Beyond the curtain: Crossdressing after the "taboo" wears off

[Taylor Ray]

Well gals, I haven't posted in a while...busy with a new career etc.

Love coming back to this site and catching up!

So......

I no longer have reservations about cross dressing, but I do have days when I am not inspired to dress.

Is my desire to cross dress going to wear off? Now that I have accepted myself and have been through countless "experimental" relationships... is my desire to cross dress going to wane?

I risked everything to claim this way of life....

what if it fades away????

[Janine cd]

The desire never fades away completely. Sometimes it wanes but never goes away. I have had periods in my life when the desire to dress was totally missing. After about a month or so, it came back with vengeance. Stay true to yourself and don't give up hope.

[docrobbysherry]

I don't think any of us can tell u about u. Only our experiences. I'm a CD. Took me 15 years of dressing to figure that out.

Not all of us enjoy the "taboo" aspect of dressing. I hate it myself! Because I can't pass, I don't ever feel comfortable out in vanilla land.


As far as fading away? I'm over 70 and still waiting! Those that DO have it fade, mostly just disappear from this site.:straightface:

[Beverley Sims]

Taylor,
Glad to be of help, but, only you have those answers.
Me I would say an all round yes, and no.:)

I do not think your desire to cross dress is going to go completely, it will go into hibernation when other "interests" come along.

[heather ann martin]

I knew a long time ago that "it" was never going to go away!

[Majella St Gerard]

I don't think the desire will ever fade away but once you accept it as a part of your life and and are "out" and dress as you want to and to hell with what others think. It becomes normal, I dress almost all the time now. But sometimes i just ain't got it in me, sometimes you just don't "feel" it. I dress for the mood I'm in I guess, boy mode or girl. Don't worry, it won't go away, it's part of you.

[Nadine Spirit]

The feeling comes and goes for me. And I accepted my dressing long ago. It is funny actually because I still contemplate the thought of what if I no longer want to do this anymore. It is not that that bothers me so much as the huge investment I have made and all of my lovely clothes! Good golly I love my fem clothes. I love my fem style. Okay... sorry... off topic. Anywho... for me the feeling comes and goes, but never leaves me entirely. I do find though that when the feeling is not very strong and I don't dress, fairly soon I feel off. Thus I tend to ignore the up and down feelings and just do what I do regardless. Over time that has helped me to feel more internally stable.

[BillieJoEllen]

I've been CDing for well over 50 years now and even though the desire has ebbed a bit at times it has always been there.

[Jenniferathome]

I'm like Nadine. I treat cross dressing like eating. I eat when I am hungry and I don't when I am not. I know I'll be hungry again s I don't worry about it.

[Eringirl]

Hi Taylor...welcome back!!

As others have commented, it is individual, so I can only tell you of my experience, YMMV. For me it did ebb and flow over 20 years, but each time it came back it was stronger. I now know that I am wired this way and the wiring never "goes away". It is who I am. So, evidence would indicate that it does wane for some but does come back. For others, it never goes. So it is individual, but there appears to be a "theme". I would suggest that it will come back.

Hope the new career is going well!!

Erin

[Tina B.]

Taylor, I accepted this part of me almost 40 years ago, I can't say what it will do for you, but for me It came and went at the strangest times. When work would get real busy and I was running long hours coming home tired, I never even thought about cross dressing, and never missed it. That could go on for months, even years one time. But then something would happen in my life that caused stress, or sometimes even a thing like the Christmas shopping season and all of the pretty things out there, and I would be right back to dressing.
And of course even when I was dressing a lot, there was always days, or weeks that I was just preoccupied with other things and didn't feel like dressing, and didn't want to be fem, wanted to be macho.
But as I aged, and found less distractions in life, I started dressing more and more. Now retired, I spend as much as half my time dressed some weeks, and always underdressed, and always sleep in a nightgown of some sort.
For Fifty years I wanted it to wane, and fade away completely life would have been so much simpler, but the last 20 years, I have come to really embrace it, and would really miss it if the desire to dress left me now.

