How to tell family

[katharine429]

Good day all.... New here and not sure how to bring up subject of me to my daughter.... have been on hormones now for months and seeing changes for sure in body inside and out... hair longer and nails manicured always now... but nothing said by anyone here to me direct. Am mature and daughter is 35 married with one daughter and another on the way... and not wanting to add stress to the situation.. I am divorced twice, live alone so can be me here more and more now as also let go from work beginning of Nov after return from holiday in Cancun....

Kat

[Nikkilovesdresses]

If you were just CD I'd say it's none of her business, unless you want to make it her business Katharine.

But you're talking about transitioning aren't you? Perhaps not all the way, but certainly far enough that your changed, more feminine appearance whether crossdressed or not is going to become unmistakable, possibly very soon.

Rather than have her be shocked one day, wouldn't it be fairer, gentler, kinder to tell her about your chosen path? If I were in her shoes, I'd appreciate the heads up- but without knowing what she's like, ie tolerant or judgmental; free-spirited or prudish, it's impossible for me to say.

Good luck with it all anyway!

[katharine429]

Thanks for response Nikkilovesdresses yes TS here now as mentioned.. and yes see her weekly as we live close by.... but nothing said yet about hair or nails or softer skin and now breasts that are budding... carefull to dress unisex around them but getting harder to not be me now....... Thanks again

Kat

[Bria]

Good luck with the reveal when you do it. Remember to tell your daughter that you will always be her dad regardless of how you present and will be there for her always and your love for her won't change. Again good luck!

Hugs, Bria

[katharine429]

Thanks... and will keep you all updated on my situation here... and progress to fully change

Hugs.. Kat

[I Am Paula]

Judging by recent um...developments, I'd say the time is now, before someone says Dad, you've got boobs.
I don't think there's any one size fits all way of coming out. You know your daughter best. If you're close, and confide in each other it will be easier. I think a face to face, over coffee or wine, is best. Honest, and direct. Along the lines of 'There's something I've needed to tell you for a long time, and it's going to come as a shock....'

I took an odd approach, but it worked cause I know my family. My sister told most of them at breakfast 'Paul lives as a woman now, and would prefer that she be called Paula now. She's coming to visit shortly, and you can ask all your questions then.' Then I walked in twenty minutes later. Direct enough?

I told my wife in a supermarket. I knew her decorum would not let her throw a fit in such a public place. Even tho' she had seen me as a crossdresser for years, telling her I was going to transition was a shock. When we got home she threw the fit. We're still married.

It might help if you jotted down your thoughts, reread, and edited as ness; like preparing a speech, so you don't get all tongue tied, or emotional.

I hope this works out for you. If it's any solace, the reaction of friends and family is usually more positive than you expect.

[katharine429]

Thanks I AM PAUlA just trying to figure a good time/place and words to use to bring up this subject and get her response... She is currently pregnant again and due in Feb.. and not wanting to add additional stress to her now... only have contact with my ex (her mother) and her family and few friends here on long island.... was hoping to wait and see a bit longer...

thanks again Kat

[MsVal]

I encourage you to search through the forum archives for ways that others have disclosed. There are many accounts of disclosures, some went well, some did not, but all are sources of inspiration.

Are you working with a therapist? They can be great sounding boards for ideas.

Take a month or so to give it some thought. The holiday season is probably a poor time to have the talk.

Aside from those bits of advice, I think you're good to go.

Best wishes
MsVal

[katharine429]

thanks Ms Val not seeing therapist yet here.. but going with my friend Susan to see her doctor for referrals for out by me tomorrow... Hope to find one and do what they say to make this change smooth as possible for us all....

Kat

[Jorja]

Telling family is probably one of the harder tasks we face. Sit down and review your reasons for transition so that you can present a reasonable explanation of your decision. Prepare for the usual questions, are you gay, why would you want to do that, Are you crazy, and so on. Once you are ready, sit them down and just tell them. Hold nothing back. Be sincere and honest. Do not expect a response good or bad. Give the people involved time to digest the information. Ensure them you will be available for further conversation at any time. You have known for a long time. They are just finding out. There is never a good time to come out to someone but may I suggest you wait until after the holidays if possible.

There ain't nothin' to it but to do it.

[katharine429]

Thanks for the information and yes will least wait until next year or later.... depending on body changes here now for sure.... just back from week in Cancun as me.. and was marvelous....

Kat

[Rachelakld]

My daughters got used to me wearing shinny leggings around the house (actually so did my sister and father).
I was having a general chat to 2 of the girls, and said I wish I had a female body (my sister always wanted my legs as she thought they were prettier than hers), then said how unfair it was that girls could wear either boys or girls clothes, then expressed how much I would prefer to wear girls clothes and doing girls things, they said "cool, you should do it if you want".

I wouldn't expect it to be hard to say "I often wish I was born a female" and see what feedback you get, then steer the conversation to where you want it.
Maybe mention how nice it is to feel more feminine with hair & nails?

What is wrong with creating a conversation today or placing even just the seeds of the conversation today - let them digest it and wait until she comes to you for more information
As for stress, females are way better at coping than males, what we think of as stress, is a picnic to them

[Michelle789]

I just came out to my family, who lives 3000 miles away, last month. It was incredibly difficult and very stressful. I felt the stress in the weeks leading up to coming out, and in the weeks that followed I felt emotionally very drained. I am now over it, and I feel way better lately, but it was a very difficult thing to do.

What I learned is that all I can do is my part - that is to tell them. I do not have any control over how they're going to react. I can't control whether or not they will accept me, nor whether or when or if they will ever start calling me by my preferred name and gender pronouns.

I feel much better now that they know. Even though they aren't close to accepting me, at least they know. Even though they still call me by my male name, at least I don't have to worry about telling them again. I don't have to worry about getting another initial reaction from them. My father's awful lectures and verbal assaults are a thing of the past. I don't need to tell them again, because I have already done so, and whether or not they accept me they know. That is so freeing, even though it took me a month to get there.

Whether or not they will accept me and start the regendering process with me is up to them, and I have no control over that. But at least they know.'

I would probably come out in this order.

Sisters
Mother
Brothers
Father last

I don't talk to any relatives, so I'm not sure as to where and when I could come out to relatives. It probably depends on each relative, but I would generally tell younger female relatives first, and old male relatives last. I would probably come out to mom verbally, but sending an email to other family members is okay. I would definitely not just surprise them showing up dressed as a woman.

I wish you the best of luck. Please feel free to send me a PM if need to talk to someone :)

[Jorja]

What is wrong with creating a conversation today or placing even just the seeds of the conversation today - let them digest it and wait until she comes to you for more information
Nothing wrong with that at all but... In today's world you would have to do it by text because you can't trouble a kid to get their nose out of the smartphone and they can't talk unless they use their thumbs. ;)