giving up crossdressing

[Megan.]

Hi everyone i need some very important advice is it possible to ever give up crossdressing i may just be entering into a relationship and i don't want it to spoil things for us both if not would i need to tell her upfront early on into the relationship or keep it a secret thankyou

[Barbara Maria]

Hi Megan.I guess anything is possible,depending on how much a part of your life it is.Only you can answer that.One thing I do know is,if you intend to continue no matter what,be honest with her from the start.It may save alot of trouble down the road.

[Danitgirl1]

Hi Megan
Of course only YOU can know you, but as you asked and fwiw here is my story.
I crossdressed as a child and teen. Shortly before I met my wife I 'stopped this nonsense'...
I then met my wife and fell in love. The urge died away for about 15 years nada, nothing, no desire at all.
Then a few years ago WHAM!!! It was back and it was back BIG TIME.
The hardest thing was telling my wife. She felt I had been keeping a secret, which honestly I had for a few years, but then again, how do you tell someone this VERY scary thing. It is tough. So if you ask me it may go into hibernation/dormancy but it doesn't disappear and honesty is the best policy BUT of course it comes with great risk... As with all things with great risk comes great reward (if it all works out)... Be careful, make sure you are both ready and do what is right for you both.
But essentially no, I dont think it is possible to stop... But that is just me...

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Tough decision. If you feel the urge to cd now, you're probably safest assuming that you will feel it again in the future. It's part of you. Think of yourself as a whole, of which some part is female, or feminine. Given that men have nipples too, for no apparent reason, it isn't illogical.

If you try to ignore or suppress that femme component... well you might as well pretend you have no nipples.

There are two risks here. Risk 1 is that she'll react badly and dump you. You move on.

FWIW I believe if she can't accept all of you, then you're not losing that much- she's got emotional limits, she's judgmental, maybe even a little bigoted. Is that a person you see a future with, cd or no cd?

Risk 2 is that in some years' time, maybe after kids have come along, maybe after you've bought a house, the cd urges will return and you will not be able to ignore them. She may, or may not accept that you have a femme side- and if not, and she dumps you, you're looking at many years together down the pan, disrupted childhood/s, and an expensive divorce.

It's a no-brainer isn't it?

At least on paper...

[Michelle789]

Megan,

I'm sorry to say this but you won't be able to give up crossdressing permanently. You might be able to stop CDing for a while. Maybe for a few months or maybe even a few years, but ultimately the desire to dress will come back, and with a vengeance. Your desire to dress will get stronger as you get older, not diminish.

I would seriously consider being up front and tell her. Maybe not on the first date, but maybe after a few dates tell her about your CDing before you get too involved and too committed. The last thing you want to do is go without CDing for 6 months or a year and then suddenly, your desire to dress comes back and you tell her "honey, I'm a crossdresser" a year into the relationship.

[Donnagirl]

Megan,

There are some of us that 'unintentionally' or unconsciously gave up crossdressing for many years. I, personally, dressed as a kid but stopped around 13 and did not start again until about 46.... Not sure why I stopped, but I stopped... During the next 30+ years, although I might chose a 'female' costume for a fancy dress party, there was no urge.

I don't know why it came back, but the urge to dress was strong and got stronger... A few times now I have tried to stop, to give it up and just 'be the man'. Spectacular failures... 'She' fights back so much harder... I can push her down, deny her time, refuse to dress but she always wins. Generally after I've stressed out badly, become an intolerable individual and emotionally hurt those close to me.

Counselling has helped me accept that 'she' is an indelible part of me. To fight that is foolish. I would suggest the same is true to some degree for you. Talk to a counsellor. Admit to your partner that you dress at the earliest opportunity. Build the relationship around this, not hiding this. Read the threads and see the commonality of mistakes made... Repeating them with the knowledge and experience this forum can provide is daft....

Personally, I would hate to see someone repeat the many mistakes I've made. It's only through the wonderful forgiving nature of my wife, family and friends that I did not irrevocably damage my relationships....

Hugs, I think I know how you're feeling...

