Hmm... what is my point? Even though I had no information on others, I was still self confident enough to be open, at least to my SO and myself, about who I was. There will always be those of us who accept this regardless and those who struggle with it. There is a massive amount of information out there about being okay with being transgender but there is also a massive amount of information out there that says it is totally wrong!

[sometimes_miss]

Of course things are different. 40 years ago, crossdressers were almost universally considered perverts, freaks, child molesters, by almost everybody. And, we didn't know how many others were like us. I thought I was the only one. The therapists I spoke to had no training in gender identity problems, well, because there was none. We were pretty much thought by everyone that we were all gay. Support? None. At least today we can write about it online and help vent our frustrations, which helps a lot.

[Annaliese]

I teach at a university, and yes the younger generation do have it different, the internet has help them, for the most part they are more accepting, can not say that for the older one here at the university, there are still one that are suck in the past. They will still make fun of Gay, and we have had two Transgender her, and both have left, because of this. Hope for the future, if we don't get in the way

[NicoleScott]

There's another current thread "The good news is...." where the wife is not accepting (marriage ending) and the kids seem to be OK with it. Maybe generational differences is one of (repeat...ONE OF) the reasons for this. So yes, I agree with you. By the way, Consuelo, as a youngster with crossdressing interests and an inquiring mind, I read all I could find on crossdressing and fetishes. Not much there in human sexuality books. Most of what I could find was in psychology books.

[Yoshisaur]

As part of this younger generation of crossdressers I do feel better informed about things. It's a great thing that being gay and trans is becoming more accepted now, but honestly I still feel scared about being rejected by family mainly because they are a part of the previous generations and aren't very accepting of these kinds of things.

[kimdl93]

For sure. And probably more self accepting and less emotionally stunted than those of us who hid and denied for decades.

[Katey888]

I think you're absolutely right, Consuelo - it is much easier to get information, opinions and support on any subject today. That must have an impact on the way social opinions and trends are formed by the younger generation, and I sincerely hope it is a less gender-biased and stereotyped word than the post-war decades... :)

What I wouldn't give to be able to rewind a couple of decades with what I know and understand about myself now... :daydreaming:

Katey x

[CONSUELO]

In particular I wonder if I would have married. With access to much more information about cross dressing and everything connected to it, I may have made more informed decisions.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Seeing this from the perspective of a mother raising young children, I'd say absolutely yes it's changing, and I'd suggest it is also to do with parenting styles. Today's parents are MUCH more accepting of differences in their children - far more than the bigoted, disapproving parents many of us had. I live in a rather conservative area, but this still hasn't stopped the parents of at least one little boy allowing their son to go to school as 'her'. No one bats an eye and in fact, everyone is very protective of him. His mother has already acknowledged he will either be gay, or transgender, depending on her sons identity. But there has been no moment where she's considered stopping this behavior or telling him he's bad. The schools have stopped the obvious gender segregation of girls and boys, and gender neutral language is the norm. The school uniform is even more androgynous than gender specific.

Things are changing. I have high hopes that one day, women of the future won't feel as upset and shaken to the core as I was about my H, because all sexual and gender expression will have been learned about and accepted early on and they will just take it in stride. I believe today's parents are helping this by allowing their kids to be who they are from the very start.

This means marriage and crossdressing would be a non issue, Consuelo, so you wouldn't have to choose.

[Kallyope]

What I wouldn't give to be able to rewind a couple of decades with what I know and understand about myself now... :daydreaming:

Katey x

I am so with you on this one.

I thought I was alone for so many years, and felt guilty about my feelings for what seems to be a lifetime (and in a way, it is). I so wish I could have known so much about GID back in the days, even like 20 years ago before the internet boomed and resources started showing online.

Parts of the decisions I made back then were based on what I knew, and it was so little that had I known better, I'm pretty much sure I would have made different choices.

DeLorean anyone?

[JayeLefaye]

Undeniably, the access to information and support groups has been exponentially increased by the internet and related "rights" movements.

But it still comes down to one-on-one relationships, and all the information in the world won't make much difference to a narrow minded loved one/family member/friend.

Progress, yes, but still a long ways to go...For me, as an older dudette, I am glad that at least I know now that I'm not a freak, which is, I think, the most beneficial knowledge/understanding to have, and was not easily learned even 20 years ago.

Jaye

[Kallyope]

Today's parents are MUCH more accepting of differences in their children - far more than the bigoted, disapproving parents many of us had.

I totally agree with you, and I like to think that this is happening in more and more families.

Fear of rejection is so strong, particularly when you're young and feel so vulnerable.

My own parents don't know that part of myself, and every time I tried opening to them, I quickly understood that they would totally reject me. It's not that they don't like crossdressers or transexuals, it's just that it's fine that they do exist unless they would have one in the family.

I have a son, and talked to my SO about this: what if he would turn out to be a CD or a TS? And we both agreed that no matter what would happen, he would have all the love and support he deserves.

[Erica Marie]

I dont think anybody will ever have it easy, but I do think that it may be a bit more accepted than in years past. I know if I could go back 25 years with the knowledge I have now I would in a heartbeat. Before the web I thought I was so alone, boy was I wrong.

[Nadine Spirit]

I have high hopes that one day, women of the future won't feel as upset and shaken to the core as I was about my H, because all sexual and gender expression will have been learned about and accepted early on and they will just take it in stride.

This means marriage and crossdressing would be a non issue, Consuelo, so you wouldn't have to choose.

