Reassurance with crossdressing

[NicoRobin]

Hi, sorry if this might have been asked, but I could not find anything relating to my question or questions.

So ill begin with where it started, and how this leads up to my question (s), it all started when I was about 7 - 8 years old. my older sister always tried dressing my up in here cloths and to be honest as a child I never took notice to this and just carried on as normal for a year and then for some reason, I was curious and tried wearing girls cloths for my self while no one was around to see and it made me feel different but a better kind of difference. ever since then i have cross-dressed more and more, but still haven't reached what I call the full cross-dressing state where I want to dress like a full woman :0 (sorry if that may be offensive, I'm new to this so I have no idea what other cross-dressers think of others and there terminology towards others). about 8 years ago I started High school and nobody knew that I was cross-dresser not even my family or friends, through my school life I was bullied and victimized for the wrong reasons and tbh never really spoke to any girls or boys during High school and because of this fact I always went home wanting to cross dress to relieve the stress from school and all of its problems which has made me even more interested in cross dressing, during my life at school i only had one female friend who is my best friend but she is very shy and timid and since start to end of school I have NEVER (this is not a lie) had any form of physical contact with females outside of family and this leads me to the problem :( because i grew up being the centre of victimisation from male pupils and female pupils especially. I always became scared of females and ever since have found cross dressing to fill that gap or shall I say, for me to experience the life of a women because I never had the opportunity to experience this first hand by my own account :( even though at the same time I still want a relationship with the right female who will and would accept me for who I am. This has made me very confused towards myself and because I do not know any other cross-dressers I honestly have no idea how I should go about my life because I cannot trust anyone with a secret so great ( apart from few friends who know about it and took this very well) I feel like cross dressing is helping me in my life but i always feel apart from anyone i manage to make friends with because i have a secret that in some cases would discourage people from knowing you :( I don't know if any else has had any of these issues but it would be nice if someone did and could share there knowledge with me :) and it would be nice to make some new friends on here as well if anyone would be willing enough :)

[DeeArel]

Welcome to the forum.

Most of us have at experienced all or part of the feelings that you describe.

What part of the world are you living in? There probably a few of us living near by that would be glad to chat with you. If not, share and ask on this site.

[NicoRobin]

Hi, I'm currently living in the UK at the moment. thanks you for the heads up :p

[Paula_Femme]

Hello NicoRobin

And welcome to the forum; if it’s advice, information and support you’re after, you’ve certainly come to the right place! :)

You’re young, and it seems the memories of being bullied at school are still fresh and painful. School can be a Hellish experience for a great many of us, and let’s face it, a lot of kids are real little b******s who will take out their own insecurities and fears on those they perceive to be weaker than themselves. The “mob” mentality rules, and anyone who is considered to be an “outsider” or the “other,” immediately starts walking around with a big fat target pinned to their back! It sucks, but it is, unfortunately, the nature of the beast.

You don’t say why you were bullied, but I’m assuming it wasn’t because of your ‘dressing, and one thing you’ll discover as you research the subject is that crossdressing is not an illness, it’s not perverted, there’s nothing “wrong” with it, despite societies current lack of understanding or acceptance in the broadest sense.

Many of us, myself included, dress because it makes us “feel good,” and that can range from feelings of peace, contentment and happiness, to getting a sexual thrill out of the whole thing! Crossdressing is considered to be the mildest end of the Trans spectrum, which goes from the majority of us here who dress for myriad reasons, to those who eventually Transition to living full time as Women, with or without Sexual Reassignment Surgery.

I don’t know what the numbers are, but a VERY small minority of crossdressers eventually Transition, and the VAST majority of crossdressers, something like 70-75%, are boringly straight, with some being Gay and some Bi… we’re a pretty eclectic bunch!!! :heehee:

But congratulations on having a number of friends who you’ve been able to confide in and who have accepted you! That’s more than I have; I’m in my mid 50’s, started ‘dressing in my early 20’s, and have always told my “serious” girlfriends, but none of my family or friends know… I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

I would encourage you to spend time on this forum, asking questions, and learning about all the different aspects of the Wonderful World of Crossdressing! You have friends who have accepted you, hopefully you accept yourself, and who you are, the more you learn, the more friends you make, both here and in the real World, the better it will be!

Good luck!!! :battingeyelashes:
Paula

[NicoRobin]

Hi Paula :)

Thanks for the reply and good advice/information, to be honest I have always hated bullying well because I have been there and know it can be very upsetting at times :( the reason i was bullied was because people thought I was a bit weird due to my lack of socialising and what made the aspect of bullying worse for me was, I knew about 5 people who went to the same high school from my primary school who I never got along with so that might be another factor to the bullying but could never official prove it :(

After reading other threads I have found this site to be very informative and helpful to help me realise what I do and accept this fully :) the only downside is I may accept my self and it is very strange when i cross-dress because at times I can feel the sense of completion but also a sense of un-completion, which stems from me wanting to go that step further and maybe even become a Transgender women. this However, is a very long way away due to problems involved for me with going through with it and still undecided in areas about this there are so many confusing and contradicted feelings that i have towards me cross-dressing its like a jumble mess of words that are in another language that you don't understand :( To be frank I don't think ill will ever tell my family unless they find out :(

[DonnaT]

Hi, I'm currently living in the UK at the moment. thanks you for the heads up :p

If you narrowed that down, you might find a number of others near to where you live. Some even help a newbie on their first ventures into the outside world.

