Possible step forward...?

[Bluesman]

Okay, so I’m in a DADT situation with my lovely wife. Came out to her a few years ago, the usual questions, gay? Transsexual? Want to be a woman? Etc. Nope, just your straight, married, heterosexual crossdresser. To her credit, she tried to accept, advised me a few times to keep some dresses, shoes that I’d ordered online, gave me some of her lipstick, nail polish, even had me dress in front of her a couple of time, but ultimately couldn’t handle it. By her nature she always tends to go to the worst case scenario, in this case that I might someday want to transition, ”cut it off”, etc. In short, it made her anxious, uncomfortable, which I totally understand. So we just kind of reached an unspoken understanding: she knows I crossdress, I don’t hide the fact, my femme things are in my closet, my panties in the laundry, if I don’t put wash and put them away first, she does. I dress when I’m in the mood if she’s out, she usually calls before she comes home, I make sure I’m back in guy mode before she gets home. Not a bad arrangement, but I’d certainly prefer to not have to do the cat and mouse game. But again, I understand her anxiety and reluctance and don’t want to distress her, but also don’t want to deny myself the pleasure I have from dressing and wish she could be more understanding and accepting. Anyway, a couple of months ago, in response to a post on this site, I got “Men in Bras, Panties and Dresses” on my Kindle. It’s a pretty good examination and explanation of crossdressing as opposed to transsexualism, and I felt addressed a lot of her fears in this regard. I considered suggesting that she read it, but decided that might be too pushy and she might resist it and prefer to not have to deal with it to that extent. So… I just left it on my Kindle, knowing that she sometimes reads books that I have and hoping she might notice it, read it of her own volition, assuage her concerns and open up a dialogue leading to more openness and freedom to dress as the mood strikes me, even in her presence if she could be okay with it. She has indeed used my Kindle a few times since, but never mentioned the book… until last night. We were having a glass of wine before she was going out to see an pre-opening rehearsal of a friend’s show, and she says, I noticed on your Kindle, “Men in Bras…”, would you object if I read it? I very calmly said, no, not at all (while inside I’m thinking, YES!! IT WORKED!!!) That was all that was said, we finished our wine, she left for her evening, I put on a black mini-dress, panties, bra&forms, lipstick, jewelry, black strap heels, toenails done earlier in the day, had some more wine and enjoyed my evening alone en femme. When she called to say she was on her way home, I changed back to men’s shorts, t-shirt, socks to cover the toenails, left the panties on and greeted her in my usual male clothing. A little more wine and some TV before bed, nothing more on the subject. Wondering now when she will get around to reading “Men in Bras…” and affect it might have. Hmmmmm…

[Leahann]

I have and read the same book and am hoping to get my wife to read it soon. I will be watching your thread to see what happens, and of course post my wife's reaction if she reads it.

[Janine cd]

I'm in a similar situation. I can dress only when my wife is away. Since she usually spends a weekend away at least once every second month, that's when I get to spend time as Janine fully dressed. Otherwise, it's dressing under every day and bearing up with it.

[Isabella Ross]

Bluesman, I hope it's the start of a better situation for you. I'm going to have to find that book...

[Jenniferathome]

Well, you are WAY beyond DADT. You are in don't talk about it but nothing hidden. THAT is a huge acceptance. Do keep in mind that her reading the book may change nothing with regards to her participation.

[Rachael Leigh]

Hope it works for you but for most like me in your situation it won't and in fact may get worse, don't mean to be a downer but it's been a bad day

[LelaK]

All you CDs, give the book to your SO's as a present with a note saying, "I know it's weird, but this book helps make some sense of crossdressing to anyone who has never had similar inclinations." Or whatever.

[Beverley Sims]

I say it is a step in the right direction for you, but the next move is your wife's.

Do not push it in any way whatsoever.
Patience is definitely a virtue in cases like this.
Curiosity does kill the cat and your wife may be forthcoming with more questions and dialogue.

[Teresa]

Bluesman,
I haven't read that yet so I'm looking forward to getting it !

Most of us have a similar arrangement of dressing when your partner is out and drop a courtesy call in before returning !
I know it's a workable arrangement but it's almost like three people live in the house, and we're having some sort of an affair !
OK we have the right to do as much in the house as our partner ! but the situation is alienating our partner from her own house ! She can't walk in the door when she chooses !
We talk about CDing boundaries but our partners are unwittingly putting themselves on the wrong side of them !

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Again and again on this site we see the only possible answer to a host of different questions being ...patience.

We ask a lot of our wives.

PS, I don't mean to imply I'm a polygamist conducting research among my spouses, just that in our fixation it's easy to forget the enormity of what it is we're asking them to deal with.

[Marcelle]

Hi there. I think the book may help as an education piece and if your wife has questions, answer them honestly. If she has not broached the subject after some time, it could not hurt to ask her what she thought of the book. If she responds with a casual "not bad or interesting" but does not proffer up any evidence of wanting to discuss further, I would let the subject drop. You seem to have a much broader scope of the DADT relationship so her acceptance is quite open.

Hugs

Isha