Major disconnect...

[cindi cinnamon]

It's the way I feel when I look in a mirror.

How is it, that a 6'4" 240 lb. male, with masculine facial features, and hands like a black smith, feel so utterly and completely feminine.

When I look into a mirror, I'm always hoping to see a very petite, cutie pie staring back at me. But, I am always so sorely disappointed.

Are there any more of you out there, that share this feeling of being disconnected with the reality of your "physical" self? How do you deal with it?

[Alice Torn]

Yes, at six foot six 244. I get all dressed up, and think i look good enough t go out, but, at side angles, in the mirror, uh-uh. So, i seldom go out. But, I see a pretty classy looking older very tall lady in the mirror, and some great long legs! But in heels, almost seven foot tall, and , the male voice. I have been out once in a blue moon, but try to keep some distance from others, but a few times did go into stores. Everyone of us has a different background, parenting, genes, and each has a little or much different reality.

[ShelbyDawn]

Cindi,

6'3" 220 here so I understand what you mean.
Let me preface what this with the acknowledgement that I do have the advantage that when it comes to my dressing that I am tactile and not visual; I dress for how I feel more than how I look so this is not as big an issue for me as I feel it is for you. All the same...

I have spent a lot of time with my therapist coming to terms with my dressing so I am not as stressed as I used to be in general. As for the incongruity between what I feel and how I look, I honestly don't look in the mirror that much. :) Just kidding... What actually helped me the most was the following, in order of impact:
1. Getting fitted for the right wig. I had a few cheap ones that looked horrible and just made things worse. When I went to a real wig shop and got a proper fitting; not just length but cut and color, it made a bunch of difference.
2. Finding a Mary K rep that worked with TG men and she got me using the right color makeup and taught me how to apply it properly.( this was soooo much fun)
3. Spending a few hours at the Lane Bryant near my apartment with a very special sales rep who helped me with my 'style'. (More fun than the makeup)
4. Opting for slightly larger breast forms (I'll leave the jokes to others)

I am still a 6'3" guy in a dress but sometimes, I can see Shelby looking back at me in the mirror and those times are priceless.

Good luck and hang in there.

[Julie Denier]

6-2 and 300# here ... I love how dressing makes me feel; dim lighting, clever camera angles and a little suspension of disbelief take care of the rest ;)

[JoannaCD]

6-3, 190 & 75yo. Lots to overcome. A dimmer on the vanity lights help, along with using the beauty face mode on my camera for selfies. But the most important thing I find is realizing that it's how I feel, not how I look. It seems that you've come to the same conclusion

[cindi cinnamon]

But the most important thing I find is realizing that it's how I feel, not how I look.

I agree totally... How I feel about myself, is so much more important than how I look.

But, I still can't help wishing the reflection was feminine as well.

[Kate Simmons]

I utilize all of my resources and make them work for me. :)

[Lynn Marie]

Rather than paying for a therapist, I just have CD girlfriends who naturally are helpful in helping each other refine our presentation. I've been out the door for nearly 5 years now and I'm quite happy with the classy old broad I see in the mirror. My latest improvement has been finding a hairdresser named Donald who makes big hair for me to better match my big girl size of 6'3" and 195 pounds. Donald makes me gorgeous and he's so much cheaper than a therapist. See me on Flickr, and oh yeah, I'm 71.

[VAWyman]

5'9", 200 lbs. and a definite grandfather's face. Makeup can do wonders I've been told, so I wonder if it will help me. I would love to find out, but alas....

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Cindi, Have you noticed that GGs' come in all shapes and sizes now.

[cindi cinnamon]

So true...... But it still isn't much comfort knowing I look like the exception rather than the "general rule".

I just wished I "looked" the way I "feel".