[CONSUELO]

One aspect of cross dressing for me has been the ebbing and flowing of my desire. At times it was so intense that I almost felt ill and then a few days later it would ebb away and my interest would decline and the intense desire to dress would go away. Then it would resume unexpectedly after a few weeks or a month or two. It was during one of these ebbing moment that I took the onetime decision to "purge". I only did it once as I soon learned not to trust my feelings at one particular instant.

But the desire to dress was always there and, as someone else has mentioned, its intensity seemed to increase over time. Think of a wavey pattern of peaks and troughs with a line through the center that has an upward slope from left to right.

Just relax and follow the wave. It is not something to be worried about. Whatever you do don't make snap decisions based on feelings at one point in time.

[Katey888]

Taylor - nice to have you back with us - of course nobody really knows for sure... :)

I'll be a teeny voice of contention here: I suspect for some who are less affected by the 'inspiration' we all share, it will be a phase they go through and then feel that it either isn't for them or the experiment has run its course or some other pressure is brought to bear (relationship, employment, family...). There aren't many examples of that occurrence here, of course - but their absence doesn't mean they aren't out there...

I share that worry about fading - and that is one reason that I refuse to be drawn into revealing or ringing that bell that can never be un-rung... I know I've had periods where it's been completely submerged by other things - if that happens again I'd rather be without the baggage and potential angst. Those of you who have risked the 'ringing bell' already can recant - or always claim a cure, I suppose... but some things may have already moved on irrevocably and I think a few of us will probably be happier keeping our options open for as long as practical. :)

And if you want to immerse yourself in the blissful belief of the majority view, go right ahead - plenty here will support that and for many, it's probably right that there's unlikely to be any remission...

But who can really tell... :thinking:

Katey x

[Teresa]

Taylor,
If it doesn't pray on your mind everyday then perhaps you think it's waning but I would doubt it ! If it's in your brain it's going to remain there and possibly wax and wane as your life changes !
I don't have that problem it's always there, whether I dress everyday or once a month !

Are you concerned if it fades away, will you miss it or be glad it's gone ??

[carahawkwind]

I'm someone whose desire to dress is very cyclical, there are times I want to do every day, other times I won't for several months, especially when I was younger and more worried about getting caught. Now that I'm more accepting of myself and my wife is completely on board for the most part, I don't worry about the dry spells so much, I know the inspiration will come back and when it does, there isn't really anything stopping me from fulfilling the impulse. Back when I was repressing more I think the dry spells were more stressful, there was often some sort of guilt attached, now it's just a more natural ebb and flow.

[Crissy Kay]

It goes for me too. Lately, I have not felt like dressing. But I do enjoy visiting here most days. I will get back to cding when I feel like it. I do think its true, that once you do start to cd its very difficult to stop.

[kimdl93]

Lots of crosdressers report a periodic ebb and flow of desire to dress. Sure, you may find right now that your desire has diminished...will it return. Odds are that yes it will. And as time goes on, you may find that you want all of the freedom you risked everything for.

[Jorja]

Taylor, go run around outside naked for a few minutes. You will be inspired to dress then and you won't care which genders clothing it is!:)

[Allisa]

Sorry to tell you but once you have contracted this disease it is a life sentence. It may become less prominent in your every day life but it is still there. I myself can never sleep now unless I am in panties and night gown and pantied every minute away from work. Not every day I feel like dressing femme and it is okay because I know that I can when I want to and some times a dry spell will last for a long time but there it is again as if it never left. I hope this helps in some way.

[Debb]

The desire (the need) waxes and wanes; in fact, for me it went so far into the background for around two years that I thought I was done. Not so, and it's been on more than off these past few years.

