Thoughts on being female

[Kera_dove]

I have seen threads on this board talking about the feeling of being a woman and it got me thinking.

Me as a male has tried for years to act more lady like and have fallen short of the mark because I looked at the female gender as a sterotype and then i relized thats where I made my mistake.

All this time I have tried to act female but I relized its not trying to act female its to feel female and then the body will fall in. If you act like yourself and if you think yourself female then in your mind its true.

I say this because does a gg think themselves as a woman or do they think themselves as themself.

With this realization I'm no longer going to try to be a woman I'm just going to be myself and let it be that. because i can not try to be someone all I can do is be myself.

These are my thoughts there not gospel its just my ADD mind takeing a trip.

Love ya all

BB
:be: ~Kera

[pattied]

very well said.... mannerisms are onething, but with regard to personality and interests - you are who you are. Express yourself, without concerning yourself with stereotypes...

I have thought a lot about this recently. I enjoy ice skating, playing hockey, watching football, etc. But I also enjoy learning about new make-up and fashion, cooking, gossiping and accessorizing - Ohh and personal grooming (manies and pedies especially!!!).. Oooh and shoes!! I love shoes!!! and shopping!!! I once thought all of this was a dichotomy, but have come to the realization that there are women who enjoy sports, even play them. Why should I discard things I like, things that I view as apart of who I am on the mere basis of a stereotype?

One more little tidbit - understanding who you are on this basis is important, but does not necessarily preclude you from acheiving a balance in your life with regards to how much your female side shows vs your male side (if you have one), and how you feel about acceptance within your family (as is the major issue in my case).

[Cheery GG]

HI Kera,

this is an interesting thread. i can obviously only give you my experience and personal opinion.

I of course consider myself to just be me....but within that i know that i am a woman, as much as i am a mother, sister, blah blah blah....

I guess this could get very deep, and i think i know what your saying, but from what my so has always said, being female is about looking on the outside how you feel on the inside....like making the two match....

just my twopenneth

cheery
xx

[TaraB]

I've always disliked how alot the trans world clings to stereotypes of how they percieve women as acting. There models first off are usually flawed because they come from TV or movies.

with that said...

women love being a woman and most everything that brings. There is no act. They are women. For CD/TG people it can alot of times end up an act because there is always tons of reminders physically that you are not what you desire yourself to be so you try harder to compensate and make yourself more that girly girl...and that brings into affect the stereotypes/mannerism that unfortunatly make people stick out and quite honestly look foolish.

"you are who you are"

[Laurie Ann]

Kera very interesting topic and right on target.

[Nikki Dee]

First and foremost I am femme "inside"...particularly my head.!!!...it's just trying to make that match on the "outside" that I have this never ending struggle with.!!LOL
Nikki. x

[Aileen]

Parts of me correspond to female stereotypes and parts to male stereotypes:

Male:
I will not ask directions.
I'm lazy and sloppy.
I sometimes leave the toilet seat up.

Female:
I hate sports.
I'm passive in relationships and I hate to have to be the one to ask for a date.
Oh yeah, I like wearing dresses and pantyhose.

[melissacd]

This rings so true, this is not about being a male or a female nor about being masculine or feminine or about being a CD,TG,TV,CG,GG,BB,MM :eek: oh so many labels....

...it is about "Being Yourself".

That is the tragedy about all of this. We spend years and years and years dealing with suppression, repression, depression, guilt, worry, purging, surging, therapy, you name it - only to end up back at the beginning...realizing that all we were really trying to do was be ourselves, who we always were. :D

...and the realization of that is freedom which eventually leads to happiness and a sense of peace and comfort that we have finally, like the prodigal son (or perhaps daughter) returned home.

[Paula Blair]

Parts of me correspond to female stereotypes and parts to male stereotypes:

Male:
I will not ask directions.
I'm lazy and sloppy.
I sometimes leave the toilet seat up.

Female:
I hate sports.
I'm passive in relationships and I hate to have to be the one to ask for a date.
Oh yeah, I like wearing dresses and pantyhose.