[NicoRobin]

If you narrowed that down, you might find a number of others near to where you live. Some even help a newbie on their first ventures into the outside world.

Good point :p, I live in Altrincham in Hale :) or Manchester if you people want a slightly wider spectrum ;)

[kimdl93]

Welcome. That's a lot to digest in an introduction so I'll just hit a coupe points. First, high school sucks for almost everyone, but especially for people who are deemed vulnerable and bullied. By comparison the rest of life may be relatively easy. But there will always be bullies. The key is to stand your ground physically and emotionally...keep your cool even though your instinct my be to run or capitulate. This problem isn't about CDing, it's about life skills. Practice and you'll find you're ever better at discouraging aggressive, bullying behaviors.

Now to relationships and CDing. Look to your experience with friends...it's been positive. Why? Because CDing is well within the normal range of human behaviors and more importantly your friends know and value you as a person. Don't be worried about a lack of experience or deterring women by being truthful. For the one or two that can't deal with CDing, you're as likely to meet other girls who don't mind and now and then a girl who sees the fun in it as well as the genuine value in you. The key is to first be yourself and second put yourself out there. If you get turned down or turned away 100 times, start working on 200. Good luck!

[Jenniferathome]

... I cannot trust anyone with a secret so great ( apart from few friends who know about it and took this very well) ...

So you CAN trust some people with this secret;-). You will find be there are many of us here married and happy. Relationships with women and cross dressng are not mutually exclusive. Tell your friend if you like or don't, that won't change your life. Do find a special someone. When you do and when it's serious, tell her

[NicoRobin]

So you CAN trust some people with this secret;-). You will find be there are many of us here married and happy. Relationships with women and cross dressng are not mutually exclusive. Tell your friend if you like or don't, that won't change your life. Do find a special someone. When you do and when it's serious, tell her

yeh its confusing :( , I mean i don't plan on telling someone I have only known about a year about my cross dressing fantasy and would rather wait as long as I did to ensure the best possible outcome without being hurt as much :) and i plan on telling that special someone when the times comes eventually :) but thank you for the advice :)

[Paula_Femme]

...because at times I can feel the sense of completion but also a sense of un-completion, which stems from me wanting to go that step further and maybe even become a Transgender women. this However, is a very long way away due to problems involved for me with going through with it and still undecided in areas about this there are so many confusing and contradicted feelings that i have towards me cross-dressing its like a jumble mess of words that are in another language that you don't understand :( To be frank I don't think ill will ever tell my family unless they find out :(


It sounds as if you may benefit from seeing a Therapist, specifically someone who has experience of, or preferably specialises in, the area of Gender Dysphoria.

I’ve never experienced those kinds of thoughts or feelings myself, but many here have been helped in their search for themselves by meeting with a skilled and sympathetic specialist over an extended period of time.

I’m not sure how the NHS handles this kind of “treatment,” but I’m guessing the first step would be to confide in your GP and seek a referral. Needless to say you are legally an adult, and any and all conversations would be covered by the rules concerning Doctor/Patient confidentiality.

All the best
Paula

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hi Nico,

Trust is a difficult issue for many people, period. It's true that finding a girlfriend or wife who will accept your crossdressing is harder than finding one who won't, but any successful relationship is built on trust.

I've been bullied, and it can take years to get over it. It's good that you've found this site- keep sharing your feelings, asking questions, and just venting if that helps!

Welcome,

Hugs, Nikki

[NicoRobin]

It sounds as if you may benefit from seeing a Therapist, specifically someone who has experience of, or preferably specialises in, the area of Gender Dysphoria.

I’ve never experienced those kinds of thoughts or feelings myself, but many here have been helped in their search for themselves by meeting with a skilled and sympathetic specialist over an extended period of time.

I’m not sure how the NHS handles this kind of “treatment,” but I’m guessing the first step would be to confide in your GP and seek a referral. Needless to say you are legally an adult, and any and all conversations would be covered by the rules concerning Doctor/Patient confidentiality.

All the best
Paula

I have already consider this fact, but the problem is not so much going through with it but more to do with my family, ever since i was a child my family are very judgemental and I would go as far as to say, they are very hateful towards other(s) or different people :( and if i did go through with getting help or maybe even had to to take hormones due to me getting referred by GP to help me sort the conflicting feelings out, there would come a time where they would know and find out which im very afraid of at the moment :( and thanks for the advice :)

[NicoRobin]

Hi Nico,

Trust is a difficult issue for many people, period. It's true that finding a girlfriend or wife who will accept your crossdressing is harder than finding one who won't, but any successful relationship is built on trust.

I've been bullied, and it can take years to get over it. It's good that you've found this site- keep sharing your feelings, asking questions, and just venting if that helps!

Welcome,

Hugs, Nikki

yeh I would surely say due to the bullying, this has caused my mind to wonder about why i was born of the current sex and not the opposite :( and that could be where the conflicting feelings come from and maybe other feelings when i was child, to seemingly enjoy the concept of cross-dressing and coupled with everything else that is most likely why im here to day :p not saying that being here now is a bad thing :)

[Beverley Sims]

Nico,
One day you will make the connection.
It just takes time.