So Now What

[pajeantv]

This past week my wife, who hates my cross dressing habit, even hit me with a cast iron frying pan once, but has been quiet to this point, left one of her friends in on our little secret, How do I know you ask? Well on Saturday, a guy who I know from town, came up to me and asked how I was doing since the wife left me over something she found on computer. Well to this point she is still living with me so I was able to brush it off as, "that's news to me, she was home this morning,". However I am sure that will be just the start of this kind of encounter, what do I do next, just run with the opportunity to let the cat out of bag, as he wasn't even the least bit shocked, or do I continue to say "nope didn't happen" seems like her leak just blew her chance of humiliating me too.

[Katey888]

Objectively... I'd reflect that denial and suggesting the other party is creating rumours always seems to serve the politicians well... at least (and sometimes even if..) there's nothing illegal to 'fess up at the end of it all...

I don't think just 'letting the cat out of the bag' because there's an opportunity would be the right thing to do. If you want to do this then your motivation and method for doing so has to be right because you do have to be prepared for any consequences as a result of any revelations... because for sure, there will be some and they may be unpredictable and potentially damaging to you or your family.

I'd also consider reviewing your feelings vis-á-vÃ*s your wife... It wasn't your habit she was hitting with a cast iron frying pan, it was you... I trust you're OK though and it was just a skillet rather than one of those larger babies... :eek:

It sounds like this could be the start of a rift or more...?

Katey x

[giuseppina]

Being struck by a cast iron frying pan isn't something I would tolerate. She gets counselling for anger management or the relationship would be over if it was me.

[RADER]

How long have you been married?
Tossing frying pans is not a very friendly thing for two married people to do.
I would talk with her, ask her where she is going with this talk around town.
Ask he how many people she talked to and to what extent.
It sounds like she might be heading for the door.
Rader

[Krisi]

That fits the description of "domestic violence" (the fry pan hitting). Somehow, some people think it's OK for the female to hit the male but not the other way around.

I can't imagine this relationship lasting much longer unless youare willing to be the subject of physical and mental abuse. Start thinking about your exit strategy. See a divorce lawyer for advice.

[Nadine Spirit]

"Hey honey, I hate that you cross dress, so that makes it okay if I hit you with a frying pan right?"

This kind of seems the thing that other's have picked up on as well. Whether or not you let the cat out of the bag because she is now talking to others kind of seems relatively small compared to being physically abused. Regardless if you have only not been telling others at her request, and you want to tell others, then heck yeah, start telling the world.

Good luck.

[sometimes_miss]

"Hey honey, I hate that you cross dress, so that makes it okay if I hit you with a frying pan right?"
This of course is the reason that there so many battered women out there; they feel that if they leave, that no one else will have them. So they put up with tremendous amounts of physical abuse. Knowing the odds of ever finding any woman who would accept my crossdressing, I always wonder exactly how much abuse I'd deal with before ending the relationship if it ever came to that.
pajeantv, I hope you can come to at least a non violent situation with her.

[Annaliese]

Go with it, if she trying to humiliate you into quieting. In that case you will have more on your side than not.

[suchacutie]

The words, "tip of the iceberg" come to mind. You might want to think about what your options are, just to be prepared.

just sayin.

[Rachelakld]

Actually I like your reply
I would have told him "she didn't leave for something she found on the computer, I left after she became violent"
- Actually I did leave my wife after she became violent, but I never really talk about it.

If approached with the question of crossdressing, there are so many responses like " and ? ", or " Really? ", " is that what she's telling everyone ? "

[Alice Torn]

Cats don't like being kept in bags. Maybe let kitty out, and let the fur fall where it may, and work with whatever. My 65 year old sister got mad, and kicked me as hard as she could a few years, while i was driving! I know some women feel they can abuse men. No one should beat anyone.

[DonnaT]

Something she found on computer could be anything, such as porn.

Unless someone gives you specifics (where they hear the rumor, what was the rumor, etc) I wouldn't suggest letting the cat loose just yet.

I told my wife she can talk to anyone she desires, as I am not ashamed of who I am.

[Teresa]

If there was any humour left you could say I was fine until I was hit on the head with a frying pan, now I do all sorts of stupid things !

It doesn't sound a laughing matter, if you are pushed to retaliate it will look far worse for you !
I wouldn't let the cat out of the bag until you get the situation with your wife sorted out, don't give her anymore ammunition to spread round the town.

[Tamara Croft]

Somehow, some people think it's OK for the female to hit the male but not the other way around.