[dsmth]

Why worry about what you want to wear so much? I understand why you do I think... I think that the reason why you do might be because of the modern dress codes which indicate, as we all know and, at least in this forum, dislike, that humans that are born male, if they want to be considered attractive in any sense, currently have to limit themselves to what are considered MALE (MANLY) clothes: plain, uninteresting, conforming, and almost completely lacking of self-expression and sensuality. And to fight that requires ENERGY. Sometimes we just don't have enough energy to fight the dress codes and expectations. I personally think that it should not matter and should not be something worthy of talking about in a forum such as this. But this is our current shared REALITY. Maybe what I'm saying does not apply to you but I do think that it is the fundamental basis of why we are all here asking questions in this way. I hate it. Everyone that exists, male or female should, in my opinion be allowed to dress as they wish. Life is too short anyways... So.... If you don't feel like dressing they why the heck worry about that? So don't wear anything other than blue jeans and t-shirts and suits and ties. That's what everyone that is not US wants right? Why can't we just accept the normal? Why do we have to exist?!! Do whatever you want! And if what you want to do HAPPENS to be considered NORMAL then don't worry about it!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Taylor Ray, I've been in this program for almost 68yrs. and I don't see anything changing anytime soon.:hugs:

[suchacutie]

Hi and welcome back.

I've usually associated "strong and constant" as signaling being transsexual, as opposed to a crossdresser. If you aren't looking to transition, it is probably the norm that your feminine side ebbs and flows like most other things in your life. I very much doubt it will disappear, and when it returns strongly you'll wonder why you haven't stayed en homme for a while! :)

[Marcelle]

Hi Taylor and welcome back. It is possible that it is not so much waning but more that you have grown comfortable with it and you will know when you need to dress and don't. I am making an assumption that you have decided to let others know as you stated "You risked everything to claim this way of life" I found once the world around me writ large knew about Isha the requirement to dress was driven only by those times when I felt the need to do so. Dressing "en femme" is no longer pervasive in my thoughts, it is just something I do the same way I dress "en boy". So while it may appear it is fading to you it is possible it is more akin to just being part of who you are and you give it less thought than you did when you were hiding it. My two cents.

Hugs

Isha

[sometimes_miss]

Is my desire to cross dress going to wear off? Is my desire to cross dress going to wane?
If you are crossdressing for a thrill, and the thrill has worn off, then you'll find something else to give you your thrills instead.

what if it fades away????
You could try base jumping. Or wrestling alligators. I'm sure that will get the adrenaline pumping. Or maybe wrestling alligators crossdressed (you being crossdressed, I don't think the alligators would be willing to dress up)?

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Then you risked everything and survived. That's more than most people do in a lifetime and you can feel very proud of that.

[Kristyn Hill]

I'm someone whose desire to dress is very cyclical, there are times I want to do every day, other times I won't for several months, especially when I was younger and more worried about getting caught. Now that I'm more accepting of myself and my wife is completely on board for the most part, I don't worry about the dry spells so much, I know the inspiration will come back and when it does, there isn't really anything stopping me from fulfilling the impulse. Back when I was repressing more I think the dry spells were more stressful, there was often some sort of guilt attached, now it's just a more natural ebb and flow.

I will ditto Cara as this describes me. My wife is 99.75 on board and when it strikes, I have nothing to do but go in my closet and wear the highest of heels to cook dinner and dress in the prettiest of dresses if I am so inclined. With the openness being a lot less stressful, I do not let it get me down like it once did when sneaking a pair of heels to wear when nobody was looking was about the best I was going to do.

I have been wearing heels since I was 2-3 years of age and 4 decades have passed and the inclination has only gotten stronger.

[CharlotteP]

Seems that most of us go through periods of ebbs and flows in the CD'd experience. I know for me the desire to dress completely is there most of the time, not there part of the time. But the underdressing never goes away. That one stay strong for me no matter what.

Charlotte

[AnneC]

For me it has always been a series of ups and downs. Sometimes the desire is strong and other times it is not. But for a lot of years the desire has always been there and no matter how I feel, I always think about it.

[Taylor Ray]

Well as usual, wonderful and insightful replies gals. And very helpful!

I guess what rings true for me is that it never really "goes away". Even when ebbing I am still really into the lifestyle. Some days I just organize my closet and make sure my wigs look good, even when wearing drab.

It's almost like accepting part of oneself that one has struggled with for so long opens the flood gates of "self expression." But after a while, it is back to day to day life.

