First daylight 'vanilla' outing

[Danitgirl1]

Hi Everyone
So the exciting news of the weekend is that I went on my first 'vanilla' outing dressed on Saturday.:)
My wife and I went to Rosebank Mall for lunch and an opportunity to browse the stores.
We hived the kids off to their grandparents for the day. I got ready and we left home in the full glare of day. I went for a casual look (well what passes for casual with me anyway). I wore a denim mini, a white 'peasant blouse' with bead work, sandals that could be described as 'entry level' gladiator sandals (they have some straps, but only 2 so nit full on) a brown leather handbag and jewelry (ear rings, rings and bangles). As the mall has both inside and outside sections I wore sunglasses in an effort to reduce my chances of being recognised. :heehee:
All went well until we saw family friends out biking at the bottom of the road. My wife was driving and they know her car well. We sped past without waving! :brolleyes:
We arrived at the mall and walked around a bit. I wanted to show my wife some fab party/club dresses I had seen in the Guess store earlier in the week on a work related trip to the mall and we also needed to select a restaurant to eat that I would feel comfortable at... Nothing too quiet but also somewhere relatively private.
On the way to the Guess store my wife spotted our daughter's new teacher for next year who we had just met with on Friday. She told me to turn and move fast, so I did... :brolleyes:
We went to the Guess store looked around and then started looking for a restaurant. We settled on one and then BANG we see the teacher there as well, so we reassess and choose a different restaurant.
I had been concerned that I would stick out like a sore thumb and that shortly a group of enraged shoppers with pitch forks would gather shouting 'KILL THE TRANNY!" so I was (subtly) observing people's reactions. I hardly noticed anyone noticing me. One or two people looked directly at me but I don't think they clocked me at all. Most people are just too wrapped up in themselves to notice you... On the way to the restaurant one guy was really staring at me but I honestly think he was just 'perving' my legs... He didn't seem to be hostile or anything. My wife confirmed this view... So on the one hand I was relieved on the other I felt objectified but then again I WAS wearing a mini so I can't be too precious... Or can I??? :o
Anyway we walk in to the restaurant and guess what? We walk past the educational/child psychologist we consulted in order to get my my daughter into her current school (long story) sitting enjoying lunch with her husband. :brolleyes: I don't know if she recognised us but we hurried past and got a nice booth at the back.
I avoided talking to the waitress (my wife did all the ordering) which may have seemed odd, but it preserved my (illusionary???) sense of not being clocked.
Funny thing happened when the waitress brought our soft drinks in cans... As a male I really dislike it when waiters/waitresses open the can for me. I just feel it is odd. Dressed en femme I really wanted her top open the can for me as I was wearing false nails and didn't want to damage them... Guess what she left both cans for us to open, grrr. :brolleyes:
We enjoyed our lunch and left.
We walked around the mall.
We saw a bunch of swimming costumes on display and my wife wanted to take a closer look. Neither one of us noticed the promoter until she stood up and said 'hello ladies'. WOW this made my day! :battingeyelashes:
The promoter spoke to my wife a bit and then we went into some clothing stores.
It was so much 'easier' being in the women's section en femme! I felt more at ease and less 'sticky outy'. We looked at costume jewellery, shoes, clothes, handbags hats etc. It was so much fun!!! :)
After a while we left to go home allow me to go back to drab and we then fetched the girls from the grand parents.
What a great day. It was so liberating being out and about. This was the first time I had been out and about in a specifically non-trans friendly (ie 'normal') environment. I was very anxious until about half way through lunch and even after that I tried to speak as little as possible to avoid 'outing' myself, but I still had a blast. It was if anything more fun than being at a trans-friendly night club. The environment was more 'normal' and relaxed.
My previous trip to a mall had been late at night and was very short. This time we were there on a Saturday afternoon, the place was BUSY and we were there for about 2 to 3 hours...
I think I blended with the environment... I was very aware of my mannerisms and whilst I walked a bit too fast some of the time I think I was ok...
The 'hello ladies' commented really made my day!
I am so lucky to have a supportive, understanding and participatory wife... I realise that this is rare and I don't mean to brag... Just acknowledging how lucky I am. :D
To those of you not as lucky as me I would still recommend getting out there, it really helps you to feel accepted and part of society.
Next step? Actually trying on some clothes? Working on my voice? Visiting a make up store (Mac)? We will see...
I think a trip to the theatre may be next on the list. :daydreaming:

[miko]

I also have exciting supportive woman
I have not the confidence to go out
Maybe in the future when new wigs and I ordered my dress online

I personally am looking forward to the holiday of Purim (Israeli holiday like Halloween)
Where do I get the confidence to go out

Fantasy and have a walk with my wife shopping (but I want to keep us to walk in Japan or any other country)

[Nikkilovesdresses]

a group of enraged shoppers with pitch forks would gather shouting 'KILL THE TRANNY!"

Hilarious- thanks Dani!

So glad you enjoyed your day out, bravo to you and your wifi.

[Katey888]

Nice outing Dani... :D

Sounds like you were kept on your toes by the local educational department - and I get what you say about nails... not with falsies but with just trying to preserve my natural ones from the onslaught of 'boy world' - and popping cans is a tricky one... someone should produce a 'lady can opener lever' - I bet they make them in Taiwan... or just carry one of those mini bottle openers on a key ring... :D

And is that Rosebank in outskirts of Jo'burg? Curiously I've been there... :)

Nice that you're able to do this with your wife too - I'm sure you'll look forward to your next trip wherever...