[Marcelle]

Hi Cindi,

I think what you are feeling is not uncommon in our world regardless of phenotype. Yes some seem to have won the CD genetic lottery when it comes to size (smaller framed, finer features) but in the end I think we all look in the mirror and don't see the inner girl staring back. For me the revelation came early as I went from never dressing to going out in public in about a 2 month span. I thought originally . . . not bad. However, from the looks I got I realized everyone saw me for who I was . . . a guy. Very few of us truly pass as we have too many tells (height and weight aside). I may be smaller framed than you but my face reads guy on close examination. IMHO acceptance begins with self acceptance in that when you begin to see yourself as you regardless of how your are presenting (guy or girl) then the presentation ceases to matter . . . you are just you.

Hugs

Isha

[Laurie A]

i can relate, the mirror, is in fact, the greatest impediment to me dressing more often. i guess it's personal vanity, but i can never seem to get past the guy in a dress staring back at me

[Rhian]

5'9", 200 lbs. and a definite grandfather's face. Makeup can do wonders I've been told, so I wonder if it will help me. I would love to find out, but alas....

I think you're right this a clip of a masculine man getting a makeover and while it isn't perfect the make-up does help feminise his features to an extent were you wouldn't look twice passing in the street. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5k_dY9SoO_s

[Jaymees22]

I feel lucky that size wise I fall into the female norm. That said I feel that in male mode or en femme I look my best from a distance. I really think it's best to enjoy the feeling, squint a little when looking in a mirror and take pictures slightly out of focus. Most of all have fun and enjoy this gift. Hugs Jaymee

[Karen kc]

At 5-101/2 and 256# I look in the mirror a lot and wish,and dream, and dream and wish, but Im still happy and comfortable, thats what counts!

[arbon]

Are there any more of you out there, that share this feeling of being disconnected with the reality of your "physical" self? How do you deal with it?

Transitioned......................

[alwayshave]

I understand this completely, at 6'2, 230 there is a big disconnect.

[Brenda456]

Am in the same boat. . .

[Brynna M]

Hi Cindi, Have you noticed that GGs' come in all shapes and sizes now.


And I bet many of those genetic girls feel the same way when they look in the mirror. "I wish I were....." I think it is a "curse" of femininity that all girls of all types share.

[JessMe]

Six-deuce and beefy chest with strong arms and back (and... maybe... possibly some beer gut thrown in the mix for fun) ...yeah. I know what you mean. The body says manly man, but the mind says something entirely different... especially when I get the opportunity to dress. Basically, I do the best I can with what I've got to work with. It is what it is.

[mariehart]

I feel the same disconnect when I look in the mirror. But I'm only 5'8" with small hands and feet and a not too masculine face and figure. Really I should be more grateful. I'm lucky compared to you girls. It's all relative isn't it?

[Claire Cook]

If you look around you'll see that there are some big GG's out there -- you aren't alone! I think part of "owning our CD" is the realization that folks will know we're men, but if we handle ourselves with grace and confidence, it will work. Lacey Leigh had a line in her book that I like a lot -- when folks know and still treat us with courtesy (if not acceptance) ... THEY pass!

[Beverley Sims]

I have seen some giants recently, I mean mostly obese, no question they are women, there are others I have seen, tall well built and occupy a lot of space on the sidewalk.
They also have a good grip on the planet with their size 14 or more feet.
Some look manly and I usually put it down to genetics.
I am not in the market of looking for men in dresses.
Having met some recently they are just people with whom I can have a good interaction with and discuss things not usually associated with my hobby.

Cindi,
Stay yourself and just let things roll if they are not too precarious.

[Lily Catherine]

At 168cm (5 feet 6 inches), US size 2 and possessing an oval face, I'm already somewhat blessed to begin with. The incongruity for me lies in my mannerisms and movements I suppose; my gait, even wearing evening gowns; as well as my rather deep voice are dead giveaways that I am male. (I do not count my unshaved body and hands, as I am reluctant to shave them at the moment.)

[charlenesomeone]

I'm 6 feet as well, and a big girl and know the feeling. So many great posts here, like Claire said" confidence", and Beverley" people are people". Most see the inner person
after the outer, just some can't get past that. Their problem. We are our harshest critics sometimes. Do the best and enjoy. Remember to SMILE!
Hugs

[talonX]

I'm 6', 250 and a bit of a gym rat. Combined with dressing I try to think of these things as just being pieces of who I am.