Any of you also single with no SO?

[Alice Torn]

I have not noticed many who are single, with no SO, or wife. I know that i am 60 and never married, low income, and no longer am looking to find one. My cats are enough company. But, it does seem like i am the town loner, and if i go out as Alice, would really be avoided here. I take it most CDers were married before dressing became a big thing in life. I am surprised so few without girlfriends or mates. I believe our culture, and pop culture pressures people to be in a relationship. This has been going on for many decades. It is sometimes best, not to be in an intimate relationship. Walking alone is not a bad thing, just lonely at times. "Love addiction", "relationship addiction", "romance addiction" are rampant, and the culture pushes it. I wanted to be married so very badly and madly, until about age 57. Then, i realized that a woman cannot make me happy, and may bring me massive misery. I had some women friends, mostly much older, but never clicked. Being an old single has some stigma yet, as well, as wearing womens' clothing. I sometimes feel life passed me by. My parents never wanted any of their kids to marry, too, so that crippled me socially some. People over 50 that never married, are rare, and all my siblings are over 60 and single too! Bizarre. Are any others older and never married, too. I did date a lot in my 30's, before CDing. We older singles are sometimes considered odd, even non CDers. But, i try to respect myself, anyway, in a couples world.

[Ceera]

I was married for 30 years, and only started CD activities in the last year and a half or so of that, with my SO/Wife (a straight GG) knowing I was underdressing by wearing panties, but no more than that about my interest in going farther with exploring my feminine side. Sadly, she passed away in Jan 2014, so now I am, like you, single with no SO. Once I was widowed, I decided I had nothing to lose by exploring my feminine side - an aspect of myself I had denied for most of my life, while trying to be a good, straight, monogamous husband and father. I'm 57 and not seriously seeking a new mate right now. Just having fun occasionally expressing my feminine side and going out to a local club to dance and socialize. I live with my 19 year old daughter, who has not yet moved out on her own, and who is the only person that I've come out to so far among my friends and family. My daughter accepts this part of me, and I am fairly content.

I may eventually try to date a little, but it really isn't much of a priority yet with me.

[Diane Smith]

I am 57 and also a lifelong single. I've had a couple of long term relationships, but none were destined to turn into marriage. During the crucial "dating and mating" years in my 20s, I was focused on my own education and career and thought it best to minimize the distraction of relationships. But after that critical life period, the pickings become so much slimmer. I have some very good friends now that provide some companionship, and I do go to various TG affairs and am out and about in the community. But I'm not holding my breath about a long term relationship anymore.

- Diane

[Karolyn]

You are not alone. I am single too, and actually never had a girlfriend... (I'm 33), so you beat me in that regard ;) I have tried a few times to get closer to a girl, but it seems I am always going for the most difficult ones to approach. I still want to try to get into a relationship, but after having been the confident for so many couples, and having seen so many broken couples, I don't really have the motivation as much as I used to.

I am actually surprised too by the low number of people with no SO. Most of the threads talk about how difficult it is to either hide CDing, or have the reveal talk. I would be also interested to know if there more singles on this forum than it looks like.

[docrobbysherry]

I envy u on one point, Alice. For not having an ex. Mine has always been paranoid and paranoia doesn't seem to age well!

She's constantly going on about, "Haters finding out where u live and coming after u and my daughter!"

[IMkrystal]

It is interesting to see we joined the same year 2006 Yet despite your active involvement here your are left with the opinion there are not many "older" single Cders? You thread touch a nerve because I feel some connections. I am unaware of any statistical data that would support your claim, however from the fewer times I have been on here I have the opposite opinion. The reason why I do not post threads more threads is because of the lack of interesting things to post about. How many times can you post to threads dealing with " Do you wear panties to work?" or " When did you first crossdress?" This forum is like a massive universe with cycles and repetitiousness at its core. That is its driving force into infinity. One thing I strong disagree with is that, Yes life can be depressing, BUT YOU are the only one that can make yourself happy! There are more single Cders than you think!

[justmetoo]

I am 58 and single, never married. I did have one relationship back around when I was 50. It was long distance (like 2 time zones away). Went well for a while, lasting nearly 4 years, and we had plenty of good times together, with us visiting each other when we could (3-4 times a year) or meeting somewhere in between, but ultimately broke up for a number of reasons. Before that, and after, I haven't dated much at all, and never got past about 3 dates at the most even then. I am very shy, socially awkward, introverted, and, as I relatively recently discovered, asexual. I'm open to sharing my life with a woman, but I don't seek out dates or relationships. In fact, I'm pretty much a homebody and enjoy quiet evenings at home reading, working on hobbies, browsing forums, etc. Watching lots of other relationships, I believe a good relationship can be awesome, but a poor one can be worse than being alone. Still, I guess if someone wants a good relationship they have to take their chances and try different potential partners until it works.

Anyway, you're not alone in being alone, as it were. :)

p.s. I agree with Krystal, happiness comes from within. :)

[raleighbelle]

I am also single and have never been married. I have had some girlfriends in the past (usually well-spaced between them) and currently have one that is mostly accepting with my cross-dressing. But I truly don't think I am the marrying type and I have enough personality quirks that I don't think marriage with me is in anyone else's best interest. I am quite comfortable being alone.

[BarbDriscoll]

Single, 69, never married, no SO. Two long term relationships in my past. One she broke off, the other was going nowhere and was broken off by mutual consent. I never CD'ed while in either relationship and CD'ing was not a factor in either breakup. Neither woman knew about my CD'ing. Before finding this forum I believed that since I had no desire to CD while in a relationship, that if we married I would never CD again. Now I'm not so sure of that. At my age it's unlikely I'll be in a romantic relationship again, but based on what I've learned here I would probably tell her everything about my history if it was getting serious.

[GeauxStacy]

Was married for 10 years and never CDed during the relationship. I am single now and plan to stay that way, especially since I started to let Stacy out. :) I learned that I am not cut out for marriage. I do much better on my own and when I come home to a quiet empty house, it really does put a smile on my face. :)

[noeleena]

Hi,

Was . Married for 35 years from age 24 and known Jos for 41 we have 3 grown up adults two boys and Kaylyn , 11 grand kids, marrage anuuled 4 years ago I told Jos i was female and IS so 14 years later parted as friends and still are and Jos is married to a real ,,, male and he is lovely and we get on well . though Jos and i knew 17 years ago we would part we still stayed together more as two sisters and i still looked after her as i had from the begining

So im single and for the last 5 years ,

It would be nice to have some one by my side to share my life with..... and .....will be with an other woman . if not oh well thats life , i dont mind . funny as i have had lots of ya ya i know men wonting to get to know me and marrage ,

sorry guys you have to be a real woman .He He.... oh dear ......and what would i do with a guy....????.....


...noeleena...

[Lynn Marie]

I'm in a similar situation Alice. Even though I was married for 26 years, I knew on the day of our marriage that I was making a mistake! But, I had made a commitment and I was going to stick by it. Now I'm very happily unattached and having the time of my life. Trust me, other than having a lovely daughter out of the deal, it was a long learning experience that I'm really glad is over. I'm sure, though, that like you, I would have always wondered what I had missed. Now, I'm no longer willing to give up my freedom easily. I love people dearly, but I'm no longer interested in owning anyone or, even worse, being owned. Life can be very good when you only have to answer to the cat!

[Carrie R]

45 years old here, no clue on how to meet women. Never seem to run into single women at any job I've had or at my church. Any time I meet a new woman at work, I always hear about their SO worked into the conversation somehow as if to say, don't even think about it, Buster. Relationships don't look like much fun anyways.

[avant1465]

C/D-ing is not an untreatable disease..... It's, really, simply a part of a person's "self"... just like the color of their hair, or their height and weight...

When I met my S/O, via a matching site, I revealed to her, almost immediately, that I crossdressed. She was not only accepting... but encouraging about it.... and that has been our situation ever since.... I wouldn't subordinate a relationship to C/D-ing.... nor would I do the opposite.... I think it's important to "be who you are".... AND, if you find an agreeable partner (S/O) who would like to share your journey through life... then go with it....

[BOBBI G.]

Was married 38 years, now divorced for 4. Don't want that again. It has always been easier for me to make female friends. I am almost 72 with no intention of any commitment. Once was enough. I am a transgender girl (in early puberty actually), so any really close friends know I will be a lesbian relationship. Am I happy this way, there is no way to describe the joy of this life I 'm living.

Bobbi

[tammie]

HI All: I was married twice and now divorced. My first marriage I didn't CD at all , when she dumped me ( to go back to her father ,yes Virginia we are talking incest here) then I returned to CDing that I started at age 14 because I had breasts like a teenage girl. The second marriage ended after she caught me in her brassiere one morning JO , and she made me stop put her garterbelt stockings and slip on me and then penetrated me with her dildo . I was only allowed to continue after i had satisfied her orally .

She had me in lingerie and later heels and makeup any time I was home and she started dating others and after a yr she divorced me . I never remarried but had some relationships with women for yrs until I met a man who really enjoyed me in lingerie .
He was in a sexless marriage and I was his "dolly" for many yrs until his MI and resulting loss of libido . Now I am dressed at home every day and always underdress as I do not pass . I would enjoy a relationship with a man again but am satisfied to be

a single sissy now , I have a dog for companionship (love my mutt) and will be single I guess until the end as women are too costly in both time and money . I got cleaned out twice and determined not to lose everything again . Women are wonderful but they want to be paid for sex either up front (more honest ) or after the fact when they are done with you.

[Sharon B.]

I'm sixty last relationship was back in 2005 was divorced in 1992 after ten years of marriage and yes one of the reasons was my love for crossdressing. Once I moved to a hobby farm I haven't dressed as much as I would like to but when I lived in a subdivision I would dress just about everyday.

[Alice Torn]

Krystal, and Just Me Too, I wrote that another person cannot MAKE you happy. It took me decades to learn that. I did imply that happiness comes from within. In spite of that, lonliness happens sometimes. We all need friends. I have one older brother in prison for 40 yrs. I know he gets lonely, but also wishes he could be alone, away from other prisoners. Balance would be better. I have read many books, and gone to 12 step meetings, and church. I see that people or romance addiction, is often trying to have other person make us happy, and unhealthy. I thought i communicated that. We all need friends, though. Balance.

Carrie, Wow. I also lived in Seattle for 29 yrs. I dated there some, but never clicked. Here in farm area small town Illinois, most marry right out of high school, and very very few singles, over 25, Redneck area. No dating here, even if i had a career. I can relate. Had jobs like chemical coatings factory, gravedigger, window washer, security. Same with the church. Almost no single women, and same, talked of their boyfriends or husbands. I have met many very hurting lonely men, in my experiences. It makes me think of Hank Williams' sad song, "These men with broken hearts." I have had women landlords, and took in a few homeless women at times, who came from awful backgrounds, and had no use for relationships with any men. Abused. So many broken people! My 65 yo sister, only had one or two dates in her life, and has no desire to meet anyone. My alcoholic dad, and neurotic mom had a warzone marriage, so, it hurt all their kids socially, one reason none has a SO. I now realize i would be awfully difficult to be married to, and it has not been granted to me. Maybe friends only. I hope some lady comes into your life, for friendship, but it is sure not wrong, if one doesn't. Like has been said, better to be alone, than in a bad relationship.

[Dianne S]

I'm almost 48 and newly single after a 23-year marriage. At this point, I have no desire to be in another relationship though that may change in a year or two.

[kimdl93]

Alice, context is everything. I know your family has, by your description, always been a difficult and sometimes abusive environment. Coming from such a place, your perspective is understandable. I respect the way you have managed to carry on despite growing up, and to this day living in such a hostile environment.

I also realize that our lives are so different. I grew up in a very large, very traditional first generation Norwegian American family in what amounted to rural, new world replication of our home country. My parents loved each other and all of us. Discipline was at times stern, but fair, and our nuclear and extended family offered the most cherished and secure environment. Despite knowing I was different from an early age, I still felt nurtured and secure in that family, and grew up wanting to continue the traditions and the environment for my own family.

I have been married twice, in combination for more than 1/2 my life. Both my first and second wives shared my desire for creating an intimate, caring and quite traditional family. Both knew of my uniqueness, and being transgendered really hasn't impaired the relationships.

So, my point? Context is everything. You and probably many other people were dealt a bum hand. I get that and wish there was a way to fix it. You've done the best you can under difficult circumstances. I've done the best I can in my life as well, much better, I think since I've come to understand and accept myself. Solo or part of a couple, that's all we can ask of ourselves.

[Rhian]

I'm 23, single and I can't see that changing. I agree with much of what the OP said in that there is a social pressure to be in a relationship and a perception that when you're not in one you are some how incomplete. This leads to people settling, rather than only dating someone they adore and all I see from people in relationships is misery, moaning, arguments and a total lack of freedom. Then they stay together because they are scared they wont find anyone better and can go out and smile to the world whose social expectations they are fullfilling. I haven't been really interested in a girl for about a five years and I will not just settle for someone who is 'ok' just to meet social expectations and have someone to take the family occasions.

I'm also not interested in playing games or taking part in monkey branching. For those of you who don't know what monkey branching is, it's when a girl in a relationship flirts with other men while in a relationship to see if anyone better comes along, then when someone does leaving their boyfriend and immediately getting with the new man. This is completely dishonest as they are pretending to be invested in a relationship, stringing a man along and emotionally cheating. This seems to be the way most girls get into relationships these days as like the OP notes people are becoming addicted to relationships and can't cope being single. When any girl tries to branch onto me I quickly distance myself from them as I follow a simple rule in life that is 'if I wouldn't like it happening to me, don't do it somebody else.'

The only negative is of course it means you don't get regular sex but I enjoy it a lot more when it's with someone new anyway and it feels like more of an achievement when you have had to work for it. I can't dress and have sex this way but that wouldn't be guaranteed in a relationship anyway.

[Katey888]

Any of you also single with no SO?

Not me, but once in a while I wish I was... :)

My point? Even in a good relationship, some of us might actually be needing and wanting some solitude and distance from the responsibilities and demands that some relationships bring... The grass is always greener, especially in our strange world.

Alice - you've had some bad luck and I wish there were a way for you to have moved on from your family troubles but I'm afraid that 'warzone' as you put it, has left an indelible stain on your life. Others are right to say that real happiness comes from within - you have done your fair share of helping other folk and your community and you'll probably continue doing that... being a good person has its own rewards but they are often not very tangible. :hugs:

You never know what stroke of fortune the future may bring for you Alice - just hang in there and keep being the best person you can, sometimes things can get better.. :)

Katey x

[Dianne S]

that there is a social pressure to be in a relationship and a perception that when you're not in one you are some how incomplete.

This. I'm convinced that about 50% of people who get married do so because they think it's expected of them. Did anyone ever think that the reason about half of all marriages end in divorce is that about half of all people getting married really shouldn't be? That marriage is not some ideal to promote, but merely a living arrangement that happens to work for about half of all people?


The only negative is of course it means you don't get regular sex

That's OK. You don't get that after a year or two of marriage either. :)

[kimdl93]

LDiane suggests that half of those who marry do so to meet societal expectations. I respectfully but strenuously disagree. I married the first time because I was head over heels in love with my first wife, and remained in love with her till the end of our marriage nearly 20 years later...except for some momentary, but costly lapses on my part. And I remarried because I loved and wanted to be with my present wife. I suspect that more than half of all married, transgendered people were similarly motivated.

As for the frequency of sex, maybe my first and second wives were exceptions, but we seldom let a week go by with at least one date night.

[Ally 2112]

i have been married and have had long term and short term relationships before and after my marriage .The only 2 people i told were my x wife and last Gf they were both receptive at first but in the end did not want to deal with the cding.Now i am single and plan on staying that way. I just do not want to have to explain everything again and drag another women into this and hope they accept me

[Alice Torn]

I am sorry i come across as whining and complaining. I was wondering if there were many singles on this forum. It didn't seem there were many. It is a bit of a grief work experience, as life draws to its end, not having had that special someone. But, i have had friends, back in the Seattle area, the years i was there. I have health problems now, and on a low fixed income, and realize that it is best to be single now. I may not be around much longer, and would not want to be a burden to a woman or a mate. I have walked alone, am used to it, and accept it. Having a SO or mate has lots of challenges, and being single does in different ways. Some cannot handle singleness, some of us can, because we had to. Pets make life better. All is well. Thanks for all the replies and sharing.

[Ally 2112]

I do not think you are coming across as whining or complaining .You asked a good question and we replyed .What happens in our lives can be our own doing but sometimes it is beyond our control .Like you have just said some of us are better being single and i can agree and some just have to have someone .It is all up to the idividual so no worries Alice :)

[kimdl93]

Alice, please don't apologize for being who you are. Yes, to some degree you are a victim of circumstance, but you are still standing, still trying to express yourself and that, after all you have endured, is remarkable.

[natcrys]

Another single reporting in! Almost pushing 40.. and have been single pretty much all my life apart from three short relationships in my twenties.

I guess some have more luck in life with these kind of things than others. It doesn't help that I live in a "technical" area.. so the ratio of men to women is like 5 to 1.

[Brenda Locke]

Never been married and haven't had a SO in quite a while. Don't really want one anyway. She'd just hinder me whenever I wanted to dress.

Hugs Brenda

[justmetoo]

I have walked alone, am used to it, and accept it. Having a SO or mate has lots of challenges, and being single does in different ways. Some cannot handle singleness, some of us can, because we had to. Pets make life better. All is well. Thanks for all the replies and sharing.
No need to apologize. Like the others said you asked a good question. Anyway, I can relate to the quoted bit there^

[grace7777]

At 50, I am also one who has never married, and has never had an SO or been in a serious relationship. Right now I have no desire to be in a relationship. Whether I will ever be in a relationship is something that I will not rule out, but do not see it happening. I will not change who I am to have a relationship.

[Jill_cd]

Alice, no need to apologize. We live in a society/world where being alone is seen as strange or unusual. I'm divorced after 10 years of marriage. The ex was cheating with one of her colleagues. My cd'ing was her rationale. Whatever. As Justmetoo said, "I am very shy, socially awkward, introverted..." So am I. Nothing to do about it. The women at work, very few, are all married or I'm old enough to be their father (I'm 48). Being married was awesome, until I caught her cheating, of course. Sure I come home to an empty apartment, but I can put my feet up on the coffee table whenever I want. I remember reading a passage in the Bible, "it's better to be alone in the desert than married to a quarrelsome wife" (something along those lines). You have to find your own happiness. In my experience, very few married couples have found their 'soulmate'. Many are unhappy, but can't afford a divorce (cheaper to keep her/him). You have to find your own happiness. As the great Joe Louis once said, "You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough."

[Dianne S]

Dianne suggests that half of those who marry do so to meet societal expectations. I respectfully but strenuously disagree

You are very lucky... one of the lucky 50%, I guess. Having spoken to lots of single and married people, I stand by my belief that about half of all people who marry would be better off had they not married.

[justmetoo]

And like Jill_cd said "The women at work, very few, are all married or I'm old enough to be their father". Yep, that, too. I just don't even meet many single women in general. Still, as some said, single or not, each has its own challenges, as well as pluses and minuses. I know people who have been lucky in love, as it were, and they did or do have a good thing going. Not everyone is that fortunate, whether they are in a relationship or are single. Being on one's own also has its advantages (just look at some of the threads around here from both sides of the fence, so to speak). :)

[Allisa]

Single and never married here, close call once. Had a few short term relationships but found out that after a certain time period needed to be alone again, I am my own best friend. My CDing had little to do with the relationship not working out,I am just set in my ways too much. And I am now a sexagenarian and really have no desire to "date" anymore, although a casual dinner and a movie are still a fun time with some lady friends I have, I'm always my male self it's just the way it is. Well enough said for now.

[LelaK]

I'm 65 and never married. I had a long-distance engagement in the early 90s, but she finally decided not to come to the U.S. again.

Ambition
Two years ago I was working for a friend and one day I noticed that I was homesick and that I wanted to have a companion, at least one, because I had no close friends that I enjoyed doing many things with. I had friends, but none were close. Without having such friends, I noticed that I was losing my ambition to do good things in my life.

So I tried to meet women on OKCupid and PoF, and did chat with several, but to no avail. I decided to move to Calif. for warmer winters. I found an affordable place in the Bay area for a while, then had to move on.

Then I visited my cousin near L.A. and answered a CL ad for a live-in caregiver. They (2 sisters) decided to accept me. One of them lives here to do most of the caregiving herself. After they accepted me, I happened to think it might be best if they knew I'm a CD, and if they didn't accept it I might want to turn down the job eventually. But they were accepting.

Jackpot?
In fact the woman who lives here is bi and somewhat of a CD too. She seems to like me a lot, so I asked if she may like to be companions with me, if we're compatible, as she seems kind of. She seemed a bit surprised at first, since she's quite a bit younger, but now she says she's interested. So we're discussing it. I get to dress quite a bit now and she even went clothes shopping with me last week. There are potential danger signs, but, I figure if she's interested in companionship, a little danger is probably okay. I expect we'll be discussing over the next few days at least.

I do think I could live the rest of my life alone, but I think I need to have a partner who shares some of my ambition to do good in order to help sustain my own ambition.

Try PolyAmory
If this doesn't work out, I'd consider a polyamorous relationship. I'd even be willing to live with other crossdressers. But I have a lot of ambition and want to have close relations with one or more other similarly ambitious persons. I'm heterosexual, but I'd like enjoy sharing affection with CDs or TGs too. What about all you other single CDs?

[MayaMe]

I'm getting close to 40 and have yet to be in a relationship. I have not even dated anyone. I have tried POF an OKCupid and have not had a luck there. It would like to experience being in a relationship at least once, but my shyness, being a CD or possibly TS makes it even harder. So, I don't really see it ever happening.

[RADER]

Well I am now single, at 67, there is little hope of getting remarried.
Wife died in April of 2013, so it is just me and my Cat.
My wife was OK with me dressing, even finding things for me to wear.
The only rule was to stay in the house; Some under dressing was OK also.
I miss her, specialty at the Holidays.
Rader

[fun4metoo2004]

I am 54, was married for 9 years, wife never new, nor does my son who is 25. Never told anyone else.

Have not been with another woman since the divorce.

[Barbara Jo]

I am 67, living alone with no SO..... with no family in the area.

I have been married but, divorced in the early '70s

I was also an in another long term live in relationship (long story) with the love of my life which untimely ended in disaster for me..... she left me.
FWIW... I loved her so much that for the years that I was with her, I did not dress and she never knew about my CDing.

So, now I live alone as a woman in private and dress daily/nightly... wear panties etc 24/7 .
I also have my current apt decorated in a somewhat feminine manor.
Most of few friends I had have either died or moved away.

To be honest I do get a bit lonely at times but , through it all i have always truly liked myself and do not mind being alone most of the time.

[Alice Torn]

I must say, that I dated when i was not dressing. My first girlfriend, when i was 27, and she was 21, ended her life with an overdose. Dated off and on with mostly older divorcees, never had sex with a woman ever. Katey888, mentioned the grass being greener syndrome. One minister told me that many marrieds would love to be in my shoes. Its human nature, it seems. Marrieds would love more aloneness, and solitude. Older singles would like a little less aloneness and solitude. I am learning to be thankful for all the simple things i take for granted. Having a small income, has made me see thing differently too. The only times being without a SO bothers me, is out alone at restaurants, church, stores, , where couples are everywhere, or families. And i mean dressed in drab, as i very seldom go out dressed as Alice. At home alone, with cats, it does not bother me. Again, thanks all of you for sharing. Many of you have had much more difficult situations than me. I live 11 miles from my family of origin, thankfully, and only go there twice a week now. My dad is almost 94, but my brother is an extremely difficult person. Some of you gave out advice. Thank you. Some of it is good stuff.

[satinnsilk]

Married 17 years, divorced and single for the last 12. My crossdressing was not the only cause but she could not accept it either. She was and is a good friend and we did produce one wonderful child in the process but I must say I am not the easiest person to live with and have high expectations of myself and those close to me, I know, lighten up. I love living alone in that I have to make no compromises and can do what I please when I please so I guess that is just selfishness. I repressed my crossdressing for the most part until I hit about 38 and then it became something of such importance to my inner self that I embraced it and never looked back. Living alone allows me to dress everyday and there is a big difference from being alone and being lonely. I am just one of those people that enjoys solitude. Don't get me wrong, I am a very social creature but if alone I am my own best friend and do not pine for someone nattering incessantly about mundane topics just to not feel awkward. We are all different, thank the spirits, so there is no right or wrong in this thread but it is very interesting to see others perspectives. Happy Holidays to everyone, MUAH!

[Tiffany B.]

I'm single and loving it... but its difficult to explain the girly things in the closet

[ronny0]

I am well past 60, and in a long term relationship with a GG. Have been married twice, and a few long term relationships. I keep in touch with most of my X's.
Last 3 girlfriends were OK with my hobby, last 2 even encouraged it...... Not sure where / how you find a life partner. It took me over 10 years to find my last GF.
You never know how some one will respond to our secret, and some times it can be a deal breaker, specially early on and depending on what we feel our needs are and our partners needs and perception of where everyone is heading in life. A few of those that know of my hobby have either passed or moved far away. Leaving me with a feeling of great loss. Nothing I have said has answered any of your questions......
But on the upside, if you are looking for a friend, drop me a pvt msg and I'll try to help you out from time to time.
This time of your can me extremely depressing for everyone, more suicides during the holidays than other times of the year.
Weather you are in a relationship, or not, many people get down and have trouble getting through this time of year.
And let me tell you, just because some on says they are in a relationship, doesn't mean that their life is Fine & Dandy.
Everything in life takes effort, and not all effort brings the rewards we expert / deserve / desire.
Wishing you and EVERYONE a great Holiday Season.....

[sarahcsc]

LDiane suggests that half of those who marry do so to meet societal expectations. I respectfully but strenuously disagree. I married the first time because I was head over heels in love with my first wife...

Hi Kim, :)

The history of marriage is rooted in the discovery of agriculture. Prior to agriculture, humans were mostly nomadic hunter gatherers who didn't own land. But the advent of agriculture introduced the concept of "ownership" because people are suddenly laying claim to land. It then becomes complicated to know what to do with claimed lands when the owners die hence the concept of "marriage" was born. It was a way to secure rights to land and property by designating children as rightful heirs born under certain circumstances, ie. marriage. As society as a whole became more complex, marriage became a legal institution. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZZ6QB5TSfk)

These days, marriage is almost synonymous with love. In other words, it is synonymous with something very personal. I don't doubt that it was personal for you, and for many others, but it is also important that we examine the historical origins of the concept of "marriage" so to get a perspective on where we came from.

People can get married because of love, they can also be married without falling in love (ie. arranged marriages).

I believe there is some truth to what LDiane has said.




Any of you also single with no SO?

As to the original question, I have this to say.

Not everybody who is single, has no significant other.

Even a person who is single, can have somebody who is very significant to them.

And likewise for the married couple: not all married couples considered their spouses significant.

I am single, but I have a very significant other that I have a deep relationship with. It doesn't matter if I made that relationship official unless I intend to have children with her so my children can be rightful heirs to my land and property.

Love,
Sarah

[weyburn]

I am 60 widower for 19 months,
I use to be a part time closet dresser.
After the pass ing of my wife I was pretty mixed up after and some therapy sessions I decicided as I missed my wife so much I would try and see the world as much as I could through her eyes,I probably just needed justification within myself to do what I do now and dress pretty well all day every day and feel good about myself and I truly do believe it did help with the grieving process

Andrea

[Ressie]

In just a few months I will be celebrating 10 years of being divorced! I got married in my late 40s and it turned out to be a terrible time. It lasted less than 4 years. Haven't had a love relationship since. Same deal, many women that I met turned out to mention something about their husbands 20 minutes into meeting them. I also have a fear of getting into another relationship. Knowing my history with women, I tend to foresee any possibilities turning out badly eventually.

At least I had many relationships with women throughout my younger years. Some lasted only a few months, some a couple of years, and the longest lasted 14 years. The latter was a great relationship, but we kind of grew apart for several reasons.

We get set in our ways as we get older, which makes it more difficult to adjust to others that we get involved with. I've got to say that I've had less contact with women over the last 10 years than I ever have before. I kind of gave up I guess.

[Michelle 78]

Another singleton here too! Been in relationships but never got as far as marriage, but I hope so one day it will happen there's not rush. But like a lot on here shyness does not help things, it takes me a long time to open up and really trust somebody. By the way MayMe, POF is a waste of time....been there done that.

[andreanna]

I am 60 also. Married once and shacked up once. I would not want to be with another woman except for the physical pleasure. I have real trust problems with them, they want it all and when they don't get it they find a lawyer that will take it all

[Charlotte Haynes]

Also a singleton...I like that word...Never ever envisaged being in a long term relationship.

[Robin414]

Andrea, you made me cry! I'm so sorry to hear that!!! You're among friends here...at least 'virtually'!

[Alice Torn]

Thanks for more replies, and sharing. Like one talk show host said, Life is messy, and love is messy. Not always, i hope! Pets fill the void, quite a bit. Without pets, i don't know if i had kept going. The first real girlfriend i had, ended her life, age 21. But, i was emotionally immature, and she had tons of father issues. Neither were mature emotionally, and no one in my family of origin is emotionally mature yet, including me! Too often, we have a fairy tale outlook and expectations, i think, whether straight or bi or gay, about the "right person" for me! I was bullied in grade and high school, and by older brothers, and dad, so I am a paranoid person, always aware of everything going on around me, like a secret agent, hyper vigilant. Being this way, makes it very stressful, to go out in public dressed, so i have very seldom done so. But, having social needs deficits, i tend to "dump" on cashiers, SA's, strangers, at times. I have a bad reputation in the town here, as i dump on people, and vent. I believe every town should have place, where lonely people, can go and just vent, and talk. I am going to try senior centers soon. 12 step groups are pretty good, too. Churches tend to be almost like "couples only clubs", sadly. I remember hearing of "Lonely Hearts Clubs", many decades ago. I wonder if there still are such clubs. I would guess the internet has replaced them. Like some said, Plenty of Fish, has been a dismal failure. I have been on there seven years, and answerd many ads, but very few reply backs, and virtually none has anwered mine. For some reason, that sire has not been much help, for quite a few men.

[monalisa]

I have also been single my whole life. In looking back I didn't ever feel ready to be married and settle down. As you get older you do think about some of the girls you dated and how wonderful they were. Some I have met their husbands and most don't seem happy. It takes a lot of work to make a marriage work and it seems many think it just happens but it doesn't. Maybe I wouldn't have made a good husband either I don't know and perhaps it was better I didn't and end up divorced.
There are times where it would be good to be married and have that best friend and companion in your life. Someone who loves you and truly cares and removes that lonely feeling that sometimes occurs.

[Alice Torn]

Monalisa, I hear you. Singleness is still kind of looked down on, believe it or not. Being alone is nice, but not all the time, isn't it? A love/hate relation ship to being a loner. I suppose marriage can be a love it/ hate it thing too. My older sister is 65, never married, and i fear she will try to latch on to me, after my toxic father dies. Incest is not something for me, even if only emotional. She has only two women for friends, and no men. I hate it when i go places with my sister, as everyone thinks we are a couple!!!!!

[gender_blender]

A bit of a generalization here. I'm a young successful engineer who broke up with my biological gf recently during my chemotherapy. She had always known me as a female even though I'm biologically male. I've always had pretty good luck finding female partners, but honesty from the start is key.

[pinkDOT]

I am young so, finding a GF or getting married is still possible but I have realised recently that having a SO is a good thing but not the most important one. As a person who likes to help others, being able to see the change, the smile on SOs face etc I haven't really had a chance to ask myself what I like, what I want to do, am I happy?

Now, being single, and learning alot from my last relationship I am finally enjoying life, doing things that make me happy and trying to show others, just a bit, that I have a life, hobbies, own standards, rules etc. I try to stay active, busy as often as possible, try to say positive things instead of complaining, proving myself and others that I am not boring.

Someday I might meet my SO and be I will be honest and have a wonderfull personality. Positive, vibrant and awesome :)

[Heather1129]

I'm 61, I've been married twice, thats enough. The first time was a big mistake all around, annulled after 6 months. The second time lasted about 4 years, she just turned into a psycho-bitch from hell, I couldn't take it anymore. So I've been single for the last 16 years or so, I don't see that changing anytime soon. I'm happy with life the way it is, I am pretty independent, come and go as I please, do what I want when I want and don't get grief over it. Life is good!

Heather

[Maria Blackwood]

49 and unmarried. A history of wild sexual experimentation, but I'm just not wired for long term relationships. I actually suspect I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum. It served me well in engineering but not so much in interpersonal relationships.

Pony avatar. Nuff said.

[TessaOKC]

I'm married to a supporting wife who is informed about my dressing. I fantasize about being single and all the fun I would have. Just kick myself in the butt because when I was single I wasn't into dressing. Grrrrr.

[MisterEgurl]

Wow, yeah. I'm single and not looking at 40-years old. I've never had a significant romantic/intimate relationship and, honestly, I don't feel like I'm missing much and can't imagine that changing at this point or in the future. I've never much taken the societal expectations seriously and have never felt a strong desire for any of the steps to the "Married with Children" expectation. I've always been furiously independent and focused on my career (despite the massive paradigm shifts my career(s) have taken - going from a DoD researcher to a school bus driver is pretty incomprehensible to most). I've always been too busy doing things to notice I was alone or to care that I was alone.

The irony is that despite the fact that I'm a bit of a non-conformist, I am deeply closeted. That is by design. Crossdressing is a highly sexual and erotic activity for me, it is, of course, solitary, and I don't feel compelled to share the details of my solitary sexual antics with the people around me. It doesn't seem like proper talk at the fire company picnic or post-meeting discussion at the Zoning Board. I don't think most people would care to know my intimate habits and I would prefer that others spare me the details of theirs as well. The nature of my present job also makes me wary of opening up about anything seen as sexually deviant. In a sense, it is confidential information. I'm not lying to people. I'm merely omitting details that are not germane to my interactions with others. I keep everyone at a comfortable distance.

I expect that if I ever felt inclined to pursue an intimate/romantic relationship with someone and expect it to be genuine, I'd need to fully disclose my idiosyncrasies. I'd be fine with that. Sharing this information in even this somewhat anonymous venue feels nice and I'm sure that sharing it with another in a relationship context would also be good.

[victoria76]

I'm single, only been in a relationship (dating) twice. I guess I just haven't found the right woman yet.
If I ever do, I would tell her about this and hope she is as cool about it as many of them are...

[Lily Catherine]

19 and single, not intending to date seriously till I'm financially sustainable. When to come out to them about my dressing is another issue, but to let it become an elephant in the room would bear even more unhealthy repercussions.

[priyajeanbabe]

Am sorry for u Rader. May you find comfort and God remove your Lonliness:straightface:

[sometimes_miss]

Then, i realized that a woman cannot make me happy, and may bring me massive misery.
^this is one of the things that keeps me from becoming very depressed. Someone once said, instead of being unhappy over things you want but don't have, remember of all the things that you DON'T WANT that you don't have. And a miserable wife is definitely one thing that I don't want.....and don't have. And every time I see a guy stuck with one of those irritating, greedy, ugly, nasty shrews, I try to remember my good fortune for not letting myself get sucked into a relationship like that just to avoid being alone. Then being alone doesn't seem so bad at all. At least I have my pet parrot to talk to; he's always glad to see me, cheerful, and likes to play.

[CatCloud]

25 and single, enjoying being single at the moment for the most part, though I would prefer to be a loving relationship with someone who cares for me.
Would be open with my SO about all of me and hope she could be accepting.

[Barbara Maria]

I also am 60 and single.I've been married twice and have no intention of EVER doing it again.The longer I live alone the better I like it.When I'm home I get all the Barbara time I want,can go around in just panties and bra if I want to,don't have to hide anything.I wouldn't have it any other way.

[weekend woman]

At 62 just another "old maid" here. Some day I may find my soul mate but I'm going to hold my breath waiting.

[Jackmore]

I am 63, divorced for 15 years. have dated since but became less and less as time went on. Now single unattached for a couple years. I have no desire to marry again or live with anyone. No one knows of my CD side, so its never been an issue. I am single, no SO... and I like it that way.

[DorothyElizabeth]

70 - Married three times, with a seven year stint in a ménage a trois between the first and second one. First marriage at age 18 - we eloped. Lasted ten years, about four of them good. Seven years living with a married couple, until he had an affair with a co-worker and we all broke up. Married the second time for twenty years, but the last five, we slept in separate bedrooms, but didn't mess around with anyone else, either. Last marriage lasted five years - the happiest years of my life. But I felt guilty taking time from us to play music. Finally one day, I was beating myself up for having to leave to go play a music job, and she said, I can't let you do this to yourself any more. I'm leaving you, so you can play music without guilt." That was in 2005. I have been single since, and intend to remain so for the rest of my life.

[jsunic_1978]

well, im 36, never had any opportunities to even have ONE MARRIAGE because im CAT OUT OF THE BAG right of way and iv always been open and ME guess that hasnt always been a bad thing. also, i find GOOD FRIENDS can be very accepting and thats all this counts. don't have to be alone but don't have to be in relationships HIDING THE CAT....UTLLERY MISERABLE..., THAT MAT BE.

[Alice Torn]

It is frustrating, the dating sites, the indifference, the seeming no hope, to be with someone special. I see my life winding down, and know i am low income with almost nothing to offer, while other guys i know, have married , and have very good ones. They are not CDers, though. That makes it hundreds of times easier. My religion forbids this, too, so i have no chance there. I am still surprised how the majority on here are married!

[sixsides]

50% of us all over 40's are now single.
So we're not alone in being alone.
xx to all
From a single female

[Alice Torn]

Thanks Sixsides. Interesting fact.

[sixsides]

For me it's more about the very good friends I find in life, not quantity, whether sexual, working, or social, just enjoying their company..

But I feel I'm intruding as I joined here to ask a question, very cheeky of me I know,

I was talking to someone on a dating site last year, and got me thinking about CDing, the wants/needs, anyway they were working away, so we talked and talked only, but had an idea about a truly reversible bag, one side is for as male as you want to be..the other for as girlie as you want to be..(the linings also refelected in this..)
but as I have since lost contact with this friend, I wanted to just get any views people would like that to offer..and even if they like the idea...(I will start a thread instead of using yours...so apologies)

p.s I want to make them as individual and unique as we all are..