LATS - a possible solution?

[MichelleDevon]

I don't know how widespread the acronym is - LATs - Living Apart Together - but it seems to me that this is a possible answer for those us with spouses/SOs who are uncomfortable with our alter egos but who don't feel that divorce is right/affordable/necessary.

I have a very good friend (another t-girl) who is in exactly this situation and it seems to work admirably...ok, they were never married and maybe that contributes to the success of the arrangement. Following my friend's acrimonious divorce (which revolved around the crossdressing issue) he/she embarked on a relationship with a lovely younger lady, living together, had a child who is now rising 7, and everything seemed good; then she left. They remained good friends and talked lots because of the little boy. More recently they have got much closer - each has a house and they spend lots of time with each other, often sharing a bed. They often come together to our "girls" group meetings and my friend's partner is comfortable with the whole crossdressing thing. My friend spends a lot of time in femme mode but hasn't presented to the little boy in full femme mode yet - that is still a bone of contention between the two of them.

But fundamentally it seems to me to be a good way forward...I don't really want the expense, the stress, the angst, the finality of a divorce - there is still enough between us that we get along well for most of the time - but an extra degree of separation might make all the difference. I could be Michelle whenever I wished at home, we could spend as much or as little time with each other as we wanted. The extra Michelle time at home might make it easier to accept the restrictions of my younger daughter who is very uncomfortable with M and doesn't want her daughters to know about her. It would also relieve the wardrobe space issue!!!!! We would still be able to do lots of things together but without either party feeling oppressed or restricted by the other...

Has anyone got experience of this as a mode of living?

Michelle
xxx

[kimdl93]

That's a tough one. With a child in the home, and a marriage, my instinct is against any kind of separation that isn't a prelude to divorce. I see physical separation as establishing momentum away from each other. And besides I would want to be home to put my child to bed each night.

[joanna marie]

After 40 plus years together, my wife and I are going to try LAT
Our children are grown .Im looking for a place of my own right now.
CDing is only part of the problem ( she does not approve )

[Jackie7]

My exwife and I lived upstairs -downstairs in completely separate spaces for about two years, it was a good try but turned out to be the prelude to divorce.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

It depends what you want to achieve. In para 1 I get the 'affordable' part, but 'right' and 'necessary' I'm not so sure. 'Right' sounds like you're talking morals, ie one or both of you feels divorce is a sin: for me, living miserably together is far more of a sin. 'Necessary' - well, if separation and/or divorce weren't on the cards, why would you be thinking of LAT in the first place?

You say "We would still be able to do lots of things together but without either party feeling oppressed or restricted by the other..." but that sounds very optimistic. What if your wife's freedom resulted in a large, hairy man moving in to your house and sleeping in what used to be your bed. You might be fine with that, but would he be fine with you?

I'd say a clean break, if it could possibly be afforded, would be better because you would both be able to start afresh. LAT could prevent either of you from doing that. What matters more- a drop in standard of living, or the chance to move on? LAT, unless it's purely for financial reasons - and temporary - sounds like justification of co-dependency.

[Beverley Sims]

I am against separate living conditions as it does weaken the relationship.
Work at it together and have patience with your situation, as time goes by life situations do change and then you can assimilate better.

[Teresa]

Michelle,
I don't know your age, but I'm afraid I'm showing mine by remembering the TV series, " My wife next door. "
I thought it starred Pauline Collins or Hannah Gordon and John Alderton ?

I'm just wondering if I could make a situation like that work ! At times it feels like that now !
The obvious concern is perhaps forcing the family to take sides !

[AllieSF]

When people try to save their relationship they sometimes need to consider some alternative ways of doing that. It is definitely not rare for trial separations where one party moves out of the house to see if the relationship improves as each experiences living apart with added freedoms, lack of regular confrontations and what it is like to be away from someone they love dearly. Some lead to a successful return to living together while others end up is a permanent separation. Yes, the child or children may suffer from not having one parent always around, but sometimes they suffer even more and incur longer lasting scars when the two parents live together and show no real love between each other. If you are considering this, then maybe a third party marriage counselor can help you both out? It is always worth a try. Good luck.

[Rogina B]

Every household is different and it is impossible to judge. In today's world of high living costs,for some it makes sense.Different bedrooms under the same roof..That's the easy part. Couples have a way of growing very interdependent on one another...Breaking or loosening that is the tough part.I think kids can be happy if their sense of security remains unbroken..I think "loosening things up" is a sensible alternative to splitting up,selling the ranch,etc especially when it comes to older couples...What is the real gain in a divorce?