Struggling with that idea of Going Out (mainstream)

[Ms. Laura]

So, I go out about once a month, to CD friendly venues. I attend TriEss, we go to "the club" (which actually just closed in Manchester which sucks) sometimes to TG Fashions parties, etc. But, I have yet to go anywhere mainstream, like shopping.

I have an opportunity to go shoe shopping with a friend of mine who is TS next week. I'm lucky enough to fit into an 11 which can often be found at this store (DSW). I am absolutely terrified. My heart freezes when I think about it. I know I don't pass, this isn't about passing. I just feel ill at the idea of what others will think when they see me, you know, all those terms they have for us. Yet, I feel more and more like I need to move past that. Like, here I am, deal!

I'm also afraid of what it will mean if I go and it's OK, even fun! What will that do to my already fragile psyche? :-)

I guess I'm just looking for some encouragement. I struggled mightily prior to attending my first TriEss meeting and ladies here, many of you are still here, were so encouraging, it really helped push me out the door that day. It changed my life. Though my struggles are now different and I feel I need to overcome this hurdle. I can completely understand why someone would NOT want to go out. In my case, I feel I need to, to see how I feel, to test where I am emotionally and help me figure out where I am on this spectrum.

I'm just afraid, of what, I'm not sure.

[Beverley Sims]

Laura,
You need to take a deep breath and overcome that fear.
A few outings with your friend will help immensely.

[Rachelakld]

As I tell friends "it takes balls to be a crossdresser"

This is the "me" generation, so they don't actually have time or energy for "you"

If anyone sees you look them in the eyes and smile and they will think one of two things
a) your mad
b) your having fun
c) both of the above

If it's any consolation, my daughters school have quite a few TS kids attending, so children are taught about different genders, equal rights etc

[Nadine Spirit]

From my time out, which is often, and everywhere, and actually I only go to mainstream places, and yes people know I am male, the reality is, the vast majority of people do not care! The hardest part of being out is getting over our own fears and getting out that door.

I too was afrid of what it all meant about me. It has changed me, but for the better. It has helped me see humanity in a whole new light. I used to be so afraid of others, but now I have a newed faith in humanity. It has not made me feel like dressing more or smehow pushed me towards transition, it has helped me to feel better about myself, to accept myself more.

So I don't know what your experience will entail, but for me, I am so happy that I pushed myself to figure out how to just get out there and live my life. Good luck in choosing. Oh and btw, I love DSW!

[Donnagirl]

We all have those same fears... I've always said that the first few steps out of the door are hard, the next few thousand are really easy. Once your out and about, well it just gets easier and easier.

Next to no one passes close up scrutiny, OK, there are a few gifted ones, but I mere mortals are always clocked eventually... I'm yet to meet anyone who really cares... Seen a few pointing and whispering episodes between others but that's about it.

So get out there and shop!!!!!

[Zooey]

Fear is a powerful thing, and I understand exactly what you're going through. The only thing I can tell you is that being untrue to yourself is a far more painful thing in the long run, and the only way to learn what being true to yourself means is to push your boundaries and do the things that you're interested in and make you happy.

Go for it, be brave, and be happy in the idea that every step you take is one step closer to understanding what you want out of life.

[Jenniferathome]

Laura, you're so ready to go out. Mainstream is so much more fun. Don't fret the passing. OWN IT and you will feel great. Walk into the store like a thief and you'll not have fun. Screw what other might think. If someone looks sideways at you, smile and say hello. Go. It'll be great. If I can do it anyone can do it.

by the way, after the shoe store, go have dinner!

[Kate T]

I checked out some of your photos. A lack of confidence will be the only reason you don't "pass". You look like most GG's pretty much anywhere.

What others will think when they see you is probably not much from my experience of the general public. There will always be someone who will stare, especially kids! Think of it as giving them a broad education :)

[docrobbysherry]

Laura, some people just aren't made to enjoy going out dressed. If u can't pass, (like me), don't enjoy drama, or constantly being inspected, don't go out to vanilla venues. We closet cross dressers r used to dressing any way we like without stress or constantly being judged. Not everyone gets a kick being a man in a dress out in public!

