Who's Maria?

[Maria 60]

You think the last thing on your kids minds is there parents, they go about there lives and you think there so involved with there boyfriends and girlfriends do they really care what there parent are doing. I found out this week that they observe more then i think, especially the girls. During dinner this week my daughter tells my wife that she only sees my wife wearing pantyhose for weddings and funerals and when she collects the garbage around the house she always finds pantyhose packages in the garbage bin. Wow I better start burning my pantyhose packages, my wife told her she cleans her drawers now and then and finds things like that, and told my daughter she didn't know anyone was tracking her garbage habits. My daughter told her she just found it strange that she at times ask my wife if she has pantyhose to borrow and my wife never does and then find empty packages in the garbage. Yesterday was another example, they all went to the mall, when they were almost done my wife drifted away from them and called me and told me they were coming home soon and if Maria was there. My daughter walks threw the door comes straight to me and tells me she over herd her mom on the phone and asked who this Maria chic is, and why shes here when there not home. We both starting laughing but when they went out and I told my wife I can't believe how women are so nosy, and you would never think anyone would pay attention to a pantyhose package. I better keep my closet clean. Has anyone else's children observed something that is related to your dressing but you would never think they would question?

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Maria, Teenage girls are hard to fool, They don't miss a trick.

[kimdl93]

Mmmmmm, your daughter is looking for the answer to a puzzle and she may make up her own if she doesn't discover the real one.

[Crystal Beth]

Do you think buying your daughter a whole mess of pantyhose will cool the trail or make her wonder even more?

[alwayshave]

I read your post to my fiancee while we were having breakfast. She said there is nothing as nosy as a teenage girl and she'll keep snooping till she finds her answers. She should know, she has two daughters.

[alice clair]

When I was married to my second wife, my daughter and hers would do the laundry, well my wife did not wear any panties ever and there was always some in the basket, so the girls would ask her why and she told them that I liked to wear them because they were much more comfortable to me. I guess they thought it was ok, they did not say a word to me about it That was 24 years ago.

[Ressie]

Looks like you need to think like a criminal and remove all traces of evidence. Also come up with code words instead of talking about Maria. Or-let the kid know what dad's been up to? Maybe she'll grow up to be an investigative journalist!

[Judith96a]

Maria,
My wife says that there's nothing in this world that is as persistent as a teenage girl! Your only hope (of non-discovery) is to distract her VERY quickly. Otherwise, prepare to have THAT conversation. Good luck!

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Kids miss nothing. Period. You have been warned!

[noeleena]

Hi,

Learn quick we are like nosy and can smell a rat a mile away. dont even think we dont take notice we do , we may not say much and when we do watch out , youll be hauled over the coals before to long .

...noeleena...

[Krististeph]

Yes they will snoop! That's built in to DNA, ID or EIEIO. My niece lived with us for some years, then on again and off again (ad nauseam)...

I might bet that she knew before I told her. She was a good kid- was hardly phased. Wanted to see all my stuff. I kept some of the racier outfits to myself.

A few years later she was big enough, and started asking to borrow stuff. :-) Nothing too feminine, and the stuff was a little baggy on her- but it looked good loose.

Anyway... clotheswash time had a certain window for a few years... or at least certain loads.

[Ceera]

Honestly, since you appear to have your wife's full support already, it sounds to me like it's time to bring your daughters in on your secret, before they find out on their own. Teen girls are curious creatures, and you've left them a mystery that they will want to solve. Better, in my opinion, to tell them the truth, on your own terms and with your wife present, than to have them suspecting that daddy secretly has a mistress or girlfriend and is sleeping with that 'Maria chick' when mom and the daughters are out of the house, and apparently with mom's blessing! I think you'll find that teenagers today are remarkably comfortable with things like cross dressing, bisexuality or other gender matters that in our generation would have freaked everyone out. Just be ready to share those pantyhose with your girls... :)

I have an 18 year old daughter, and the world she lives in is so different than when I grew up! She has friends that are openly gay or lesbian or bi, and the kids at her school were all cool with that. Her high school had open policies about preventing harassment for gender and orientation issues, and has an active LGBT support club. She had no issues at all when I came out to her that I was cross dressing. Best of luck, which ever way you choose to handle it.

[Isabella Ross]

To me, it seems like you've been clocked by your daughter. You just don't realize it yet.

[bridget thronton]

Only you know how your daughter would react to a reveal - my kids have been very kind to me but I waited till they were in college to tell them (I am sure I was caught while they lived at home, but they love me and let it slide)

[Teresa]

Maria,
I don't have the problem with my daughter, as far as I know but my wife misses nothing, my son has taken after her and often ferrets around the house ! As a boy we never did find a safe place for Xmas presents !
I have a feeling it might have back fired on him because he was searching for passwords to use my internet connection while we were on holiday and I think he found my forum details ! OK so he's an adult now if he's found out dad is sometimes Teresa, he's learned a lesson to respect people's privacy !

[abby054]

Yes, my daughter found my clothes even when they were quite few and well-hidden. She hacked my computer to dig up evidence. She raided my laundry and the contents of my pockets. She went through my trash. As a result, I learned to cover my tracks very, very well.

It is not solely her doing: She is just following my wife's instructions.

[raleighbelle]

How badly do you think your daughter would react to finding out if you told her about it? I suspect a lot better than if her detective work figures it out. And I suspect a whole lot better than if she concludes you are having an affair on her Mom. As said above, she may want to borrow some of your pantyhose, but then again, maybe the two of you can go shopping for more!

