Is it crossdressing or just being who we are

[Erica Marie]

How many here have been through so many stages that they either have gotten more confused about who they are or have finally figured out what it all means.

For me, I think I figured out I am more confused than ever. Dressing up, putting on a wig and make up, looking in the mirror and seeing someone who isn't me. I see a girl, in a guys body, in girls cloths. Kind of doesn't make sense. Is there a logical way to make sense of it?

How have all of you girls come to terms with yourself. For you, is it about the cloths, is it about self expression, or you just as confused as I am?

[deebra]

Yes I'm confused just like you, have accepted it and know the desire will never go away, I truly love dressing girly and it's a fulfilling pleasure and joy when I'm in female clothing. Just don't want to be gauked at or embarrassed. Would love for society to say that guy has chosen to dress fem, his bust looks really nice under that sweater, the matching skirt goes so nice with it and I like his choice in stockings, heels, makeup and wig. He looks so much nicer than in guy mode. This was a long time in coming but now that society has accepted crossdressing for both genders both sexes are allowed to dress as they please with no condemnation. Now wouldn't that be nice and as it should be, freedom to be who we want to be.

[kimdl93]

Its been a long time coming, but I came to terms with myself as a transgendered person. Clothing, shapers, forms and a wig are means to the end of presenting myself as I feel inside. It stops being so confusing once one realizes and accepts that despite the size and structures of my body, I'm wired, to a very large extent, as a woman.

[Christen]

Erica,

For me it's now about expression. About letting the Demonette out. About breathing, gulping, some air while the shadowy part of my core feels allowed to be.
I used to be confused, I'm sure I will be again, but for for now I accept who I am. And it is who I am, not what I am. I'm just a guy who, when he wakes up, is as happy to slip into a skirt and heels as he is shorts and a T shirt.
If guys are on the left and girls are on the right, then I'm a little left of centre. So be it, I didn't choose this, but I can't deny it either.
Accept the being that you are, honey. You're a good person. Don't let little things get in the way of that!

Christen xx

[noeleena]

Hi,

Now this could lead to how one express,s them selfs and thats where im going . i,ll say im not confused though i was shut down in how to express my self , don.t discount knowing who you are or being you .,

some times it takes years to grow up and become who we should be , i wont say what the trigger is because we are all different and what makes sense to one may not another ,

Looking in the mirror and seeing some one who is not me . what are you looking at ...really....

is this about how you look or the real who you are , that detail maybe you cant see yet know in how you express your self in a way that does not include how you look, by pass that mirror and let others see you, are you that open are you like an open book for all to see inside ,

Oh, of cause they see what you look like clothes or not yet is this what this is about. some times we can get so caught up in our little world we miss what we are really about ,

The open book, name rank and serial no, is that all . oh of cause i work at being a builder i talk with many about their jobs and what we are doing , how im dressed is a non event i dress for the job in hand.

Life, what grabs us what gets us going what turns us to do what we do work in kitchens play in Bands give of myself in many ways to and for people , do jobs for our kaylyn = daughter, .

i express my self as a normal person. really im very expressive in how i interact with people , wonder why i have sooooooo many lovely neat friends. is it my clothes make up how i dress or ...or .....you,d better ask them only 1500 people , see what they say ,

You know what there comes a time in our life when we just become who we are , we grow into being who we are , we really see beyound that mirror and take hold of our self and live our life as we are ment to .

I have and i knew i would 57 years ago . how the heck would i know that then .
...I just knew....dont ask how i did because i cant tell you iv no idear just did thats all.

you may ask am i for real... sad to say yes i am . or maybe not sad just i dont know just the way it was for this kid who was different .

you know what theres still hope for you, you just need to open that door with the right ...KEY...you know what key it is , your just afraid too, , when you do you,ll wish you had long ago.

...noeleena...

