All about clothes or ?

[Contessa]

I wonder and I should have checked first but I am sort of itchy to say. What is it about clothes and women's clothes exactly. I am or wasn't walking around town naked trying to be a woman. A woman is someone without a penis or a man without a penis. Or a woman is someone with a vagina or some one without a penis. Well to really put it in prospective, you don't have to have either to be a woman. What I mean is if you look like a woman then you are. Or does everyone need to do a panty check to be sure.

Clothes that's all it is it's just clothes. I say that now when it's more than that for me. I thought in the beginning I was just a normal everyday crossdresser but I am now on hormones and contemplating SRS. But clothes took over me, all the accessories and everything else. Especially my purse, my beloved purse I love my purse. All I own now are my clothes no male clothes. Nothing male I just wonder why clothes have made so much of a difference. in not only my life but others. I know there is peace and serenity in my life now. But clothes, clothes you say, opposite dressing is the worse. Maybe for a man but I no longer think myself a man. What do you say?


Tess

[Beverley Sims]

Clothes makeththe man..... and the woman. :)

[Contessa]

So enough said right Beverley. I needed too hear that even if that is all I am going to hear. Thanks Bev


Tess

[docrobbysherry]

I am a closet CD. And, for many of us it's all about our mirror image and photos. That means dressing to the 9's or nothing for me. I rarely throw on just a few bits and pieces. If I do, I'm just trying them out for a real session.

There's no way a TS would spent the time I do prepping for a session every day, Contessa. Or, they'd never get out of the house! I can do that only because I only dress once a week or so.

[Adriana Moretti]

Yea there is more to it than the clothes for me too. I could be happy ( if I'm home) just doing my makeup, and hanging out in some comfy leggings, and a sweater this time of year.....i dont even bother to do my nails ( Who's looking anyway I'm sitting home) .....if i'm headed out, thats a different story. I also hold off on wearing my favorite outfits TILL I go out...no use getting dressed up with no place to go. The buzz of just wearing pretty girls clothes lost it's rush, now its just clothes.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Depends on how you are born and that really does have more to do with the person ,

So the clothes makes the ....man ....or the woman ...ooops wo.man...yea right. seems to be not the case for a few of us

So if you.... look..... like a woman then you are one. hmmm what if you dont are you a male then. looks do not make the person , what makes the person is a whole lot of little things , such as personality their mind, details they were born with and that has a lot of bearing on who the person will be like , go to nurture or nature even background of your Mom,s and dad,s,

Take my clothes from me and you,ll see a woman or will you . the exterior does not show what the person is like inside, and what beauty are you looking at what you see or wont to or the real beauty thats shown from with in.

To be a woman you need to grow into being one , thing is i dont look like a woman clothes or not yet im a female. with some female organs / parts. because some of us were born different its not a cut and dry what we are , its about the whole person not one or two aspects that make us what we are,

If the basic is based on... looks.... then im an outcast, and can not be counted as a female let alone a woman , being born female changes my basic detail to i am so looks dont count.

Mores the pity i missed out there, though maybe i did,nt after all, depends on what criteria you base your standard of beauty on , and thats a very wide field, for many people.

...noeleena...

[Marcelle]

Hi Contessa,

IMHO, I believe when it comes to CDing (straight hard core - want to dress like a woman and enjoy myself) it is more about the clothes, make-up, presentation and so on (yes there are variants like those of us a little further down the pathway). However what you are talking about feeling (on hormones, contemplating SRS) is gender incongruence (gender identity issues). You truly feel as thought you were meant to be a woman. It then ceases to be about anatomy (sex), clothes, presentation but more about being who you were meant to be. Once you have reached congruence it would not matter if you were wearing a ball gown, tira and heels or ratty jeans, a flannel shirt and work boots . . . you would be a woman.

Just my two cents.

