let me bounce this off you

[lynda]

hi everyone,since im in the closet to everyone i know,you girls are the only ones i can be honest with and i need your opinon,.if you read my posts you know for the past 8 months,i have been all over theplace mind wise.ive been girly,ive been manly,italk about purging. italk about dressing. ever since my wife passed 8 months ago. ihave been on a rollercoster ride. as i said we were in a dadt 38 year marregeand that really kept me in check cd wise .mebbe once a month .when she passed i went to the other side and dressed all the time .even shaved my body for the first time. now hears my ?.i went to a concert the other nite , with a frend of mine and after being there wished i was with my wife insted, looking around i saw all the coupels and felt really lonly and sad, i know now i miss the company of a women , not only the sex part ,thats really very small, but just to love go out with , talk to, like the movie i love the scent of a women .now i think i want to grow the hair back on my body, put the cloths away for a while, because i think i can find someone if i present more male, i dont want to lie to someone . but i really need a womens company. hugs love lynda

[Katey888]

Lynda, I think your feelings are perfectly natural... :hugs:

Have you considered that you could socialise without any necessity to reveal this part of your nature? Or that you may have less body hair than usual? I don't see any practical issues with you keep one part of you private if you are simply socialising at a 'polite' level... just friendly outings, dinner, movie... but nothing intimate? If you want to go further, though, then that would mean more serious consideration, I think... but no law against enjoying yourself now - and I'm sure it would be what your wife would want for you... :)

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi Lynda,

My condolences on the loss of your wife. Loosing someone so close is one of those defining moments in our lives and the grieving process can be quite extensive. We (humans) are social creatures and we enjoy the company of others. It may be as simple as friends or as complex as relationships. What you are feeling is normal. You were in a 38 year relationship with a woman you loved and shared with and now part of you is looking to recapture that same feeling. If you mind is telling you do so then listen to your mind. But I do agree with Katie in that you can still keep the "femme" side you alive (if she is important) and private and still seek the companionship of women as a guy. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Hugs

Isha

[Teresa]

Lynda,
I've been married forty years so I could understand the big hole in your life and you do have my sympathies !
It must be hard to decide what you want out of CDing when it was a DADT situation for so long ! You're your own free agent now to do as you please but possibly like me you would still prefer to share it with someone even in a restricted way !
I guess at the moment don't worry too much about what you wear or how you present your body . If you have the opportunity to go out with company keep doing it, things will get better, if you don't you won't do yourself any favours !
A positive action leads to other positive actions ! Inaction leads to nothing !!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lynda, I've been married 50+ years and I can't imaging being alone without my DA/DT wife.
Do yourself a favor and don't purge, you will be sorry later

[jjjjohanne]

Wow, that sounds so much like what I think I would do. Without restraints, I would do whatever I felt like concerning dressing. Therefore, I would not feel like I could live my "other", "normal" life the same way... There do seem to be two paths. Either do what you did when you found your deceased wife, and hide it; or you can do something that shows what you are and try to find a woman who can accept you anyway. Perhaps you could wear a skirt as a man so that you are still attractive to a woman (because you present male), but you are expressing that your other traits exist. I suppose that the number of single women your age might be a small set. Also, I am of the opinion that the number of women who are looking for more than a friend is limited the older they get.

On second thought, if you were to be open about your dressing, you might make a woman feel safer with you. Through bad assumptions, she might think, "Oh, he is not looking for anything from me, he is a crossdresser." If all you want is company, your crossdressing might work to your advantage. So soon after losing your wife, if you are like me, you might be so emotional still that you will not make well-reasoned decisions. I think that I would probably want to throw myself at the first woman who came along. The emotions of the loss might amplify the emotions of affection and make me over-value the woman and cause me not to take heed to warning signs if she was not a good choice for me.

Joey

[Jean 103]

I understand how you feel, the freedom, loneliness and loosing that best friend being played by a woman. Finding a balance and someone to fill that role. I hope you find that special someone.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hi Lynda,

Everything you say makes sense and you shouldn't worry. If it feels right to you to go all-male again, then so be it.