[Kate Simmons]

For myself it's all about my feelings and being in touch with them. The end result is pretty much up to me. :battingeyelashes::)

[donnalee]

I think the difficulty is in trying to find a logical explanation, particularly if logic has been your only truly reliable way of dealing with life; I was initially somewhat surprised to find so many members here in highly technical jobs that demand skilled use of it.
While we are all trying hard to find out why and finding no proven answers, but some postulated ideas that are shared by a number of members, all there is to go on is that it is a necessary part of our lives which we are compelled, for whatever reason(s), to express.
Damn straight it's confusing!
More valuable, in my eyes, is the way we choose to cope with it, attempt to analyze our feelings and direction, what works, what doesn't and where we in our hearts want to take it in the future. These are all difficult, and the most valuable thing about this site IMO is that we can express ourselves and listen to the sounding board of the other members and respond to their ideas as well.

[Annaliese]

I am just being who I am, I don't think the confusion will ever go a way, but I have accepted, who I am. I like what you said, "I see a girl, in a guys body, in girls clothes".

[NicoleScott]

It's crossdressing. I'm a man who crossdresses. So a crossdresser is who I am.

[Jean 103]

I am also confused and don't have the answer to why or where this is going. I know the obvious that is life would be so much easier if I would just be a guy. I has asked why I am obsessed with hair removal by my wife last night, as usual I dodge the question “I don’t know I like it”, and not I love how it makes me feel more girly. Which may be the answer to why. As to where, may be Trans. The point seems to be moving all the time and I where it will stop? So I have to say I feel content, happy, and confused some times at the same time.

[Jaylyn]

I just love to dress in female clothes. I enjoy the feelings I get from them. I enjoy the makeup. I love getting fixed up and in my opinion looking better than I am in real life. I'm getting older and the make up fills in the wrinkles the lines and the weathered old face. I feel good about what I see in the mirror. The dressing and the smooth hose and nylons feel good against my skin. I guess I am a crossdresser not wanting to be a female other than my play time. I still love my man time and love my dressing time. Nothing wrong with enjoying both. Wife says though I've mellowed because of my dressing but I think it's more my age and along with age comes wisdom and for most a thinking about what life is all about. Maybe it's a could care less what others think and am not thinking about what others think I should be or do but what I am most comfortable at. Yep I'm just a crossdresser. When I feel like it.

[Eringirl]

Just being who I am. It is the form not the clothes for me.

[Cheryl James]

For me, I think, the clothes merely allow me to express who I really am. I am faking it when I am in male clothing.

[Lorileah]

For me I see the real me when I am finished getting made up...that person in the mirror in the morning is someone else

[Tina B.]

I'm a man in a dress no matter how I would like to see it, so yes I am a cross dresser!

[Debra Russell]

...can't figure it out but to suppress it just makes it worse in other ways ....................Debra

[Cheryl T]

Its been a long time coming, but I came to terms with myself as a transgendered person. Clothing, shapers, forms and a wig are means to the end of presenting myself as I feel inside. It stops being so confusing once one realizes and accepts that despite the size and structures of my body, I'm wired, to a very large extent, as a woman.

I second Kim's response.
It's even gotten to the point with me that I forgo the shapers (still won't give up my forms) and just present myself. The wig is a necessity due to Mother Nature's intervention.
It took decades, but I've finally accepted myself in the last 10 years and realize it's not about the clothes, but about being who I am inside.

[Katey888]

Erica, I'm fairly sure logic has little to do with this - or is any use at all in trying to rationalise not just why we do it as we all seem to have subtly different motivations, but also the how we do it as there are many individual interpretations of frequency, mode of dress, environment, interaction, and the dreaded :eek: sexuality thing...

If you were able to have asked me 2 years ago (I was totally clandestine then) apart from denying it, I would not have been able to give any other answer than 'something sexual or kinky', even though I can look back now and realise that would not have been the truly predominant reason.

About a couple months after finding this place and reading, listening, interacting and being prepared to shift my belief and understanding a little, I would have been more inclined to accept that something relating to transgenderism was more at play - even though I knew I was comfortable as male, had no leanings to anything other than a hetero orientation, didn't feel I needed to present as female often, and still had a diabolical fashion sense.. :heehee:

I think my understanding has moved on from that a little, but the concept of trans* (if you're happy to accept it doesn't mean you're on an irreversible journey to transition - or TG if you're not happy..) still seems to me the best collective term for many of us, excluding the purely fetish dressers. There are clusters in that trans*/TG space - and some gulfs between 'just' dressing and TS, but we still exhibit many of the underlying common expressions and needs.

