Seeing a therapist in a coupshould I confess my CDing?

[Danicd1]

Hi ladies, I'm off to see a therapist soon because I've been feeling very low and stressed at times. No doubt there will be plenty of questions regarding my personal life ext.
Do you think I should tell him about my CDing?

[rachael.davis]

If you're feeling low, and stressed because of gender identity / presentation it's probably a good thing to bring up to your therapist.
They're generally pretty hard to shock.

[Kate Simmons]

Only if you feel the need to my friend. :)

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Absolutely , confiding in a professional therapist & digesting their suggestions will relieve your depression & stress!! You need to confront your pains. Much peace, mel

[Beverley Sims]

You won't be confessing your dressing you will be just stating the facts, along with any other problems you may have.
If you withhold information it may confuse the issue and they may not be able to help you.
You are not going to be laughed at or pilloried at the stake, you will receive help based on what you tell the therapist.

[Teresa]

Dani,
I don't see you have a choice, you're expecting the therapist to work in the dark otherwise !
Besides what are you ashamed of, Cding is part of you, it's never going away, the therapy will help you to live with it besides it could be your underlined problem of stress !

[Danicd1]

Thanks for all the replays so fast, I'm seeing him in a couple days.
Well that seems a unanimous yes. You have made my mind up, I will tell him, thanks all :) x

[Amy Lynn3]

This is just my opinion, as I do not give medical advise. One option is to test the water first. By that I mean, seek the professional help you need and see if you improve. Ask him/her how long will it take to see improvements, and if they don't show up, ask if this (cding) could add or take away from the mix ?

The very best to you, as I have been in your shoes.:hugs:

[Eringirl]

I would put all your cards on the table, otherwise it is like they are trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle with pieces missing. If it is identified as a major contributing factor, they should be able to refer you to a therapist that specialized or at the very least has experience/training in working with TG clients if they are not able to help themselves.

Erin

[JenniferR771]

Eringirl made an important point. First look up the website of the therapist. Read carefully what he mentions as his specialties. Look for mentions of gender problems, gay and straight and so forth. If they are not mentioned--assume no expertise in that area. Compare with other therapists in your town.

Tilt your head; look at his books titles as you talk--if nothing about gender--no so good. If he wants to cure you--shop around.

[AllieSF]

Great advice so far and I think that you have your answer. I was thinking about this analogy that makes sense to me. Would you take your car in for a wheel balance and only have them do only 3 of the 4 wheels? Yes, you may correct an out of balance problem if one or more of the 3 wheels balanced caused that problem. However, what if the unbalanced wheel was the problem? Common sense tells us to balance all four. Since you are paying for the therapy service, you can reveal whatever you want, but you will probably not get the full value of what you paid for because you would have limited the source of information the therapist had to work with.

[CONSUELO]

I was once seeing a therapist for severe depression brought on by events unrelated to cross dressing, or so I thought. I told her everything about me and we were able to have some good and helpful sessions.
If you regard a therapist as a "doctor" think of this. Would you go to a doctor for treatment and withold information and expect a good diagnosis?

That said, find out if the therapist has any expertise in the area of transgender etc. If he starts to talk like Dr. Phil, head for the exit.

[Melanie Z]

Danielle,

So, you've resolved to tell him. That's good. I just want to say, as some others have suggested, don't feel you have to stick with this therapist if you go and find you don't like him. I myself took a while to find a really good therapist for me. Many of them, in my experience, have their pet beliefs and treatments. One lady tried to convince me that I could cure my ADHD by changing my diet. The next guy didn't seem to want to let go of the idea that I had an autism spectrum disorder (a.k.a. Aspberger's) - his area of expertise - which would have been fine except it just isn't true - plus he was just really condencending. I finally found my current therapist and have stuck with her for a while now. So feel free to shop around.

[Mollyanne]

YES YOU MUST!!!!! FOR WHAT ITS WORTH, YOU ARE GOING TO GET HELP, HOW CAN YOU GET THE HELP WITHOUT BEING HONEST??????

Molly

[kimdl93]

I'm of the opinion that you need to be open and honest with a therapist if you want to get something out of the experience. Way back when, I tried to hold back on my gender issues out of embarrassment. It didn't work. She knew I was hiding something and after three sessions of evasions, I finally broke down and admitted my 'awful' secret. Her reaction resonates with me to this day...'it's not a crime, you know!'

What a relief to just be able to talk without fear of judgement...even to receive encouragement to explore something I had so long hidden.

[Kevyn53]

Well, yeah! Therapists will listen without being judgmental and help find the source of your stress. Ask about Acceptance Commitment Therapy. It's like Buddhism without the yellow and maroon robes.

[docrobbysherry]

If u don't feel comfortable talking about this with your therapist? U have the wrong one. They r not as likely to help u if u r not completely upfront with them.

Switch therapists until u find one u r comfortable with!

