It’s way more than the clothes

[Helen_Highwater]

I’ve just been lucky enough to have spent from Monday evening to Saturday morning fully enfem and by that I mean forms glued on, permanently tucked, false nails glued on, not a drab bit of clothing in sight. Out and about for 12-15 hours a day.
I won’t bore you here with the where I went wearing what’s, that in many ways ignores the really important factors that many of us who get only limited chances to dress experience. It was, at least for me, the feelings, the sensations of living in a different world, in a different way that are important.
Having slept wearing forms to wake up, get out of bed, wig on and then to have that different dynamic of walking down stairs with the extra weight moving as you do. You become more aware, more body conscious. I soon develop the “hair flick”, that almost subconscious head movement to take the hair off your face. In truth, my entire body language alters in subtle ways. It’s a different centre of gravity.
After a brief nod to drab, a close shave, then on with the slap and dress. Just doing the mundane, making a sandwich for the packed lunch, gathering all the bits needed for the day ahead out in the world, feels different. Check handbag, glasses, purse, today’s lippy, it’s all just that little bit different to the drab world normally inhabited. It’s a different tempo.
And then it’s all the things that have been discussed here in the past. How what you wear (should) alter how you get into and out of a car. Retrieving your coat off the back seat, putting it on and moving your hair from under the collar. Then the sort of shoulder shuffle to get the coat set properly before grabbing your handbag and venturing forth. It’s these behavioural differences that stay with me. Yep clothes play their part but just the act of putting on a dress or skirt doesn’t automatically stop you walking like a dude even when wearing heels. That’s in the head. It’s these behaviors that allow you to blend, to feel fem.
It’s the change in style that I love, that’s what draws me. That’s what fulfills me. And if I can do it in a well-fitting dress and heels, life’s a good’un.

[carhill2mn]

I understand what you are saying and feeling. I feel the same way. To me, it is about playing the role of a woman in the best way that I can.

[CynthiaD]

Yes, I tend to think of the clothes as a means to an end rater than an end in itself. The end, of course, is to appear feminine. And you're right, it takes more than clothes. But it all feels wonderful!

[Kate Simmons]

If we live according to our own standards, anything is possible.:)

[sabrinaedwards]

Helen, I agree that it's way more than the clothes. It is the feelings that accompany the dressing. It is scary sometimes how great it feels to be totally feminine in appearance and in the moment. Man, I feel like a woman!
Love, Sabrina

[lingerieLiz]

Good for you! I'm on the other end of our spectrum. I enjoy being a guy. It is the clothes that I enjoy. Never could explain it. While I look at pictures and think that I would like to look like that, at the same time I realize at my age it will never happen. But, then again women my age do the same. we will never be 25 again.

[ChristinaK]

Well said. Wish I could spend so much time dressed, I'm jealous!

[MissTee]

Know those feeling all too well. Quite nice, indeed. However, I must say that being able to take it all off and be drab when I want to keeps the honeymoon of dressing a perpetual one.

[docrobbysherry]

To each dresser? Her own, I guess, Helen. Those that venture out into Vanillaland either pass, or blend. Which to me means, "A guy out wearing dowdy women's clothes".

If u fall in the latter catagory as I do? All the small nuances in the world may make me feel more fem but won't change what others see.

[Launa]

To each dresser? Her own, I guess, Helen. Those that venture out into Vanillaland either pass, or blend. Which to me means, "A guy out wearing dowdy women's clothes".

If u fall in the latter catagory as I do? All the small nuances in the world may make me feel more fem but won't change what others see.

I fall into the latter category as a guy out in womens clothes but I just make sure the clothes aren't dowdy. That's all you can do or else get some FFS to help out!

[barbie lanai]

Can you explain "permanently tucked"? I'm thinking maybe you used super glue?

[Katey888]

Nicely put Helen! :)

You can experience all that in a limited way at home, but the better part is about being out and embedded in the wider world - I've always thought that but us closeted girls just have to make the most of our limited environment as best we can. However, if I reflect on what you say about your week, I can look back on my few hours and feel many of the same things... like: being aware of changing floor surfaces in heels; learning to put ALL your weight on your toes when crossing grass verges; getting in and out of cars elegantly; finally using the vanity mirror behind the sun visor for its intended purpose!; taking care of those nails every time a door or metal handle is encountered; mussing with hair; the elegant handbag carry; the skirt smooth; the bracelet adjust...