I would say it is just being who we are for all of us - it's just that for many, that 'who' is not the binary male or female, but something that is in the middle and unstable in presentation terms. We may tend towards a majority of time in one or other mode, but some of that can be driven by circumstances. The 'who' for those CDers (non-fetish) that lie outside trans*/TG is also true - but I have difficulty understanding what other motivations there can be... :thinking:

So I'm coming to terms with it - and confusion sometimes reigns supreme... but then I still really want to understand more...

Katey x

[Nadine Spirit]

How have all of you girls come to terms with yourself. For you, is it about the cloths, is it about self expression, or you just as confused as I am?

How have I come to terms with myself? Interesting question... I have allowed myself to go down this rabbit hole of cross dressing until one day I saw myself fully dressed, with a wig and makeup and somehow it all felt right. But when I saw my reflection I called myself a freak. Not much acceptance huh? It was about 10 years ago that I finally fully dressed and about another 5 years or so until I finally heard my own insults being hurled at myself in my head. I realized then that I had a problem. For whatever reason, I was born this way. (I have exhibited cross gender behaviors since I was super young, like 2-3 years old young.)

How have I coped? By allowing myself the freedom to be who I am, regardless of what society has told me that I should be. I have always wanted to do what I do. Which by the way, is to exist somewhere between male and female. I personally don't consider myself to be fully one or the other. I have had to mentally rally against what society says, that we are either male or female. I did not ask to be born this way, but I have been. And after many years of telling myself that it is okay, I finally feel more at peace. The inner voices are not gone, but other voices have gained strength.

By continuing to do me and by being more and more open about it with those in my world, work, friends, family, I have gained vast acceptance from the supposedly hate filled world and have learned that we humans are not so easily defined and I am proud that I allow myself to be me.

[Ally 2112]

I have pretty well have come to terms with who i am (took a long time ) but every so often i look in the mirror and wonder who is that ? and i can not believe im actually dressed as a girl .It can be weird at times and i really try to not care what anyone else would think about this lifestyle .It's not going away and i have to live with it the best i can

[mechamoose]

I'm a genderqueer person in a male body who *loves* girl clothes. My vote is that it is us just being US.

We don't have to apologize. We don't even have to feel bad. We are who we are.

<3

- MM

[Alice B]

From the very start I had it figured out and have never been confused. I'm a male, but I have a female side of me that I want and need to express on ocasion. I may go months without dressing and then dress every day if time and circumstances permit. I am totally comfortable in either mode and have no desire to change a thing about my life. I like who I am.

[Beverley Sims]

Nothing has confused me about dressing I just like wearing high fashion, lipstick makeup and a little perfume.

[Yoshisaur]

I am still very confused when it comes to trying to completely figure things out, but for now i'm just satisfied with dressing up and feeling like a woman. I just feel more comfortable being feminine and i'm happy with that for now.

[Brynna M]

I threw my hands up and said "its all me" The guy in jeans and a t-shirt is me. The girl in jeans and a peasant top is me. The guy in the Judo uniform is me. The girl in a lounge pants and a cute shirt is me. No one is all one thing. For me its about being all the different m e's in a way that doesn't negatively impact other parts of my life.

[mechamoose]

I threw my hands up and said "its all me" The guy in jeans and a t-shirt is me. The girl in jeans and a peasant top is me. The guy in the Judo uniform is me. The girl in a lounge pants and a cute shirt is me. No one is all one thing. For me its about being all the different m e's in a way that doesn't negatively impact other parts of my life.

As it should be, honey.

You are entitled to be you, even if that means cis-gender stuff. We don't have time for that. We are too busy being ourselves.

<3

-MM

[Nikki A.]

Whatever we do or feel we are being who we are. There is no right or wrong.
Nikki is a part of me as well as my other side, unfortunately I can't always show this part of me. But when I do I prefer to present as a well dressed, classy lady. Thus the need for the wig, make-up and shaping help. No padding, just some waist help. I feel comfortable that way, not so much if I dress as to send mixed signals. (IE obvious women's clothing and shaping but no make-up and wig).
But there are other that are comfortable like this and if so good for them.

