How do I find the woman of my dreams (no, not the one in the mirror!)

[Emeraude]

Now that my marriage is ending (see my other thread) and I have all this freedom, the first thing that comes to my mind is how to get into another relationship! I know, I need to wait. My friends and my kids are insisting on that, with varying degrees of threats of physical violence if they see me jumping into something. I am not going to start dating until our divorce is final in a year. However, at some point, I am going to want to start dating. How do I avoid the situation I just left? How do I find a woman who will accept my crossdressing? How and when do I tell her?

What have you girls who have been fortunate enough to find women like that, found to work? Where should I look? What should I say, and how soon? I've signed up on Match.com, just to see who's out there, and I'm, surprisingly, getting a lot of attention (I'm 61 and getting divorced, after all; I wouldn't think that would make me a catch.) But there doesn't seem to be a button to click for "heterosexual part-time MTF crossdresser"!

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[celeste26]

Go and do all the things that you really love to do and the glow that envelopes you because of that love will draw someone to you. But be honest from the time you get serious don't wait until later to tell. Cross dressing is part of who you are and to withhold that short changes her.

[Sallee]

I would definitely get out and date finding an accepting women for long term will be difficult but am sure they are out there. I wish I could tell you where to look but I will tell you to bring it up as soon as you think it might be getting serious like the 2nd or 3rd date. Good luck Nw that you can get out hit the clubs in SD and you might find that special GG

[Promethea]

I've never used match.com, but I suppose you can just write it on your profile. I think that's the best you can do, so you don't waste your time and energy on people who won't accept you.

I'm on okcupid, and I do say I am trans, and ask women not to message me if they have any issue or discomfort because of that, but that I am ok answering awkward questions if they just don't know or understand what being trans .
While I still haven't found the one (in part because I think this may not be the best moment in my life to find her), I have gotten some good response!

[kimdl93]

First, wait longer. Then, don't look for the woman of your dreams. Be open to women who you enjoy being with, share basic values with etc. And let things happen slowly.

[sometimes_miss]

You might have thought of this before you split from current wife. There are no known places to find a woman who is interested in a crossdresser. None. There are no straight girl/crossdresser bars, clubs, websites, or dating agencies (well, there is one, dateacrossdresser.com, it's a paid site where you have to become a paid member to contact any other members; but it's inhabited by 99.999% men, and a few ringers of real women who will send you spam messages to get you to pay the fee so you can email them back, then they will deny every sending you any message if they respond to you at all; and it's impossible to search for females on that site, because every crossdresser there checks off the 'female' check box so your search results will come back with all the fifty thousand crossdressers there along with the one or two real women that won't answer you anyway). The best advice I've gotten was to develop friendships with gay women, and somehow get them to allow you to tag along when they go to singles bars for lesbians. There, you MIGHT find a bi curious woman who just may be turned on or at least tolerate a feminine guy. Because you're fighting nature; millions of years of evolution has resulted in women who are turned on by masculine men, and sexually turned off by men who are feminine in any way. Women who had any genetic predisposition to even remotely being attracted to feminine men died off over those years, and so there are none existing in the wild; if you find one, bring her in so we can study her and find out how to make more. The best you can hope for is someone who was maybe abused by a typical macho male, and can barely tolerate any male who displays masculine behavior, and is not gay.

I wish you the best of luck in your search, Emeraude. You're going to need it. I've been on all the regular dating sites for the past 17 years now, and have found.....one who was nuts, several prostitutes and call girls willing to provide me with their services, and a lady about 5000 miles away in another country, who thought that she might be able to deal with it. That's it. That's from match.com, plenty of fish, alt.com, loveaccess.com, bondage.com, dating at aol.com, collarme.com, okcupid.com, and eharmony kicks out my profile completely when I mention crossdressing.

[PaulaQ]

Emeraude, I can't tell you how to find the woman of your dreams - there's a certain amount of fate and luck in that. That's a really tough question, and one that I'm not sure anyone can answer for any person, cis, trans, straight, gay, whatever.

However, if you want advice on "where can I look to hopefully find a woman who will date me, and where I have a chance to develop a meaningful relationship?" That's somewhat easier I think.