Hugs

Isha

[Jean 103]

I see this as more of a journey now then just about putting on clothes. As put in other threads it’s a spectrum with CD’s at one end and TS or Post OP at the other end. I’m not sure that I have the terms right but the general idea is, a line and everyone falls on it somewhere. I was sure I would just stay at the CD end a year ago. I now seem to be moving toward the other end, how far I’ll go? I do know that I always see myself as me, no matter how I’m dressed.

[Helen_Highwater]

" Nothing male I just wonder why clothes have made so much of a difference."
Contessa,
I would think that it's the clothes that give you a public gender identity. You can be on hormones but if you dress in an oily boiler suit and work boots the world is far more likely to see a man. The clothes are a conduit, an enabler. I can understand entirely about your love of your purse. It's perhaps one of the most visible markers of femininity.
You're right about this being a topic touched on before; http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?221317-It%92s-way-more-than-the-clothes
Many folks waxed lyrical about how clothes took them into a different space in how they actually felt within.

[Eringirl]

For me it is not really about the clothes. It is more about the form. Hair and forms are what makes me feel womanly. With that , I am happy in Tee shirt and jeans putzing around the house or doing yard work. When I go out, I dress appropriately depending on the situation. Groceries - jeans, top, etc. Skirt/dress if something more formal or professional. It is more the physicality that matches my internal "psyche", not the clothes per se.

[Teresa]

Tess ,
It's not your anatomy that makes you wear the clothes but what's in your head ! That dictates how you want to present yourself, I know to do certain jobs I will have to accept wearing drab, the girl side is still there and still wanting, so I know I'm going to have to give into it because that need doesn't go away no matter what drives it !
I posted recently about the need to shop is sometimes as strong as the need to dress ! We never lose that feeling of wanting to present female despite not being female !

[devida]

A woman is someone without a penis or a man without a penis. Or a woman is someone with a vagina or some one without a penis.
Tess

Probably the majority of transgender men and women would disagree with that statement. Most scientists involved with sex research would disagree that what is between your legs defines your gender. The United States Federal Government and many State governments and municipalities say that whether you are a man or a woman depends not on whether you were defined as male or female at birth but whether you say that that you are a man or a woman today.

So you dress as a woman and you no longer think of yourself as a man. Perhaps you are a woman. If you think you are I would certainly agree with you. You could be something else, your own unique gender, the gender to which Contessa Marie H. belongs. That is a gender that does not have to be defined for other people because it is nobody's business but your own. You own your own gender. Like your mind, body and spirit is doesn't belong to anybody else . Nobody else has the right to define it.

And practically no one else should be so rude as to ask you about it. It's your business and your business alone. Governments and the agents of governments can force you to define it but nobody else has the authority to do it.

Unless they require me by law to check that male or female box on forms I refuse to do it. Put another box there for Other or maybe Both and I'd check that!

Clothes are wonderful and I love to use them to present to other people the way I feel about myself but they're just clothes. They are useful to me in helping me feel good about myself and my identity. But they aren't who I am. Who I am is a mystery to you and sometimes a mystery to me. But it's my mystery!

[sometimes_miss]

Clothes, hair, shoes, jewelry, purse, what we see, what we feel is feedback to us reinforcing who we believe ourselves to be. If you feel that you are female, you expect to see some type of visual clues at some point that will indicate that; Breasts, hips, skin, lack of male genitalia on the body, female clothing etc.. The you have tactile sensations doing the same thing, the feel of wearing a bra, how panties feel different from jockey shorts, girdle, corset, a slip, skirt, dress, heels, bracelet, necklace, earrings, long hair brushing against your skin and within view of your eyes along the sides of your face or bangs, all those, too, send back signals to us that say 'female' to our brain. Every little thing associated with something that females wear or use that males to not, reinforce the feeling that you/we are female. Voice and mannerisms as well, which is why so many desperately try to change their voice, speech, and body language.