I am one of the TG people in whom the feminine side has ebbed and flowed over the years. I find that when I am in an active TG period, as I am now, some of my "male" and "female" stereotypes change. For example, I am much more interested in keeping the house clean and neat now than I was during the more male times. And I never leave the toilet seat up because I sit on it for all functions! :angel:

Paula

[Megan72]

I think that there are inherent mannerisms that are more femminine than others, like the way a woman holds their hands when walking, or the sing songy nature of their voice as comparend to men, but that is not neccesarily a female trait as it may be a learned one. I am no psychologist but as we know these things can be imitated and done very well by men.

Maybe it is more of a conditioned responce to the environment than it is a biological aspect?

My two cents.

[Miriannah]

I've never really tried to be girly, it just happens naturally for me I guess.


Male:
I will not ask directions.
I'm lazy and sloppy.
I sometimes leave the toilet seat up.

Female:
I hate sports.
I'm passive in relationships and I hate to have to be the one to ask for a date.
Oh yeah, I like wearing dresses and pantyhose.

Wow, looking at those, I don't even meet those male behavior patterns. About all that makes me male is my love for immature humor and video games. And my anatomy. :(

[TGMarla]

I really don't know just how much I act as a woman while dressed. I know I feel very femme when I'm dressed, and I have no problem moving, walking, etc. It feels very normal and natural. I notice absently that my mannerisms become more like those of women, but I'm not going to say that I've got it all down. I'm just acting normally. But I think if you accept the woman within you, the Yin with the Yang, accept her into yourself as a part of you, the rest will flow naturally. It doesn't need to be conciously forced to the front, it will already be there.

[BethGG]

I say this because does a gg think themselves as a woman or do they think themselves as themself.
Honestly I just think of myself as myself. I don't "love being a woman" like CD/TGs tend to feel...not that I hate it either, I just don't really think about it or care. I've seen/heard other GGs say they love being a woman, maybe I'm weird but honestly if I had been born a guy, I don't think I would have cared, I think I would just be a guy. I don't really care about my gender. Having a feminist mind, I almost don't like it when people say "act like a woman" cause...what do I act like? I just act like myself *shrug*. I hate stereotypes. Something that bothers me...I've seen people say they express feminine traits like love/caring, why is that feminine?? Guys don't show love?

[joni-alice]

yup.
people are people.
or to be ugh pc
folks are folks

she is he and me is me

all this dribble means i have nothing to add to the good comments that came before this post.

Love,
j-a:cool:

[Kera_dove]

Something that bothers me...I've seen people say they express feminine traits like love/caring, why is that feminine?? Guys don't show love? :clap:

Its how they react to people seeing them show emotion maybe. When they see a Manly man crying and calls him on it he says "I had something in my eye" it goes back to that whole real men dont cry. but personlly i respect a man that can cry because not showing emotion is creepy and unhuman.

And to qoute a great man Denis Miller. "Then again I could be wrong". :eek:

[Tiffy]

I think that was right on and pretty well said. I find the less I think about trying to be female the more I find that my walk, standing, and wrist and hand movements become more fem.

Kisses, April Marie

[JudyCDTV]

Honestly I just think of myself as myself. I don't "love being a woman" like CD/TGs tend to feel...not that I hate it either, I just don't really think about it or care. I've seen/heard other GGs say they love being a woman, maybe I'm weird but honestly if I had been born a guy, I don't think I would have cared, I think I would just be a guy. I don't really care about my gender. Having a feminist mind, I almost don't like it when people say "act like a woman" cause...what do I act like? I just act like myself *shrug*. I hate stereotypes. Something that bothers me...I've seen people say they express feminine traits like love/caring, why is that feminine?? Guys don't show love?

Interesting thought and thread here. My thoughts go more to the idea of what is to be feminine and masculine. You look around today and see what the ladies are wearing and how they behave and you tend to percieive hopefully that women are more and more trying to become men in the way they dress and act. How many of you out there like myself prefer women in skirts and dresses, and high heels. Ladies today wear flats, and jeans, what is going here is that our society has lost its moral compass and the way we related to each other as men and women. Even in summertime, how many ladies or women wear skirts or dresses, how about makeup, just alittle bit will do. :cry:
I have try my whole life to get into what it means to be a female by dressing, still I wonder about what the whole idea is all about.