[Princess29]

the first therapist I went to wasn't really making any progress for me and so I put an end to it. I procrastinated for a while and then got a referral to another one and since the initial phone call, I've felt completely comfortable with this new one and have been laying all my cards on the table. If I didn't want to talk about things, I can sit at home and not talk about the issues.
Facing our issues is hard but not facing them and letting them fester away is harder and more detrimental to you long term


Mel

[Marcelle]

Hi Dani,

I am with the "do tell" crowd as you need to be upfront with your therapist for therapy to work. Now this does not mean CDing is a root cause of your stress but it at least allows the therapist to explore that area. In addition, if it is and he/she is not experienced in TG issues, then she/he will be able to refer you to the appropriate therapist. Good luck.

Hugs

Isha

[Amanda M]

Bluntly, If you don't raise the issue, you are wasting your time! Your therapist (and I say this with MY therapist's hat on) cannot help you without all the information that might be pertinent to your condition! Good luck!
Oh and by the way, try not to see it as confessing - almost as if it was a sin - but discussing!

[connie johnson]

I saw a therapist several years ago, the issue had nothing to do with dressing or my marriage (it was work that was bothering me). When I told my therapist he said that there was nothing wrong with wearing women's clothes, lot of men do it. He asked me if my wife knew about it. I said yes, she even buys me things. He said if your wife knows and there are no issues with it at home then don't worry about it. We then moved on to the next subject.

[silkycdresser]

My doctor referred me to a therapist last year and I told him everything, including my crossdressing, but unfortunately he couldn't really talk about that as he was more a CBT therapist and practiced mindfulness and stuff like that. He wasn't shocked and was sympathetic, so I reckon yes, talk to yours about it.

[NicoleScott]

If you don't trust your therapist with the information, you need to find one you can trust.

[Sarasometimes]

Add me to the long list of do tell posts. If you get an odd look or a uneasy feeling after telling him, find someone new if you wish to include your cding in your therapy. I wasted so much money teaching therapist about my gender issues until I found ones truly that knew about it. Although you may not see a relation to CDing and how you feel he may be able to help you determine if there is or is not a reationship. I know for me when I need to stifle my femme side my mood is affected and not in a good way.
Many therapist will claim to understand and have training but not all do! Good luck and please don't look at telling him about your dressing as a confession. We confess to doing things that are WRONG! Cding is not wrong it is just widely misunderstood!

[Tracii G]

I would tell the therapist everything on your mind.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

For a first session tell him as much as you feel comfortable with, but more importantly, see how you feel about the therapist. You have to feel comfortable with them- he or she can only help you if you trust them.

[Jaymees22]

I would most certainly talk about it. When I did go to my therapist I usually went dressed it seemed more natural for me. You would have to decide if that would be appropriate for you after having some sessions of course. Jaymee

[Helen_Highwater]

Danielle,
As you're in the UK I'm assuming you're seeing the therapist following a referral from your GP. If so did you tell your GP about your dressing as that may have influenced their choice of therapist. Whatever you've done up to this point I like most others would say you have to mention CD'ing to the therapist. If the therapists asks if you feel that's playing a part in the way you feel have you thought as to how you'd respond? Of course I don't expect a reply to that question here but it must be something you need to think about.

[Danicd1]

Such great advise from everyone, thanks for all the replays it's much appreciated. :)
Many of you have said that he might not be the right type, so shop around, but I will tell him and see his reaction and where the convo goes from there.

Thanks again all :)

Dani XXX

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Dani, If you really want your money's worth tell him/her everything.:hugs:

[Annaliese]

No better time, is it what has you streeed and feeling low, if so talk it out with your therapist.

[Alice Torn]

Therapy can be very expensive, so i would tell him. He won't yell out the door down the hall, " I have one of them! Pitchforks on the ready!!"

[Helen_Highwater]

I feel there's a need to explain some of our cultural differences here. Most people who go to a therapist in the UK do so after a free consultation with their doctor who then refers them again at nil cost. As such it is one of the things free at the point of delivery. If someone feels that the chosen therapist isn't suited to them then they can ask for a further referral, still at nil cost. Danielle may have chosen to go private and pay, that's her choice but I think it's worth pointing out these differences as they can influence how people see the process given some of the replies.
Ultimately it won't change the majority of responses, be open and honest.

[dee anne]

The few times I have gone out dressed and interacted with other people, Cross dressers or not I have felt a great relief of burden, just because I was being me and other people were OK with it. My big stress was self imposed image of me being on the front page of the new York times. No one really cares, be yourself and you will be a lot more confident. My experience. Hope it helps.
Dee

[MeredithG]

I have always felt more comfortable sharing that with a female therapist. I had two over the years - both with very different styles yet both very understanding. They helped me normalize it for myself and better understand that part of me. And I think they both saw that side of me more and more as different topics were discussed. At times it felt like they were talking to me as another woman, which was comforting. In general it just felt less threatening to me, and I think both women were very supportive.

[prene]

Why would you not tell her?
I have one and I tell her everything.
I have even told her about just thoughts ... and what has helped me is we are not alone.
Tell her everything and keep up informed how it works. OK