Your best bet for meeting a woman who will enjoy a relationship with, CDing and all, is probably not within the heteronormative community. Sorry - you've tip-toed into the twilight zone of transgender, and you are probably gonna find it to be tough sledding in straightsville. You can try - but it's tough. There are exceptions to this - many of the wonderful GGs on this forum are an example of this. But they are rare.

So your best two bets for a female partner are, in my opinion:
1. Bisexual women
2. Women in the trans community themselves - some trans women, even some CDs.

Your best bets for finding a girl like this would be:
1. Lesbian bars - bi girls visit these, and unfortunately, in the LGBTQ community, much of the community still happens in bars.
2. Within the trans community - there may be meetup groups, clubs, things of that sort where you can meet women who'd like you.

I'd definitely recommend doing any of this stuff as Emeraude, presenting female. I think being open and authentic about this part of your life is critical to finding someone who'll want to be a part of it. I can't tell you this will be easy - don't be surprised if you get hit on by a ton of men. Men are just that way, what can I say? There are women who'll appreciate you though.

Believing it can happen, and being open to it when it does, helps enormously. If you are really negative, people can tell, and it is off-putting. I know you are probably hurt and terrified about this after the breakup of your marriage. Questions like "Can anyone ever really accept me?" come to mind - many of us almost can't help them. But do your best to be positive, and to be real, honest, and open-minded. Hey, that's what you are asking from a potential partner, so should you offer anything less yourself?

By the way, I have to disagree very strongly with some of the sentiments expressed here that "straight women who are attracted to feminine men don't exist anymore." I've talked to more than one GG on this forum extensively - straight identified women - who dearly love and appreciate their transgender SO. For that matter, I have talked with women who've broken up with a TG SO for reasons not related to TG who MISS them - who miss going to CD events, who miss the girl time together. They are out there - they are just really hard to find because they are relatively rare, and there's no real way to locate them other than just blind luck, best I can tell.

Best of luck hon, I know you'll find someone. Just don't give up hope.

PS - PM me if you would like additional, and considerably more explicit, supporting evidence for the assertions I've made. I can back them up.

[Beverley Sims]

Emeraude,
Don't rush about worrying about being left on the shelf, get used to your new found freedom and you will find "it" just happens. :)

[Sally24]

In my case I would have to say that it's much easier if you and the woman are able to grow together and learn about the trans/cd thing. That's what happened with my wife and I. It's more difficult when you have had a lifetime to grow into the woman you are now and she's starting off at ground zero. And the age thing....you'd be surprised how many good older single women there are and how few really nice older men there are. I would look for a well spoken, intellectual woman who is not ultra conservative. Get to know each other, and then before things get really serious let her know about Emeraude. It can take years, and you may not find her. But woman like that are out there. Some are even enthusiastic supporters. Good luck!

[ophelia]

This a very frustrating thread. The woman of my dreams would love the man I am, but be fully open to the fun of a Friday night out with Ophelia. I have come close on POF with the notion that the "nights out" would be in a different city.
I have come close with a couple of hairdressers and makeup artists. They were confident with their work.
And you have to have a killer presentation and a killer photo. What you see may not be what they see and they may feel anxious.
Oh, and a little patience and persistence might help as well.

[bobbimo]

If you put do a good write up in your profile you should add that your an active heterosexual Cross dresser. Since your looking at a year before you start dating, I'd bet there is someone out there that will enjoy sharing shopping trips with her date! You could also post one of your femme pictures too.
Bobbi

[alwayshave]

Emeraude, on most dating sites the percentage of women to men is so high, statistics are on your side. So be truthful and find the woman who is not closed minded.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I've always told new girlfriends right from the start about my love of wearing women's underwear and it's never been a problem. Some even found it exciting. But hidden satin and a date with a guy in a dress are two very different things, and the proportion of women who are going to accept that is going to be small.

Honesty is the only way to go if you're looking for a long-term relationship, but I'd say look first for women as sisterly friends- having accepting friends puts you on a good foundation, and having a good foundation makes your chances of meeting someone special easier. It's even possible that someone you thought of only as a friend could turn out to be something more.