[BethGG]

Ladies today wear flats, and jeans, what is going here is that our society has lost its moral compass and the way we related to each other as men and women. Even in summertime, how many ladies or women wear skirts or dresses, how about makeup, just alittle bit will do. :cry:
Moral compass? Why should someone wear a dress when they don't like to? I don't think it has anything to do with morals, and more about equality of the sexes.

[kristytv]

well this is a tough one, were as i am very into cars , building things , i am a rather clean person to begin with. but my female freinds say i am more fem than some of them! just in what like to wear and how i act when dressed. and my dressing feelings go beyond just dressing i want to match what my head thinks ,

[Dixie Darling]

When I'm my usual male self, I'm ALL male. The work that I do, the hobbies and recreational activities that I participate in are all typical of a male persuasion. However, when I have the rare opportunity to dress, as I put on all the clothes, makeup, wig, shoes, etc, it's almost like I "put on" femininity at the same time. I don't HAVE to 'fake it'. OK, maybe it's not as polished and refined as a GG is, but it's pretty much automatic. It's possible that I'm unique or in the minority here, but I don't think so. In similar fashion, when I take it all off and put it away, the 'male me' returns and there is no trace of femininity in my mannerisms or otherwise.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[ashlee chiffon]

:D i'm always in interested in hearing the GG's thoughts on if they feel when they get dressed up and if they consciously change their mannerisms then to fit the look? Do frilly,fluffy,formal, dresses and skirts and type of heels and accessories accentuate movement and mannerisms like they do with CD's like myself that often dress in the clothes that might reflect the degree of feminism i feel that day *and the way i move and act*. I know that heels really change my mannerisms and movements...the way i walk, sit, and move my hips and body...
I'm always trying to adopt and learn, i guess!

[ronda]

thank you for that though you are wright about being who you are and if you are true to yourself you will be true to the world and be who you reaily are inside thank you

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Ladies today wear flats, and jeans, what is going here is that our society has lost its moral compass and the way we related to each other as men and women. Even in summertime, how many ladies or women wear skirts or dresses, how about makeup, just alittle bit will do. :cry:

Ummm, you do realize the irony of a crossdresser insisting GGs should conform to wearing certain clothes and appearances?

As far the original question... There's definitely "gendered" ways of moving, speaking, etc. and if you want to blend in they're something one needs to be conscious of. I've seen folks, including post-op TSs, who look for all the world like GGs but who still clump around around like men.

OTOH, as Kera pointed originally, getting caught up in the mechanics can end up being equally problematic. Fecility Huffman talked Bree (in Transamerica) as having a sort of "beauty pagent femininity" -- in other words, a bit too exaggerated, a bit too studied.

Consequently, actors portray the person not the characteristics. Nail the person and the characteristics follow.

[TaraB]

Interesting thought and thread here. My thoughts go more to the idea of what is to be feminine and masculine. You look around today and see what the ladies are wearing and how they behave and you tend to percieive hopefully that women are more and more trying to become men in the way they dress and act. How many of you out there like myself prefer women in skirts and dresses, and high heels. Ladies today wear flats, and jeans, what is going here is that our society has lost its moral compass and the way we related to each other as men and women. Even in summertime, how many ladies or women wear skirts or dresses, how about makeup, just alittle bit will do. :cry:
I have try my whole life to get into what it means to be a female by dressing, still I wonder about what the whole idea is all about.

i'm gonna add to what Beth and Marlena have already said because this might be the most ironic thing said i've ever seen.


somehow you've lost awareness of what a woman is. Women do not need skirts or heels to validate what and who they are. they ARE women. Women have fought for thousands of years for the right to wear whatever the hell they want. Its backwards thinking people that try to force beliefs on others in order to get what they want(ie what a woman should wear). i just am shocked that a view like that would come from a man who wants acceptance from others to wear womens clothes.

