Ms. Donna
01-25-2006, 10:23 PM
Hi All,
I missed my train this morning, so as I had time, I decided to grab some breakfast at the deli. The girl behind the counter at the grill asks “What can I get for you today, hon?” I order an egg sandwich and move to the cashier to pay. While I’m paying, the girl cooking my eggs calls over “Do you want bacon on that darling?” (Darling – that just made my day :o) I tell her yes. I pay, get my sandwich and sit down.
More people come in - mostly guys - and I listen to her interact with them. She is pleasant and friendly, but in the fifteen minutes or so I’m there, not one them gets called ‘hon’ - let alone ‘darling’.
Terms like these are often used (usually by women) as a friendly way of interacting with others during a casual transaction. And while I have occasionally heard men referred to with ‘hon’, I’m sure that most ‘men’ never get addressed as ‘darling’ other than by their wives and/or girlfriends. This got me thinking, though. This isn’t the first time I’ve been addressed this way. In fact, it happens often and when it does, it’s always in a nice and seemingly genuine way. I’ve never felt it to be sarcastic or condescending.
As I rummage around me Gulliver a bit more, I realize that I even have men treat me differently – in a nice way. They will let me on or off the elevator first or hold a door for me – little things that they would do for other women but not necessarily for another guy.
In all these cases, it’s almost like I’m ‘passing’ (I hate that term) at a subconscious level. Consciously, these people are not looking at me and seeing a ‘woman’, but subconsciously they are picking up enough signifiers – a ‘vibe’ if you will – so as to ‘tip the scales’ in that direction – and their unconscious actions are a reflection of that.
So, are there any other ‘darlings’ here? :) Have you been or are you treated differently (hopefully in a good way) because of the ‘vibe’ you give off?
Love & Stuff,
Donna
I missed my train this morning, so as I had time, I decided to grab some breakfast at the deli. The girl behind the counter at the grill asks “What can I get for you today, hon?” I order an egg sandwich and move to the cashier to pay. While I’m paying, the girl cooking my eggs calls over “Do you want bacon on that darling?” (Darling – that just made my day :o) I tell her yes. I pay, get my sandwich and sit down.
More people come in - mostly guys - and I listen to her interact with them. She is pleasant and friendly, but in the fifteen minutes or so I’m there, not one them gets called ‘hon’ - let alone ‘darling’.
Terms like these are often used (usually by women) as a friendly way of interacting with others during a casual transaction. And while I have occasionally heard men referred to with ‘hon’, I’m sure that most ‘men’ never get addressed as ‘darling’ other than by their wives and/or girlfriends. This got me thinking, though. This isn’t the first time I’ve been addressed this way. In fact, it happens often and when it does, it’s always in a nice and seemingly genuine way. I’ve never felt it to be sarcastic or condescending.
As I rummage around me Gulliver a bit more, I realize that I even have men treat me differently – in a nice way. They will let me on or off the elevator first or hold a door for me – little things that they would do for other women but not necessarily for another guy.
In all these cases, it’s almost like I’m ‘passing’ (I hate that term) at a subconscious level. Consciously, these people are not looking at me and seeing a ‘woman’, but subconsciously they are picking up enough signifiers – a ‘vibe’ if you will – so as to ‘tip the scales’ in that direction – and their unconscious actions are a reflection of that.
So, are there any other ‘darlings’ here? :) Have you been or are you treated differently (hopefully in a good way) because of the ‘vibe’ you give off?
Love & Stuff,
Donna