Donna

[Eryn]

Michelle is correct. You can stuff it into a tiny corner of your mind but it will always be there making you unhappy. I did that for most of my life and I don't recommend it to anyone.

I think that the correct time to tell her is if things start to get serious.

[vicky_cd99_2]

Megan you should be honest with her in the beginning. You will never be able to get rid of your girl side. She will creep back into your life. The harder you try to repress the urges the more tore up you will be emotionally. I tried so hard to suppress the feeling for a longtime, I went through wild mood swings. I now have to live a total double life. My wife now knows Vicky but that almost went way wrong when I finally came out to her.I had to come out to her or it would have basically destroy me. Good luck to you in whatever choice you make.

[Kate Simmons]

We are pretty much "hard wired" for this so you can't really give it up . It's kind of like the "Id" beast in "Forbidden Planet". The best we can do is learn to control "it" and not let "it" control us.:battingeyelashes::)

[Melanie B]

If you dress purely for some sexual thrill, then I guess (but I don't know) that it may be posible to kick the habit. If there's more to it than that, I'm afraid mine is yet another "vote" for "no, it's not possible".
My own story is that I started experimenting when I was a kid-- about 6 or 7, I think.
I managed to suppress the urge most of my life by doing macho things -- serious sport, joining the armed forces, growing a beard, etc. etc. But the urge resurfaced intermittently -- mostly when I was going through particularly stressful times. And I managed to convincemyself that when I ws in a committed relationship, it would go away for good.
But I was wrong. More than 20 years into a steady relationship, it has come back stronger than ever.
I only came ouut to my SO about a month ago -- and it was the scariest thing I have ever done. It was far worse than looking down the wrong end of a loaded gun, underwater searches for explosives, or crashing a motorbike.
But I'm one of the lucky ones: she took the news amazingly well, has given me advice about clothes and make-up, has been out and about in the vanilla world with me, and says she is happy to have Mel as a friend.Part of me thnks how silly I was to miss out on all those years of shared experience just because I was too scared and misguided to tell her sooner.
But she has also told me that if she had known I was a CD when we first met, she probably wouldn't have allowed the relationship to develop, so I know that telling a prospective partner is risky. Overall, I think it's probably less risky (and a lot less scary) to tell her sooner rather than hoping it will go away.
But it's a tough call, and it's one that only you can make.
Wishing you all the best, whichever way you decide.

[Teresa]

Megan ,
Don't put yourself through this, your Cding is not going away ! You'll feel even worse if you purge and then have to resort to using your partners things !
I know it's a difficult decision, you want to be honest and yet you want a relationship to work ! Being stuck in a closet for another thirty years is no solution either !

[bimini1]

I used to try to give it up all the time when I was younger. Throw stuff away, burn it even. Therapy. No dice. So a few months ago I did an experiment. I said, I am just going to stop dressing and see what happens now. Just try to stave it off. I felt good at first, strong. Then after a few weeks it became almost unbearable. I got depressed, moody. Unless it just happens one day on its own, it won't be from any concerted effort from me.

[charlenesomeone]

I've only read one story of someone giving it up. Do a google search.
Add me a another who has tried and gone back.
But being honest up front even if it's only based on a maybe, seems the best approach.
Good luck, lots of great advice here.

[Katey888]

Two questions Megan - one difficult, one less difficult to answer... :)

Is it possible to 'give up'? Probably - but it's more suppression than giving up... the urge is likely to always be there, even if it can be suppressed for years.

You don't want it to spoil things? Then you either have to tell upfront - and keep in mind most women will find this condition intolerable - or be prepared to keep a secret forever; for life... Or know that you can suppress it forever...

Your life - your choice... the toughest choice of all, perhaps... :hugs:

Katey x

[Amanda L.]