[Marla GG]

A point which I think needs to be raised here is that being female and being feminine are two completely different things. A person's sex is determined by biology -- although given the amount of human variation between male, female, and intersexed bodies, even biological sex is to some degree a cultural interpretation. A person's gender, on the other hand, is a role he or she learns to play. Gender is a set of expectations about how an individual should look, think, and act, and it has very little to do with what kind of body you have.

I remember reading about a study done with a group of six- and seven-year-old children who were given anatomically correct dolls and asked to identify them as boys or girls, "mommies" or "daddies." Overwhelmingly, the children made their decisions based on things like the dolls' hair length, makeup, clothing style, and the objects they carried rather than anatomy. A Ken type doll in a wedding dress and lipstick was a woman to them, even though he had a penis. A Barbie with a buzz cut, wearing a mechanic's coverall, was a guy despite having obvious breasts. When they played with these dolls, it was clear that they perceived gender as a function of role rather than a function of biology. By this age, kids are well aware of what gender role they are supposed to play. They have already come to think of their assigned gender as something they "are." But if you ask a little girl how she knows she isn't a boy, she will very likely point to her pink tights, her ponytail, or her dollhouse rather than her private parts.

After a lifetime of playing a role, or trying to play it, it's not surprising that both men and women come to think of their gender as an essential part of their self-image. In other words, their role has become so familiar that they have learned to play it unconsciously. That's why it's difficult to answer the question:


Does a gg think themselves as a woman or do they think themselves as themself?

That depends on what you think it means to be "yourself." Is a self some inner core that would be the same regardless of where or how you grew up? Or is it really the sum total of all the experiences you've had and the roles you've learned to play in the course of your life? Who would I be if I had been raised in a culture where the expectations for girls and women were completely different? I do think of myself as a woman. And I have 36 years of training on the finer points of how a woman is supposed to look and act. But the only real difference between me performing this role, and a CD performing it, is that I have been playing the game longer and with higher stakes. No wonder it seems to come naturally, even though it is anything but natural. As Simone de Beauvoir famously wrote, "One is not born a woman, but, rather, becomes one."


You look around today and see what the ladies are wearing and how they behave and you tend to percieive hopefully that women are more and more trying to become men in the way they dress and act. How many of you out there like myself prefer women in skirts and dresses, and high heels. Ladies today wear flats, and jeans, what is going here is that our society has lost its moral compass and the way we related to each other as men and women.

What amuses me the most about this statement is that men have been saying it every century for the last three thousand years. In Homeric antiquity, in classical Greece, in Rome, in biblical times, throughout the Middle Ages, the Renaissance, the Enlightenment, the Industrial Revolution, both World Wars and into the postmodern era...it never changes.

Femininity is inevitably defined as something that women had more of in the past, something that is in danger being lost. And as the above quote illustrates, this anxiety about the disappearance of femininity is driven by a desire to preserve the status quo between men and women. But I don't personally believe femininity will become extinct the moment women achieve social equality. Instead I think that masculinity and femininity will one day be viewed as something distinct from biology, so that people of both sexes will have more choice in how they wish to dress, act, and present themselves. And that is a change that everyone, and especially this community, would benefit from.

[TaraB]

one thing i'll add is that femininity is at its strongest right now. Alot of women understand it and use it to their advantage when they have to or want to. It can be done in very subtle ways but make no mistake....femininity and the women that understand how to use it to their advantage in todays world wield the most power.

[Shelly Preston]

I have seen threads on this board talking about the feeling of being a woman and it got me thinking.

Me as a male has tried for years to act more lady like and have fallen short of the mark because I looked at the female gender as a sterotype and then i relized thats where I made my mistake.

All this time I have tried to act female but I relized its not trying to act female its to feel female and then the body will fall in. If you act like yourself and if you think yourself female then in your mind its true.

I say this because does a gg think themselves as a woman or do they think themselves as themself.

With this realization I'm no longer going to try to be a woman I'm just going to be myself and let it be that. because i can not try to be someone all I can do is be myself.

These are my thoughts there not gospel its just my ADD mind takeing a trip.

Love ya all

BB
:be: ~Kera


Hi Kera

I agree with Marla about being femle and femminine.

The question I would ask of you is.

If you ask does a GG think of themselves as a woman or themselves.