You know Lynda is there, and Lynda will probably always be there. If you're worrying about some kind of disloyalty to her (and even to the girls here), there's no need. 8 months isn't long to be single, after all those years of marriage and of course it's natural that you are missing a partner.

You don't need anybody to tell you that if you were to settle down again in another long term relationship, it probably wouldn't be long before Lynda came tapping at your window. It would be awful to find yourself re-committed with someone who preferred to keep the shutters closed.

Good luck whatever you decide-

Hugs, Nikki

[Kate Simmons]

The real skill is finding someone who loves you for who you are, all of you. Something like that doesn't happen overnight and requires becoming a good friend first. A solid friendship is hard to beat even if romance wanes. All of this I have found from experience. :)

[Bria]

Please let me add my condolences on the passing of you wife. As Isha has pointed out the grieving process takes a while. Don't try to rush it. At the same time after 8 months it is in no way disrespectful to your dearly departed wife to be looking for some companionship.

Take it a day at a time, but don't purge!

Hugs, Bria

[Lorileah]

what I did (after losing 2 SOs in 18 months). I became angry and withdrawn. Did everything I could think of to fit in with the single "boys" and felt totally like a fish out of water. Split into two different personalities. The grumpy surly male looking to find a woman to sleep with (not share a life...just an affair) and the happy relaxed feminine person who attracted people to her and who had lots of friends but none that were sexual.

I would still like a forever partner...we all do. But pressing to find one because you think you NEED someone there is a wrong move. You can't force that. You need to look for someone who will accept you not matter HOW you look.

You can't replace the loved one you lost. Don't even try. You can find someone new but you need to be patient and open. If dressing is who you are, even part time, then you will find someone who can accept you like that. It isn't easy but the easy fruit is often not the sweetest. Be you, if that is when you are male and you find someone in that mode...then go for it but when the time is right be honest. Being with someone and miserable is far worse than being alone

[Beverley Sims]

I will bounce this one back to you.....

You are coming out of a grieving process and looking to further your interests.
This brings feelings of guilt, a desire to cast off the past and of course purge.
Do not purge, look for other interests and even give up dressing for a while, these are normal courses of events.

Go out, meet others and enjoy life.
You will eventually find a level and the meaning of life will return.
I am sorry about your wife, losing a friend like that is always a hard act to follow.

I have been in a similar situation when I lost one of my parents.
It took me about five years to get over that.

[Alice Torn]

I am pretty much with Lorileah on this. At age 27, i had my first girlfriend, who was 21, but she moved too far away, and then ended her life. I cried two days, and grieved for months. We never had sex, though. Several years later, i got to know a strong blind woman, with four kids, and wanted to marry her, but she said she could not marry me, because her father was the strongest man she has known, and i by comparison, was weak. I drove off, and nearly drove into a tree, to kill myself. A few years later, met another older woman, with two daughters, and dated off and on for a year, but It did not work out. I have not dated much since, but have had women aquaintence friends. I have had much to unlearn, and learn. I was so needy, and desperate for female company! i did not know me! I no longer want to marry , very badly, like earlier. If you can find a decent, honest, friendship with a nice woman, you are fortunate. So many times, when i did have dates with attractive women, other guys were always hitting on them. I really got tired of that. Being alone can be lonely, in a couple's world, especially, at restaurants, concerts, movies, church, etc, but it really is better to live alone, than in a war zone with a wrong mate. I give blood plasma, and volunteer some, but it seems every GG is taken these days, and has several guys, single, or married, interested in them. Being alone with loving pets is not so bad.

[bridget thronton]

May doing volunteer work with groups whose membership is largely female is a place to start (dressed or not depending on your future plans).

[Brynna M]

My condolences. I'm really sorry you lost someone.

That said there is nothing wrong with cross dressing and there is nothing wrong with wanting to meet someone. If you want to prioritize meeting someone over crossdressing go for it. That's the sad "up side" to being alone. Right now your choices only affect you. When you meet someone then you have to make choices with them in mind too.

[lynda]

hi girls,all of you are very helpful, i like talking to you because you understand this more then anyone else. thanks girls love hugs lynda