Sarah09
12-07-2014, 04:47 PM
Almost 1 year ago, I asked the GG's in the loved ones section about what they thought if one of their children was a crossdresser, and whether they would want to know this or not. I asked because I am crossdresser, and I felt a need to tell my mother about me and my dressing, and this other part of my self and personality, and why I feel this has had a huge impact on my life and particularly why the shame and confusion about these feelings I had around crossdressing and femininity, contributed to me having emotional/social difficulty growing up and interacting with friends and my family. I think she felt she struggled to connect with me when I was younger, and since this was a big reason why, she felt like the right person to come out to.
I wanted to get some perspective from people who were not crossdressers, about whether this is something they would even want to know about someone who was not their significant other. I know that there is no way to predict how someone will act, but I really wanted to get their perspective on things. You can read that thread for the details, here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?205211-Telling-and-needing-to-know-GG-s-only-please&highlight= ((http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?205211-Telling-and-needing-to-know-GG-s-only-please&highlight=))) but the overwhelming response of GG's there was that I should tell her. Well, it took a year to gather the courage, but I finally decided to come out to my mom about me being a crossdresser and having this, for lack of a better word, feminine side to my personality that I don't normally show.
A few days ago, I called and asked her to come over to my place because there was something I wanted to tell her, without my dad being around. I tried to ask in a way that was casual and not a big deal, but she clearly suspected something was up. She came over a few day later and after some small talk I just came out and told her. I previously practiced and planned what I was going to say, which was a good idea , because I was so nervous. I told her about myself and explained as best I could what this was, and why i think the shame and fear of being discovered when I was younger largely explains why I was always so secretive and private growing up. I explained what being a crossdresser meant and how this fits into my life, both struggling with these feelings growing up, and coming to peace with them over the past few years. I explained how I am not going to be making any sort of big change in my life, and am not expecting her to react in a certain way, but its something I felt she needed to hear and understand
I never expected my mom to disown me or be angry, I would not have told her if I thought these things, but I was still relieved that her reaction was so positive. She told me she had no idea I was like this, but she was happy she now has a better understanding of why I was so secretive and private growing up. She told me she always thought that I was struggling with something emotionally when I was younger, and she is glad she now knows what that was. She had the normal questions; are you gay? do you want to have a sex change? who else knows? but was entirely calm and supportive through the whole process. We probably had a longer one on one conversation about crossdressing then we have had about anything in years. She was curious about what type of clothes I usually wear and how I obtained them when I was younger. She was also very curious and had a lot of questions about the transformation place I go to frequently and even about this and other online forums I visit. She told me how happy she was that I have some sort of support network and connection to other people who are like me. She also talked about how common it is now days for her to see guys working in Victorias Secret, selling makeup at Macy's/Nordstroms, and working in woman's clothing stores, which I think was her way of telling me it is not as big a deal as it used to be for men to be interested in makeup/woman's clothes. I honestly could not have expected the conversation and her reaction to have gone better. She even told me she thought it would be a good idea to tell my dad and sister, particularly my sister who my mom thinks would be another good person I can talk about my life/feelings around this issue with, I am in no hurry though to tell other people at the moment, and my mom promised to keep this between us as long as I want.
She ended by telling me how happy she was that I found peace with my crossdressing and that it's something that I get happiness and calmness from, and she will probably have more questions for me in the future, and I told her that she can ask me anything she wants and I will not be offended. We hugged at the end and she told me she loved me.
I am not writing this to encourage others to come out to family members, I know every situation is different and each person has to do whats right for them, which may be to tell or may be to keep this a secret. But I would like to extend my gratitude and sincere thanks to the GG's who encouraged me and gave me some advice about how to go about this whole thing.
I wanted to get some perspective from people who were not crossdressers, about whether this is something they would even want to know about someone who was not their significant other. I know that there is no way to predict how someone will act, but I really wanted to get their perspective on things. You can read that thread for the details, here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?205211-Telling-and-needing-to-know-GG-s-only-please&highlight= ((http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?205211-Telling-and-needing-to-know-GG-s-only-please&highlight=))) but the overwhelming response of GG's there was that I should tell her. Well, it took a year to gather the courage, but I finally decided to come out to my mom about me being a crossdresser and having this, for lack of a better word, feminine side to my personality that I don't normally show.
A few days ago, I called and asked her to come over to my place because there was something I wanted to tell her, without my dad being around. I tried to ask in a way that was casual and not a big deal, but she clearly suspected something was up. She came over a few day later and after some small talk I just came out and told her. I previously practiced and planned what I was going to say, which was a good idea , because I was so nervous. I told her about myself and explained as best I could what this was, and why i think the shame and fear of being discovered when I was younger largely explains why I was always so secretive and private growing up. I explained what being a crossdresser meant and how this fits into my life, both struggling with these feelings growing up, and coming to peace with them over the past few years. I explained how I am not going to be making any sort of big change in my life, and am not expecting her to react in a certain way, but its something I felt she needed to hear and understand
I never expected my mom to disown me or be angry, I would not have told her if I thought these things, but I was still relieved that her reaction was so positive. She told me she had no idea I was like this, but she was happy she now has a better understanding of why I was so secretive and private growing up. She told me she always thought that I was struggling with something emotionally when I was younger, and she is glad she now knows what that was. She had the normal questions; are you gay? do you want to have a sex change? who else knows? but was entirely calm and supportive through the whole process. We probably had a longer one on one conversation about crossdressing then we have had about anything in years. She was curious about what type of clothes I usually wear and how I obtained them when I was younger. She was also very curious and had a lot of questions about the transformation place I go to frequently and even about this and other online forums I visit. She told me how happy she was that I have some sort of support network and connection to other people who are like me. She also talked about how common it is now days for her to see guys working in Victorias Secret, selling makeup at Macy's/Nordstroms, and working in woman's clothing stores, which I think was her way of telling me it is not as big a deal as it used to be for men to be interested in makeup/woman's clothes. I honestly could not have expected the conversation and her reaction to have gone better. She even told me she thought it would be a good idea to tell my dad and sister, particularly my sister who my mom thinks would be another good person I can talk about my life/feelings around this issue with, I am in no hurry though to tell other people at the moment, and my mom promised to keep this between us as long as I want.
She ended by telling me how happy she was that I found peace with my crossdressing and that it's something that I get happiness and calmness from, and she will probably have more questions for me in the future, and I told her that she can ask me anything she wants and I will not be offended. We hugged at the end and she told me she loved me.
I am not writing this to encourage others to come out to family members, I know every situation is different and each person has to do whats right for them, which may be to tell or may be to keep this a secret. But I would like to extend my gratitude and sincere thanks to the GG's who encouraged me and gave me some advice about how to go about this whole thing.