Surrender

[amandak_tv]

I will never acheive an appearance feminine enough for me to feel comfortable venturing out in public. There - I said it. It was a difficult thing for me to admit. I've always envied those girls who are able get out there and live it up. I've been dressing since high school, and back then I had the body but not the opportunity. After high school my physique took a decidedly masculine turn. I developed into a muscular, athletic man with a body that I was quite proud of in some ways and deeply resentful of at the same time. At 6'1", 215LBS with a 34" waist, I was as fit and healthy as I think a person could be, and it broke my heart that poor Amanda was being smothered inside me. She would visit once in while, but she was strictly an indoor pet. Two years ago I decided I was going to give up competing (karate, triathlon) and change my training in order to shed the muscle mass. As of last weekend I had lost over 25lbs and it was time for me to face the truth. I'm not built like a woman. At 187lbs, I'm built like a tall thin man. I don't have the right kind of frame. As a man, I'm not proud of my new body, I don't feel as healthy, and as a woman it's still not right. I have surrendered. I've gone back to the weight room every day this week. The whole point of writing all of this (assuming anyone is still reading) is that I wanted to encourage those of you who do get out there to keep posting the tales and pics of your adventures. Some of us only get to have those experiences through you.

[Megan72]

The indoor pet as you put it is nothing more than who you are, or at least a part of you. Be proud of you ability to live as you would like to. Not many of the members here, i would venture to say, :clap: are as fem as they would desire to be, but in my mind, our fem side is a very special thing that sometimes we decide to share and other times choose to keep inside. You be who you are!! don't try and be who everyone else thinks you should be. Be proud of that!!

And there is nothing at all wrong with a 6'1'' 187lb babe!!! Most supermodels are over 6'0''.

Keep your chin up

[TGMarla]

Whereas I am not built like you, I still feel the same way. I realize that I may indeed pass from a distance with a helluva lot of makeup, but I still have never felt that I presented a truly passable image. So I've never been out. I feel for you.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Never having seen you, I can't really comment. However, with the right padding you might be surprised. I am a 5'9", 190 ish balding 56 year old man, but with the right padding and corset, I feel confident and I went out a lot. (And passed more than not. Unfortunately last year I wasn't able to and I'm just ramping up for this year, so I'll be out again soon.) I'll bet that you could do it too with the right padding and you'd probably look better than me.

[BeckyAnderson]

Getting out to enjoy who you are goes deeper than appearance alone. I used to be muscular and weighed in at 200 lbs. I was bound and determined to lose my muscle mass and weight to be more comfortable as Becky. Getting rid of the weight hasn't been a problem but it has taken years to rid myself of the muscle mass although I still really can't wear sleeveless dresses and tops because my arms still show defined bicepts and tricepts and my forearms kind of remind me of Popeye the sailor. So I wear long sleeves. Problem #2 is that I worked outside and had a sun damaged face and weathered hands. After several years of taking care of my skin my face has become somewhat less ruddy and makeup covers up most of it. My hands are a different story. They are big and definately masculine in appearance even with long fingernails. I have to live with them, I just don't make them obvious when I go out. There are little tricks one can use to disguise some of the shortcomings.

I guess the point that I'm trying to make is that very few of us can pull off looking like a GW. I envy those who can. Although my photos are very generous to me I still look like a guy in a dress most times. But you know what? It doesn't matter..... I've found that passing is a state mind. For me it's not what people think of me when I get clocked or at any time really, it's how I feel inside. When I'm dressed I feel pretty, that's what is important to me. How I present myself when I'm dressed and out mixing with society goes a long way at neutralizing shortcomings of my appearance. Smiles and confidence puts people at ease. The best things one can do when out is to dress well, walk tall, carry your head high and smile to let people know that you are comfortable and confident being who you are.

Hugs,
Becky

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

As Lisa said, you might be surprised. Plus "passing" is a false grail that many of us pursue. Look, I'm 5'10", 220 pounds, broad-shouldered and barrel-chested (and my photos posted here are very carefully chosen). But I've gone out a lot without problems. Yes, I can blend in a crowd, but I've got no illusions that I'm mistaken for a woman in up-close interaction.

At 6'1" yes you're taller than the vast majority of women. But there are women your size (somebody's got to play for the WNBA....). Look around you'll see big women out there. Plus if you live in New Jersey, NYC isn't too far away and believe you'll be far from the strangest thing walking the streets there.

So don't feel like you can't go out. I've found that if you act confident in presenting yourself as a woman, people are usually willing to treat you as such. Act like you deserve respect, in my experience you'll usually get it.

[Glenda]

As a boy growing up, I dreamed of being 6'4" and 220 pounds. While I was strong and athletic, I was always small and lean. When I discovered crossdressing in my 40's I was so glad that I was 5'9" and 145 pounds. I still feel tall when dressed in heels but only because so many girlfriends are 5'3". There are a lot of women as tall or taller than me now and if I'm out with a guy then he's almost always taller than me.

I guess I pass most of the time now. I went into a crossdresser's shop here in Houston a last year after not shopping there for a year or so and the owner said, "Oh my, you look so good. Have you transitioned full time now?" And many of my friends at the bar I frequent often don't recognize me on the rare occasions when I go there as Glenda.

I'm sure that practice makes perfect, but I suspect the primary reason I can pass is that I feel comfortable going out en femme now and it shows. I feel very natural when dressed. In my opinion, that is the key. Or maybe I'm just a girly man.