Definitely not an easy question to answer and the only person who can advise you on what to do is you.
From the experiences of cross dressers who have tried to give it up the unanimous conclusion seems to be that the desire may go into dormancy but never leaves. This has been my experience and when it came back it knocked me off my feet. Do I like the fact that this has happened? Well not at first, it took awhile to accept and when the pink fog descended I thought that it was great and I could handle it. Do I think that now? Well since I told my wife 5 weeks or so again life is certainly not filled with lollipops and unicorns. It is possible that our relationship of many years could end.
At the moment I am feeling numb to the whole thing. I don't care about my dressing, I don't care about myself, I don't care about much at all.
So should you tell your partner? That's going to depend on how well you know her and yourself.
Good luck

[Sandra]

I and I would guess most GGs would prefer to be told before things get serious, and not be told or find out years later.

[kimdl93]

You're in a critical moment. The temptation is to tell yourself, with the best of intentions, that you are willing and able to quit crossdressing for this woman. But let's ay the relationship lasts and later the desire to dress becomes overwhelming. Then what?

Maybe you can, but you would be the exception. Certainly CDrs have quit, some have quit many times. Better to ask if you would quit today, if not for this woman.

Instead, perhaps you should be considering how to tell her, and when to tell her. Any idea how she might react? Think this through carefully.

[Jenny Elwood]

Is it possible to give up crossdressing? I would like to believe anything is possible. (I mean the Wallabies won the rugby world cup (twice)!!!) It will probably be the hardest thing you will ever achieve in your life. It will also probably be the greatest. The downside? You probably won't get to tell anyone of this truly monumental achievement, and believe me, it is monumental.

Good luck, I hope things work out for you.

[Dianne S]

Yes, it's possible to give up crossdressing. But here's the real question you need to ask yourself: Is it possible to give up crossdressing and to be happy, comfortable with yourself, and true to yourself? That's the tough one.

[Beth Wilde]

Anybody can stop crossdressing..... But here's my view, this is how I can best describe the time I tried:

Anybody can stop eating too but there is that need..... The need that starts as a gentle desire, but it builds up if not satisfied. It gets worse but you can ignore it. It gnaws away at you and makes you very unhappy. Unlike starvation, not dressing can't kill you but depression can and I have friends who've got to that stage. I genuinely believe that being a CD is for life not just for Halloween. While I don't want to discourage you from forming a relationship, your best chance at happiness is to be in one with somebody who understands. Is it worth risking a life of misery for a partner? Only to break down 10 years down the line or to sneak around dressing when you could have told her on day one?

Good luck however it goes and please remember this is only my view.....

[TanyaWonder]

The downside? You probably won't get to tell anyone of this truly monumental achievement, and believe me, it is monumental.


Could you explain this? Because I would probably tell anybody whenever I felt like it :)

[Jackie7]

I don't think it goes away. Dormant for a while sure, but it comes back more so as we get older, or did for me.

While you can't predict her reaction, it's not fair to her for you to assume the worst. Your best shot is to treat her as the fully formed adult that she is, share the information and give her space to form her own response.

Hiding it is, in effect, treating her as a child, oh she can't handle this she's not ready etc. Think about how that would feel to you if the roles were reversed -- she has some difficult information to share but she doesn't trust you enough to let it out.

treat her like an adult and give her a chance to step up, or not, as she chooses. Don't try to deprive her of that choice. When we try to do that, whether we succeed (for a time) or fail, it doesn't seem to serve us well.

[sterusjon]

Megan,

The consensus here is that you cannot give it up permanently. It is possible that some few have succeeded but you will not find them here anymore it they have. They have moved on to other places and don't visit us here anymore.

Donna, above, is absolutely right. You have the combined experience of many lives to draw on. You are not likely to be able to quit, permanently. If she discovers your secret after a committed relation has begun, she is very likely to feel betrayed. When that happens, bad things usually follow.

So, in an ideal world, if you are at the point in this budding relationship that you expect or hope that it becomes a long term and intimate relationship you need to, first, determine if she is of the same mind. If she is not, put the crossdressing topic on back burner. If she is on the same page as you, you should have a conversation with her about it. If you wish to try to quit, cold turkey, that should be part of the conversation with understanding you may not succeed. It is always best to have full disclosure before entering into commitments with other people. It is a matter of ethics. Honesty. It helps foster trust and confidence.

Since we do not live in an ideal world, I realize it is a scary and difficult thing to have to handle and the outcome is very likely not going to be the one you would like. So, best of luck.

You ask for advice. That is mine. Whatever you decide and do, I pray it turns out well for everyone involved.

Stephanie

[Ressie]

CDing has been one of the reasons I haven't looked for another relationship. I'm not gonna purge because my wardrobe has become huge!

[Judith96a]

Megan,
I've been exactly where you are now. I stopped cross-dressing. I convinced myself that I could stop permanently. I also convinced myself that she didn't need to know - that it was the past, no point in raising the issue and potentially causing the relationship to be still-born.

Guess what, I'm here on crossdressers.com, not as an ex-cross dresser but a a current crossdresser who wishes that he HAD told her. In other words, I was mistaken - about my ability to stop and about it being 'a thing of the past'. Who knows what would have happened if I had told her. Maybe she would have walked. Maybe she would have stayed on the understanding that I had indeed stopped. And, if so, maybe, just maybe, I could have stayed stopped with her help. We shall never know.
One thing is certain, the prospect of telling her now, rather than then, is only slightly less scary than the prospect of her finding out!

I think that I'd tell her everything that you know now.

[Annaliese]

You can stop dressing, in my opinion you can't stop being your self, and to me this is a part of me. It will probably ruin your relationship, then years later when this come back, or never leaves, and you are still with this girl, thing will get bad, It is better to tell now and take the chances now, later you can't take anything back. You are much luckier than some of us Older girl, we did not have this resource back in our day when we were dating. If I knew then what I know now. I know think would have been different.

[Beverley Sims]

If it is a relationship that is going to last....
Use a crystal ball for this...
Tell her early in the relationship.
One other important thing, the desire to dress will wane early in the relationship and return slowly at some other time.
Do not purge your stash, store it away.
Don;t tell early into the relationship, it may not last and you may both be affected by the admission.

[Judith96a]

Beverley, do you possess a working crystal ball? If so can I borrow it?

Seriously though, you're absolutely correct about the desire to dress waning early on in the relationship and returning later.

[Karyn Marie]

Wow, what a burden you are carrying. I wish I could give you some advice, but I am in the same situation, although I have been married almost twenty years to a very non supportive wife. I have not told her of my cross dressing, but I truly thinks she suspects. I guess it is the DADT situation. I will say this, for me the desire has never gone away. I did stop for many years, but always fantasized about dressing, and often looked at GG's and wished I were her, and wondered what I would look like in her clothing. I have always loved going shopping with my wife just so I could pretend I was shopping too. I finally could not take it any more, and started wearing my wife's dresses and bras when she was not home. I truly felt complete when I did. As I have gotten older, the desire to cross dress is even stronger, and does so each and every day. I even bought my own panties, bras, and sexy nightgown. Unfortunately, I no longer have a place to hide my garments and had to get rid of them for fear of being caught. I have a strong urge to buy more, and I know I will. I hope to have a whole closet full of dresses, skirts and tops some day. Good luck to you. I hope all works out.

[Amy Fakley]

Do both. Tell her, then try to quit. If you are successful at walking away then great. If years from now, it turns out that you were not so successful as you had hoped, at least there's not so much drama involved. You will at least, not have misled your wife.

most here will tell you that it's impossible to completely remove this from your life. That has certainly been my experience. However you've gotta remember who you're asking when you post here ... by definition, people who were successful at quitting are not likely to be among the respondents ...

[~Joanne~]

Michelle is correct. You can stuff it into a tiny corner of your mind but it will always be there making you unhappy. I did that for most of my life and I don't recommend it to anyone.

I think that the correct time to tell her is if things start to get serious.

I agree with this. This is something you can "put away" for awhile but it WILL come back eventually. To believe otherwise is foolish as many of here have tried, and tried, to push this down but like a balloon in water, it's impossible to keep it underneath.

I also agree that You shouldn't say a word until you think this is going to be a serious relationship and it can't be avoided. Most certainly before you ever consider getting married. Once you let the genie out of the bottle there is NO putting it back. If she freaks on you, your secret may be out there long before your ready for it to be. If you ever want it to be.

Everyone's situation is different as stated too many times already, you will know when the time is right or if it ever comes.

[Judith96a]

Do both. Tell her, then try to quit. If you are successful at walking away then great. If years from now, it turns out that you were not so successful as you had hoped, at least there's not so much drama involved. You will at least, not have misled your wife.

most here will tell you that it's impossible to completely remove this from your life. That has certainly been my experience. However you've gotta remember who you're asking when you post here ... by definition, people who were successful at quitting are not likely to be among the respondents ...

This is one of those occasions when I wish we had a 'like' button on here! Well said, Amy!

[Isabella Ross]

Why should anyone have to "quit" crossdressing, when it clearly returns so much joy and fulfillment in our lives? Particularly a younger girl who has the benefit of being part of a far more accepting younger generation? I think Nikki gives the best advice above:

"If you try to ignore or suppress that femme component... well you might as well pretend you have no nipples. There are two risks here. Risk 1 is that she'll react badly and dump you. You move on. FWIW I believe if she can't accept all of you, then you're not losing that much- she's got emotional limits, she's judgmental, maybe even a little bigoted. Is that a person you see a future with, cd or no cd? Risk 2 is that in some years' time, maybe after kids have come along, maybe after you've bought a house, the cd urges will return and you will not be able to ignore them. She may, or may not accept that you have a femme side- and if not, and she dumps you, you're looking at many years together down the pan, disrupted childhood/s, and an expensive divorce."

[Finally Happy]

Having an 18 year marriage where I didn't tell her was pure torture.

Started current marriage completely open and it has been glorious (other than my internal issues). Having her be 100% accepting can't be explained.

Going into a relationship without honesty will doom that relationship. No matter what the topic is. You will hurt the other person as much as you are hurting yourself.

[Stephanie47]

I'd say it is possible you may give up cross dressing, but, at a cost. Will there be temptations? You're going to be surrounded every day by the feminine garments that you are fond of. Reminders everywhere!

I cannot tell you to come clean with your girl. Tell her you like to wear women's clothing, but, you're giving it up for her. Will she look at you like, "Wha?" "What's this guy hiding?" Will she runaway? Will you later succumb to an urge to cross dress? Nobody can answer your question.

Sure, many will tell you to take a chance and tell her. Others may tell you to ignore the issue and later with sufficient bonding with her, she'll accept you.

I gave up dabbling with lingerie and dressing in my mother's things. For two years I did not have a thought about it. I thought my urges were gone. Frankly, back in the 1960's I thought I must have been gay because normal heterosexual men do not wear women's clothing! Wrong! My wife and I explored fetish bedroom play: long nylon nightgown, hosiery. When cross dressing came into play, she and I had the talk. It was rough for awhile, but, the love that bonded us together was still there. Now? Well, it's DADT. I do not display anything that will remind her of Stephanie. She does not say anything. We have a normal life. As you have probably read on this forum others have not been so fortunate.

It's a tough choice. I wish you well.

[Alison Bellis]

Sorry Megan but I agree with the consensus view that you will not be able to give up dressing completely. It is not something you can decide to do or not do. "She's" like the tide. "She "ebbs and flows but never leaves you. The need may seem to disappear, maybe for quite some time, but it always returns. Many of us will have purged in the past and got rid of all our "fem" things to never dress again. It doesn't work. I think that sooner or later you'll be slipping into another pair of knickers. To tell or not to tell? Perhaps early on 'cause if she finds out she could feel betrayed, angry and hurt and that could be the end. It's a risk I know, but the alternative could be disastrous for both of you.

Hugs

Alison X

[Mikhaela]

WOW! Megan, I am new here and new to accepting who I am inside and out. But, I certainly am NOT new to cross dressing. I've been doing it off and on all my life. I have fought hard to give it up and thought on more than one occasion I had. And I had a HUGE motivation ... RELIGION! The religion I was raised in would by NO MEANS accept this. So, I tried and tried and tried and thought I had given it up - numerous times. But as so many others have pointed out, it keeps coming back. It's like it is a part of me I cannot cut out no matter what I do.
So, based on my own experience which seems to be identical to so many others who have responded, I doubt you will be able to quit. Likely, it WILL be back ... eventually. If you decide to quit, good luck to you.
But, I whole-downheartedly agree with what others are saying - be honest right from the start. You want to be paired with someone who loves YOU for who you are, not who they THINK you are.

[Sharon B.]

The longest I have able to quit has been about eight weeks then it comes back twice as hard as before. I have purge more times then I care to say and every time I have purge I wish I had the clothes and shoe back.
If you like shopping and spending money on your feminine self then by all means purge, I would say it would be easier to just pack it away in some storage tubs, because you will be needing it sooner or later. Like another one on here I would love to have a relationship with a woman but once you tell that other part about yourself most women want no part of it.
I had met one woman after my divorce who I thought would enjoy it as she also like using toys on herself and wanted her men to use them on her also. Once that part of me came out she said I was the sick one, from then on after the fifth woman I dated and expose myself about what I enjoyed doing I gave up looking for a lasting relationship.
Now my alter ego is the woman in my relationship with a woman. I don't do the things I would like to do or go out as a woman and socialize with other people as a woman. Just haven't gotten out of the closet.

[DonnaT]

If things start to become serious, tell her, and tell her that you are trying to stop.

[Cheryl T]

I tried and for me it was impossible.
I tried because of the shame and guilt when I was young. I tried because I wanted to be "normal" when I was in high school and college. I tried when I met my wife and we married. Unfortunately I never succeeded.
Fortunately, years later when I came out to her she was understanding and perhaps because of where we were in life it all clicked. Now I know I never have to try again and I can be me in all my forms.

Perhaps someone else can give it up. I just know that I can't.

[Maria 60]

Let me tell you about the power of crossdressing. A few days before I was married I threw everything out in a movement of a new beginning. I swore to myself "I will never wear women's cloths again". Well I had a good run, I lasted the two weeks we were on our honeymoon, and the first day back to work she went to work before me and you know it, I was wearing her pantyhose. I told her everything that same night and luckily she was OK with it and didn't go back crying to her mom that she married a freak. Almost thirty years married I think that if I would have waited any longer there would have been a lost of trust. It's a roll of the dice, who knows, but I believe it's in our blood.

[Jenny Elwood]

Tanya(Wonder) it depends whether you are out to the world or not. If you weren't "out" whilst you were still doing it, why would you tell anybody after you gave it up? If you can achieve something like that you'd want to shout it out, but then people will know that you used to be a 'dresser. I suppose it depends on how you look at this. I live in an ostensibly conservative environment where you can be subtly "worked out" (like at work). No, discrimination is not allowed but all of a sudden bonuses dry up and you get sent on awful assignments, you know. I'd not want to be outed to the world even if I feel I achieved something great by overcoming it because of the damage it can do. I mean imagine the teasing your kids may have to endure at school if their classmates knew, and kids can be brutal.

[Lilli]

Hi everyone i need some very important advice is it possible to ever give up crossdressing i may just be entering into a relationship and i don't want it to spoil things for us both if not would i need to tell her upfront early on into the relationship or keep it a secret thankyou

Well, it is minefield this topic. I would like to say that YES, it is possible, but there is a big caveat to that anwer. Excuse me for being on the sketchy side with my answer.

Lets assume that dressing is not - at its core - about the clothes that you wear (evidenced by such questions as: If men and women dressed alike would there still be Cds...etc.), but about an expression of your character and maybe the sexual arousal it may cause.

Let's go with this character thing: I have noticed when traveling and living in southern europe that the men there live things that wouldn't be deemed possible here in the north: The way they express their feelings by hugging, speaking, wailing, speaking with their hands, kissing caring for their children and dressing. All of this leads to many northerners calling them "gay" which they aren't. Their gender boundaries are defined in a different way. Men are allowed to do all these things there - here not. (Let me quote you an optician who told me that today there isn't any difference between the styles of glasses that women wear or men. She was right. There aren't any - down there. So I could have easily picked a pink pair of glasses that noone would have batted an eye about there. But here: impossible.)

So I come back from there thinking that many things are not really related to the gender as such but to the perceived borders of emotional expression associatd with one gender, the gender boundaries my society suggests to me. I could have said "imposes upon me" instead, but I think "suggests to me" is more to the point and don't really believe anymore that we are menacled in this way.

If you come to think of it you can actually do a lot of things that seem to cross a rubikon (in your mind) but don't really: You can be caring and understanding towards other people, you can groom, you can listen to others, ... you can do a lot of things that tend to be categorized as "female" but aren't really. Didn't you not know an understanding uncle or a weird teacher or an affectionate father, etc. in your life?

So what I think is this: CDing is an expression of our inner character in so far as we long to have more space for expressing ourselves. It is not really about the clothes - in theory. And we can do much more than we think we can (just think of cyclists shaved legs).

But, and that is the big but, it is easier said than done to broaden the envelope for what our gender (male) is allowed to do and what not. Sometimes we are just frustrated by our own everyday lives by our own reflex-like impulses to do the dude thing instead of the sensible thing and so on. And we forget who we really are but we do remember when we put on different clothes.

I don't think it means, that we really are female. We are men and we would like to expand the palette of our emotional expression and when stifled in this, we tend to resort to a substitute for that.

So in that sense, yes it is theoretically possible to stop, if we make room for our emotions in the lives we live - but I think it is unlikely to ever completely succeed.

But there is a half way there solution - i think - we can allow CDing for what it is: a way to remember parts of ourselves that are otherwise put away - evern if our expression - in CDing - is actually a very clumsy form of expressing them.

long post.
sorry

PS I think we actually have a job to do here: Make room for other males after us to both build a garage with their own hands and be caring and loving to kids, dogs, foddstuffs and themselves. Why not? I wouldn't want my son to become a crossdresser so he can groom himself. Why can't he just groom himself and still be a boy and grow up to be a caring man?

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Lilli, great answer. I completely agree that in many cases, crossdressing is a male way of expressing their full self, including those softer bits deemed only for the females of society. Otherwise, you'd have GGs saying they'd freak out if all the women's clothing in the world disappeared, but I'd hedge a bet that we'd just get on with it and wear whatever is available. So the clothing is almost mythical for CDers, and I guess i's because simple fabric gives otherwise repressed men a chance to be complete people. Vernon Coleman (known public crossdresser) also says he thinks CDing would go the way of dinosaurs if men could just express both their feminine and masculine parts freely.

So yeah, I would think stopping dressing is completely doable, but only if you learn to combine the needs that dressing meets into your everyday life.

Of course, if you're a fetish dresser then I think stopping is next to impossible. Sexual imprinting is some very powerful stuff!

[Tina_gm]

Many of us have not dressed for very long periods of time. So yeah, quitting is doable. The thoughts and desires will likely always be there. It really depends on you and your own situation if you think or feel it is better to not dress than to open up about it. I applaud your decision to do one or the other, and I do not think either is wrong at all. But do what is best for you.

[TanyaWonder]

Lilli: Awesome. I agree in pretty much every detail. Possible solution? Dont care and dress and act like U want whenever you feel like it. Stay cool and watch what happens. Get tired of shaving and applying make-up. Move on and do something amazing :)

Tinkerbell-GG: I believe emotional imprinting is even stronger than sexual. For example transsexuality? thats no fetish - its emotional personality getting too distant from the body form, actually making the person believe he is (meant to be) the opposite sex. Of course - question remains, how many actual fetish dressers get permanent changes of some sort. All in all, its all generalizations and strenghts of different tendencies will vary from person to person.

Jenna Elwood: I dont care much who knows if I dress now. I certainly wouldnt if the activity ceased to have an emotional charge :) Although, its sometime hard for me to bring up the subject if I WANT to tell some1.

[carahawkwind]

For me going into to dormant periods is easier when I still have clothes around somewhere where I can get to them and dress if I really wanted. When access is completely cut off, it feels like I'm compelled to do it even more, the excitement of the forbidden I guess.

[Madilyn A.]

My guess is most of us have tried on occasion to quit. Many have hoped and prayed the desire would leave them. It never leaves, it remains dormant and resurfaces after months or years. The advise given in this thread is exactly what many of us wished we had received way back when we were in your situation. Those who have kept it from the wife or S.O. wished they had cleared the air before the relationship got serious. It seems to me you have to tell her who you are before you take the next step. If she is worth it, she will welcome all of you, not just parts......Good luck.

[ReineD]

Your chances of finding members here who believe that the CDing can wane with time, are rather slim. Obviously most people reading this thread are actively engaged in the CDing in this stage of their lives, or they really like hanging-out with the community here. And past members who used to be frequent posters don't come here any more to say how often they CD now compared to their earlier days. But if you are rather young, chances are that the CDing has not peaked yet.

CDers crossdress for different reasons. I know quite a few CDers who scaled back the CDing as they aged (after having it peak for several years if not decades), because they could no longer accomplish their desired looks. But other CDers gain a degree of comfort with the crossdressing over time and it becomes a preferred method of expression.

Even if you are not sure whether you will want to continue dressing after you've been in your relationship for some time, you should tell your SO about your history, if it is getting serious between you two. I had a quick look at your past posts and noticed that you've been out quite a bit in public dressed, and you wear forms, wig, and makeup. I think this is important enough to tell your SO. You could tell her (if this is the case) that you don't currently experience a desire to CD, but there is evidence that it can come and go for some people at least past middle age. I think it is important for partners to discuss everything. And if the telling is enough to frighten her off, better now than later.

My SO has hardly dressed this year, which is something I never would have dreamed of 5-6 years ago when it seemed to be an important priority in her life. We are in our mid to late 50s.

[LilSissyStevie]

Coming here to find out how to stop dressing is like going to a dive bar to find out how to stop drinking. You won't find many that think it's possible and those who've actually accomplished it won't be there.

[Me me]

I can't stop ever

[Lynn Marie]

So far, I know of 2 committed CDs who have quit. Both for women in their lives and also because of age ruining their feminine appearance. Growing old is a fact of life, and continuing to be the woman of your dreams gets harder and harder as the wrinkles get deeper and deeper! Oh yeah, and let's not even talk about gaining weight.

[kimgirl]

I'm new here but not new to cd'ing.

I've gone through the same process you are about to go through. I've been cd'ing for 40 years on and off. I thought I could stop whenever I wanted. and did many times. I would put it into a box, metaphorically speaking, and shut the lid with a massive padlock. I had every opportunity to tell my current wife of 10 years, but I thought no - I can do away with all this. Then it creeps back into your life, somebody finds the combination to the padlock, it wasn't me your honour. I began buying clothes again, and was very careful, but the guilt and shame wore me down. I'm basically a straight honest man, brought up to do the right thing always. I became a grumpy pessimistic man. Then she asked me outright recently, so I said yes. I knew I risked much, not just the inevitable divorce. I wanted to be relieved from the guilt and shame.

I've been through divorce before, it hurts on so many levels and in so many ways. But she was almost relieved, am I gay (no), do I want to be a woman (no), so it's just clothes, make-up, acceptance, etc (Yes!). I am one of the lucky ones. But her biggest concern was that I hadn't told her at the beginning of the relationship. She still hurts from that.

So would have done things differently, heck yes. But that is with the exact science of hindsight. She would have accepted me then as she has now. I would not have known that 10 years ago.

It has been said already, it's a tough call. Only you can decide the best course to take.

But two things I have learnt over the years;
1, I can't stop this, it's in me, part of my DNA, and,
2, hiding it from the one I love is not only mentally unhealthy but also doesn't give her 100% of me warts and all. I was denying my SO the opportunity to choose.