The list is truly endless and as you say, it's way more than the clothes - it's the adjustment in your head that alters presentation and perception and - to a certain extent - alters our reality in a big enough way to make us feel right about things... :)

Nice thoughts...

Katey x

[Helen_Highwater]

To each dresser? Her own, I guess, Helen. Those that venture out into Vanillaland either pass, or blend. Which to me means, "A guy out wearing dowdy women's clothes".

If u fall in the latter catagory as I do? All the small nuances in the world may make me feel more fem but won't change what others see.

Sherry,
I know what you're saying but I've found things somewhat different. True for me in the harsh light of day I will struggle to pass certainly close to. However in the evenings, dressed not dowdy but in smart age appropriate clothing it's amazing just how many, 85-90%. don't seem to give a second glance and I think that's largely down to the viewer seeing someone who walks like, dresses like, has the mannerisms of a female. And if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck then.......

I've also come to the conclusion that like me if when out in drab I see a taller well attired GG then I will "check her out" It's a man thing and some of the times when in the past I thought I'd been rumbled in truth I was being "checked out". Up close the game would have been up but at a little distance, well a good percentage of the time I think don't get made and I base that on folks not staring, turned necks or making derogatory remarks. And if I am being made then touch wood, so far nothing bad has happened and I think that is down to not going into places/situations where it's patently unsafe to venture. I have a rule, flats or heels less than 1 1/2" only before evening.

[mariehart]

Yes for me too the clothes are merely a catalyst. It's like giving permission to myself to be myself. Arguably you can say you're playing a role. But my point of view is that while dressed as a man I'm playing the role and when dressed as a woman I am myself. We all roleplay in one form or other. Put on a work uniform and we play that part. But once we take it off we can be ourselves. Sadly for people like me we rarely get to take off the male uniform.

[Judith96a]

Helen and Katey,
Pleeeeease stop ;) ! I am going demented with envy! Much more of this and the pink mist will have me!

Seriously though, you both do a terrific job of describing those subtle things that give so much pleasure - like the swish of a skirt as you walk, waking up wearing a nightdress rather than d*%#~d pyjamas! long hair around my shoulders! checking lipstick after eating and YES using the car vanity mirror for it's intended purpose!

Glad you had a great time Helen! Now, knuckle down and get us those instructions that you keep talking about! I want to try getting some decent curves and you seem to have got THAT sorted :D

[Helen_Highwater]

Judith,
Now I'm back home I'll make it a priority to post before the weeks out.

[Glenda58]

I've been dressing for so long even when in dram mode I have female mannerisms my wife tells me all the time.

[Helen_Highwater]

I can't disagree with the sentiments of Liz and MissTee about enjoying being male and how it keeps things fresh. At this point in my life I certainly don't want to be fem 24/7/365. It wouldn't retain that element of satisfaction. I wouldn't say no however for the opportunity to spend several days enfem on a more regular basis.

One of the things I enjoy is that moment when the makeup is finished, wig is on, dressed from top to toe you get to see that finished "product" in the mirror. If you've done in right then there's that dual feeling of a rush of excitement in a job well done and at the same time an immense inner calm. Dressing every day, I'm sure that would soon fade away.

[kimdl93]

I don't think much about how I move or speak, but I certainly feel I'm right with the world, whether I'm at home or out when I am living as a woman. You're right about the mundane activities. I find more enjoyment and validation in shopping, running errands or having a latte than going out at night.

[Helen_Highwater]

It's funny how some small things have a significant impact. For 7 days I didn't use any drab toiletries apart from shaving foam. Even during the times I was in drab I would suddenly be aware of that fem odor, the soft fragrance caught in the air. Strange because I never really become aware of my drab fragrance at any time. I did wonder whether or not the shop assistants I can into contact with or other shoppers in the queue noticed it too.
I've realised that it's just another element, one more facet that helps complete the picture that I attempt to paint when becoming Helen. It's invisible, could pass unnoticed but so integral to the finished article.