Patience my dear.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

and sexually turned off by men who are feminine in any way.
.

Actually, I don't think this is true. I think women have desired feminine men since time began - think rock stars, artists, global leaders and even Justin Bieber! There's something endearing, secure, sexy and even masculine about a man in touch with his softer side.

But most women, and I'd bet most people for that matter, wouldn't equate crossdressing as feminine. Weird, fetishistic and superficial might come to mind, but I'd bet my left leg that most women don't see a crossdresser the same way they see an emo rock star. Having a feminine side and presenting effeminately are really not the same thing, and for those not in the know (most people on planet earth!) this really is as far as they will think it.

But it is what it is, and you just have to accept that women of today are not nearly as open to this as the women of the educated future might be. So I would think the best options, Emeraude, are for you to take your time finding that rare gem who will appreciate this part of you, acknowledging the possibility you end up alone, or find a way to temper the dressing to a less important role in your life and engage all the other women who are not so interested but could tolerate limited exposure.

I've actually always thought at this point in history that the best partner for a MTF crossdresser is another MTF crossdresser, but sadly we can't choose who we're attracted to. I hope you find what you're looking for.

[Paula_Femme]

Hi Tinkerbell

You make some VERY good points, although for myself, I do have to disagree with your assertion that, "...the best partner for a MTF crossdresser is another MTF crossdresser," because that would be another GUY, and I'm only interested in GG's! :heehee:

All the best
Paula

[Kate Simmons]

Only one comment. Usually when we stop looking the right person comes along. This is what happened with myself. :battingeyelashes::)

[Tinkerbell-GG]

" because that would be another GUY, and I'm only interested in GG's! :heehee:



Haha, yeah I do get that Paula, and we really can't pick who/what we're attracted to. But there's just so many of you who are lonely and who appreciate all these femme trappings....you'd seriously be perfect for each other! Oh well...time will hopefully resolve this dilemma and as I wrote in another thread, I really do think the educated and open minded future generations of women will not bat an eye. x

[DeeDeeB]

Emeraude,

I'm with Kate. Don't try to force it, just have fun and if she is out there, you will find her. True love doesn't often come from singles bars or gay bars or trans bars, it usually comes by chance meeting. And to be accepted for who you are would best come from some one who loves you for whoever you are.

DeeDee :fairy1:

[DeeDeeB]

Haha, yeah I do get that Paula, and we really can't pick who/what we're attracted to. But there's just so many of you who are lonely and who appreciate all these femme trappings....you'd seriously be perfect for each other! Oh well...time will hopefully resolve this dilemma and as I wrote in another thread, I really do think the educated and open minded future generations of women will not bat an eye. x

Huh? you are posting this here why?

[Melissa Rose]

Do not bother looking for the woman of your dreams because you will not find her. No one will ever measure up to the dream expectations. However, if you are only referring to a woman interested in, accepting of or, at a minimum, tolerating of a cross dresser, they are out there, but these women are a small portion of the total.

As already noted, there are two schools of thoughts whether to be open and honest up front or to wait a while before revealing. As far as I know, there is no solid data proving one approach is better than the other, just anecdotal experiences. IMHO, your age ranges makes a difference. In general, those of an older generation will be less open to dating a cross dresser since it goes more strongly against their cultural norms as compared to those of a younger generation. We are creatures of our social and gender socialization and it takes effort for some to "undo" parts of it.

Good luck in your search. It requires patience, a thick skin and repeatedly picking yourself up after serial failures.

[Candice Mae]

The problem is that CDing is frowned upon by the majority society, and the GGs in that group see it as perverted and disgusting. They think of a linebacker in a dress when they think out CDers, and not in a comedic way... They don't see the CDs on this board who put time and their pride into their appearance.

