Is She Flirting With Me

[Dee Baker]

I have been a fairly regular shopper at the Leggs Hanes Bali Playtex outlet nearby for many years and the store manager has always been helpful whenever I shop there, she also knows what I purchase is for me. I was shopping there this past Saturday (in drab, as usual) and she seemed especially helpful and friendly.

Was she just being helpful and trying to make the sale or is it possible she may have an interest in me?
What do you think?

They didn’t have the Bali Full-Cut-Fit Brief Style #23272 in my size so she offered to order them for me, she made sure I got the discount and free shipping but we did have to order by phone so she dialed the number and gave her store number and item number before handing the phone to me to complete the order.

When I finished placing the order she asked if they gave me the total price, she said it should be less than $20.00 with the discount and if I didn’t get the discount that I could “call her” and she would apply it, (her number on the hand written receipt she gave me).

As I was preparing to leave, thanking her for her wonderful assistance (as always), and saying goodbye I made eye contact with her and there seemed to be something there… just the look in her eyes…

I really like Anna and she is very friendly.

I got home later and checked e-mail and there was an order confirmation for the panties, then there was a second e-mail stating that the order had been canceled, so I guess I’ll go back to the store in a week or so to see if they have my size in stock.

So now the conundrum, when I go back would it be appropriate for me to ask her to dinner?

She didn’t have a wedding ring on her finger but its certainly possible she may have a boyfriend. As sweet as she is I would be surprised if she didn’t have a boyfriend.

Help please, what to do?

[Rhian]

From what you have said she does seem to fond of you if she's going out of her way to make sure you get the discount and gave her your number. I'd probably try texting her and see what she responds like, that should give you a better idea of if her interest in you is purely professional or more personal and if it's the former at least you'll find out then rather than potentially creating an awkward moment when you next visit the store. Then if you start texting you should be able to tell if she sees you as "one of the girls" or in sexual way, if it's the later then go for it and ask her out. Women are single for a whole host of reasons and you shouldn't let an opportunity slip because she may not be single, if everyone thought like that no attractive people would be in relationships.

[Dee Baker]

Thanks Rhian,

You make sense when you say "Women are single for a whole host of reasons and you shouldn't let an opportunity slip because she may not be single".

Dee

[chelyann]

i say ask , BUT remember it could wrong and you lose a good friend / sales person.
let it ride and when she asks about your order maybe jokingly say how lunch for being so helpful ( like good friends ) and see what she says, and if she hesitates drop it and dont try to change how things are....

[AllieSF]

It would probably be better to ask her out for coffee after work. Dinner is a lot more formal, so to speak, and meeting for coffee is much more casual and informal, i.e. low obligation. If you haven't done it in the past, try getting into a conversation with her about her, where she is from, why did she move, kids, single, whatever based on how the conversation develops. Good luck.

[Dee Baker]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the replies. You are all so very helpful.

Dee

[Beverley Sims]

I say no, just keep the friendly relationship going a little longer.
I speak to a lot of SA's and we have interesting and colourful conversations but it is not personal.
Most like to be sociable but find it creepy if the conversation gets to "really" hitting on them.

I have also talked to store displays and the plastic revolving M&M guy in NY. but I didn't get far with them. :)

[justmetoo]

I'm clueless when it comes to these things, so I just assume it's just the person being helpful or generally friendly o whatever and not any sort of flirting or "come on". Probably another reason I'm perpetually single. ha

best wishes!

[Andy66]

Wonder why your order was cancelled? Maybe you should call or text her and ask.

[MissTee]

I like the, ". . . can I buy you a coffee for being so nice to me for so long," idea. It's a low key approach, and it gives you a chance to talk more outside the store to see if there's anything there. Accepting partners are rare. Don't miss a chance to potentially snag one.

[Teresa]

Dee,
I felt the same feelings with the SA in the shoe shop ! She was so kind and helpful and even teased a little ! I nearly went back with some flowers and an intention to ask her to go for a coffee ! It took me a couple of weeks to get her out of my mind until I put on the shoes she teased me about , and then the thought of her comes back !!

[Marcelle]

Hi Dee . . . nothing ventured, nothing gained. I would go with Allie's suggestion for a coffee and see where it develops from there. If she just wants to be friends you should be able to figure that out in a couple of coffee dates. If there is more then dinner would be appropriate.

Hugs

Isha

[mechamoose]

My take is that she at least 'sees you' and 'gets you', which is awesome.

If you really want to know if there is more there, ask if she would like to to a club or to dinner sometime?

If she gives an excuse, then you know she is 'just' a supporter (sister?).

If she accepts, then I hope you have a great time!

- MM

[kimdl93]

Of course, don't read too much into it, but it's also a free country and if you are attracted to someone and they seem available, then feel free to ask. Make it a small request this...for coffee or whatever. And if she says no, don't let yourself feel too disappointed.

[Promethea]

She may just be making sure a long time customer remains a customer.

Any discount that she gave you, you already paid for it several times in all these years.

[Andrea Chenowith]

I think a combination approach may be worth a shot. Like Andy said, give her a shout and ask if she knows why your order was cancelled, and if that conversation goes well, parlay it into an offer of coffee. That way it stays low-key and limited pressure and doesn't risk the loss of a great shopping outlet.

