Why do we take Two steps forward one step back?

[Natasha V]

When I feel like i am finally understanding and feeling great about myself i feel like i have been struck with a mind storm that has me grasping for what is right. I love Dressing i embrace it with all my heart only to be full of confusion. Wish I could wake up one day and see my future clear as day... Right now just feeling disillusioned.

Thank you all for the Support....Love ya

[Kacey Black.]

It's all a matter of finding what your path is going to be and what works for you & yours. I know the feeling well and it just takes time to see it. For some, it can be a long process.

Ask yourself what you want... and is what you want possible in your current situation?

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Thanks for telling us how you're feeling Natasha- know you're not alone in having those feelings.

xNikki

[Seana Summer]

I can understand feeling disillusioned. The future is a difficult thing to see. All we can do is keep working on shaping today, what we want our future to look to look like tomorrow, and further down the road.

[charlenesomeone]

Natasha know the feeling. Just hang in there and things do seem to
clear up in time, but enjoy the today.

[Michelle 78]

I know how you feel also, I have up and down days, the down days filled with guilt and confusion, and then suddenly you just can't wait to do it again!

[Maria 60]

I know what you mean. I think I have it all figured out, happily married, children, wife is accepting of the crossdressing. Very happy to be dad and husband and at any opportunity I enjoy dressing in women's cloths and acting as a women, don't want to be a women or do I want to pass as a women, just happy in this closet. Sounds all rosy doesn't it, WRONG! It's human nature never to be happy, always wanting more, a few months ago I went out fully dressed a couple of times in daylight and drove around for a few hours, for some people here that's nothing for me that's not what I agreed for myself and my wife. I thought I had it figured out, and at that point I was reevaluating my future and asking myself why am I doing this if this isn't what I planned. It's really crazy the up and down levels we feel, I guess we might as well put on our seat belts and see were this ride is going to take us.

[Marcelle]

Hi Natasha,

I think many have explained it well. Think of this as a journey of discovery in that some things you discover and accept are going to great but then you have to integrate those great feelings with your "boy side" who may be going "Umm . . . WTF are you doing?" It is going to be very confusing and we all experience this to some degree or another. However, if you weather the storm and just learn to roll with the roller coasters of emotions I think you will find your balance.

Hugs

Isha

[Sophie Yang]

Natasha,


Wish I could wake up one day and see my future clear as day... Right now just feeling disillusioned.

Interesting choice of words. We all have had days that start off beautiful, warm, bright and clam, yet end up terrible, cold, gloomy and stormy. This applies to real weather just as well as to mind set. Is the glass half-full or half empty?

Mind storms are good, they are a sign of great potential growth. As Socrates said, "The unexamined life is not worth living.” and "Wonder is the beginning of wisdom.” Hang in there, the desire never goes away.

As Lao Tzu said, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." The two steps forward, love dressing and embrace it with all my heart and the one step back, only to be full of confusion is the journey. You don't mention how old you are, how long you have been dressing, or if you only do it privately or publicly? Life is short, embrace it all, the good and the bad. The more positive experiences you have dressing, the easier and less confusing it becomes.

[Crissy Kay]

I think its our male nature that betrays us at times. Also it is at war with any cd efforts that we seek to do and enjoy.

[Crystal Beth]

Natasha,
It is a journey of discovery filled with trial and error. Many of us have weathered the same storm. It is all part of discovering who you are.

[Stephanie47]

I went back and read some of your earlier postings. You have a supportive wife, but, you're reveal to your mother is easily characterized as negative. I suspect your wife is supportive of who you are because she loves the entire person. Her love probably is unconditional. Your mother on the other hand is probably influenced by societal norms, and, if she believes cross dressing is wrong, then she may feel some responsibility. So, mom wants you to hide your being. She believes it may be a phase. I suspect Texas is not as a welcoming place as San Francisco. You also posted about driving to work with lipstick on and not realizing it until it may have been to late to keep your secret.

I have not been able to ascertain your age, but, I am assuming you're not a peace with yourself. There is still conflict between your beliefs as to what society demands of a man and who you are. I would recommend seeking out a qualified gender therapist to sort out your feelings. I would recommend your wife accompany you at some time so she can express to the therapist her support and learn how she can counteract all the negativity society throws out there.

It sounds as if you're swinging between being engulfed by the "pink fog" and self loathing. You need to establish some balance between the two extremes.

[Tonya Rose]

hew gurl. sophia yang andd stephany47 b oth have gr8 advice here. i say as long as its 2 steps forward. keep stepping gf. :hugs:

[Natasha V]

I am very grateful for the great support and helpful advice thank you all for being there for me. I have my great days throughout the month and a few days where I just need some stable ground to grasp my thoughts. I am 44 yrs old been dressing and discovering myself a little over a 1 yr there are no gender therapist with this particular specialty so I don't feel comfortable talking to one who will simply guess at what is best for me.

[Teresa]

Natasha,
You don't say what sort of relationship your in but if you have a partner and are in a DADT situation I don't think you'll ever see your path clearly ! I guess that's just life anyway even without CDing it's not always clearly laid out ! The pink fog certainly doesn't help !

[Natasha V]

Teresa i have Avery supportive wife of 20+ yrs she in there every step of the way even when I want to shop a certain dept. She asks me regularly if I'm ok if I need anything, I couldn't have asked for more. Thanks everyone

[Beverley Sims]

J say it is progressive and steady advancement,

[ShelbyDawn]

A very wise friend once told me that depending on the situation, even a step back can be a step in the right direction. We don't know what tomorrow holds so as long as your still moving, you're probably on the right track.

Hang in there...

[Natasha V]

Thank You all for the Support and kind words...