While I go out quite often to meet my dresser friends, it's alway very stressful until I enter the confines of our T friendly club. I do it to meet them and fit it. Otherwise I'd prefer to go in drab!

If u, or anyone here, is a closet CD? Don't feel guilty, whimpy, or a traitor to the trans cause if u prefer to dress in private. It's NOT for everyone!

[Henriette7]

Laura, I also checked your pictures. You should go out, you pass pass and pass. No doubt about that. Think of what you like and what is important for you, it's your life not others you should care about. Just like Jennifer says. "Screw what other might think". You are so ready, and yes the first steps are hard, but you will be surprised that hardly anyone will notice you. It's about the first steps, after that it will go quick and you will enjoy it so much.

In the summer 2014 I had the same fear as you have now. I started to go out in a little park, just sitting on a bench where people where passing by. Today I run around almost anywhere, I don't even think of it anymore. It's just so fun and I enjoy every minute.

Smile, go for it and let us know how it's going. We all believe that you can do it. No doubt about it :-)

Big hugs
Henriette

[Mia Brankovic]

Hi Laura, you look great!

and I cannot offer an real advice...cause I've yet to venture from the confines of my 'sanctuary'. But, I shall...because I have not commenced upon this journey to stagnant upon the path.

Doc gave excellent advice..."You just don't have to" (to paraphrase)...enjoy the experience in the stress free environment of your home; however, that advice may NOT be for you. Why? Because, based upon your post...you want to venture outside...maybe not today; however, that ONE activity has been on your mind from the onset of your transition. I maybe wrong?

So, first of all: WHEN? the answer is: it doesn't matter, you will when you are ready...or you won't (It's your call...no pressure).

Upon request: I could offer some "Go To" responses for possible situations that you may encounter (I tend to over-think things, on occasion): Oh, I have NO problem finding trouble (and actually...It's the other WAY 'round!)...so, I always have a way out (pre-planned...It's what I do-lol)

With a friend go to an 'out-of-town' convenience store...and buy a pack of gum. Keep in mind two facts: 1. There are laws that protect the rights of an individual...and you are an individual (yea! you qualify!) and, 2. deep down inside...you still possess the typical male characteristics, attitude and aptitude (in addition to the possible heightening feminine traits...and you must also remember that You continue to be "You" (dressing up may enlarge your perspective; however, your 'Core Being' is simply expanding (you do not lose male traits...they can be temporarily placed in reserve...UNTIL required). A review of your 'Personal behavioural attributes' should reveal an incredible versatile and adaptive individual...by reviewing this 'arsenal' (make a list), you may find that you are 'Armed and Dangerous' and fully confident to assault the realm of mediocrity.

But, only when you feel that you are ready...No pressure, sweetheart!

take care & be well
Mia

[Jean 103]

Laura, go believe me you will do fine. The first few minutes are the worst. Once you are in the store it’s all good. The SA’s have seen it before. I have always been treated well. Payless Shoes is one of my fav. I also wear a size 11, maybe 10 in a sandal. Besides you’re going with a friend so you won’t be alone. Relax and enjoy.

[kimdl93]

Laura, I guess we have all been where you are. You've said it yourself...you felelthe need to overcome this hurdle. That's what gets you out in real life the first time. The need overcoming the fears.

But once you take get out there you'll realize that your fears were baseless. I'll wager that few people notice and those who do will keep their thoughts to themselves. I've been out in public for four years now and despite my stature, big hands etc, I feel that most of the time I'm taken as a woman nonetheless. You will be to. Get out and enjoy yourself.

[Butterfly Bill]

Tri-Ess, with its preoccupation with passing, hardly seems to me to be a place to really find confidence. Just go out in the clothes and don't care if they know you're a man. Everybody knows I am when I do it.

[I Am Paula]

Don't let anybody force you out, but if you go- The world only sees what is on the screen of their phone. They don't look up, or respond to loud noises. Nobody notices anything anymore, in their little insular world.