[Eringirl]

I agree, you need to find out why the order was cancelled, but offer to take her for coffee as a way of saying thank you and see where it goes.

Good luck and keep us posted!! ;)

Erin

[Jackie7]

Well if she is the manager of a Hanes-Bali store you can bet you are not the first crossdresser she has seen. So at the professional level her move will be to make you comfortable so you keep on coming back to buy more stuff. All same waiters in white tablecloth restaurants - they know a grateful tip when they see it coming in the door. So you gotta be ready for that.

On the other hand, if she is a GG with an interest in CD men (yes such women do exist), where better to find them than when they are looking for help in a Hanes store? Slip them your number in a totally safe and explainable way and see what happens?

Bottom line? Shelve your expectations and politely invite her to coffee as a thank-you for being so helpful. She might say sure, she might say no she is too busy at the store, either way you've enjoyed another interaction with her without embarrassing either one of you.

[Renee]

I agree with Jackie and the others. Contact her (in person, text, or by phone) and ask why the order was cancelled. Then ask her out for coffee as a thank you for her help and trouble. You never know what will come of it, but one thing is certain, you wont know until you ask.

[CONSUELO]

First, find out why the order has been cancelled. Does that mean she has ordered them for the store?
Next go slowly. Thank her profusely for all the extra help next time you are there. See how she responds. Something along the lines of "You have been so very helpful, may I buy you a cup of coffee to thank you?" It has to be neutral so that if you have read the situation wrongly, there is a face-saving escape route.

[Nadine Spirit]

You can ask out anyone you want. Nothing wrong with asking a question. I like Allie's approach with coffee. Dinner is too formal. Coffee is much more friendly and can give you an opportunity to get to know her better.

[Isabella Ross]

Coffee sounds like a good approach. For me, I think I would let things ride for a few more visits, and each time try to tease out a little information about her. She might be happy in a relationship, she might be oblivious to the fact that most TG are not gay. I think what I would do is get to the point where I could point blank ask her about her thoughts about TG people and CDs. That would give you a good indication of how to proceed. However, having said all this, my views could be outdated...I've been happily married for more than two decades.

[suzanne]

From what you have said, it sounds like she didn't do anything for you she wouldn't have done for any other customer. I think she was just doing her job, and very well, too. She is giving you great treatment because she knoiws the difference between making a sale and making a long-term customer. I think you should keep your relationship strictly professional unless she makes more obvious advances towards you.

At my favorite store, all the SA's go above and beyond equally for all their customers, not just me. Many of them insist on hugging me and some tell me they love me. I take that to mean in a "close friends" kind of way, not romantically. I'm told there is a company policy that forbids staff seeing customers socially and I have never even been given anyone's last name, nor have I asked. I expect that your store operates the same way.

[Majella St Gerard]

ask her out for coffee or lunch, go for it.

[firsttimedresser]

Dee i would ask her why it was canceled and then ask her out perhaps she canceled it to see you again :)

Izzy

[Mikhaela]

Well Dee, it certainly SOUNDS like she may be interested. Personally, I would try a bit of small talk - her interests, likes and dislikes. Try to spot something either on her person or in her work area to spark conversation and look for common ground.
I like the coffee idea that others suggested. It sounds far less intimidating and is more casual. Who knows.
Good luck. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. ;-)
XOXOXOXOX

Mikhaela

[Maria 60]

A few years ago I wanted to try the crotchless pantyhose and we went to a department store to buy them. When we went to pay the cashier was ringing it in and she turned to me and said she couldn't believed I dragged my wife there to buy me those pantyhose, joking I asked her how she figured it out. She told me that that a lot of crossdresser go there and she is happy to serve them and told me how great those pantyhose will look on me with my long legs and she told my wife she should buy me stay ups and they would look amazing on me. After we were finished and walked away my wife told me she was flirting with me and if she wasn't with me someway or another she was going to see me in those pantyhose. I didn't think she was flirting I think she was fishing and see what we would say. Well let's say my wife didn't at any time tell her that they were for her. My wife wanted me to go back another night on my own and buy some pantyhose on my own and see how she would react.

[Andrea Chenowith]

So Maria... Did you follow your wife's hint?

[ReineD]

I say ask her out too, but to coffee after she gets off work. Is there a food court or a restaurant in the mall that you can both walk to? There's no harm in asking. If she hedges, then you'll know that you've misread her and if this is the case, back out gracefully and with a smile. If she is into you and just can't do coffee on that particular day, then she'll come up with an alternative.

Good luck!

[DebbieL]

There are a couple of possibilities. She may be flirting with you for herself, or she may have a friend who has been looking for someone just like you.

Many bisexual women find us very attractive, and often have a difficult time sharing their desires because they are as worried about outing themselves as we once were.

Best thing to do is keep it light. Ask if she'd like to go for coffee during her break. That lets her know that you appreciate her interest and would like to know more.

