It just is

[PretzelGirl]

I can't remember where I first heard that, I think from my voice therapist, but I have been using it more lately. I just looked over my posts from the point of deciding to transition through now to trace my thought processes. It is interesting how my mindset has changed.

One of my goals that I always wanted out there was to be an educator once I came out. I wanted to be able to help others learn and through that learning I felt there would be more acceptance. Plus I also planned on being a local advocate and felt I would be open about what I was doing including on Facebook posts. A few weeks ago I was at a point where I hadn't posted anything on my Facebook since coming out and I discussed it with my wife as I was hesistant about it being the right thing. After the discussion, I decided to post something related to awareness month. After about 10 minutes, I noticed the tears were welling up in my eyes, so I thought about it and deleted the post. I wasn't sure what was going on but it was better to stop and figure it out.

So the next day I had a discussion with my sister and at the end she just said, you are a woman now, live it. I don't ever foresee cutting ties with the community and I will certainly always be known as being trans, but I could see her point. I was always prepared to educate and for the most part, that hasn't been needed. Going back to where I said I was looking over old posts, there was one where I said I was preparing to be an educator and I had several replies that said they weren't asked one thing after coming out. Sigh....how soon I forget.

It is an interesting experience as I have been accepted at work and in my social life as Sue and that was that. It just is...... The battle then is solely within myself. I have been told by family and friends that I look and sound like a woman and anyone meeting me wouldn't know. Looking in the mirror, I see the basic features of my face so my mind thinks male and I hear the general sound of my voice and I think male. So in a strange twist, I thought I would transition and would be working on other's perception of me and instead I am working on my own perception of myself.

[arbon]

What goes on inside us is, I believe, is the hardest part. For me it definitely is.

I like seeing how your transition is going, Sue. So often it is rough starting out but you seem to be setting off so gracefully and thoughtfully.

It is just my opinion but I don't think you should worry much about educating others, and let yourself be the woman you are, which is what it sounds like you are doing. Being trans gets old. I know I still post some trans stuff on my FB, my motives are different though, and I know that one day I wont do it any more and move on.

[Rachel Smith]

Sue I try not to be an educator to those that aren't asking question. However if someone ask me something I will educate them to the best of my ability. Michelle's husband Rick was stricken with
GBS 4 years ago. He volunteers as a district director for the GBS society. He spends a lot of time educating those that are newly afflicted and that is great. But when it is almost all he talks about and posts on FB it becomes overbearing to those of us that have to listen to it constently. It tends to make everyones life all about his. Try not to make everyone elses about yours but inform if ask.

[Inna]

nipped it in the butt Sue!

Rebirth of SELF includes two parallel yet totally separate metamorphosis.
One of body, and another of spirit. And even though we tend to think we were born a woman, life experience have ingrained thick layer of character unlike that of a woman. Transitioning isn't merely coming back to ME, but it is "Growing ME Once Again"

[kimdl93]

Isn't that the way it always is...we often are unable to see and appreciate in ourselves what others see and value in us. It's perhaps another take on Bobbie Burns old wish...to see ourselves as others see us.

Please don't feel guilty about living the life you've sought for so long and worked so hard to achieve. And I hope that soon you can see yourself as the woman others see.

[PretzelGirl]

I am certainly enjoying it and it feels good. Just sometimes it has the same feeling as being in a car going forward and throwing it in reverse. I was so prepared to have to work through this to get where I wanted, that I have to settle the mind.

[Angela Campbell]

So in a strange twist, I thought I would transition and would be working on other's perception of me and instead I am working on my own perception of myself.


Not so strange. This is what it has been all about all the time. Becoming yourself takes a little getting used to. And no, you don't always have to be trans, you can be but it is not mandatory. Just be you.

[PretzelGirl]

Now that I have put it to writing, it has helped think throught it. At least for now, I will just live my open life as who I am but I will still be working on advocacy in the background. Then we will see how it goes. The things shaping this are partly just seeing that everyone is treating me as Sue and that is that. Also, that I still see my efforts in the local community. A local leader was talking to me Saturday night about taking on a position. The position she referred to probably is out of reach to me until I am engaged more, but it triggered the thought processes enough to decide which post of the fence I am sitting on.