[Claire Cook]

What encouragement you're getting! I'd agree that all your "fragile psyche" needs is to follow the Nike folks and"Just do it!"

You'll do just fine -- and I think you'll find it will just get better!

[GretchenJ]

Laura,

I agree with all which have posted, you are more than ready! Actually I am surprised that you have never been out before.
You will be fine!

[JamieQ]

I too say go out when "you" are ready...with that said you probably need to take a deep breath and venture out as you probably are ready. Most likely everything will go fine. Most people are so wrapped up in their own little world that they don't notice and if they do, they don't care...

[Sally24]

Laura, believe it or not, I still get butterflies when going to a new place. And I've been going out since 2005! Going out alone can be very hard. Going out with 1 or 2 friends takes much of the stress out of the equation. Stores are pretty easy because most SAs just want to do there job and sell. I don't think I've ever had a bad experience in retail stores. I've been to that DSW and they were fine. You might want to walk down to the corner and check out the Dress Barn too. They have some really cute outfits and their clearance can have some bargains! You won't be the first TG that they have seen there so try relax as best you can. You might get the occasional look but most people are just curious. Keep your eyes up off the floor, you are doing nothing wrong. If you make eye contact with anyone just give them a big smile and move on. Try to avoid the "head nod". That's a guy thing and usually you don't even notice you are doing it. Good luck and enjoy!

[Alice Torn]

Just go out, be confident, take all in stride, avoid dangerous areas.

[Brynna M]

I'll just chime in on the you look great sentiment. I can't see how you wouldn't pass any casual or moderate once over.

[Eringirl]

Hi Laura:

Totally get where you are coming from! :hugs: as others have stated, it is up to you when you go out. This is not a race. If it is only about whether or not you pass, I think you will be fine and blend in nicely if appropriately dressed, which I assume you will be. I only go out to the normal world and do what I need done, and it is always by myself. To date, no one cares. Sure, some look. I get an occasional eye wink from GGs , but I just say hello in return, sometimes comment on something that they are wearing that I like and move on. SA have never been an issue, never! So as one wise gal once told me, head up, shoulders back, and own it. Act you you belong there, because you do!

And as Donna stated, the first time is major butterflies, but it gets easier and easier. If I can do it alone all the time, you can to! This sounds like a nice opportunity for a first time out, to have someone for support.

Erin

[CONSUELO]

Your pics look very good and to most people you will look just like many women they see around them. But, as others have said, most people are too busy getting on with their own lives to start examining you closely. Besides, you are behaving properly and politely so what does it matter.

That said, don't get yourself worked up over going out. Just wait for the right time and you will be off and running.
By the way, when I first scanned your post and saw "Manchester" I thought wow, she lives near one of the most CD friendly cities in the World. No worries there. Then I looked closely and saw NH.

[Kandi Robbins]

Being a closeted CD, I appreciated docrobbysherry's advice. With hair covering everywhere hair can grow, that looks to be the way it will stay for me. I have zero makeup skills and even if I did, by the time I got everything done, it would be time to shave again. I'd feel like I was about to turn back into a pumpkin at a moments notice.

[Katey888]

Well, if you're just looking for encouragement... :D

GO! You look great... your outings, style and approach have been an inspiration for me - and if you want to go shopping - well GO! :cheer: I doubt you'll get many second glances, other than for the right reasons...

But Sherry gave good advice too - although I don't think you're still in the category 'closet' by any means... I feel your fear may be that you'll just enjoy it a little too much for comfort... but as you said in a prior post: Hey! You only live once...

Katey x

[Ms. Laura]

WOW! Thank you all for offering your encouragement, tips, advice, and cautionary tales!

Let's just say, yes, damnit, I'm going to go. I need to. I know I won't be attacked in a shoe store, so it'll be OK.

Once I'm in a situation, past the anxiety, I usually play the part well, head up, smile on my face. It's getting in the store, but my friend will be there to pull me in.