[TaraB]

i surrendered years ago. I actually could have been one of those CD's/TG girls that could have easily passed. I'm 32 now but prior to 25 i was always extremely thin to the point i had girls come up to me saying they wish they were as thin as me. I've always had alot of feminine features too and feet wise i'm wearing 9 in womens. My body structure has always been also very feminine. My arms skinny, legs when shaved have very little resemblense to mens...but while i have a big rear my hips are lacking. i'm 5'10 and when i was younger i was maybe 140...wet. Now i'm 170ish. The one girlfriend i lived with that knew was not the most accepting because she said i looked way to much like a GG when dressed.

too much work to get back to that now.:(

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Amanda

Whether you go out or not doesn't matter, the key is that inside you are a beautiful person, that's what's important. You have nothing to feel bad about, going out isn't for everybody, so relax and just be who you are, and love yourself for it.

GypsyKaren

[Inredsatin]

Amanda,
I like you know that I will never totally pass as Brenda but then again when i go out (which is most weekends) Im not out there to win the Mrs.America contest I go out for me. Im a 6'2" 245lb person but i can look the part at least to my satisfaction and that is all that matters is how I feel. I could care less what others see when im out. DO it for you babe.
Hugs sweetie,
Brenda

[Billijo49504]

Amanda, Have you looked at the women at the grocery store. They are all different types. If you haven't tried it, have a professional makeover. I swear some of the makeup artists could make a dog look beautiful. Check out some of the transformation services on line. Look at the before and after pictures. It can be magic. It might be worth the money to let your indoor pet, go outside.
I never thought I'd really pass, till I experimented with dressing. I went out in the daytime, to go pay bills. I was paying a bill that both the wife and I had. The lady behind the counter told me "HE" should be happy that you are paying "HIS" bill. I'm no raving beauty, I look like a 58 year old woman. Lines, wrinkles and crows feet. I just dressed as other women my age were dressed and went for it. So good luck!

[Maddie]

Amanda don't give up right now i am 6' 3" and only wear 2 in heels but i am also 240. Got it i am BIG so it is possible
you can see from my pic. Btw if you are in north jersey there is a party sat at conexions come join us

Maddie

[Julia Cross]

Amanda, at your new weight, I bet you pass better than you think. But it's not all aboyt passing, it's about being you. If you really want to go out enfemme, do your best to represent a positive, attractive and acceptable persona and you will likely be accepted by most.

J

[MsEva]

As stated by others, I think you might sell yourself short. There are girls of all shapes, sizes and height around you. And females are getting bigger. Look at all the larger sized shoes in regular womens stores, almost all true GG lines go up to an 11 now. Many womens shops are designed for plus sized girls. Online it is not uncommon to find tall womens sized pants with a 34 in inseam. Dress appropriately, have confidence, and have fun.

[Aileen]

I will never pass, either, but then I will never be as muscular as you. So at least you've got that going for you. But you will never fit in a size 6, like I can.

[MsEva]

:eek: Thinking of a devious plan to punish Alan...SIZE six? I hate you! No, I don't congratulations..yada yada.blah blah:o

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Amanda

I would not dream of offering too much advice.

The one thing I will say is be healty first.

[TaraB]

this would be my humble opinion on weight and the t-gurl...

I think if any t-girl wants to look like a GG being slim and tone is almost a must. I totally agree that women(gg) in general tend to retain more weight then men but a woman that say is 5'8" 170 will look so much different then a man being the same weight/height. Everything from facial features to body are affected by an increase in weight and have distinct differences in men and women. The body especially looks completely different and no matter how much one tries to compensate it never looks right.

Thin CD/TG girls like Barbie have a much easier time because womens clothes specifically conform much better to a thin male body then a large male body and give a much more natural look as well as there is much less hint of that masculine features that bigger male body's have. Those areas that fat is distributed on men is gone so its not as obvious.

[Miss Lulu]

Can't help you about your body but, you sure have the step and thinking of a woman. Why? You've mentioned not liking your body....Have you ever heard a woman being pleased with her body? Not me. Too skinny, too fat, too short, too tall, too old, too pale, don't like my hair, don't like my nose,...bla, bla, bla.
What is important is how you feel like inside, Amanda, not what you look like. I am a member of a TG group and when we have an outing,...beleive me,...not all of us is beautiful and/or passable. But at least, we are doing something to enjoy ourselves.
Don't just watch the train go by, Amanda, be in it!

[Gale R]

Hey girl, i'm 5 foot 6 inches, weigh 160lbs but at the age of 47 even GG's start to show wear and tear.
I like to get out now and then but don't even think about passing now, its not my problem if people look at me, its theirs.:bs:

Hugs Gale.

[amandak_tv]

I'm grateful to all of you for caring enough to write back. Many of you offer the well-meaning advice that it isn't about what other people think and I should just get out there and be confident. But a big part of being confident (I think) comes from being comfortable with ones self. That, in a nutshell, is my dilemna. When I'm dressed, I'm not comfortable with how I look. I thought that I could alter my physique to the point that I would be, but it didn't have the desired effect. In fact, it left me in a state where I wasn't satisfied with myself in either gender. I had neither the male nor female body I desired. I came to the conclusion that I was never going to attain the female shape, so I've decided to commit to the healthy male body.

This is a decision I have made and I'm at peace with it. I really did start this thread with the intention of encouraging those girls who are able to get out there to keep on sharing those experiences with the rest of us. I'm always interested in hearing about your adventures.

Thanks again to everyone who wrote back. I'm touched by your concern.