From my time being the feminine partner in a relationship, I felt the pressure on me to try and look my best that is enforced upon me by society. I exercise and eat right to look my best, it's a lot of dedication and hard work. Some GGs that are insecure about their body my find their partners CDing as a insult to their efforts. I liked it when my ex showed appreciation for how I looked. She worked late on her birthday, I waited for her to come through the door in my robe. The look on her face when I revealed the lingerie I was wearing was empowering, her purse, coat, and shoes were still in a pile at the door in the morning.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Emeraude, , When you least expect it SHE will find YOU.:hugs:

[Jackie7]

Emeraude, 12 years ago I was in your spot, losing my wife because of crossdressing among other things, wanting to get it right somehow. I started going out enfemme as much as possible, in the nearest big cities, art museums, lectures, night classes, movies. I discovered, as I had hoped, that SOME women were very interested in me and put a lot of attention on me. Not all women, nor a lot of women, but more than you might imagine. I met my second wife exactly that way -- invited to a cocktail party with a couple I had met, I went en femme with no expectations beyond a chance to meet new people, we shared a chat and she said I looked like mrs Doubtfire and she offered to help me look better. We became girlfriends and shopping buddies before we were lovers. Now we are partners in everything, including dressing up and stepping out.

Doing it the other way - meeting women and having the big reveal after a few dates, seems to me to stack the deck against you and as others have noted you might have to go on a lot of dates and risk a lot of reveals before Ms Right reveals herself. But if you somehow can get right out front with it, you vastly increase your chances. In effect you are giving Ms Right a chance to find you.

Not suggesting that this is an easy path. Risky and painful. But it did work out for me, a lot better than the first time around when I kept it a secret as long as I could.

[Rogina B]

My suggestion is to[over time] hang with the open minded people in your area. The arts,UU church,live music performances,etc are all places that you will meet accepting people. I wouldn't waste any effort on dating sites,but that is my opinion. Hang with the people of your age that "get it"..

[Emeraude]

I love reading all your comments and suggestions. One of the things I agree with, especially after what has happened to my marriage, is the need to be up front about my CD self. I don't ever want to be in the position of having that be a secret!

I was perhaps being a bit dramatic in using the phrase "the girl of my dreams", but I think Paula came close to my meaning in saying I was looking for a woman who would accept me as I am--my "authentic self" as the phrase goes. What I take from what all of you are saying (and ignoring the naysayers) is that it is possible to find such a woman. I don't have enough experience yet being "out" to quite be able to follow Jackie's advice to go out en femme and find an understanding woman that way. I am working on finding the trans community in San Diego, and then getting involved with them would come before putting that particular plan into action. Orange County is also nearby and gives me some possibilities. LA is a couple of hours up the road, but the impression I've gotten about LA is that it is largely a club scene, and that doesn't particularly attract me.

I'm not in quite as much of a rush as I might have seemed, to find a girlfriend, much less a wife. I know I need to wait even before I start dating, much less before getting into a relationship. I guess I'm asking these questions now, so I can convince myself that I'm not going to end up alone.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I've actually always thought at this point in history that the best partner for a MTF crossdresser is another MTF crossdresser, but sadly we can't choose who we're attracted to. I hope you find what you're looking for.

A M2F TS would be a better match, especially post-op, so everyone gets the anatomy they are looking for... but even them, some TS have the exact same expectations of a man that GGs do.

Emeraude, given the odds are so against you, I'd at least start looking now so you to at least improve your odds.

[Launa]

I would recommend to go real slow into this. Why rush? I would start by getting a dog to keep you company for the first bit.

If you want a wife that is willing to accept this side of you then tell them you need to be dating someone that is very open minded but don't get into specifics. After the first 3-4 dates if things are rolling along very well then open right up and tell them. Its easier than you think once you blurt it out.

[DebbieL]

I'm going to start by making a few assumptions.
First, I assume you are looking for one woman for a long term relationship, maybe even marriage.
Second, I'm assuming that you are reasonably attractive both as male and female. Looking at your avitar, I don't think that will be a problem.
Third, I'm assuming that you are not looking for a "Trophy Wife" - someone who looks like a fashion model, wants to fulfill your wildest fantasies, will cook and clean, and won't cost you a dime.

