A Down Day

[Blossym]

I don't know if it's all this snow falling outside my window or what, but I've just been down in the dumps today. I'm at work, and at work I am all dressed drab, all the time. Days like this I don't feel like I'm in my real skin. And when wonder why I don't feel like I'm in my own skin, I start a downward spiral of questions.

When I'm not Katy, I feel half empty. Everything feels more numb. Like I'm saving reactions to everyday life for another time.

I don't even like calling myself a CD. I hate saying "dressing up." I just feel like I'm putting my damn clothes and makeup on.

I wonder if seeing a therapist would actually be beneficial to me. Sometimes I'm afraid of what I will find out. Sometimes I'm afraid I won't like what I would hear. Other times, I feel like I may be disappointed. Idk. End rant.

[kimdl93]

Here's a thought that might help you avoid those self induced, downward spirals..you are always Katy. The clothes and makeup are, ultimately, superficial. Yes, of course it feels better to put on your clothes and make up. But it doesn't help to push your mind into a depressive mood when you cat dress.

As you've often heard, emotions are choices, but often we make habitual and harmful choices. If you can't master this on your own, I'd suggest talking with a therapist.he or she can help you learn the techniques necessary to manage your emotional response to days like these.

[Andy66]

Aaawwww... :hugs:

[charlenesomeone]

Katy try underdressing, it helps some of us when we can't do the full dress.
And reminds me of the other me.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I'd recommend therapy, basically for everyone- but it's all in the individual therapist. Find one you click with and even a few sessions can be a huge help. Be prepared to try a few though!

Buying some gorgeous new underwear always comforts me, because I can wear it anywhere any time :)

Hugs and a hot latte,

Nikki

[Katey888]

Have another aaaaaawwww... and :bighug: from me too! :)

Like Kim says - you're always Katy... I'd be surprised if many of us think of ourselves as a CD... I do think of the expression transgender when I ponder on why I need to do what I do - it doesn't scare me in the way it seems to some folk - in fact, it makes me feel more comfortable about why we occupy this middle but variable ground of gender presentation. It's also good to treat it as a special little piece of knowledge about something we have that most other males don't... nobody else needs to know about it, but isn't it cool we can do the things we do..? :cool:

Maybe it's snow and work... (remind me never to go to Kentucky in November... ;)) Work - schmerk! But sometimes it does help to immerse yourself in it and look forward to home time... treat yourself when you get home! :)

If you have good health and a good relationship, generally life is good... enjoy those things we sometimes take for granted... Counselling may help - but if done well it can expose aspects of you that you may have been hiding from... better to know though...???

Katey x

[Sallyfrillyknickers]

Blossym.
As charlenesomeone says underdressing can help. I have down days and find that a few items that I wear can help me get through the day until I can change when I get home.
Sally

[MichelleDevon]

Snow in November is enough to get anyone down. You could do what feathered birds do and migrate to somewhere warm for the winter...

Seriously though, I think there may be mileage in seeing a therapist. If you are gender dysphoric then you need more than a therapist. If not, then a therapist may well be able to help you develop coping strategies which will ease your way forward.

I don't know if you already underdress - something I do every day, including at work...haven't worn male underwear for well over 15 years - satin panties of some description (usually loose fitting French knickers style), garter belt and stockings, sometimes pantyhose with no panties, sometimes a satin cami top or maybe a satin chemise. Top half depends on the shirt - don't usually wear anything underneath with a pale/thin shirt. And underdressing adds a certain frisson to toilet visits when you sit down and expose those nylon clad legs and feel the satin against your skin...

It also helps if you have people around who know about Blossym - I have several work colleagues who know about Michelle and it can give rise to some entertaining conversation at work or even just some everyday girlie talk about clothes or make-up...looking at websites for clothes...just an opportunity to let the girlie you out.

Michelle
xxx

[CarlaWestin]

The downs are just part of it. They make the ups feel all that much better. I'm so snug and comfy sitting here in panties, bra, forms, nightgown and silky robe. Finishing my second coffee because, in fifteen minutes the workday process begins, sigh, once again. Twelve lackluster Tuesday hours before I can just be Carla again. But, during that time, I know that compared to most, I have something so special, it just totally trumps their boring ass normal existence.

[Eringirl]

Hi Blossym:

big :hugs:

I know the feeling only too well. There have been some good suggestions here. I think counselling would be a good idea. Don't be afraid. You will probably get some good insights, and be better informed or at least understand yourself a bit better. Have more information is usually a good thing.

I am drab at work all the time and at home. My SO doesn't want anything to do with it, so my "fab" time is relegated to times she is working late or out of town. However, having said that, it is so darned cold here today that I am wearing panty hose and panties just to try and stay warm. Another benefit is that it does make me feel better also. :D However, I can't do this on a regular basis as my SO looks for male underwear in the laundry and if it is not there, well, let's just say, it ain't gonna be a good day.

Hope things work out for you. Unfortunately, for many, this is all part of our lives....

Erin

P.S. love your avatar...very very pretty

[Beverley Sims]

Well with all the snow across the top end from the rockies to Minneapolis, I have quite a different view.
Life is wonderful here.

[Sissy_Michelle]

Blossym,
I agree with Kim & Charlenesomeone. In addition to seeing professional help. Everyone has their own reasons why they won't go see professional help. I am afraid of what they may say as well but you're basically paying for their opinion of how they perceive you. I will go see them when there exists a test for "normal" people to determine that they are normal, not a test to determine how crazy you are. (Sorry for the rant).

I guess everyone is afraid of how people judge them or are afraid of what others think of how "normal" you are. Am I different because I wear a bra and panties under my clothes? Do I care if a perfect stranger believes I am crazy or "normal"? I wore a kilt once and a woman and her friends cornered me in a bar asking me what I wore under my kilt. When I told them the same thing you are they all laughed, but I was wearing my panties that day...

And finally don't let the weather dictate your mood. Or you will be on medication because the weather changes as fast as the clock turns. Just be happy to be you, be with people that know the real you and Smile.

@--}----
Michelle

[Blossym]

Thanks everyone for all or your wonderful support :) I'm feeling in a little better spirits today (maybe it's because I got to work from home today). It's helpful to have reaffirmations that I am always Katy - it's how I truly feel, but it's so nice to hear it from other people. I never really feel the need to underdress I don't think. I don't fell that for me dressing and being Katy are actually reliant on each other - putting everything on just means I look good ;)

I guess I just hate the times when I can't be 100% me - the secrecy of it all. My wife is completely okay with everything, but work, other family... I don't think being all of me (not to be confused with dressing up) would go over so well, and would in act cause hardship for my young family. They come before me, and I'm fine with that. I just wish I could have my cake and eat it too I guess.

Sorry for such a long reply - damn I can rant!

[kimdl93]

Not a bad rant at all. Having your wife's support means everything because the time may come when you really can be yourself much more than today. Keep looking forward to the future possibilities while being thankful for all that you have today.

[donnalee]

Blossym, perhaps it may help to view this as being a butterfly in chrisalys; you burst into the butterfly when you are able, but must coceal yourself in the chrysalis at times for safety's sake.
:hugs::thumbsup:,
Donna