I'll report back! Not sure I'll be brazen enough to take selfies in the store, but we'll see. :-)

Dinner will be another night Jennifer! We have our TriEss Yankee swap and potluck that night.

And just as an aside, in response to Butterfly Bill's assertion about TriEss' preoccupation with passing, I'm not sure where you get that? Certainly not my chapter. We're accepting of anyone, we just focus on those with wives. However, you don't need one. And, we have folks who come with a beard, and you know what, it's fine! I've gotten more confidence from the wonderful ladies there than I ever could have guessed.

And Sally, how is it exactly, that we have never run into each other!? I have GOT to meet you and Lorraine one weekend.

[jsunic_1978]

the more we get out, IT IS MAINSTREAM ;)

[Babbs]

Laura,
When I go out its in Manchester as well...far enough from my home so as not to risk being seen by someone I know as I just can't have that. But once comfortable that I feel I don't know anyone around I've gone grocery shopping at Market Basket and Hannafords, shoe and clothing shopping at TJ Maxx, lunch at McD's and it was very fun. When going for a drink though I go to the Breezeway Pub (a gay bar so very CD friendly). I would avoid some of the downtown Manchester streets alone at night though. When I get to go out it's usually late saturday afternoon to early evening. Send me a pm if you would want some company on a saturday shopping for shoes...comfort in numbers...Also what is TriESS btw? I'd like to meet other CD'ers in a group setting.

Thanks
Babbs

[Michellegryl]

Laura, you are more ready than you think and you do not give yourself or your presentation enough credit. You look great and will blend easily. I have been to DSW in Salem and Nashua several times and the SA's were very friendly and professional. The other shoppers were equally friendly and I had some great conversations with several ladies there. Hold your head up, smile and be confident in who you are. I know you will do great, so just go and have some FUN !!!
Hugs
Michelle

[Jennifer Kelly]

By chance the first place I ever went dressed was an art museum. It was free admission that day so a bit crowded, which probably worked to my advantage. No one paid me any mind. I was just another woman looking at art.

That said I still get a bit nervous about going to "mainstream" places but it can be done. :)

[Nadya]

I completely understand why you feel the need to go out. I feel the same way when I dress. While I haven't gone out shopping (although the idea sounds like so much fun!), my experience of going out for fun dressed up is such a rewarding experience. Don't be afraid of having fun! This is part of your personality and you shouldn't have to suppress it. You've already have been out to CD friendly places now it's time to take the next step! I've heard from many people that sales people are very friendly in generally more feminine business. Have fun!

[Stephanie47]

I'm glad you decided to go out. I'm sure once you get past the feeling everyone is looking at me, you'll do fine. I read a post from last year that you were five foot ten and 170 pounds. I'm sure you'll look like a tall woman, and, there are plenty tall women around these days. Being with a friend should reduce any anxiety. I wish I had the guts to take the plunge in a gender friendly place.

[Dianne S]

I'm just afraid, of what, I'm not sure.

I was afraid too and even now I get the occasional jitters. What you're probably afraid of in order of increasing severity: Someone laughing at you, a group of people laughing or making fun, someone getting upset and insulting you, and physical danger.

I've slowly learned that where I live, this is unlikely. People are pretty tolerant and I'd imagine it's similar in New Hampshire. The first few times were quite nerve-wracking, but now it's not really a big deal. People either don't read me, or they do read me but hide it and are polite. Either way, I have a pleasant experience.

You do need to take sensible precautions. I wouldn't go alone any place a woman is unlikely to be venture alone like in a deserted alley at night or a strip joint at 2am. If you go to family-friendly places, you'll probably be fine.

[Dawn cd]

Laura, You have to ask yourself, what's the worst that could happen? Could you be spotted by someone from the workplace and lose your job? Could it lead to a breakup in your marriage? Those are serious matters. Might you have a moment of embarrassment? That's not a serious matter. Take my word: you won't be arrested, nor will you be taunted by crowds of people. The vast majority of people won't even notice you. That will be nice. In fact, that will be wonderful.