They are just clothes after all? I mean, I do adopt effeminate gestures when dressed.

[CynthiaD]

I crossdress as much as possible, but I don't really do it for a thrill. I do it to feel normal. In male mode, I feel pressured and stressed much of the time. In female mode I feel calm, rational, and able to deal with the world. There's no cyclic feelings, because I like myself better as a woman, and I need that all the time.

[irene9999]

I find the desire to dress comes and goes for me too. I haven't dressed too often lately but still like to come to this site so it's not completely off my mind.

[ReineD]

what if it fades away????

I've read this question here many times. This is what I don't understand: if the desire fades away, then what are you missing if you don't dress?

Is there a certain feeling that you want to recapture and if so, what is it?

[Tinkerbell-GG]

This is what I don't understand: if the desire fades away, then what are you missing if you don't dress?


I was wondering the same thing! If it fades away, who cares? You won't miss it because it faded away. It's sort of like worrying I'll lose my desire for chocolate (Never. Gonna. Happen) But if it does, I guess I'll eat cheese or something. :)

Of course, if you're worried about the after effects of 'outing' yourself on something you no longer do, just dont mention it again and I'm sure most people will eventually forget. The fact you're always in drab will speak for itself.

[docrobbysherry]

I've read this question here many times. This is what I don't understand: if the desire fades away, then what are you missing if you don't dress?

Is there a certain feeling that you want to recapture and if so, what is it?
We never seem to hear from those that completely lose the desire, Reine. Because they just disappear from this site. Same as many TS's who r too busy living as women to come back and chat with those that r where they were years ago.

For the very many of us who aren't TS? It becomes enjoyable compulsion. Endorphins, autogenaphelia, extremely relaxing, a nom yo rengi high, or a sexual turn on? It doesn't matter why, just that it does become a compulsion.

For those of us that don't get hooked on those "feelings" or r TS? They probably can and do give up "cross dressing".

[charlenesomeone]

Like many sometimes the desire is extreme, and sometimes not.
If you underdress 24/7 how does that fit in? But do what makes you
happy, more or less and enjoy it.

[Kacey Black.]

I like reading all of this. Very informative and to see other's points of view is helpful. I don't fee so strange.

For me, I wonder the same thing. It's gone away for months at a time, only to return with a vengence. It hangs around for a few weeks, then goes away, then back. Never know really so I just cruise along and enjoy it. Although it has gone away once for years a while back, it was, and is always there. It just changes over time and that's part of the adventure I guess.

[FishnetFootball]

I personally find that it fades away sometimes but then I think about it a lot and it comes back. I'm in that mode at the moment, so I've joined this. I do feel that if I had more of a freedom of being able to do it more often then it would become a constant rather than going in phases though.

[suzanne]

It ebbs and flows. Most days, I don't really get a chance to dress up. Some days, it doesn't bother me, sometimes it bothers me a bit and some days it drives me nuts. I think it comes with the territory.

[ArleneRaquel]

Darlin,
The desire to dress enfemme may ebb & flow, but it never goes away. Just enjoy your journey & Best Wishes !

[cindi cinnamon]

The waxing and waning of desires is something not unique to crossdressing. With a little introspection I think you'll find these "ups and downs" common to all kinds of activities and behaviors. Don't let it worry you. Just have fun with it !

[Taylor Ray]

I've read this question here many times. This is what I don't understand: if the desire fades away, then what are you missing if you don't dress?

Is there a certain feeling that you want to recapture and if so, what is it?

Well this is certainly a great question, Reine. It seems almost Zen-like. "If the cat forgets that it is a cat, does it cease being a cat?"

It seems to tie in with the question of identity, and how we identify ourselves. I have stated before that I do not identify as a woman, and despite the common CD wishes to have less broad shoulders, bigger hips, and well, a body that looks more female, I am very mild on the dysphoria scale.

I need to think more about this question for a few days. Thanks for asking!

[Sallee]

Its like the tide but maybe not as regular and you can control it a bit but rest assured it will rise again