The first thing you want to do is look at what you can offer a relationship. Are you neat or a bit of a slob? Are you a workaholic or lazy? Are you a good cook? Are you funny? What do you like to do? Sing (choir, or band?), Dance (club, ballroom, modern?), go to shows? (what kind?). Don't try to make out that you are rich, better to say "I'm comfortable" - don't want the pros and the gold diggers.

Next, what do you really want in a life-long partner? Try to be realistic about the trade-offs. If you could fall in love with a girl who is crazy about you, has a pretty face, but wears a size 16, would you turn her down? Do you really want a girl who always dresses the way you have wanted to - but is disgusted by the fact that you do?

Next, be honest - even if a bit ugly. Make sure your profile has pictures of Emeril and Emeraude. Pick some good and unusual pictures of both.

If you've done it right, about 1 in 100 women will see your profile and want to know more. Think of it this way - it's 99 bad dates you didn't have to pay for.

When you do finally get someone interested, don't rush immediately into a date. An e-mail or two, followed by some phone calls, and THEN you can ask her if she would still like to meet you for dinner.

This gives you both time to get to know each other without the pressure of more, and get past first impressions visually by talking with each other.

I met my wife on Match.com - I put up a profile that included a cover picture of Rex and 5 pictures of Rex and 5 pictures of Debbie.
I described myself as "A cross between Robin Williams, Jim Carey, Bill Gates, Sean Connery, and Madonna - I'm as weird as Robin, as crazy as Jim, a nerd like Bill, an old geezer like Sean, and Madonna's sense of fashion".

1000 women saw the site, and 10 were interested enough to want to talk and eventually date. They liked that I didn't pressure them to date immediately, and I got a chance to get to know more about what we both might enjoy. 6 of the women were interesting and interested, but Lee was extraordinary. She sang in the choir, rang in the Bell Choir, had a daughter who was graduating from college in a month, and she lived in a self contained apartment attached to her parents' house, and didn't need to take care of either of her parents. She also thought about it and realized that Debbie was someone she really wanted to meet.

We went on our first date together after talking for two weeks (I was working out of town), and we had a great time. She thought I was cute, and she knew (from my profile) exactly what would ring my bells. I had told her before the first date "No pressure to have sex, we should probably have at least 3 dates so you can feel comfortable".

By the time dinner was over, Lee made it very clear that she didn't want to wait for that third date - and I told her "It was there for your benefit, if you want to wave it, that's OK too". By the time she woke up in the morning, she knew that I was a serious contender, and was happy that I wanted to see her again. We ended up dating for about a month when she invited me to her parent's 50th wedding anniversary, when I saw how here parents were with each other after 50 years, I knew Lee could be a lifetime relationship. I started going to church and was asked to sing in the choir by the director. We went to a choir festival and had a room in a hotel by the shore. But she put the key in her bra, and then lost the key (guess why). She was amazed when I was calm, cool, and offered to go buy some flashlights. When we still couldn't find the keys, I offered to take her to my place and come back, book a hotel nearby, or we could sleep in the car. That's when she decided I was "a keeper". A year later, we were officially engaged (she proposed to me), and a year after that, we were married (she wore the dress).

Because Lee knew about Debbie from day one, she knew she was an important part of me. She even found that she LIKED Debbie A LOT! She did have to get me to stop dressing like a ****. She did start to balk when I told her I was thinking about transition, especially when I told her I wanted to start HRT. However, when she came to a few sessions with my gender therapist, she began to realize we could work through most of her concerns. I turned out that we have been a wonderful team together. She was, is, and will be, the woman of my dreams, and I'm the woman of her dreams. <3

[Emeraude]

Launa,

I have my 22 year old son living with me, and my two daughters are over often, and I have my wife's two dogs until she gets them with the rest of her things after we sell the house. Believe me, loneliness isn't going to be a problem; getting some privacy is. (We have a total of 5 kids and frequent strays. I've always threatened to run away from the circus!) My approach on meeting women is to let them know before we even meet about Emeraude. I've done that on Match.com and I'm now in a continuing conversation with a very lovely and interesting woman who hasn't expressed any objections to that side of me.