[PaulaQ]

Laura, you'll be fine. Seriously.

You look fine in your picture. You may well pass - if you don't, it'll likely be because your nervousness draws attention to you that your appearance simply wouldn't. Most people don't pay that close of attention to others. If you dress to draw attention to yourself, which I don't recommend for a first time out, you'll attract attention, and then someone may well notice.

Even if they do, most people simply aren't going to care, or want to risk confrontation. Yeah, it can happen. My roommate is 6' 2", wears 4" heels, and miniskirts. She is pretty (I'd kill to have her legs, for instance), she attracts a hell of a lot of attention (she can stop traffic down in our neighborhood), and she doesn't pass because of her size, and body type. She may someday, she may not. She's in transition. For the most part, she goes out and about here without any issues. I've been out in Tulsa Oklahoma, without issue. I am not familiar with where you live in New Hampshire, but do you think it is more conservative than Dallas or Tulsa, or less conservative than in those towns.

Most stores will be happy to take your money, even if they clock you.

If your fear is really that this may be your identity - that you are, in fact, a woman, and that you'll need to transition, in my opinion it's better to face those fears straight on. Hiding from it and trying to avoid it is, if you really are TS, quite unlikely to result in a very happy life for you. But in any case, it'll take WAAAY more than a trip to the shoe store to establish that...

Good luck.

[Nicole Erin]

You don;t have to go out mainstream. Just become a hipster, they hate mainstream. If you dress like an everyday woman of any type, do so "ironically", ride a 10 speed, and make sure you have a hipster ALBUM like Kongos in hand. Must be vinyl.

[Ms. Laura]

Field Report: Mission Accomplished

Ok, I did it! I thank EVERYONE for their encouragement and advice. I put on my jeans, black camisole, nice belted eggplant cardigan, and ballet flats. I did a minimal makeup, neutral eyeshadow, look, grabbed my peacoat and handbag and we hit the store at 3 in the afternoon on a busy holiday shopping day. We could barely get a parking spot in the plaza. Walked what seemed a mile to the store and went in.

First we shopped the clearance 11s, not crowded there. Then branched out to the rest of the store looking for 11s. I needed new heels for a formal party coming up. I tried on at least a dozen pairs. I tried on boots in the front and center of the store. In the checkout line, I waited by myself and went to my own register and talked to the woman who was very nice.

Did I get some glances, yes, but other than that, nothing. I feel really good about the day. I'm still processing it. Later I walked down the busiest street in Manchester to the bar, so it was a very "out" kind of day.

Oh, and yes, I got some Calvin Klein cage heeled sandals with a zip up heel. I also got a cute pair of keds for my next shopping trip

Thanks!

[Jenniferathome]

Good on you Laura!

[kimdl93]

Way to go, Laura! So what's next?

[TessaOKC]

You do look beautiful and confident. I think you should go out as well. Sometimes I find it easier to "Dress Down" as it draws less attention. That may be helpful for your first time. Good luck!!

[Ms. Laura]

Hmmm, I'm not sure what's next. Possibly out to eat. .. Really fear the bathroom situation though.

[Dianne S]

You might want to research the bathroom laws where you live. Or you can be a tourist and come to Ontario :) ... it's only about a six hour drive from southern NH and we have a law called Toby's Law that prevents discrimination on the basis of gender identity or gender expression.

I still feel slightly nervous using the women's washroom, but nothing bad has happened so far.

[Suzanne F]

It's up to you Laura. Most people will reflect how you feel about the experience. There will be a few odd stares but that can just be ignored if you are in the moment. I promise you look fine and can pull it off. Keep your head up and concentrate on the smiles that you get back. You can and should do it. If you do it once prepare to want more!
Suzanne

Sorry I missed the post where you had already gone out. See I told you!
Suzanne

[Rogina B]

[QUOTE=Ms. Laura;3655663.. Really fear the bathroom situation though.[/QUOTE] Get over it! Bathrooms[anywhere] are only a big deal if you make them one...You know how I feel about things ...Just get out there and get some street time..There is no substitute for street time in the mainstream world...