[Beverley Sims]

I have gotten to the stage where I sometimes forget that I need to change or adjust my dress to go public.
Left my forms in the other day but I did have a sloppy jumper on, so I hunched my shoulders and went for it.

[heather ann martin]

For me it was never just the clothes. Although obviously as I want to look like a woman I wear female clothing. I live full time as a woman. It's more than than clothes for me.

[ReineD]

Sounds like you had a lot of new experiences! I don't blame you for feeling the difference between these and presenting in male mode.

I could see the glow in my SO's eyes when it was also all new to her years ago, about everything .. the perfume, the feel of the longer earrings. About a year after my SO began going out in the mainstream dressed, we took a week off and took a trip, also leaving every shred of male clothes home. And we'd go away for full weekends to a nearby city. It was magic for her as well.

But, this was several years ago and it is not all new anymore. My SO does go out on a regular basis, she always will, but that heightened awareness of the differences aren't there anymore. I guess my SO is used to the feel of everything. Also, my SO's hair has been long to mid-back since her 30's (he keeps it tied at the nape in guy mode), and his nails are long and shaped. So the feeling of hair brushing against the neck, bare legs (s/he keeps her legs shaved all the time) and long nails are just normal.

Still, my SO does need to express her femininity occasionally, even though the tactile feelings aren't sharp like they used to be.

[Mollyanne]

Hi Helen, What you have described is the imagination builder, the desirable dream for many a crossdresser. I will admit to this very dream and this is the thing that helps me over the "rough spots" with life. Truth be known; I have ALWAYS dreamed of doing the same thing but have never gotten the chance, maybe someday but that dream is fading. Your narrative will stay in my memory and my mind will play that scenario with me becoming you for that week.

Molly

[Rachael HK]

For me, the clothes are very nice--but what the experience is really about is going out in the world as a woman. It's a totally different experience than as a man, and I don't mean the swish of a skirt, no matter how nice that may feel. But what I mean is that people react differently to women than men--other women are friendly, people are nicer, guys smile at you when as a man they would not even meet your eyes. You can talk to strangers and they aren't immediately on guard. Expectations are completely different. This is what I value the most. Although getting pretty is very nice, too. :)

[denise walkden]

hi im denise a long time crossdressers I feel the same way there is nothing nicer than projecting as a women your age

[Helen_Highwater]

Molly,
I sincerely hope one day you get the opportunity you desire. While I do get out there my exploits pale compared with many here. The number of times I've stood outside a shop willing myself to go in but then contented myself with window gazing. However, just being out and about is liberating and each time I do it I try to push the envelope a little bit more. Small steps........

Rachael, Denise,
Yep I know what you're saying. The clothes become enablers, they facilitate having those experiences

[binair10]

just being out and about is liberating and each time I do it I try to push the envelope a little bit more........

Those of us who do go out always want to see if we can go that extra mile...just to say to ourselves after, that was a job well done.

I find that after a successful journey out and return home for me has to be a cup of coffee and a smoke, then off again...

Julie.

[Helen_Highwater]

Julie,
I suppose it's a bit like being a pro footballer, the more match time you get the more your confidence grows. Also you think less that you're a man in a dress, more that you're the person you are doing what feels ever more natural.

[Angie G]

That sounds like you really enjoyed the week hun.I've been dressed from Sunday night.:hugs:
Angie

[Robin414]

It is way more than the clothing! I find the clothing and makeup to be the enabler for being feminine, dressing as a woman full on allows me to ACT feminine by default. That said though given I have few opportunities to get dressed up entirely I've found 'androgynous ' isn't bad...I've found an awesome pair of women's boots and a couple jackets I can wear as a 'guy' and still feel very feminine in all the time...and fashion wise not that bad even from an edgy perspective for a real guy

[Helen_Highwater]

Robin,
The point you make; "I've found an awesome pair of women's boots and a couple jackets I can wear as a 'guy' and still feel very feminine in all the time" strikes at the heart of what we're discussing. It's the way the clothes make you feel,the way they empower you. You may not look particularly fem to the casual observer but you feel different. I guess it's one of the reasons so many of us under dress while in drab. It allows us the connect with our other persona while the world sees something else.