Anxiety about your stash.......

[MarinaKirax]

no, not 'stache. I mean, does anyone else get anxious that they might just die one day, and the wife/family will come across your hidden wardrobe after you've gone? Worse yet, you are just really sick in hospital, and it's found, leaving you with some 'splaining to do? My wife knows, and she is DADT and we have been for a few tears, but the kids have no idea. But I have little other stashes of things I like to wear occasionally and underdress - some trouser socks, panties, or foundation garments, occasional bra. 1 or 2 places my wife doesn't know about. I worry that I'll drop dead and my co-workers, or family will find them. I'm not talking about a specific plan, because my wife knows where the main horde is, but I'm talking about do you worry? Am I being silly? MK

[AngieStone]

Not being silly as far as I am concerned, I have worried about that for along time now.

[Annaliese]

If I am dead, why would I care, I would not wanting to put undue stress on my wife, she dealing with my death and has to deal with that to.

[missVS]

Uhh I got busted a while back by my kids. Daughter is totally cool no problems best thing that could have happened I have shopping buddy now.son 15 is in denial or just doesn't want to discuss or think about it. Either way I am clear and happy I dont have to worry about this issue. Its really hard to hide 60 pair shoes, bras,panties,wigs,makeup,nail polish etc etc etc. Plus I have small business on ebay and sell hundreds of Victoria's secrets products. I feel sorry for anybody that has to hide there stuff.

[Launa]

I don't have this problem but if I was you I would tape an envelope with a letter and put it in with the main stash and tell her where things are in the letter. Like a treasure hunt. LOL

[Abbygirl]

I definitely have this exact anxiety, there's nothing silly about it. I have an entire pink bedroom dedicated to Abby and her girly things so it's going to make quite an impact if anyone should see it. I can empathize!

[StevieGirl]

MK:

Wow, I thought I was the only one who considered such an outcome. Thank you for posting that!

I am new to CD so I don’t have a lot. However, three years back I went into the hospital and didn’t get out for 37 days. I did almost die, so now I have been thinking… what would my daughter or worse yet, mom think now if they opened my closet or dresser drawer!

I just hope I get a little forewarning, should there be a next time, (God forbid) so I can clean house ;-) Ha ha

Stevie

P.S. What does DADT mean?

[Lori Kurtz]

On the scale of potential personal catastrophes, death has to be by far the worst--so much so, that in the face of death, nothing else matters. And once the death has actually occurred, you no longer have any problems at all. So if I were you, I wouldn't worry about that stash.

[Sandi Beach]

P.S. What does DADT mean?

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

[Madilyn A.]

Hi Marina, It's been a long time, hope all is well...... And yes, I worry about it but nowhere near my wife's worry. I am interested in seeing some more comments as to what options are available aside from denial.

[kimdl93]

I am so glad I don't have to worry about hiding my things.

[RachaelInLv]

My wife knows all about Rachael and has probably bought half of my stuff for me so that is not an issue , as for anyone who may find my stuff when i am dead, I look at it as i am dead and am not going to care ( i know that probably sounds horrible )

[Evelyn S]

No, you are not being silly at all. I think it shows you care about the feelings and well-being of those around you.

I used to worry a lot about the possibility of my wife discovering my stash, and thought it would be worse for her if she found it after I had died since she previously didn't know anything about my dressing. I like Launa's idea of including a letter, and in hindsight would have left a letter in the stash written to my wife explaining my CDing and that I still loved her beyond words.

My wife now knows and supports my CDing with the condition it is kept secret from our children, friends, and family. So now she is the one who has anxiety about my fem clothes and accessories being discovered in the event our house catches fire or we are both seriously injured or killed. Go figure.

[Alice Torn]

Marina, I am not worried, if i die, but am a bit worried, about, if i get injured, or very ill, and i am alive when a family member or landlord finds it.

[DebbieL]

• -
Have you ever heard about "Victoria's Secret". A man died and his wife found a huge hidden closet full of clothes. She started to sell them and found out that women really liked her late husband's choices. Every employee is told that story, which is why they are so nice and friendly to men who venture into the store.

When I was 6, I kept my stash between the sheets. By the time I was 10 I had a bag hidden in the back of the closet I seemed to refuse to clean. By college I kept it in a drawer that locked. When I finally had my own apartment, I didn't have to hide it, but when I moved in with my father, I kept it in my footlocker which I always kept locked. I purged before I moved in with Leslie, but after 3 weeks, I spilled the beans and didn't have to hide anymore.

