Anxiety/panic/?? attacks...

[Eringirl]

Lately I have been experiencing some type of "anxiety" attacks when I see women that catch my eye because there is just something special about them. Their outfit, hair, how they carry themselves, any little thing, and I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach and I have to stop or sit and catch me breath. I instantly start thinking, "why don't I look like them?? I want to be like them". It doesn't last long, maybe a minute or so, but can be debilitating, and leaves me feeling a bit sad and depressed.

It has been a long time since I have had them, about 15 years in fact. My next session with my therapist is not for another three weeks, at which time I will certainly be discussing it with her...

But, has anyone else experienced this?

Thanks for "listening"

Erin

[Annaliese]

I don't get that feeling "attacks, When I see the thing you describe, I do want to be them, when I see a woman that just presents her self so well, her walk, the way her clothes look, I am not talking Cat walk types, every day girl, that just have it all together, I get the some feeling when I see some of the ladies her, there look is so classic, I want that also.

[Marleena]

Hi Erin. I think we might react differently but I get it. For me it's a profound sadness of what could have been if I had transitioned in my twenties. You know the stuff I missed out on. I'm happy for those kids whose parents recognize gender issues in their kids and work with them to find happiness earlier in life.

[Dianne S]

I sometimes feel a pang of jealousy, but not anxiety. I still sometimes get a bit anxious when presenting as female in public, but that usually dissipates after a couple of minutes. I'm early on in my transition, but I'm making more of an effort to present female more often and do daily things like shopping, going to the library, etc. as Dianne.

[I Am Paula]

Try going to WalMart. It's great for the self esteem.
I've occasionally gotten a twinge of jealousy from watching GGs, but I also have a pretty good grasp of reality. I do my best, but there will always be someone prettier than me.
Good luck, I'll be curious what you therapist thinks of this, jealousy shouldn't be debilitating.

[DeeDee1974]

I've suffered from anxiety and had panic attacks in the past. I did not have the trigger that you do of seeing a woman and that causing the attack. I do believe that it was my GD that at least in part caused them as I have not had one since start hrt 4 years ago.

Seeing a beautiful woman used to cause me to get what I could only describe as a feeling of frustration. While the guys were checking her out because she was attractive, I was looking and thinking why can't that be me. Despite being married twice, I never looked at a woman and thought that I had to sleep with her or what would it be like to sleep with her. Always what would it be like to be her. Reflecting back both of my wives were woman I had strong admiration for. Also, allowing myself to be me I have been able to look at a man and feel those feelings of attraction I denied before.

[Eringirl]

Thanks everyone ! I may not have the right label...not really sure what to call it. I don't think it is jealousy, but ya, maybe?? Good point about it all being a part of GD. Hadn't thought about that. Thanks for that DeeDee.

Paula, yes, I will let you know what my therapist makes of it. Yup, Walmart can do wonders for self esteem!! ;)

Thanks again.

Erin

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Fascinating, thanks for telling us.

Can you see a link between then (15 years ago) and now? Something going on in your life that was unusual, different, but similar to before? A break up? Change of job? Somebody's death or an anniversary?

Really seems like you have a certain trigger, and it can be something apparently unconnected with your CDing.

Kind of exciting though, isn't it? I just think it's Eringirl banging on the door and demanding to be let out.

[Bria]

Just today my wife mentioned dressing to go to Walmart was taking off the bra and putting on pajama bottoms!

Hugs, Bria

[Eringirl]

Really seems like you have a certain trigger, and it can be something apparently unconnected with your CDing.

Kind of exciting though, isn't it? I just think it's Eringirl banging on the door and demanding to be let out.

Hi Nikki: I think that I had pretty good balance over the past 15 years, and Erin was somewhat in the background. I then started to get really grumpy and somewhat depressed. That was about a year ago, and that is when Erin came to my rescue. Interestingly enough, that is exactly how I explained it to my therapist, it was Erin banging on the door shouting "I can help, let me help!" And help she did. The "attacks" started about a month ago. Nothing comes to mind regarding change, though it may be more GD, with it getting stronger??

It is exciting and scary all at the same time! ;)

:hugs:

Erin

[DeeDee1974]

Repressing these feelings of GD can really take a toll. My ex wife knew I dressed and initially wanted no part of it. So when she wasn't around I would dress. Then I felt guilty and got depressed when she got home because I felt ashamed of going behind her back.