[Heather Anne]

Hi Maria

Back in 2004 I found and joined a support group in the Atlanta area, Sigma Epsilon. A chapter of Tri Ess. At the time I felt I needed to tell my daughter. Several reasons. I am a diabetic and also have had a heart problem. My concern was what would happen if while I am out dressed en femme for some reason I end up at the emergency room. My daughter would get the phone call. I just did not want her to walk in and find me dressed en femme. I eventually sent her an email that I had a secret that I had lived with for a long time. Her reply was that she knew my secret that I liked to wear women's clothes. I thought I had been so careful keeping things out of sight and put away. I asked her how she knew. Her reply was she saw a pair of pantyhose in the trash. My response was that I had a friend stay over. Her next reply was she saw me wearing a full slip. Busted!!!!
She is okay with my dressing and has been out with me several times over the years. My personal insight - no matter how care you think you are sooner or later you will make a mistake.

Heather Anne

[Tinkerbell-GG]

As said above, she may want to borrow some of your pantyhose, but then again, maybe the two of you can go shopping for more!

I would suggest this is a rare response to discovering your father, the man who has protected you and supported you for your entire life and who you trust more than any other man, has a penchant for dressing like a woman. It's easy to live in the middle of all this and completely forget what it's like for everyone else. This is your normal and that can cloud the reality of everyone else's, and while it's great everyone here is so supportive and accepting of themselves and each other and there are so many great reveal stories, I don't think it's unwise to have some of this enthusiasm tempered.

Maria, you know your daughter better than anyone and maybe she will be completely fine if you tell her. But there's nothing wrong with not telling her either as kids don't always want to know the things they think they do. It's often our job to protect them from themselves - not to mention there's seriously no law out there insisting we share everything with our offspring. Quite frankly, mom and dads private life is none of their business! And the snooping will stop when she's an adult with her own family keeping their own secrets (we all have them!) and she realizes the whole world doesn't owe her an explanation.

Teenagers are rather self centred...but she'll learn :)

[franlee]

If I were betting on the situation, I think I'd go with your daughter already knows and is just looking for conformation. But that doesn't mean I would give it. Some things are mine and mine to share only with who ever I want or see a need to know. But that's my outside view.

[Lorileah]

Funny how you expect 100% honesty from your kids on things like dating and smoking and drugs, then you teach them that lies are OK if the truth is uncomfortable

Future discussion
Father "Where have you been?"
Daughter "Who's Maria?"
Father "None of your business"
Daughter "Same answer"
Father "Have you been smoking?"
Daughter "Where did the pantyhose packages come from?"
Father "None of your business"
Daughter "Same answer"

Seems hypocritical to me...but then lying to children is a nation pastime. And we wonder then why they keep things from us

[Dianne S]

Well... I wouldn't always call hiding info about crossdressing from your kids "lying". It depends on the motivation. If you are crossdress for sexual thrills, I don't think there's any need for your kids to know about that... no more than any other sexual kinks you might enjoy. But if the feminine part of you is an integral part of your personality and you need to crossdress to feel grounded, then yeah... I advocate disclosure.

[Beverley Sims]

Yes beware of the curious child.
It is a good trait but can be of concern at times.

[jjjjohanne]

I have always assumed that my kids will eventually find some large shoes and figure me out.

[Raychel]

I am certainly not an expert, but trying to keep this quite from your daughter
will only lead to her distrust, she will be going on in her mind coming up to
all the wrong answers,

In my opinion, and take it for what it is worth, again, I am not an expert.
But I think you and your wife should have a talk with your daughter and
tell her the truth, she will be able to deal with the truth a lot easier then the
explanations she comes up with in her head.

[DanielleLee]

As others have pointed out, I agree it may be time to let your daughter know... before she starts forming opinions and speculating on what "could be"... namely that you're having an affair. Whether or not she believes that Mom is aware and supportive, it could lead to resentment and anger on your daughter's end.

It's unlikely she would arrive at the conclusion you're a cross dresser. (then again, with the pantyhose wrapper situation, maybe not)

Lorileah's point is well taken.... We expect honesty from our kids at all times and tell them that no matter how hard it is... they need to tell us the truth and that we'll still love them. Do we not owe it to them, when we're asked questions, to give them the same respect in turn? (Obviously taking into account here that a child is old enough and mature enough to understand)

Just my 2 cents.

[MissTee]

I have a mid twenties daughter who still snoops like a teenager. She's seen the size 10WW flats and heels in the closet and knowsthat is not her mother's size. She's rifled through all the clothes and asked her why there's two different size groups. Is she on to something? She may think so, but I'm neither confirming or denying.

[abby054]

...but then again, maybe the two of you can go shopping for more!

Been there, done that. I took my daughter shopping several times after all this, even on road trips to shop. In drab. She loved it! I picked out outfits for her that she really liked. I picked out outfits for me that she really liked. Then she told her mother how much she enjoyed our time together. Wife ripped me to shreds, to put it mildly.

I still take my daughter shopping. We have a great time together. It is all about her now. I no longer reveal the extent or details of my fashion knowledge. I just endorse her selections and pay for an occasional one as a gift or I discreetly ask if she is sure she likes something that I think could be improved on. And while she is in the dressing room, I pick out stuff for myself that I can get on a return trip without her.

To add some irony to all this, I take my wife shopping fairly often, but I make only two comments: "looks fine to me" and "you sure we can afford that?". And while she is in the dressing room, I pick out stuff for myself that I can get on a return trip without her.


I asked her how she knew. Her reply was she saw a pair of pantyhose in the trash.

Heather Anne
I would never be that bold. I bag up my trash and use a public dustbin across town. My daughter would consider pantyhose or a package wrapper as strong confirmation. The last time that my wife wore pantyhose was in 1993.