Please don't tar us all with the same brush, I'm a GG and I think it's disgusting what she did, doesn't matter why she did it, it's abuse and it could escalate into something awful. As for telling people, if you're ok with that, then do it, however if you're not ok with it, get your story in place and stick to it, make sure she has nothing on you that she can show the world. I personally do not understand why women do things like that, my SO and I split a couple of times and I would NEVER dream of outing her to anyone. We are together still and our little secret is quite safe, you need to do the same, be safe and stay away from her!

[NicoleScott]

I agree with DonnaT that she may not have revealed that you crossdress. Some woman hate the husband's crossdressing, but hate even more the thought of others finding out. Sometimes the ones who hate the crossdressing keep the secrets best.

[kimdl93]

My reaction was that if your wife assaulted you then your marriage has much bigger problems than cross dressing. I doubt she told the fellow in question...that comment might have been nothing more than an unfortunate attempt at humor. How long has it been since she last spoken to you about the subject?

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes it's just better to leave it alone and let the cards fall where they may. Things seem to work out eventually. :)

[Sarasometimes]

Pa..I read one of your previous posts and you say she has no tolerance and wants it kept secret. Based on that my guess is she talked in generalities not specifics about this "problem of hers". I agree with the be prepared for what is next. Any person who uses a cast iron frying pan and says "I'll poison you" needs to be viewed as a loose cannon and a real threat. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Sounds like you have a very brief opportunity to come out on your own terms, before you come out on her terms- which are likely to be spiteful.

If she hit you once, she may do so again, and next time the object might be pointed.

Watch out dear girl.

[MsVal]

Are there children?

I am 65 years old and still remember vividly and painfully the sight of my parents bloody from fighting.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Krisi]

I'm not painting anyone with a brush. It's a fact. I said "some people", not anyone specifically. Look around you. Look on TV. It's acceptable for a woman to slap a man but not the other way around. It's not right, but it's reality.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I have to echo what some have said. You getting hit (assaulted) with a frying pan is itself domestic violence. I've read of some cases where the tide is turning. Wives are becoming just as accountable and even prosecuted after a report. Does she want a police report on her record? I'd watch out for her. CYA!

As far as her outing you it will make her look bad enough if it came to separation or divorce. I was subject to mental abuse and inflicted paranoia. It can be perceived as a weak attempt to make you the bad guy and her reason for a divorce. My ex outed me in a big way. I just held my head high as if nothing happened. She had Halloween pictures to show of me dressed. So what? It was Halloween. Many also knew she was a heavy drug user when we split. My favorite comeback for the couple times I was confronted was, "Yeah, she'll do anything to make her case to look good." I just blew it off. Her second husband once gave me some crap but not about CDing. I told him, "I'm glad you're married to her now. Watch out!" Sure enough, she's on her fourth now.

Looking back, I don't miss her at all! I'm happier than ever!

Cheryl

[Beverley Sims]

Try and stay together, go with the flow and see if things can be made better.

If the situation deteriorates then there is some serious thinking to be done.

One isolated hit with a frying pan or a single spark of violence can mean plain frustration.

I sometimes want to throw my wife off a cliff, but I show tolerance instead.

When it becomes repetitive then is the time to act.

[Dianne S]

Depending on where she hit you, she could have seriously injured or killed you with a cast-iron frying pan. That's not something to take lightly; it's assault and you need to get somewhere safe.

[Leilani]

I have to agree with many of the other voices on here. This was an assault and those types of things, once done "successfully" and without legal repercussions tend to escalate over time. Don't let your emotions rule this situation. I would press charges and get out. Some might say I am overreacting but we are talking about your personal safety and well being. When it comes to this type of thing I recommend a zero tolerance policy (for men and women). If she "outs" you, who cares (though I know you probably do). If anyone makes a big deal just respond with something along the lines of "why is your issue me wearing a dress and not that she hit me with a freaking iron frying pan?". As the old saying goes: Safety First.

[Stephanie47]

I'm not going to comment on the frying pan other than to agree that is domestic violence. Since you said "once" it indicates it was not a current event.

However, if a guy comes up to you and says he heard some erroneous (up to this point) gossip, I would only assume your wife told her friend "something." She may have said she discovered you're visiting this site or others. How does that translate to her leaving you? Ever play telephone as a kid? Maybe your wife said she was thinking about leaving you over cross dressing, etc.

You may want to ask your wife what she said to her friend because so and so came up to you and said what you related here.