[kimdl93]

Laura, I've used the women's restrooms at McDonald, clothing stores, museums, hotels, auto service centers and the convenience stores on the Kansas Turnpike without any incident.

[Alison Bellis]

Laura you look great. You have just got to go for it. Go somewhere where it's going to be busy, shopping is great, lots of people doing their own thing. They are not going to be looking at you. And those that do won't give you a second glance. If you do get the odd look just smile and move on. The smile and looking confident is important. Within a couple of minutes you'll realise just how easy it is and be wondering what it was that you were so nervous about. The problem is, it, becomes addictive. Be warned,

Alison X

[Vintage4sarah]

Laura,

I am so happy for you that you got the opportunity to go out and have such a pleasant experience.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I see you've already gone out, but my advice was to "pull on your big girl panties" and just go out




Laura, believe it or not, I still get butterflies when going to a new place. And I've been going out since 2005! Going out alone can be very hard. Going out with 1 or 2 friends takes much of the stress out of the equation. Stores are pretty easy because most SAs just want to do there job and sell. I don't think I've ever had a bad experience in retail stores. I've been to that DSW and they were fine. You might want to walk down to the corner and check out the Dress Barn too. They have some really cute outfits and their clearance can have some bargains! You won't be the first TG that they have seen there so try relax as best you can. You might get the occasional look but most people are just curious. Keep your eyes up off the floor, you are doing nothing wrong. If you make eye contact with anyone just give them a big smile and move on. Try to avoid the "head nod". That's a guy thing and usually you don't even notice you are doing it. Good luck and enjoy!


I've gone out alone in the real world, but I am able to go to more mainstream places with a CD friend.

I've been to DSW (in boy mode). I's nice that the size 11 shoes are labeled in a different color to spot them easier.

I've been to many Dress Barns (en femme) and have always been treated wonderfully.

I've been to Ulta and MAC en femme. I go to a nail salon, sometimes in boy mode, sometimes en femme.

The first time I ever went out en femme was at the Maryland Renaissance Festival where I was among thousands of people, but practically invisible.

But, I still haven't gone into VS.

[fiseldon5]

Pick a quiet street or area that you know and walk it. First time experience is exciting.

[~Joanne~]

Laura, if that is YOU in your avatar picture, I don't think your going to get many bad responses while out and about. These "fears" we all feel, comes naturally because we have all been born and bred to believe certain things MUST be this way or it's the wrong way. To Me, just being on this forum, registering and actually posting, was the first step of breaking out of that mind frame.

There isn't one girl here that just went out the door one day and all has been well ever since. There were a lot of fears that had to be over came before it happened. A lot of inner turmoil, followed by curiosity, followed by an uncontrollable desire to get past that door. The more it was done, the more natural it became. The girls that say "just do it" have been doing it for years upon years, they have long since gotten pass their own fears.

Only you know if this is right for you or not, Don't get worked up over it, if it doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't. Your not ready and there is ABSOLUTELY no shame in that. You will know when the time is right, the place will be right, the company will be right and you'll be fully confident in yourself, then the world is yours!

I do know how you feel though, every halloween I start to get antsy because I do NOT want to miss the opportunity to get out there. Halloween coming once a year it seems more desperate that the cards line up but going to a shoe store? that can happen at any time you chose. Whatever you do decide, I really do hope it's the experience that you cherish forever.

[leannejacobs]

Just go out, who cares, although I think I'm quite shapely I'm 6'5" barefoot so to say I stand out lol, I've gone out to the shops regularly, admittedly I dont often make a purchase but I've got away with it most times, I had a few odd looks and a couple of curious teens giggling but apart from that nobody gave a damn, it's not easy to make the move so don't let anyone tell you different but once your out the pink fog takes over as well as the adrenaline, go for it and enjoy.