The only time I got in trouble was when mom found my stash in the closet and realized that I had stolen some of her clothes. After that, me had a covert "code" - there were things I could take - for example hose that was loosely knotted in the laundry, clothes in the "good will bag". There were even some things she bought for me pretending it was for her so my father didn't freak out. A pair of boots she could barely put on, and a wig were notable examples. Dad knew too, but just didn't want to acknowledge it. He kept hoping it was "just a phase" that I would "grow out of it". Both parents were also afraid that my grandfather would find out and send me to some Christian military school or even an exorcist.

They were also afraid I'd tell my therapist - and he would want to have me committed for shock, torture and lobotomy as a "cure".

[StevieGirl]

Thank you ;-)
Don't Ask, Don't Tell

[MissTee]

My wife knows and is supportive, so my situation is a bit easier. On top of that most of my dressing attire is kept at the second home. We've discussed what happens if I suddenly and without warning go to the great girl store in the sky. We have the local women's shelter and Salvation Army numbers handy. They'll send a truck to pick up it all without questions.

[MelodyS.]

I am feeling a bit of anxiety right about now regarding the stache. My apartment is being remolded and while I have placed all the clothes, make up and most of the shoes in giant tubs I keep fearing that while I am at work, somehow the contractors are going to find them. I can not wait for this all to be done so I can have a girls night in. I also need to buy one more tub for the remaining shoes.

[MelanieAnne]

I think about it a lot. Hopefully, I'll get some kind of heads up in time to purge.

[Seana Summer]

Years ago before I had met my S.O. I found myself in the hospital with a ruptured appendix. My parents drove over and were going to stay at my house until I was released from the hospital. While I suspect they have known all along of my Crossdressing it has never, ever, been discussed. The whole time I was in the hospital (4 or 5 days) I was quite worried that my Mom would start cleaning and find my cloths. If she did she didn't say anything, but I still worried.

I think having a letter explaining things to your loved ones is a good idea. Like your funeral, its not for you, its for them.

[Gardener]

Marina, I do not think you are being silly to worry at all. It shows a concern for the feelings of yourself and others. Although this is not a complete secret, you choose to maintain a measure of secrecy and I suspect that is why you feel anxious: feeling the need to hold it together even after you are off the scene temporarily or permanently. When people say do not worry, it is probably sound advice but not always easy to initiate. I would be inclined to say given that your wife knows, why are there other people you would not want to be surprised? We have so many aspects of personality and behaviour that make up up, why worry about one in particular? Good luck.

[Stephanie47]

I don't worry about it as far as my wife finding my stuff if I pass before her. It's DADT. I'm sure she'd be surprised about the amount of clothing. Now, if she predeceases me that's another story. I've thought about it. I figure I'd start disposing of a lot of my wardrobe. I'm too attached to a lot of the clothing; especially my slips. If I were to be diagnosed with a terminal disease, I'd be disposing of 95% of it.

It could be worse. I'd be fearing getting in an accident and hauled off to the ER and ward where my sister-in-law works. Yikes!

[charlenesomeone]

Marina I never thought much about it. My wife is a DADT as well. It would take some time
to pack it all up, but as others said, won't be there for it.
The letter seems to be the best way to explain to those left to deal with it.

[Traceyjo]

Marina I am in exactly the same situation as you and have the same anxiety. My wife has given me a locked cupboard in the garage for my consideable stash and I am the only one who knows the combination of the lock. If I died I'm sure she would at some stage get the lock opened and destroy everything, She has never seen it and I know she wouldn't want to. If we both died unexpectedly someone else would break into the cupboard and my secret would be revealed, probably to our children which I would hate to happen. Guess I'm just being optimistic and believing I'll live long enough to be able to get rid of everything before I die

[thatotherguy]

My girlfriend recently found a very SMALL portion of my stash... That is, All my bras and 3 pairs of heels.
She was nice about it but I made the mistake of telling her I will get rid of it (now she bugs me all the time to do so). It was just a spur of the moment thing and now I regret saying it...

[Kate Simmons]

Perhaps leave a letter of explanation in with the stash? That may lessen the shock a bit. If the family is well provided for in the event of your death, that is what they will remember you for mostly, not your stash. :)

[bridget thronton]

My wife and kids know I dress and have seen my clothes - so i do not worry

[Athena_]

Marina,

I used to worry about my stash a great deal. I kept it in a bag hidden in the basement. I worried that it was not well hidden enough or that one of my kids would come across it. My wife found it one day while I was at work. She called me and said that we needed to talk. I knew she must have found it. She did, and after that evening, she came to grips with my "curious habit". To make a long story short, I can now use a dresser drawer and a storage bin in the closet for my former stash. If the kids ask about the clothing, we have agreed to tell them that it is just my wife's overflow drawer. DADT is where we are today, and I do not see it progressing beyond that. I do not miss the worry part.

