Tell or get Busted

[Dani0948]

When I joined the site, I had never even considered re-telling my wife of neary 30 years. I did tell her before we got married because of threats from my ex-wife. My current wife did not want to talk about it and I promised (being madly in love) that I would stop. Which I did for years. But I never could stop the fantasies. I had to be satisfied with my imagination. After our daughter was born, the opportunity to dress became non-existant because when I wasn't working, I usually took care of her when my wife was working. When our daughter went away to college I found time when home alone to start dressing again. At first it was just some pany hose, but later I got forms, makeup, etc.

I had planned on telling after our daughter's wedding (August 2014), but still have not and think that I will not anytime soon. I can't see how telling would help anyone but me. I don't think she would be accepting and it would only add to her problems (she has a couple medical issues that while not dabilitating cause her pain).

I know that I risk being discovered, but have decided that the outcome would be same whether I tell or get busted. I'm sure there are others here in a similar situation and would love to ear your thoughts

[sabrinaedwards]

I understand your issue; I have a DADT relationship with my wife on CDing. We have a loving marriage, but she has never been able to accept this part of me. As such, I dress when opportunity arises and I am cautious regarding getting busted.

[Jolene]

Living alone here, I only have a couple of thoughts to share. Would it be a big thing if she knew but never saw you dressed? That way, you could dress when she was away, but I suppose to some women just the thought of their man doing such a thing would not be agreeable to them.
Best of luck to you whichever way you go. :)

[Katey888]

Similar circumstances here Dani... :hugs:

It sounds like you've come to the same rationalisation that I have, of whether to punt for the 'Great Reveal' or not... I think for those of us that believe non-acceptance or considerable hurt (to both parties) would be the outcome then remaining fully clandestine is the best thing to do, although some may not believe it to be the ethically right thing. :thinking:

It's bad enough feeling the latent stigma of society for what we need to do without beating ourselves up over some calculated, intra-familial secrecy - I'm just hoping a plea for good, old-fashioned insanity holds should anything ever emerge inadvertently (and I know my wife would believe that... :lol:)

There are worse things we could be doing...

Katey x

[Beverley Sims]

I do not think failing to tell is unethical.

It is good commonsense practice.

[Stephanie47]

Only you know your wife. If she becomes aware that you are now re-visiting cross dressing, then you'll have ample opportunity to discuss the issue. She may be more receptive to cross dressing, since she now has had thirty years of opportunity to assess who you are. Hopefully, she'll be understanding. I'm in a DADT marriage. Although my wife knows I wear women's clothing, she has no idea how my wardrobe has expanded. She does not want to discuss anything. I always wonder what she'll say if she discovers my extensive wardrobe which is hidden in plain sight. All I will be able to say is she decided to ignore the big elephant in the room, so what was I suppose to do? She even said it was OK to join a support group, which did not exist thirty plus years ago. So, the dilemma is always with us.

Have you ever considered you're wife already knows? Sometimes it is difficult to hide everything in a marriage: feelings and material items.

[kimdl93]

You have to do what works for you. Just be careful.

[Cara Lacey]

It has been my experience that the women are more upset with the deception then the cross-dressing itself. The fact that you have held onto the secret for so many years may be very upsetting to your wife.

My suggestion is to imagine the worst case scenario. Can you live with it?

[amberporteraro]

To echo others' comments, every situation is different. Only you understand the dynamic between you and your SO.

Speaking in generalities in life, I feel like if there is something that is making me pause, fear, question, or feel uncomfortable that 99/100 I feel better after telling my wife. That being said, I have not made that same decision with dressing... If I had to choose between divulging the truth on my own terms and getting busted and those were the only two options, I would choose telling. Again to echo the comments of another poster, I feel that my SO would be more upset with the dishonesty and secrecy rather than the act of dressing itself.

Best of luck in your decision!