One day she discovered I had dressed while she was out, but instead of getting angry we talked for hours. A few days later she asked to meet Dee. Then she spent more and more time with Dee. That in itself was a huge relief, but I really wasn't satisfied being part time Dee. My only resolution was to transition. But everyone is different.

[kiwidownunder]

Hi Erin
Your not alone I have been dealing with this for years !!!!

Wish you all the best


Kiwi

[DebbieL]

Beware of "Barbie Doll Syndrome".
Named for the self esteem issues girls have when growing up to find out they don't look like "Barbie", or any of the other models you see in magazines.

A more common version of this is when a girl tries to dress up and look nice and when she gets to the party, she sees 3-4 women who are wearing something she wishes she were wearing, and looking better in it than she would.in it. Transsexuals aren't the only ones who see a woman in a great outfit going "she looks great in that...I wonder where she got it? I wonder if they have it in my size? How much would I have to lose to look that good in it?

What we forget is that many of the "bombshells" are a product of a LOT of professional effort. Professional models often take dance classes for 2-3 hours a day, work out in the gym, and work with weights to create long lean arms and legs. It's almost as much effort as what male body builders do.

Even after that, many of these models go in for plastic surgery - liposuction, breast implants, butt implants.

Then we get to the photo shoot, where a professional make-up artist applies not only make-up but airbrushes the parts of the body that will be shown, for some shoots, that might be the entire body. Then wardrobe will pin and stitch the clothing to make it as tight as possible. The model and photographer work carefully to combine camera angle and poses to get the best possible look in each of 100 or so shots. Then the best 4-5 of those photos are presented to the client for a final decision as to which will go on the cover or the article.

What you want to do is stop limiting your comparisons to the best looking girls, but to also make comparisons to the rest of the girls, the ones who don't look as good as you do, who look masculine next to you.

[MarieTS]

No panic attacks, Erin, but certainly that longing feeling Marlena and Dee Dee described. Oh, and good one, Paula on using wal mart to boost self-esteem! lol

[Eringirl]

What you want to do is stop limiting your comparisons to the best looking girls, but to also make comparisons to the rest of the girls, the ones who don't look as good as you do, who look masculine next to you.

Hi Debbie: thanks for the thoughtful post. Ya, I am aware of that. The thing is, it hits regardless of "type". Young, old, Short, tall, slim, not slim, well dressed, jeans and tee, long hair, short hair, it really doesn't matter. So not just the "bomb Shells" but just everyday women, and I get a hit. It is sort of hard to explain....

Will have the discussion with my therapist....

Nice to know that it isn't just me though from the other responses...

Thanks again.

Erin

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Panic and anxiety attacks happen for lots of reasons.

Are you transsexual? transitioning? You say there is no change but are you moving forward with something that is getting closer and closer?

Treat your panic attacks as panic attacks and seek out whatever help works...meds, therapy or both... whether its GD or not doesn't matter...

if its GD, the panic attack therapy won't likely help too much or the GD will just come out another way...

stay focused on the goal of understanding yourself and then evaluating your options.. the last thing you want is to suppress whatever self knowledge you possess and have it bleed out into mental health issues..

My own situation includes what i'd call anxiety attacks that came suddenly as I realized I was "trapped" in my male life...this felt like a claustrophobic wave that overwhelmed me at random times..i still feel anxiety about claustrophobic things unfortunately so I learned that it wasn't just GD or my gender issue...I learned that my gender problem and my mental health problem existed independently

[CostaRicaRachel]

I never called it a panic attack, more just a longing,
I feel the exact same thing that DeeDee describes. Felt it all my life.

[Eringirl]

Panic and anxiety attacks happen for lots of reasons.

Are you transsexual? transitioning?

Hi Kaitlyn:

I believe TG with serious inclination towards transitioning. That is what I am trying to work out right now. Is it the right thing for me. Therapy is helping to work on this, to look at possibilities from all angles and face the tough questions.... an interesting journey for sure....

Thanks!!

Erin

[BillieJoEllen]

I visit 'crossdressers' just about every day. I don't come to the 'transsexual site that often because if I read too much of whats being written here I will spend the next few hours crying. I have on a few occasions actually sobbed for a few hours. I believe it has to do with my situation in life and knowing there is not much I can do to change it at this point. I am so happy for those of you who can and do do something. Bless you all.