She may have questions she wants to ask you, but isn't ALLOWED to ask you while you are in the store and she is working. Inviting her for coffee during her break is a chance for her to ask you some questions, and see that you are for real. By keeping it light and short, during her break, she can get the critical information quickly, give you enough to let you know why she is interested (for herself or a friend). You can then GIVE HER YOUR number. This lets her decide when and if she wants to make a follow-up contact - and under what conditions.

Your instincts are good. This is how a woman flirts with another woman. It's very subtle, and discreet, especially since she has to not harass customers at work. Legally, she is not allowed to use a phone number or e-mail you give her for the store, but when you give her the information away from the store, she can call or e-mail you for personal reasons.

Do NOT ask her for dinner as a first outing. That implies more commitment than she might want to make. She may want to see what you look like as Dee, and she might want to talk to you about her friend, or she might even have a CD or TG friend who needs to talk to someone.

You also need to let her know that you will continue to do business with her even if it doesn't turn out to be a romantic interest.

[ReineD]

Many bisexual women find us very attractive, and often have a difficult time sharing their desires because they are as worried about outing themselves as we once were.

Debbie, not to be contrary, but I'm not bisexual and I find my SO immensely attractive.

Just sayin'

[Nikkilovesdresses]

What a delicious conundrum. My approach is usually total honesty, with a playful smile: "Anna, what would you say if I asked you out for a meal?" Or if you want to keep it even lighter, "Anna, what would you say if a customer asked you out for a meal?"

I love it. Wish there were more posts like this. Please let us know what happens!!!


I have also talked to store displays and the plastic revolving M&M guy in NY. but I didn't get far with them. :)

I've had the M&M guy! - he was really sweet.

[Barbara Maria]

You'll never know if you don't ask.The worst that can happen is she says no.Either way she'll be flattered,and if it does amount to something,you don't have to worry about how you'll come out to her.That part is already taken care of.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Next go slowly. Thank her profusely for all the extra help next time you are there. See how she responds. Something along the lines of "You have been so very helpful, may I buy you a cup of coffee to thank you?" It has to be neutral so that if you have read the situation wrongly, there is a face-saving escape route.

But all that caution and face-saving takes the zzzip out of it, denies her the compliment of being asked out! Flatter her- it's perfectly acceptable to ask her out, if it's done in a happy, positive way. You just have to roll with it if she says no, but you'll have made her day I'd think. She already likes you- you've crossed that bridge several visits ago.

Faint heart never won fair lady.

[sometimes_miss]

I say ask her out too, but to coffee after she gets off work. Is there a food court or a restaurant in the mall that you can both walk to? There's no harm in asking. If she hedges, then you'll know that you've misread her and if this is the case, back out gracefully and with a smile. If she is into you and just can't do coffee on that particular day, then she'll come up with an alternative.

Good luck!

^this. All too often, we can't correctly read the signals women send, and mistake kindness and courtesy for interest. Women often smile by instinct, so we can't go by just that.

[LilSissyStevie]

You never know, she may be thinking "Oh no! It's one of those freaky crossdressers. I better be extra nice or he'll eat my liver.":eek: Just a thought.

[Judith96a]

I'd go with the "I'm confused, my order seems to have been cancelled" followed by profuse thanks and a thank-you coffee. Then see where, if anywhere, that leads.
BTW if she IS flirting with you it may be just a bit of fun and not with any serious interest!

[StephanieCLT]

+1 Judith.

[StephanieinSecret]

Just be sure to tell us what happens!

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

You never know, she may be thinking "Oh no! It's one of those freaky crossdressers. I better be extra nice or he'll eat my liver.":eek: Just a thought.Ahhhh.....painful laughter! Awesome.

[Robin414]

I know from experience that some attractive women are into 'feminine ' guys, I've dated one for over a year, I actually met her in drag and that's when she was first seriously attracted?! Not saying it's common by any means but I have proof it does happen. You can dig into the biological stuff, ovulating vs non ovulating, etc, etc and the 'fitness indicators' theory....

[Dee Baker]

Thanks to all of you for your input.
I haven’t had contact with Anna since my last visit to the store but will stop by this Saturday to see if they have replenished stock and hopefully come home with some new panties.
I have decided to offer to buy her coffee.

[cindi cinnamon]

Be careful... She might just being nice.... If I were in that situation, I think I would engage her in more conversation before reaching any conclusions about what her intentions are. If you approached her, and it failed, you might lose a very nice SA in your life.

[Dee Baker]

I did go back on Saturday but they still didn’t have my size in stock. Anna did make a phone call and got the order straightened out. I told her I would like to buy her a cup of coffee for being so helpful but she said she was just doing her job, I told her again later and she said “I do like coffee!” So she didn’t say yes but she didn’t say no.

Now I have no idea where were at. Guess I'll let her know the offer still stands next time I'm in there.

[chelyann]

Dee
I would let ride and see what she says next time and not ask her , or it might seem like you are pushing -just my 2 cents

[Connie.Marie]

Dee,
You're going to have to take me to this place so I can buy a few things & meet Anna.

My opinion would be that she wants you to keep asking...
Not sure about the long term but I'm guessing that she wants to get to know you better.
Who knows, She could want to see you dressed in the items that she sold you.


Hugs, Connie Marie