[ShelbyDawn]

I have given up trying to figure this out. I like who I am regardless of how I dress. I have a good life, most of the time, and two great sons whom I adore.
I am stuck being very masculine with little or no chance to really do anything about it because the things I would lose are too valuable to me. This leaves me being the guy in a dress.
When I dress I look pretty silly even in my wig and full makeup but, you know, I really don't care because I feel wonderful. I feel pretty and feminine and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

If I had known 40 some odd years ago what I know now, I would have probably pursued transition except that in the world I grew up in(ultra bigoted rural west Texas) , that would have been tantamount to suicide...
There are many feminine experiences that I dream about that I will never experience and I will also probably never win the lottery, so here I am dressing because I love the way I feel, under-dressing every day in some form or fashion doing what I can to be a little more feminine; today it's women's jeans) and doing my best to avoid mirrors.

There is no rhyme or reason to this phenomenon, it just is. My best advice is quit worrying about the why and do your best to enjoy the unique perspective on life you have been given.

[Michaelasfun]

I feel like I'm transformed when I dress; that being said I would not, if pressed and able to do so, transition to being a woman with surgery and all. I like all sides of me. I just feel like it allows me to express my feminine side and wear the brighter clothes and dresses and things I feel beautiful in. As another poster pointed out I also like that makeup can hide imperfections so I feel better about myself when dressed in that way too. Good for self esteem and it does make me genuinely happy when I dress.

[jennifer easton]

To me I've been crossdressing all my life, been wearing guy clothes off and on along with my regular clothes, my female clothes. I've tried to explain how and why I feel as I do but like you the confusion that I have makes others confused as I, so I just try to roll down the Highway of life trying to avoid as many roadblocks as possible maybe some day I'll find that exit that says Jennifer this is who you are, some day, some day! xoxoxo Jenni

[LelaK]

I've always said we have good taste. Whoever designed men was wacky, but whoever designed women had their act together. Same with whoever designed the best of women's wear. We appreciate beauty and we want to display it. Si?

[AmyGaleRT]

It took me a long time, but I've come to terms with myself. I know exactly who and what I am: man and woman, bound together, part and parcel of each other. And when I become Amy, I am a woman, in every way that matters. Whatever reasons I was dressing for before, I'm now dressing to bring that woman out and let her live, if only for a little while. And, by being both halves of me, I'm working to make myself a better person.

- Amy

[Tinkerbell-GG]

I' Whoever designed men was wacky, but whoever designed women had their act together.

Not from where this GG is sitting...men are rather lovely to look at, too! :)

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hi Erica,

Yes it's about the clothes, yes it's about the expression of the whole person- the self-expression of that part of me which went unexpressed for so long. I am not remotely confused- but my poor wife is.

Perhaps you can just look at it as a series of steps towards the less wrong. If any step from this point on doesn't feel quite right, then step back, process - perhaps for months - then move forward again. Don't try to force the issue.

xxNikki

[Amanda M]

Wherever we go, whatever we do, we present a persona, and that persona can often change several times in the course of a day. Whether we make that presentation consciously or subconsciously is really neither here nor there. Most of the time we present a persona to fit in, to be accepted. The archetypal "bank clerk" is carefully groomed, meets corporate norms, treats his or her customer superbly. Then it's home time. Off with the suit, on with the leathers, and off on the Harley, or whetever floats his or her boat. Sometimes, these various personae are necesary to get ahead, or to make something work for us. That's natural too - we do seek rewards, or try to avoid negative outcomes. I am trying (with a quiet smile ) to imagine one of the finest people on here saying to his one of subordinates "Look, Hon, it doesn't really matter if we throw ourselves out of this aircraft. Let's just take a break, and do our nails. We can get the bad guys later!" I just don't see Isha doing that at all - and by that, Isha, I don't mean that that is all an act. It is a persona (forgive me if I am wrong) that you must adopt if you are to function. It is just part of who you are.

This, I'm afraid, where crossdressing is difficult. It is clear that we DO have a need to express a certain persona, but sociologically, it is by and large unacceptable when we do. I wish I had the answers - and indeed I suspect to an extent I do - that we have this innate need to express how we would like to be seen in society - just like the bank clerk biker - but we are inhibited for a plethora of reasons. Ther is a recipe for stress and depression, which accounts (IMHO) for the frequency of depression and suicidal behavior in the transgender population