[Emeraude]

Debbie,

What a wonderful story! I don't need to tell you how lucky you are to have found Lee; you clearly know that very well. I've been reaching out to women through Match.com, and have gotten rather a lot of interest. I'm reasonably good looking and active, and there are apparently a lot of women my age or somewhat younger who are looking for someone. As I said to Launa, I'm in an extended daily conversation with a lovely woman who has voiced no objections to my cross dressing and wants to meet me when she gets back from a business trip to Malaysia. I've been telling her that I'm not, for religious reasons, supposed to actually date for a year, when my divorce can be final, but it would be alright for us to become friends and see each other as friends. She seems really anxious to move things along, which is really reassuring for me, but a little unsettling so early in my separation. (I though it was us guys who moved too fast.)

I don't say anything about Emeraude in my profile; I've been told by others of the girls that that sort of thing would get my profile deleted. No so?

[sometimes_miss]

Actually, I don't think this is true. I think women have desired feminine men since time began - think rock stars, artists, global leaders and even Justin Bieber! There's something endearing, secure, sexy and even masculine about a man in touch with his softer side.
I think there is a misconception of what I meant by feminine. It wasn't simply focused on dressing or appearing in female attire, style, or makeup. I was mostly referring to the things that are usually behavior attributes. Women in general are attracted to power, status within the community, ambition, aggressiveness/assertiveness, stamina, dependability, self control, I think those will give you the concept I'm driving at. Where as, a man who is physically weaker than his peers, avoids making decisions and makes his female partner make all the decisions and plans, doesn't stand up for himself and/or backs down from confrontations, submissive, makes his appearance more important than his actions, always waits for the woman to make the first move, is rarely seen as attractive at all. It's not about having a softer side; it's about having a lack of any 'harder side', a guy who has commonly in the past been referred to as, not having any backbone. It's been my experience that women like a man to lead, not follow, and if she has to lead all the time, she gets tired of him, and looks for a different guy. Hmmm, just like in dancing.

Rock stars are masculine in that they go after what they want. Political leaders, too. Justin Beiber may have appeared feminine, mostly because of his age when he started performing, but he was cute, FAMOUS AND RICH, two of the most attractive things in a man, or, at least, that's what hundreds of millions of girls around the world appear to be attracted to, because with fame and riches comes a lot of power, too.

[Tina_gm]

Although I am a firm.... very firm believer in revealing early on, I don't know if you have to advertise up front about CDing. Definitely once a solid relationship is forming you should, for both of you. When I first told my wife about CDing, that alone did not make her WANT to leave me, but also she felt at the time that she didn't think she was ever going to be able to handle it at all and she would end up having to leave me. While she has some serious reservations about it, likely always will, especially seeing it, she has come a lot further than she ever thought she could, to the point where it has surprised her. She was raised partially on a dairy farm and a strict very conservative religous upbringing. No man before me was ever anything but very masculine. So how did a woman like that get to a point where she accepts (with reservations) a CDer?? Because no one ever really knows until they are in that situation.

Rather than to seek out the very small minority who are ok with it upfront and perhaps even look for CD's, focus on just getting acquainted with good women. When a real relationship begins to form, then inform them. There won't be a lot of pain because there is not the emotional investment from either of you. In fact, I often wonder that it might be easier for a woman without a emotional investment to be with a CDer. Kind of a lets see what it is like and if I don't like it, no big deal kinda thing.

[Promethea]

Debbie,
I don't say anything about Emeraude in my profile; I've been told by others of the girls that that sort of thing would get my profile deleted. No so?

That is the case with e-harmony, that site has been known for being heteronormative. I don´t know about every other site out there, but I´ve never heard of accounts being deleted for being LGBTQ on any other site.

[CherylFlint]

I did it on the internet dating (LOVEAOL). I described myself in the ususal way and mentioned that I was a CD.
That I enjoyed playing "dress-up".
Many women responded and after a two year search found the one that I was looking for.
She wasn't sure about the CD part of me so she invited me to come to her apartment and "dress" for her.
When I walked out of the bathroom the first thing she said was, "Let me help you with your makeup."
We were married shortly after and have been together for almost 20 years.