It is great to read you say this. But such a thing is still possible even if you weren't raised that way. The human brain is very flexible in it's ability to adapt, if you want it to.

[carahawkwind]

I think being just 10 years younger would have made a big difference with me as far as how early and out I would have been with my dressing. I didn't get on the internet until I was 18 and back then it was mostly aol and geocities nonsense, getting online a little younger and with an internet with more useful and easier to find support sites and with more social media and I'd likely come to terms to with everything much sooner. My nice boring, mostly repressed life led me to my supporting wife and daughter, so it worked out pretty well anyway, so need for a time machine.

[justmetoo]

Yes, times are changing for the better. Generational changes do take time though. Generations, in fact. And while younger people almost assuredly have it better than us "older" folks did, easier does not equal easy. Obviously some still have it pretty rough. I know no one meant to imply that wasn't the case. Anyway, we can all keep working towards a better world as time goes by. (-:

[Marcelle]

Hi Consuelo,

I would agree but what you are seeing is the "evolution of the human condition". In the past things were insulated around us we defined our existence by what life presented us . . . if you did not travel, read or move away from your life zone, you viewed the world through that definition. As such, cross dressers were seen as aberrations. Something one heard about in hushed whispers unless you happened to know one personally. We (CDers) hid from the world and so it became easier to make us the villains (perverts, predators) hiding in the shadows. Along comes the world wide web and suddenly we are more visual, being seen and people can see except for a slight variation of presentation we are normal (as normal as the next person that is). Add to this that the world is now at our fingertips (war, famine, disease, collapsing economies) and people now have more to worry about than the guy who dresses like a woman. So are people more accepting today than the past? Perhaps because people don't see what we do as affecting them personally. However, while some may be more accepting I believe most are more "tolerant".

Hugs

Isha

[CostaRicaRachel]

I agree with most of the comments, times are changing, but, regardless of your age, I
believe it is very, very difficult to be TG, it is difficult to accept and difficult to reveal,
even if society is a little more accepting.

[Nikki A.]

Based on what I've experienced through my children (now young adults), I do think there is a big change in perceptions and acceptance. I know there was at least one TG child in my daughter's high school and ze was treated like everyone else. Even in her college there were a few TGs and they were accepted with no problems. My daughter and I did talk about some of them because they were FB friends with her. The world is changing, but it will take time.

[Sarah Doepner]

One of my sons recently got married. Prior to the wedding was a bachelor party and I was told that a friend in his crowd who is a crossdresser showed up in girl mode and was turned away, but invited back if he was willing to change. He did and they partied until dawn, no problems, it was just a situation where they just wanted no feminine influence in the room that night. This said a lot to me about the current young adult generation, because that situation never would have even happened when I was that age, no one would show up crossdressed and if they did, they wouldn't have been welcome to return. Probably not because they were a crossdresser but we didn't have the tools to deal with the personal and social mental conflict it would have raised in us.

[samantha rogers]

For what its worth, I see a lot of young girls simply dressing and interacting with their peers that way and being accepted that way. Bigger college towns I have seen this a lot. In other words, in some places young TG are simply mainstreaming right out of the gate. I think it beautiful to witness.

[Beverley Sims]

Definitely,
I have a standard joke, "as long as they don't pat me on the bum they are okay with me".
Meaning that as long as they don't hit on me we all get along fine.
Yes, there is definitely wider acceptance of gender influence these days and it is more open.
People know their limits and keep to them more rigidly too.

[GenieGirl]

We definitely are better prepared and informed now! When I was a teen not too long ago I would have never have known so much before finding out so much info through the web! I would not have ventured out or told anyone at that time, also growing up in a very small minded and ignorant town of the outside world suppressed it even further from my thoughts of ever really being me! Since then most of my friends and aquantances know that I prefer to be female and have hung out with them as a girl.....Although the friends that don't know and have not seen think I look like the bearded lady...if they only saw...but they don't want to and that's ok....I wouldn't want them to be Ã*ttracted to me.,would just make it weird :P

[NicoleScott]

I live in a rather conservative area, but this still hasn't stopped the parents of at least one little boy allowing their son to go to school as 'her'. No one bats an eye and in fact, everyone is very protective of him. His mother has already acknowledged he will either be gay, or transgender, depending on her sons identity. But there has been no moment where she's considered stopping this behavior or telling him he's bad.

Good for these parents and others who acknowledge that sex and gender matters aren't binary, and are allowing children to develop into whatever they are. My parents (especially my father) would never have accepted my crossdressing. What a difference a generation or two has made.


The schools have stopped the obvious gender segregation of girls and boys, and gender neutral language is the norm. The school uniform is even more androgynous than gender specific.

I don't believe the schools are helping things. Instead of recognizing and accepting the diversity, they have instead stuck their heads in the sand and made sex and gender disappear by using gender-neutral language, uniforms, etc. Everyone's the same, there are no boys or girls or anything between. Saying there are no differences isn't the same as accepting differences. Whatever my child might be, he is for sure NOT a purple penguin.

[belindaH]

There is no doubt in my mind that young persons, are much more informed about transgender issues as relates to themselves and to others. This does not just apply to young people either. I learned what I could about myself when I was young, but had little sources of information other than psychiatry, and pornography. This I believe was to my great disadvantage. We learn about ourselves like we learn about anything else. We don't magically know who we are. We have to observe ourselves and learn.