[sabrinaedwards]

Hi Laura, when I look at your posted photograph, you appear to be very "blendable." By that I mean most would not give you a second look if you dressed appropriately. I can tell you that I have never had a negative experience going out dressed. On this past Thursday, I went to a small playhouse that is CD friendly. I had a drink before the performance; no issues. After the performance I went to a shopping area, tried on shoes at Payless, shopped at Target, then went to a club that features female impersonators. After the performance was over I stopped at a fast food place on the way home. All of the staff of these various places were curteous, friendly, and generally acceptable of me. When I was at the theater, I even told the person sitting next to me that I am a crossdresser. I always smile and I think I give off a friendly attitude.
Love, Sabrina

[JocelynJames]

I fully understand. I have never even ventured outside and my heart pounds like an 80s hair band kick drum just thinking about it. I know we should not care, but only my SO knows and I'm not sure about ever being ready for the world to know.
You on the other hand, I just viewed a slew of your pictures and I don't think you should worry. Very natural looking and if you get a second look it may be for other reasons.
Maybe we should do a girls shopping trip or night out- I'm in Massachusetts and could use a night out .

[kristinacd55]

Hi Laura,
I had a similar experience as far as going out. I went to support group meetings and tg events. Then 2 of my best buds invited me to go to the mall and I thought I would be fine. I was terrified as well but it went off without a hitch. I could hear a smatter of snickers when we walked by some groups of kids, but besides that it went awesome! You'll do fine and just don't let it get into your head too much, you're very passable by your pic. :)


Lol, I just read you already went out and you did great. Good for you girl!

[Emily CD]

Hi Laura,

I too completely understand where you are coming from and truly appreciate the fears you are having. There was an earlier reply to your post that talked about the "me generation". That is so true. I am becoming more and more convinced that most people are so wrapped up in themselves, which leads to them not having the time or energy to care about anything or anyone else. It is quite sad actually. I continue to push my comfort zone just a little bit more each time including my first "real" experience out recently. Without getting into all the details I will simply say that an older lady friend, who totally supports me, and I went for a walk around a small town square a few weeks ago. It was at night but the square was lit up for Christmas. A few people were out including two women, who are the owners of a hair salon, were closing down for the evening. They simply asked, "how are you gals this evening?". My friend answered politely and all was well. It felt incredibly good! The feeling of walking in heels, with an appropriate outfit (skirt, top, pantyhose, and over-coat) was just wonderful.

We made a few more stops that evening including a look around inside a Dollar General store. At no point did anyone say a thing to me. I am not sure if there were "double-takes" but honestly, I don't think so. People really don't care. Furthermore, I think society needs women like us to bring back the feminine appeal. So many women these days dress so sloppy. For us, we strive to look our best. At least men appreciate it...hopefully.

Good luck with your ventures!

Emily

[victoria76]

I am happy for you! I am still far away from the point of being able to go out and shop... I am glad you had a good time! :)

[Marcelle]

Hey Laura . . . YAY!!!!! I am so glad you got out and had a good time. Careful though . . . the Vanilla world can be quite addictive once you have been out there "en femme".

Hugs

Isha

[flatlander_48]

The thing about Fear is that it will always be with us in some shape or form. The question is, however, whether it remains in our faces or we can relegate it to the background. If we can keep it in the background, it will still function as a mechanism to keep us safe and prevent us from doing silly things while allowing the freedom to challenge ourselves.

The late Audre Lorde said:

"When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision,
then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid."

[sara.rafaela]

Mainstream experiences. I have had a few.
. GOOD. Got rear ended by a guy on his way to work at SFO. Looked every bit the part of an aircraft mechanic. No damage to either car. After the formalities he seemed very curious and interested in where I was going, a club, and seemed borderline to go there too. I was not interested in him (straight with girlfriend), but seemed please with myself that I could leave a good image of us with this type of person.
. OK. I locked my car keys in my car. I had to call a tow truck. I was expecting a bearded rough houser with tattoos. I got an older Asian gentleman who insisted on calling me by my boy name (on my AAA) card) over and over again.
. ANNOYING. Went to the Nordstroms mall in San Francisco. They have these kiosks by the escalators. One of the girls at one of these kept callling me over rudely to try their product. I know the made me.
. GREAT. Met some ladies from this site. Had drinks and dinner in San Francisco in main stream places. Great time.