The clothes are just a symptom of something more. But each individual case must be examined separately, and because of our deep seated fear of being associated with anything female, it's often very difficult to figure out where it all comes from. There is no one, single cause of crossdressing.

[MissTee]

I'm not the authority on the subject, or will I ever be and authority. A lot of the members here are far more versed in this CD thing we do than I. I can only share what I feel. To start, I am not out except to my wife. I don't have a desire to take it farther , either. She supports me and she understands I need to dress. Neither of us quite understands why, but we decide long ago to just go with it and enjoy all that we can about it. When it was all new I went all out with make-up and the like, and a collection of clothes and shoes that would rival any fashion focused lady.

Anymore, I have my favorite mid length wig, my modest forms, a bit of jewelry as a staple. Depending on my mood I'll pair that with a skirt and simple blouse; a tunic and capris; Jeggings and sweater; jeans and a top; or whatever strikes me and is comfortable. Takes me maybe 10 minutes to dress and then I'm doing whatever I had planned. On the weekends I'll paint my nails if I'm staying indoors.

Note: during this time I spend dressed I am relaxed and at peace with myself. Why is that? I have no clue, and on here there is no shortage of opinions why, and it's sometimes fun to debate them. I just know dressing makes me feel complete and at peace. I can work with that.

Good luck!

[Nikkilovesdresses]

It's about feelings, then it's about clothes. If you didn't have the feelings, it would never have occurred to you to wear female clothing.

Beyond that it's guesswork- we all love the clothes, and we all want our feminine sides to have a bigger share of our lives, but some don't even shave facial hair- they are content to remain almost completely male except for the clothes- you're nearer the other end of the spectrum Contessa, and I don't see how you can put that down to some yards of cotton and nylon.

You don't seem conflicted, you seem very happy in the direction you're going- as long as you are true to your own self, as the quote says, you should be ok.

Good luck, Nikki


There is no one, single cause of crossdressing.

I'm not so sure about that... doesn't it all boil down to rejection of being 100% male? Or is that still a symptom, not a cause...?

[sometimes_miss]

I'm not so sure about that
Well, I can give you at least two different situations. One dresses for sexual arousal, and another does not. Each is being driven by different desires and feelings. There are many more, just read all these threads on the forum.

doesn't it all boil down to rejection of being 100% male? Or is that still a symptom, not a cause...?
Again, two simple ones. One person is running FROM male life because they can't stand it; you see this in some mtf TS where they can't stand another second being a guy, even to the point where they will cut off their own male genitalia. Then you have another one who has no particular hate of it, just feels more normal as female, and so is 'running' towards that one.

As we don't do experiments on humans, all we have is observation. My own feelings are more similar to the latter stated above. I function just fine in the male world. It just feels that I should be in a different attire, and role in many situations. It's akin to a very slight itch; you can ignore it, but it never really goes away until you scratch it; so I 'scratch it' by dressing in girl attire which feeds the need to feel female adequately. Some guys need to go further and date men, others even need to have sex with men in order to fill their need to feel female 'enough'. There are simply many varieties of human crossdresser.

[Genny B]

Allot of talk on this and the answer still varies by individual. I can remember twenty years ago crying myself to sleep wondering why I was born male. I wanted to be a woman so bad. And yet, now I am very pleased with my life and would not change it. I am a husband, father, and grandfather, oh, and of course a CD! I love my dress up time and for those precious minutes I am a woman. I enjoy the dress, literally. Sometimes it is sexual, most of the time it's not. In summary, yeah I'm screwed up, but I'm very happy with it!
Genny B

[Minerva Morgan]

To paraphrase de Beauvoir, it takes much more than being female to be a woman. Not all women have vaginas as we have seen frequently and conclusively. Many species have females. Few, perhaps only one, has women. Either of the two sexes can be any of the three genders part of the time or all of the time. There is no inconsistency in a male being feminine nor is there anything wrong with a female being androgynous.

Minerva.