[MarinaKirax]

I LOVE the idea of the letter; it fixes everything! Just needs to be updated every once in a while. Thats what I'll do.
It will get rid of the issue - I'm sure its the reason I've had the anxiety dreams lately -- not the 'you've missed all the classes and the test is tomorrow' dream, but I had a dream where I had committed some crime but I was totally going to get away with it- I could avois jail time and the shame for my family; just that I needed to wipe my fingerprints off every surface I had touched, otherwise I'd be caught for sure. I couldn't remember all the surfaces I had touched! ... and there was way too much to clean entirely...... Now I think about it, it does seem an appropriate dream for CD anxiety about getting caught! (do they see a bra strap? a peek of tights, not socks? did I remember to wash the foundation and powder out of the sink well enough? ) too funny!

[Teresa]

Marina
If you're are stupid enough to iron a dress completely forgetting your daughter is in the house ! The problem was she knew my wife had nothing like that so I just came out and admitted it was mine ! She shrugged her shoulders and said it's only clothes !
My wife knows where my stuff is but not everything I have so maybe a few surprises all round !
When I first joined this forum I said how badly I would react if my things were dumped, I have mellowed now but after all they are your personal property and should be treated with respect as you would with any possessions !

[CindyR]

Funny, I too run these scenarios through my head a lot, what if I am taken to the hospital and someone has to go into my place, what if there is a fire and fireman have to go in, cops, someone finds out and blackmails me, but in the zombie scenario at least I can shop all I want, sure the zombies will be staring at me and drooling...

but the bottom line is that I would just deal with it and I would survive...yes even the zombie apocalypse and in it I would look dam good! :)

[CynthiaD]

I'm out to most of my family, and my "stash" is in my closet. So no big deal for me. I've often thought that if I knew exactly when I was going to die, I would dress fully en femme for the occasion. That way I could leave this world as me, not some caracature of the man I never was.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Marina, My DA-DT wife knows about everything, I once told her what dress that
I wanted to be laid out in, she said "Over my dead body".:love:

[Janine cd]

I have experienced that fear on at least two occasions. One was when we were moving to another state after living in the same house for over 38 years. The other when our granddaughter came to live with us. In both cases, I wound up purging my entire wardrobe. That was several years ago and I still have that same fear.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I guess the worst case scenario is to get run over by a bus and leave your wife to deal with it.

But, what if you and your wife both got run over by a bus. Leave the kid(s) to deal with it?

In the short term, I'm more concerned about someone would find by snooping on my phone!

[~Joanne~]

I use to worry a little about this, still think about it here and there, but not so much anymore. My SO knows about everything for well over a year now and she knows where everything is because it hangs right in the closet in plain view. We have discussed that in case of an event, she can have whatever she wants and donate the rest. Hopefully she will be the only one that ever knows and if not, I have a journal that explains all of this to the best of my ability to those that find out.

[Glenda58]

This did happen to a friend of mine. He knew about me Cding but we thought he was straight arrow. He die suddenly I help his kids clean out his house. They found all of kinds of things dresses bras panties night gowns. They knew he didn't have a girlfriend. They just put it all in goodwill. And said they still loved him and would miss.

[Barbara Jo]

Since I now live alone and my family have mostly abandoned me (none live locally), I could not careless what people think about me when I'm gone.
Even my 46 year old son just calls occasionally when he wants something.

They could not care less about me when I'm alive so, why would I care about them when I'm dead?

[Andrea Chenowith]

I used to be afraid of that, but after a similar scare, I stopped fretting about it.

I was let go from a job that had me living 2 1/2 hours from my wife and had to suddenly pack up all of my stuff and move out of my apartment. I'd enjoyed having an entire closet full of clothes hidden in plain sight for the 15 months I'd worked there. Suddenly, not only did I have to pack everything into tubs, but I also had to move it back home without my wife or my parents (who helped me move as well) accidentally opening a tub and finding Andrea. After managing that successfully - and the subsequent year and change since - I'm not as worried about when I die. :-)

[ashley_addams76]

I have almost thought about making a will that would have an attorney come in and take what ever bags I have stashed and remove them. It would be very difficult to do with my wife though. Yes my stash is a source of anxiety to be sure.