[DonnaP]

Really Happy for you bet It scary at first I know I was I got a little better as time went on but nervous the couple of hours I was out. I'm certainly not as Attractive as you are. Good luck with future plans.

[Glenda58]

Yes you are scared the first time out but you're going with someone who been there and done it. All of us who went out the first time were scared. But it gets easier every time you go and again. I still get goose bumps if I hadn't been out for months but after I'm out everything just falls in place.

[junetv]

just to echo what most have said: you'll be fine.

You have a very natural look. If someone does "clock" you, so what? I go shopping at mainstream stores. I've been addresses as sir, but for the most part most people smile at me (or maybe they're laughing at me). You'll find that most people won't pay attention to you unless you want them to.

If you're too nervous about going in full transformation, you can always go out in ladies jeans, some ladies loafers or sneakers or flat boots and an androgynous t-shirt. I usually do this and undersdress with pantyhose. if I know I'm going dress shopping I bring a pair of heels in a bag.

Have fun with it, that's what you're supposed to do :)

[Ms. Laura]

Thanks again everyone for your encouragement. As I posted earlier, it did go well. I'm working on setting up my next one!

[scarletcd]

Thanks again everyone for your encouragement. As I posted earlier, it did go well. I'm working on setting up my next one!

Congrats :). I had my first public experience around a month ago. Glad everything went well for you !

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

If you are looking to go out mainstream then shoe shopping is the best way to do it. I have gone dressed enfemme shoe shopping at least 50 times and have nothing to show for it except maybe 100 pairs of shoes, LOL!!! If you look like your picture then you have nothing to worry about, you look great. Go and have fun shopping!

[TerriM]

The first time I went out in public was in the late 70's. Over the years I have gone to numerous places. A couple of times I rode the LIRR into Penn Station in NYC and took the subway to plays and music shows. Ate in different restaurants and met some very interesting people. Did I pass every time? Of course not. I have had gotten stares, funny looks and knowing smiles. Did I have a good time? I sure did. Last March I went to the Keystone convention in PA. There was over 400 TGs there. As the song goes " Don't sit alone on the shelf, Come to the Cabaret"

[deebra]

Laura I have gone to DSW several times and have bought shoes there, I am also a size 11. Last time I went I wore bootcut girl jeans, panties, garter belt, black stockings, bra with small forms and fem top. I was in guy appearance yet nobody gave me a second look, they were all locked into looking for their own shoes. I went directly to the back of the store where they have the marked down shoes, tried on a pair of 4" heels and heeled boots, put them on both feet and walked up and down the aisles, stopped and looked in the mirrows. Was aware that women were around me and they ignored me. It was a great feeling slipping my foot with hose on in the shoes and walking in heels in public around women, what a turn on!!!! When buying them at the counter, no problem. Wish you were close so we could shop together.

[jsunic_1978]

go out with confidence take note of other women as we ACT like women all is GOOD :) be ware of all surroundings, be alert KEYS IN HAND purse zipped up AT THE RESISTER I GO OUT ALMOST EVERYDAY AS I DO LIVE MY LIFE AS FEMALE when im not working anyhow, when people usually say something, if the do.., its usually just women WHICH IS A GOOD THING ;) they just tell me i look CUTE complement my outfits.. ITS A GREAT FEELING ;) and im sorry i multi poasted again LOL so im EDITING ;)

well always be addressed AS SIR..,(SOME OF US) ITS OUR voices but for the most part.......,SO WHAT...? this person likes womens clothes....but i do wish people had COMMON SENSE....were presenting FEMALE ;)

[jsunic_1978]

and its also a good idea to go out IN GUY APPERANCE to get more confident.... usually im in boot cut as well and a hoodie womens nikies :) and sometimes ugg boots with the leg of pants over them