Where do female to male crossdressers fit in ??

Therfore do you think of yourself as a man or yourself ??

Have you actually answered your own question.

[ashlee chiffon]

Thanks for that enlightening perspective, Marla! As a cd and worshipper of all that is feminine...i gain greater respect and admiration for Women everyday...and every thread!!! :thumbsup:

[Helana]

I will very much welcome the day when CDs will stop thinking of themselves as being a woman and going through a mechanical exercise to try to emulate them. We are not drag queens. Instead CDs should really try to act what they actually are - transgendered men. We are in the unique position where we can take the best bits from both worlds and combine them. There most certainly are good things about the male role which I have no intention of giving up. I would be dumb to do so.

Self-acceptance means admitting I am a transgendered MAN. I have a lifetime worth of experience pretending to be a regular man, some of that role-playing was faked but much was the real me. In order to become the whole person I need only remove the fake parts and replace them with the original parts i.e. the feminine traits which are a part of my natural personality. I don't need to become a completely different person especially since I, like just about everyone else, can only blend in among a crowd and has no chance of passing as a real GG close up so why bother? after all I am not a GG but a transgendered man.

Emulating women can be fun, but it is essentially just an escapist fantasy and does not really reflect on your true self so is ultimately a dead end.

[Dian]

Wow, this is great thread so far! It really brings out the differences in how we perceive ourselves.

I don't think so much about being male or female, as I do trying to be comfortable with who I am. I'm just trying to be comfortable with a blending of my masculine and femine traits, and be a whole person.

I do wonder why I find it so much easier to walk in 4" heels, than in cowboy boots???

[Kera_dove]

Hi Kera

I agree with Marla about being femle and femminine.

The question I would ask of you is.

If you ask does a GG think of themselves as a woman or themselves.

Where do female to male crossdressers fit in ??

Therfore do you think of yourself as a man or yourself ??

Have you actually answered your own question.

My first post was just my thoughts it was to put words to paper to make my thoughts real. But I have to agree we dont think of ourselves as a sterotype thats why we have other people there. To me I'm am me. to the world I am a sterotype.

This thread has given me a lot to think about.

Food for thought. "I'm not a Sterotype. I'm meat" ~Kera

Love ya all
:be: ~Kera

[Donna tv]

Ok ,well I am going to place myself in with the Dixie Darling reply. It's just me but Dixie I could not have said it any better. I feel as though I put on femininity with every part of dressing up. I have never video taped myself but strictly from the way it makes me feel, I think I automatically develope a feminine stride in heels, when I polish my nails or even if I happen to be at a time when I let my nails grow without polish I feel it is more natural to be more expressive with my hands and I move my fingers in a different way than my male self. But if I may let me throw this question into the mix, Do any of you prefer to dress up with your SO around or rather be alone? When I am with my wife as accepting as she can be i feel the need to really tone back whatever feminine mannerisms appear out of fear of looking typically like a guy wearing a dress. I guess in short I am more at ease alone and if I look silly in reality at least no one is around to see me. I know I am blabbering on here but was curious if any one else feels like this.

[Dixie Darling]

Donna tv said:


"But if I may let me throw this question into the mix, Do any of you prefer to dress up with your SO around or rather be alone? When I am with my wife as accepting as she can be i feel the need to really tone back whatever feminine mannerisms appear out of fear of looking typically like a guy wearing a dress. I guess in short I am more at ease alone and if I look silly in reality at least no one is around to see me. I know I am blabbering on here but was curious if any one else feels like this."

Since I have a non-accepting SO, there is no option to dress in her presence. However, if I DID have that option I think I'd pretty much be the same as Donna. Even with an accepting SO, I think that there's a possibility that if one let themself go and be a feminine as they FEEL sometimes, it might throw up a red flag and run the risk of losing some of that acceptance. On the other hand I think I would enjoy her company at times when I'd like to ask her opinions about what I'm wearing, how well is my makeup done, what suggestions she might have to improve the look, etc. But overall I prefer to dress alone if I'm at home. That's not to say that if I was out of town I wouldn't enjoy socializing with a group of other CDs in a group setting because I most certainly would.

Dixie