[JayeLefaye]

How do I find a woman who will accept my crossdressing?
How and when do I tell her?
But there doesn't seem to be a button to click for "heterosexual part-time MTF crossdresser"

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Hi Emeraude,

I held off on answering this because, well, who am I to offer advice? But this question has come up(phrased one way or another) in several threads, and so I finally decided to track down this thread and offer my thoughts:-)

And these thoughts, IMHO, actually would apply to anyone of any age:

1. "How and when do I tell her?"....Once you find her, tell her before you have sex. End of discussion...How you tell her is up to you to figure out, but tell her you must!!!!

2. "But there doesn't seem to be a button to click for "heterosexual part-time MTF crossdresser"...Not should there be, it would be a waste of time. GG's aren't looking for a crossdresser. It's just NOT on their radar...I was a member of a local "meet-up" group back around 2008....Our only "admirers" were dudes who would have better off searching through Craigslist...

3. "How do I find a woman who will accept my crossdressing?"....By thinking outside of the box, you silly gal!!!!!

I'm gonna go old school here and paraphrase Dear Abby, circa 1973: Find a hobby. Find activities that you enjoy. Find other people who enjoy those activities.

If your ONLY activity/interest is crossdressing, then good luck....

But here's what I did, starting as a divorced(not due to CDing) 45 year old.

1. I became content with myself!!!

2. I pursued activities that I enjoyed...AND...I listened to my friends(non-CDing) who were looking for the woman of their dreams...Although, "dreams" also include nightmares. gotta be careful when you sleep:-)

3...OK, down to specifics....Specifically, "How do I find a woman who will accept my crossdressing?"...Here's the first clue: Don't look for a woman who is into crossdressers! Look for a woman(of any age) who might be open-minded enough to "accept" crossdressing.

Where are those women?

They are at poetry readings...In fact, they're probably poets themselves, and chances are that they're part of a local poetry group...Do you know who makes up the general membership of poetry groups?...60% sincere(often very talented) women 20% pretentious male poets and 20% sincerely male poetry appreciators who don't know how to talk to women.

They are at other creative gatherings...Art...theatre...Creative writing groups......Join some kind of local "creative group", but be aware that most of the women there will be under the age of 30...But THAT will be okay just so long as you understand that you don't need to hit on the young-uns'...What you have to do, is be charming enough that the young-uns will want to drag their recently divorced moms(or widowed gramma's) to the Group just so that they can meet this really cool guy who showed up:-)

They are Contra Dancing, Folk Dancing, Square Dancing...Those are the types of dancing that DON'T require a specific partner! Ballroom dancing requires a partner(& is kinda sexist because the male gets to lead and the female HAS to follow)...And personal experience is that open "ballroom" dancing groups/classes, consist of 2 married couples and 7 single guys hoping to meet a woman but end up having to practice dance moves with each other.

They are doing...ahem..."liberal" as opposed to "right-winged conservative" activities....

Bottom line: Very few GG's are out there looking for crossdressers....But they ARE out there. You just have to put yourself into the kind of activities where the ones who "might" be accepting will be!

Oddly enough, Emeraude, after doing all of the above mentioned activities and meeting several women who I dated, etc(and my CDing was never an issue)....Oddly enough, I actually met my wife, in a round about way, via Match.com, which I joined as just another avenue of "getting out there"....But I didn't meet my wife on Match...I met another woman there and went out twice for a dinner and a brunch...Harmless....And it turned out that she was still "pining" for an ex-boyfriend, and I was her first dip back into the dating scene. But even though she realized that she was still pining and wasn't ready for a new relationship, she thought I was so cute in an "elfish kind of way", that she insisted on introducing me to a friend of hers who she thought I was perfect for...

I guess that what I'm trying to say in my rambling way, is that if we don't "get out there", then no one's gonna come to us. And if we "get out there" and ONLY have CDing to offer, then the pickings are slim...But if we get out there, with CDing as part of our package, but only a part, then by golly, there are a lot of women who might find the total package very attractive....Men(CD & otherwise) aren't the only ones looking for True Love!

Your mileage may vary....But good heavens, at least put in the miles...:-)

Jaye