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hey there and CONGRATS on your first visit to the Vanilla world. It sounded a bit daunting (all the people you knew that is) but it sounds like you had a normal experience. People tend to be too wrapped up in their lives to really look around and will give most people a sideways glance at best. Think about when you are in a mall "en boy" can you say without a moment's hesitation that every person you saw in women's clothing was actually a woman? Not likely and indeed if you had to recall the last person you saw at any given moment, you might indicate gender but that would be based on clothing and physique (mini skirt, peasant blouse, long hair - girl).

The one constant is, the more you go out the more it will normalize and the more relaxed you will get. Perhaps though you might try a venue further away from home so as to avoid running into those you know. Again CONGRATS!

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

That was a great day out. I'm impressed by how your wife and you handled the encounters with people you knew...no freak outs, just kept on task.

[Danitgirl1]

Thanks for the support all!
Miko, when you are ready, you will know it. 5 months ago, no way would I have been able to get past the door to the house (getting out the bedroom was a big deal) now... Well, you can see :-)
Katey, not sure what you mean by outskirts... Rosebank is a suburb of Joburg, but it is now a business centre in its own right and it less than 5 km from Joburg city (about 5 minutes on our new underground train). The mall has recently been refurbished and renovated. Great new shops lovely decor it is really nice! When last were you in SA? Plans to come back? If so, let us show you around town :-) and yes the local educational types certainly gave us a going over...
Isha, thanks for the affirmation. We decided on Rosebank because my parents and in laws frequent the nicest spots to the West of us, my sister the nicest spots North of us, numerous cousins are to the East and I am not sure about going South, can be a bit rough (I grew up there)... That left Rosebank or Cresta and there would have been likely to be more acquaintances at Cresta, so we went with Rosebank. Also it gave a good mix of busy-ness and familiarity... But thanks for the advice. Will consider more options.

[Beverley Sims]

Get used to "hello ladies" and interaction with "other" women in the lingerie section, when you get shocked by the "nice bra, nice panties" comment just smile.
When you are asked "what cup size should I wear", reply by saying try them on for comfort.
That seems to work and you will eventually get rid of the collywobbles and live like the other girls. :)

Eventually you will realise that others you know do not even guess who you are, they are looking for a guy to identify with.

[Jenniferathome]

And so we read yet another story where nothing happened. And that is a good thing. What we believe is so hard becomes a non-event. Good on you Dani!!!

[bridget thronton]

Pretty good outing

[Requal Jo]

Sounds to have been a very exciting and pleasant day for your wife and self Dani.

[justmetoo]

I agree with what Jennifer (at home or not) said. It's good to get out like that and realize that most of our fears are unfounded. Sounds like a very good day, in spite of the close calls with people you know, accompanied by your awesome wife!

As for opening a can (pop-top?) with nails, how about using the handle of a metal spoon or fork to "pop it"?

[Lillyasia]

Congratulations on your first outing Dani. Thanks for sharing you story.

[KatieGG]

Awesome! Me and my husband go out with him dressed a few times a month, and aside from a few stares and the under the breath comments here and there, we only had one incident that got really ugly and terrifying. If you dress for where you are going and don't do anything to draw attention to yourself we have found that most people walk through life in their own world and don't notice or care to take the time to realize that one of the two "girls" walking around the mall with their Starbucks cups is actually a guy.

[Andrea Chenowith]

someone should produce a 'lady can opener lever'

http://www.flightattendantshop.com/top-popper-can-opener/

http://www.qualitylogoproducts.com/tradeshow-promotions/mini-bottlecan-opener-keyring.htm?variant=BLANK&imageID=270146&gclid=CjwKEAiAqMajBRCdjejki6yjuDwSJACQeVuku0Nrc4FN Z_s1Frt85fGts5DVhDTDA1YBLAagIKz2_hoCv9vw_wcB

[Pat]

Just an observation -- people look for the simplest answer to any given question. If you and your wife drive past your friends or walk near acquaintances they're not going to do some deep scan to figure out if you're her husband wearing women's clothes. They're going to think, "Oh, there goes <wife's name> and some friend of hers," and go on about their business.

[MissTee]

What a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing.

My wife has hinted at taking me out. Then, she counters herself by saying people might not immediately recognize her, but then if we're together we'll certainly get clocked. Add to that my stature. Even dressed to utmost perfection I would not pass for much more than a really huge female wrestler. ai have a safe and comfy pink closet. Life in here is good, too.

[Danitgirl1]

You are so right Jennie, I really don't expect any backlash, but if asked we have a plan :-)
Miss Tee, like I said to Miko go at your pace, do what you want to do... Don't EVER do anything you are not ready for!
For example, I was not ready to waltz into the ladies' room (I just did not want the hassle/nastiness, if I was clocked) so I made sure to go at home and not to drink too much. Baby steps, comfort and self acceptance are my watch words.
Also, if you have a supportive spouse, make sure you are both fully on board and at the same 'level' all the time. It is not worth alienating your best friend for a few minutes thrill.
Thanks for the kind words Jennifer.
Beverley, EEK if a another woman spoke to me in the lingerie section I think I would faint! Thanks for the heads up, best to be prepared and have your 'lines' prepped... Much as I learnt when I had a drink bought for me at the gay bar a few months back... The unexpectedness of it through me and I had no 'ready' response so I sat their gaping. Probably not ideal in a gay bar, definitely NOT ideal in the department store!!! Like everything else, I expect I will come to enjoy the interactions, right now just walking around is pretty cool.
:hugs: