A GG's mind wants to know.....

[Sierra_juliette]

I have been reading a lot in the forum and there is a pattern or habit I see (a few but only one I will ask about now).

It seems like quite often when posting or responding to posts, many CD's use and sometimes over use terms like hun, sweetheart, ladies, girls etc when referencing each other. I understand the thought of being dressed and in that feminine mode, but do not understand the need to do this. As a GG, I rarely ever use these terms with my girlfriends, and so would just like to see if there is a reason behind it?

[Melissa_59]

... and I know GG's who use those terms all the time. Then again, I live in Texas where it's pretty common. Perhaps not so much in your neck of the woods.

~Melissa

[Alice Torn]

I have a difficult time using those feminine terms, names, etc. It is just very hard for me. Of course, i have not been close to another person, for many years, a loner.

[kimdl93]

I'd subscribe to the first response. I hear these terms often in the south from GGs and GMs, but seldom if ever up north.

[arbon]

I rarely if ever do. Neither does my mom. My sister on the other hand uses them all the time but thats her natural personality. I know plenty of other women that do to. I think thats the difference though with some CD's it comes across as an act when they over use those terms because its not something that they normally / naturally do - its more a part of the the role and dressing up.

[Zooey]

I've never really understood that either, but I've always chalked it up to the kind of hyper-feminization that a lot of CDs seem to aim for. I imagine that it feels like a very femme affectation to put on, since I think it implies a sense of closeness - that "magical bond women seem to have" that gets talked about fairly often here.

Edit: I lived in the south for quite a while (Texas, Louisiana) and it's definitely more prevalent there. There are a few places up north where it's common as well. Still, even when I was in the south it was rarely to the degree I see it here, so I do stand by my statement.

Just to be clear, I'm not judging CDs (a group which to most people presently includes me). Thinking about these types of differences a lot is part of the long, painful process that's led to me coming to the conclusion that I don't identify as a crossdresser. I'm not precisely sure what I AM yet, but it's definitely a good ways further down the transgender spectrum. To a degree, I honestly envy real CDs at this point. :sad:

[NicoleScott]

... I've always chalked it up to the kind of hyper-feminization that a lot of CDs seem to aim for.

I agree with this. Also, those terms are used often and to everybody here in the Deep South (yes, that's a capital D capital S).

[Kate T]

I think it is a combination of reasons. Certainly some people tend to do it more by that I suspect is a culture and language thing as others have said.

One important thing to remember is that forums are one of those curious communication methods that is not quite a conversation but not quite written. Many of the nuances of verbal communication are lost e.g. tone of voice, that often carry a lot of meaning. Thus when referring to someone specifically, if I am trying to be formal I will use their forum name, whereas I will use "honey" or "sweetie" if I am trying to convey empathy or sympathy, it's just a bit less stand offish.

When relying or referring to a group I will tend to use collective female nouns. Imagine you are giving a presentation to a group of women about something. You don't start by saying "welcome guys" you are more likely to say " welcome ladies (and gentlemen)".

I think lastly that it is tough enough trying to live with a non conventional gener identity as it is. It doesn't take much to reinforce the chosen gender and if that makes some people happy then I don't mind doing it.
I think for most here it is not meant in a patronising way, it is more an indication of affection and companionship.

[Katey888]

I'd agree it's cultural and regional, Sierra... even speaking as a Limey ;) - we have our own regional terms of endearment...

A charming, mature lady who serves in a nearby tea shop has been known to refer to both me AND my wife in the course of one transaction at the cash register as:

Darling
Love
Hun
Dear
m'Duck
Babe
Sweetheart

And the same to her co-workers, largely GGs... :)

I'm sure there is also a touch of over-compensation here, but I think it's also seen as a way of being both supportive and sensitive to a group of folks that often have had this side of themselves suppressed and depleted over decades... I'd rarely do it in real life, and rarely here too, but I think we can allow that latitude given the nature of how we all are...? :)

Katey x

[Jean 103]

I know a few GG's that use these terms with everyone all the time, even in a business setting. It’s just being nice, Hun.

[JenniferR771]

Clearly you have been reading with a thoughtful and open mind. Thank you.
Linguistics aside. I think the female pronouns and terms of endearment are a form of validation. Silly, perhaps. To me it says, "You are a crossdresser, and I am OK with that."

[Julogden]

As you've seen from all the replies, using those terms depends mostly on where you're from and often how old you are.

Carol. :)

[Anna H]

hmmm. i don't recall if i do that, but it's always
quite nice when it's said to me!

:)

[Trishpdxcd2]

I agree with the hyper-feminization...having said that I use sweetie quite a bit.

[Vikky]

Hi

I'll add another term to the pot. If you go to Scotland a male will often refer to a GG as 'hen'. Not seen that term used on the forum.

Vikky

[Kelly DeWinter]

OMG Hon ! Here is Balwamore it's not only it's not only socially required to use Hon as a term of endearment to EVERYONE it culturally inbred. We even have a Wikipedia page about it. And it has nothing to do about crossdressing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_of_Baltimore#Slang

[Sierra_juliette]

Thanks for all the responses. It was something I had noticed and wondered about. I understand and the occasional usage of the terms, but sometimes seems overly forced or something.

It isn't something I am judging or truly care much about, just wanted some perspective. I find myself using hun on the phone at work, but that is something I use as a blanket I think so I don't have to try to remember all the names of the thousands I talk to.

Again, I truly appreciate your input!! As a SO, I am intrigued by the huge range of CD 'types'.

[Nadine Spirit]

I am prone to using sweetie quite a bit. I have actually had some CDs get upset with me for using it with them too much, as if I was hitting on them by using it. Why do I do it? Dunno really. I like to. Also I don't just use it while dressed. I use it frequently throughout my life.

What I think is kind of funny about this thread is something that my wife and other GGs commonly do. They will observe me doing something while dressed and then tell me "No GG would do that in real life."

I have been informed that no real GG would ever:
- go anywhere, at anytime, without her purse
- set her purse on the ground
- wear two different colored hair clips
- touch her breasts at anytime
- wear certain shoes to certain functions
- lots of other little things I can't recall

I used to get upset when GGs would inform me of these things. Now I delight in pointing out to them people that MUST be CDs because they have violated the "no real GG rule of ________"

I wish people could stop thinking that males do ________ and females do ________ as well as no male would ever ________ and no female would ever ________.

Some people do some things and some people don't do some things. Wow, incredibly complex huh?

[Samantha Clark]

It's pretty clearly an affectation, but I feel its a sweet one. I think that, like dressing, it reaffirms our feminine feelings.

I also remember feeling pretty darn good when I went into a Mall store in Louisiana and a cute sales clerk called me "sugar." Wow I could stand to hear that no matter what I'm wearing!

[Tina_gm]

I am not one for using any of the terms like hon or sweetie. Not on here. My wife is basically the only one who ever gets those from me. I will sometimes use fem pronouns on here with regards to another CDer. That kind of makes sense. If someone chooses to use a fem pronoun for me or not, I am fine with either.

If someone does use the hon or sweetie to me, it does not offend me, but its not going to get reciprocated back, as they are not my wife.

[Dianne S]

We're not all like that. I find it precious and somewhat annoying... I don't like it when people refer to me that way. If they want to refer to others that way, that doesn't bother me.

[Linda Leigh]

I don't believe I have ever said that on here. I live in the midwest and never hear that from one GG to another. I hear waitress's and cashiers say it to men but that is all.

[Lorileah]

aw sweetie, you know girlfriend, it ain't nuthin at all. Why Hun, you hear it every day on the nations highways, at truck stops and in little shops. Punkin it is just a way to make your conversation more intimate than sayin' Sir or Ma'am.

On here I see it as an affectation. Just like "How does a woman walk?" or "When I speak as a woman I go to a higher register".

Like i said ain't nuthin. I do object to *******izing words like girl into "gurl". This is just plain overkill.

[Tiffany Jane]

I have a difficult time using these references as I don't desire a likewise response. I have used the terms, based on what I have seen here trying to not offend those who may feel like they are more lady than their male born bodies may hold. Tiffany is an emotion and a portion of my being, but there is a lot of myself in here as well. It is the balance of the two, as well as the acceptance of socially ridiculed traits I have had to come to terms with over the years.

[Annette_boy]

I too lived in Baltimore (Balmer) for many years and I call everyone hon seems like a nice thing

Hugs Annette

[devida]

I do use terms like sweetie, darling, sweetheart and love in conversation but I use them indiscriminately for men, children, pets, raccoons and anything else that is sentient that I am fond of. I don't use them here because I don't tend to use them while writing. I think they're used here affectionately, as a validation of femininity, as a confirmation of identity as a cross dressing male. I don't wear clothes usually marketed to women because I want to pass as a woman or because I have a feminine part of my personality that is distinct from a male personality. I recently heard a cross dresser on a podcast refer to cross dressers as bigendered. I don't feel that way so I would find it strange to be referred to as a lady or a girl and I don't refer to others that way. Of course I feel equally uncomfortable and inauthentic being referred to as a guy or a gentleman. But that's just me. I'm non binary.

[Annaliese]

I use it all the time, these are my girl friends, I love these ladies here, I am closer to some of the ladies here than, most people I know. You see, this is not a chose for us, it not a fad, it's not a game, this is real for us. This is who we are, we are not pretending.

[Kate Simmons]

Just something I do, especially at my last job working in a super market with GG's of various ages. They were all okay with it, especially when a harmless old geezer said it. Never have I been told by anyone not to address them that way, including TG folks. Sounds better than "Hey Gus, you may want to go a little heavier on the beard cover Dude" you have to admit. Works for me. :battingeyelashes::)

[ReineD]

I've never really understood that either, but I've always chalked it up to the kind of hyper-feminization that a lot of CDs seem to aim for. I imagine that it feels like a very femme affectation to put on, since I think it implies a sense of closeness - that "magical bond women seem to have" that gets talked about fairly often here.

That's my take on it too, but then I'm from the North. It would be interesting to know if among the CDs who use the terms regularly, how many live in environments where the terms are used in every day speech?

Also, even if some women do use these terms in every day speech, what percentage actually employ them while writing?

[mykell]

hello sierra,
i never use them here but had someone reply to me as chica and did think it cute,
OMG and gurl, things of that nature annoy me most of the time and even "wink wink" and "tee hee" just for the effort to type them out.

in real life i use "hun" frequently when addressing females i dont know formally, and even those i do, just works for me then....
first time i ever had to use a female name was here. just used it as it was the protocol i saw....

[Helen_Highwater]

This thread set me to thinking (always dangerous) as to do I normally use any terms like those described in my day to day life outside of this forum. The only one I use albeit sparingly is "flower". "Hi flower,how are you", "thanks flower", that sort of thing.

This also reminds me of a thread posted so while ago discussing how folks sign of their posts with things such as "Love" or "hugs" (add name) and whether it was too familiar.

[Joni T]

I have been reading a lot in the forum and there is a pattern or habit I see (a few but only one I will ask about now).

It seems like quite often when posting or responding to posts, many CD's use and sometimes over use terms like hun, sweetheart, ladies, girls etc when referencing each other. I understand the thought of being dressed and in that feminine mode, but do not understand the need to do this. As a GG, I rarely ever use these terms with my girlfriends, and so would just like to see if there is a reason behind it?

I asked this same question a few weeks ago and got basically lambasted. I'm glad they were nicer to you.
Joni

[GenieGirl]

I use a lot of these terms as both along with a lot of other names. Southern girl.

[Paula_Femme]

...I've always chalked it up to the kind of hyper-feminization that a lot of CDs seem to aim for.

My take is the same, a hyper-feminized affectation; I'm not upset if I'm addressed in that manner, but I certainly won't reciprocate. I will, however, use feminne pronouns such as "she," and "her," when talking about my fellow CD-ers, and others further along the Trans spectrum, whether openly on the boards, or in private communications, to do otherwise I would consider rude.

[Kate T]

As a curious aside we have a client couple, a TS and her wife, and whenever they come in I will pretty much always refer to them with the affectionate term "guys", as in "see you next time guys" etc. However there is NO WAY I would address them in that manner via email or text message in which situation I would generally use "ladies" or similar.

In Australia we will often use the term "mate" or "mates" as a genderless pronoun but I'm afraid the lexicon is often interpreted differently by our North American friends so I don't tend to use it here.

[Melissa Rose]

That's my take on it too, but then I'm from the North. It would be interesting to know if among the CDs who use the terms regularly, how many live in environments where the terms are used in every day speech?

Also, even if some women do use these terms in every day speech, what percentage actually employ them while writing?

This is also my take on it, but then I'm in California. I work in an office environment with a highly predominant population of women and hearing such a term is rare, and I have never seen it used in written correspondence in the two years I have worked there. This includes the counselors and therapists which tend to be the most caring and non-judgmental people in the building. When I am at an activity or event of the local transgender group, most whom are crorssdressers, hearing such terms is much more common.

[Kacey Black.]

I never understood the use of many of the terms... however, when I went out for my first ...and 2nd time... People here (bartenders and a few patrons) called me "doll" usually and "Girl." I liked it of course, but have yet to call anyone else any such thing... I think it's just a sign of respect coming from the speaking party in an attempt to recognize one as they present themselves.

[Beverley Sims]

I am inclined to use all, everyone, girls and ladies.
I have been addressed as dear, sweet, love and hun on many occasions.

I have found a lot of descriptive dialogue on the South, Louisiana Alabama, Georgia and Missouri are examples.
Being very social they are likely to call you anything, even late for dinner probably.

[Michelle789]

It's both cultural and has to do with your own personality. Each and everyone is unique and our own person, whether we are GG, CD, TS, or anyone else. I know gay men who use those words, and straight women who don't. I don't use those phrases, but I really do embrace my femininity in many other ways - I am a TS woman who loves many of the things that CDers like - skirts, dresses, stockings, makeup, pedicures, and my personality and thinking is very stereotypically feminine.

I see a wide variety of personalities and I would say there are woman, both cis and trans, who use the aforementioned phrases and women who don't. And using them doesn't make you more feminine than women who don't use them nor does that necessarily make you a girly girl. Not using those phrases doesn't make you a tomboy. Using the phrases or not is just part of who you are. Just as how you choose to dress, behave, show mannerisms, think - it is all a part of who you are.

In general, use of words like hun, sweetie, sugar are not very common here in SoCal and using them will get you clocked as a tourist.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I think a lot of it is regional customs. I would normally use the term "guys" as in "you guys" or "yous guys", but I think people here would take offense.

You would think that "guys" is the plural of "guy" meaning a boy or man. But "guys" in my regional vernacular is used for masculine or feminine.

In the South, I've been addressed as "sweetie" by women I didn't even know *e.g., SAs) without even the slightest hint of femme. I think it's just the regional vernacular in the South.

[LilSissyStevie]

I grew up in the DC-Baltimore area and my family is all from the upper south. It was very common to be addressed by women as honey/hun/sweetie/sweetheart/sugar. Even men will use those terms with young people. My favorite aunt calls me sugar, I don't know if she even knows my name. Anything is better than here in SoCal where everybody is addressed as yo, esé, or dude regardless of gender. I don't tend to use any terms of endearment here or anywhere else.

[Sierra_juliette]

I am glad I asked! I do appreciate the thought provoking writing aspect.

Lookin at it from 'outsider' viewpoint, I tend to think of it in an overall sense. Like it has been mentioned, seems out of place in the writing format so maybe that is why it stands out to me?

I do know both GGs and CD people that are offended by the terms being so frequently used to address them, but would never say anything about it. Me, I usually speak my mind on the edge of too much. So I guess, like the vast range of CD types (some of which don't identify as female, just like/prefer to dress en femme), the terms are used in many ways by many people for many different reasons.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Sierra ,
I remember the very first time I had someone refer to me as "girl" here on the forum.
It caught me off guard, and my initial reaction was shock, and disbelief that someone would
refer to me in such a way.(Thanks Adriana) I quickly realized it was said in more of a flirtatious, having fun, manner.
The people here have only seen me present myself dressed en-femme, and they are presenting themselves as females, why not refer and speak to them as if they were, unless of course they make it known that they aren't comfortable with it.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[heatherdress]

These terms are overused in this forum. I do feel they detract from the messages being conveyed.

They are definitely used here well beyond any of regional areas I have been to and I have traveled a lot.

These feminine terms of endearment are not used at functions and activities I have been to or go to. Most simply use each other's names - not "hun" or "sweetie". They are appropriate terms for couples, not acquaintances. No one uses these terms at work or in the social environments I live in - no one. These terms are considered both sexist and very outdated.

[Adriana Moretti]

I always use the term "sweetie" if I'm out in public and I forget a CD's name....."HEEEeeeeyyy Sweetie"....I have trouble remembering gals names when they sound like stripper names, they all start to jumble together into a pink glittery dust. I also remember I was in drab, and in a gay club once..and the bartender said " What can I get for you hun"? ....I was a bit taken back at first because it was my first time in a gay club, but I just went with it. It's pretty common.

[noeleena]

Hi,

For us in New Zealand , when the English come over many of their words reflected the old language of, love and dear and some used here and a few of the older ones still do age 60,s on.

my self i dont and never did, many of us just use the persons name unless they did some thing silly and then watch out. or get sent to coventry the place of..... we dont talk to you......

i know one or two who call me dear or love, allmost every one just call me noeleena,

A bit like in our camps when im needed its wheres noeleena go find her and most times im in the cook house, or close by.

...noeleena...

[Anna H]

someone called me princess the other day!

that made my day! ♥ i'd buy her some shoes
and a big pink cake if i knew where to send it!

~*♥ :) ♥*~

:rose: lol!

[Marcelle]

Hi Sierra,

Well I would say I use the term in normal conversation with some of my GG friends but they are want to do the same (kind of picked it up from them). I use it for the same reason I use Bro, Brother or Dude when I am with my GM friends it is just something we do. Funny though I will refer to many of my GG friends as Dudes (again, something we just do).

Hugs

Isha


. . . Also, even if some women do use these terms in every day speech, what percentage actually employ them while writing?

Hi Reine,

I think what you are seeing is a oddity of a forum in that many here treat this (myself included) like a casual conversation of sorts and so are likely to slip in casual context and write as we speak (e.g., use of terms like sweetie, hon). As I noted above, I use terms when I speak to GM friends and am on several forums for various guy things I do . . . I write Bro, Brother, Dude all the time.

[PaulaQ]

@Sierra_juliette

I think extremely feminine behaviors, such as the ones you describe are an attempt by some of us to be more feminine. I've heard it described as a sexist parody of femininity. I personally think that's pretty harsh - as if you can only be a strong woman if you behave in sort of a dykey androgyny. (BTW - there is not one thing wrong with that if that's who you really are.) It's a stupid argument, and basically just as wrong in my opinion as a social imperative to force all women to present / behave in traditionally feminine ways.

I use these terms "hon", "sweetie", etc. because they fit my personality. I am the type of woman who's extremely concerned with other's feelings - I like to comfort people, and use terms of endearment that I hope show them that I really DO care. Because the fact is, I do care just an awful lot. I use these terms in everyday speech.

What often passes for feminine behavior in genetic women often seems really pared down to me in many ways. But since I didn't have the luxury of being socialized as a woman while growing up, so I tend to gravitate towards more traditionally feminine behaviors because nobody taught me I shouldn't do that stuff. I am sad that I missed a childhood as a girl - I hated trying to be a boy. But there are a number of lessons y'all are forced to learn that I never had to deal with. I am not sorry I missed those.

But politics and social issues aside - I use these terms just because I like them.

[Tamara Croft]

I'm a GG and I use those terms all the time. In my town, we use things like sweetie, me-duck, hun etc... oh and darling, that's the most common one :)

[Claire Cook]

I'll add my little :2c: worth. Here in this part of Florida we have the usual mix of Fla natives and snowbirds / retirees / "immigrants". My observation is that local GGs use Hon, Sweetie etc a lot more than other women. Guess this supports the "It's where you are from" idea. When Claire is out and about, I do too (not a native, but been here for 20+ years). However, I find myself doing it more and more ... even sometimes in drab (:eek:). Maybe this supports Juliette's point?

And here is something I wonder if others who are out have noticed. When I'm in drab and with GG friends who know Claire, I get Hon's" and "Sweeties" too -- it seems to happen more often now that the they know me :battingeyelashes:.

[Renee Elise]

Lots of great responses...I agree with a number of posts here that there is a comfort level for many of us and after years of repressing what are considered to be girly / feminine tendencies that using terms of endearment when we talk amongst ourselves is natural...like Isha I will call my close guy friends and coworkers I've known a long time "Dude" when we're out for beers or whatever.

[Sarasometimes]

I only use those type of terms of endearment for my wife! I agree with the OP and find the use of those here or elsewhere to be an overplay. Now when we venture south of the Mason Dixon we tolerate local affectations and customs (when in Rome mentality) such as Hun, ya'll and all ya'll..

I also strongly agree with the plea from Nadine of the men never... a women would only.... Comments about how women commonly behave is beneficial to those here who wish to emulate them (like me).

I think the OP may have started a new sticky? Welcome!

[StephanieCLT]

Sierra-juliette,

Great question, and welcome to the group. I think you've received a ton of awesome responses, and I don't think I have a lot to add (and really just wanted to say hello and welcome you). I agree with the posters that it's most likely a little overzealousness on the femininity side, and I'm sure also that that will vary based on the full spectrum of CDs/TSs on this board. For some it may be very natural, and for others, more forced. For me, those terms don't come natural, and so I don't use them much. Additionally, I don't use "Hugs" or sign-offs like that - just feels weird to me, though I don't judge others who use them. Anyway, I'm also way more on the CD side than the TS side, and so that I'm sure plays in some. Welcome to the board, and I hope to get to know you better soon!

Stephanie

[Eringirl]

Hi Sierra:

I think it is both geographical and culturally based to some extent. Given this is a text based form of communication, I wonder if those terms are also used to compensate for the lack of visual communication i.e. body language? So the terms are used as a surrogate for what people cannot convey via non verbal communication?? I tend not to use the terms that much. However, I do call my daughters "sweetie" all the time....probably drives them nuts as they are in their 20's, but I don't care, parents prerogative !! ;)

Erin

[Sierra_juliette]

I spent a good bit of time thinking about this subject last night and this morning and here is what I finally concluded:

Yes, I understand that many identify as female and the use of these terms come naturally.
On the other hand, many identify as male and this does not come naturally.

So while I think about this, I think that some terms hun, sweetie, sugar to name a few are basically genderless and aren't as much an issue. However there are other terms used often ladies and girls mostly, that when used seem to stereotype the entire group. For example, if I were in a room full of nursing students, a largely female occupation, and a teacher walked in and addressed the class 'Hello ladies' this would be offensive to any male students. This is probably a horrible example, but my point is that this action can be harmful in ways that I think no one has really considered.

This forum can be a great place for CD and TS people to gain support and insight, however if a male identifying CD comes here and sees that everyone assumes because he is here he must be a girl or lady, it may deter his participation and hinder his ability to accept himself as a male crossdresser.

I am sure that there are plenty that may not agree with my opinion, but that's nothing new.

[Ressie]

I've spent so much time here and other internet sites that I started using 'hun' when talking to female friends in the real world. "Hun" seems to be the most common word of this type used on internet chat sites. Come to think of it, I recall girls calling each other "dude" some years ago. These expressions just ease any tension in my view.

Even those here that don't identify as female are in a place where crossdressing is the main topic. We are 'sisters' in that regard.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I imagine you've also noticed that most CDs posting here don't use trad terms to describe their genitals, instead referring to them coyly as 'the boys' or similar.

I think the cause is related to the symptom you describe- plain old denial. But both are harmless- this is a safe haven where we can be anything we want, girls can be girls, and boys can also be girls. It's understandable that some go over the top!

How's that fella of yours getting on? How are you, come to that?


...it may deter his participation and hinder his ability to accept himself as a male crossdresser. I am sure that there are plenty that may not agree with my opinion, but that's nothing new.

A quick glance at my avatar is likely to banish any doubts in all but the most short-sighted of newcomers, SJ.

As for disagreeing with you, I think you have more good credit here than you can imagine, and even if some disagree with a few of your observations, the majority think like me, that your SO is one lucky SOB.

[Sierra_juliette]

Thanks for your input Nikki, just a one of the many observations I have had since joining the forum.

As far as lucky goes, well I think I am the lucky one in this marriage. I have a wonderful man who treats me with the utmost respect and love and happens to be very easy to look at to boot!

For me, there are a few things that 'out' crossdressers immediately, the over use of the terms I mention is one of them. The over feminization as some have called it can be a dead giveaway. This is of course, just my opinion.

[Stephanie47]

I think it depends on local customs. I grew up in New York City and never heard any of those terms being used among the women or addressing a man. Fast forward to Washington State and I do hear some on occasion, even addressed to me in male mode. The person is usually from the south. With the military bases in Washington State the populace is somewhat of a melting pot. I know many GG's who object to any terms of endearment used towards them unless it is her husband. My wife who is a born and bred Washingtonian finds such terms as disrespectful. Among my friends, acquaintances and extended family everybody uses a person's unique identifier: their first name.

[Melissa_59]

A charming, mature lady who serves in a nearby tea shop has been known to refer to both me AND my wife in the course of one transaction at the cash register as:

Darling
Love
Hun
Dear
m'Duck

Katey x

I can't help but laugh at "m'Duck"... that is so... quack!

<giggles uncontrollably>

~Melissa

[Stephanie Julianna]

When I use these terms it's to show respect for the effort that some here put into achieving a certain look. Since I have aspired to look passable over the years I tend to gravitate toward the "girls" that do the same. Some how it doesn't sound right to write. "Hey buddy, that dress looks great on you."

[Rosaliy Lynne]

I haven't a clue. Like you, I don't use terms of endearment except top special people in my life.

[daphne g]

i think we crossdressers do a lot of things in a way we believe women do
but so over the top ,quite silly and wrong
you know when you see a film with a crossdresser in it that poses this way or that
women don't do it ,where does this come from?

[Sandra]

I use love, hun, darling and sweetheart not only to females but males as well and other people I know use the terms as well.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Where I live every man, woman, child and dog uses every endearment mentioned here. I use a couple and many annoy me but I don't really notice this part of the forum as it's just part of my everyday life.

The over feminization is obvious though, and my H is one who does this - but he doesn't go out and it's mostly a sexual thing. I personally noticed that the male identified dressers do this the most as I think that's the point - it's a contrast. I mean, realistically most GGs gave up on the emcumbrance of stockings, heels, suspenders and what not many moons ago. Unless it's a special occasion, I rarely see women wearing these uncomfortable items. Yet, many here would tell you they feel MORE comfortable and relaxed in what is eessentially very restrictive clothing. Again that contrast of male body wearing very feminine items is the point. If they wore everyday items I'm guessing the illusion, and possibly the thrill, is much less. The female identified members here who over feminize everything are likely just overcompensating, or they're in denial as to their true motivation. Most of the female identified group though, in my opinion, dress and behave like everyday GGs.

Just my observations.

[Paula_Femme]

When I use these terms it's to show respect for the effort that some here put into achieving a certain look. Since I have aspired to look passable over the years I tend to gravitate toward the "girls" that do the same. Some how it doesn't sound right to write. "Hey buddy, that dress looks great on you."

You make a VERY good point Stephanie about "respect," which is why I do use "She" and "Her" for instance, and I agree with your example, but in my case I would say, "Hey Steph, that dress looks great on you!" :battingeyelashes:

[stephanie71]

I would agree that this is a cultural thing, depending on where you are from. I travel all over and find that many women in the south call me "hun" "love" or even "darling" and that is addressing me as a average male, dressed in guy street clothing and I do not even know them. I understand how easy it would be for someone from those areas to call a gurl by those terms.

I myself, in fem mode, do not really have a persona. Dressing to me is a bit of a different thrill, so my mannerisms do not really change. Perhaps someday they will but as of right now, I go into a bit of a more fem stance and motions, but my speech remains in male mode.

[Cheryl T]

Personally I don't use those terms.
It's not that I don't like them, I just don't see the need.
I am bothered though by the corruption of some terms like "gurls". Just seems unnecessary to me.
Don't hate me...it's just my opinion.

[Mikhaela]

I've never really understood that either, but I've always chalked it up to the kind of hyper-feminization that a lot of CDs seem to aim for. I imagine that it feels like a very femme affectation to put on, since I think it implies a sense of closeness - that "magical bond women seem to have" that gets talked about fairly often here.

Edit: I lived in the south for quite a while (Texas, Louisiana) and it's definitely more prevalent there. There are a few places up north where it's common as well. Still, even when I was in the south it was rarely to the degree I see it here, so I do stand by my statement.

Just to be clear, I'm not judging CDs (a group which to most people presently includes me). Thinking about these types of differences a lot is part of the long, painful process that's led to me coming to the conclusion that I don't identify as a crossdresser. I'm not precisely sure what I AM yet, but it's definitely a good ways further down the transgender spectrum. To a degree, I honestly envy real CDs at this point. :sad:

I agree with Zooey - think she hit the nail right on the head here.
I live in the North East USA and it is less common for GGs to use those terms. But, when I do hear them it's usually a waitress.

[Alice Torn]

Earlier in life, I was such a repressed, shy loner, with no female friends, that, when i first was called hun, or sweetie, or similar things, by a waitress, immediately, i thought she was hitting on me!!!!!!!! No doubt, they know a better tip will be left, by a man, hearing such adorable names! That is how maladjusted, and naiive and isolated i was, just like my father, was when he was younger. During my 30's in a certain church organization, i finally got to befriend women, and date quite a bit. Never married. The past four years, no dates, lots of isolation, and lots of dressing up,mainly in the closet, but it still feels good, to this loner, when a waitress calls me hun, or darling, or sweetie! I have even called a few of them sweetie! On this forum, with such a melting pot, of different personalities, and dressing types, we need to just accept the different ways everyone writes, or addresses.

[Promethea]

Well, I´m not a CD, I´m trans, but I´m probably one of those you saw "overusing" some of those terms. In my case I can´t say it´s hyperfeminization, as I´m anything but hyperfeminine.

For me it has more to do with my lines of work. I´m a massage therapist and sacred circle dance facilitator, and the people I hang out with as well as me can mostly be described as hippy hoppy. In my social circles we are very open about out emotions (way more than average people) and expressing them verbally and non verbally, so I am used to terms of endearment, hugging, and occasional hand holding.

Closing posts or letters with "hugs", on the other hand, is pretty normal where I grew (notice we speak Spanish there), while "yours" would be considered quite inappropriate, and despite all the years since I started learning English I still can´t get used to signing like that, unless I was writing to a lover.

[flatlander_48]

I've always lived in the northern part of the US (Ohio > Illinois > New York State) and those terms don't predominate. However, work travels have taken me to many parts of the country and I agree with hearing the terms a lot in the Southeast. However, I frequently hear the terms in mom & pop restaurants all over the country. Must be part of the skill set...

However, it would be very rare for me to use the terms. It just isn't part of me.

[Melissa_59]

I think y'all need to stop trying to quantify this as "all this way" or "all that way." Say it's regional or "hyperfeminization" (really?) all you want, but I'll wager you can find ONE person in Saskatchewan who says "y'all" and has at least tried grits, and I'll also wager you'll find someone in the Southern US who hasn't ever heard these endearments.

Pick a side and be wrong - we're not all the same. It just all depends on the individual, so stop trying to shove people into the same boot, ok?

~Melissa, who is tired of the pointless arguments...

[flatlander_48]

It's not really worth getting excited about. The extreme amount of variance among us surely must suggest that there are many ways in which people desire to express their feminine side.

That said, it is clear that the southeastern part of the US is culturally different from the northeast which is culturally different from the midwest which is... Those differences have no right or wrong to them. They are just differences, but those differences do not apply to EVERYBODY. By the same token, there are majorities.

[~Joanne~]

would just like to see if there is a reason behind it?

Cause saying Dude and bro would seem very odd.