Will you accept me?

[BouncyBouncy]

Heya everyone!

It's my first thread! Hazaaaa!
Suffice it to say I'm a little (read: insanely) excited to be an active part of this forum.

OK, so here's the rub:

I've spent the last few days looking around the forum, reading a bunch, getting a handle of the vibe and what people are like,
and while I'm immensely keen to dive into things headfirst, I am sliiiightly concerned that my particular demeanor and mode of self-expression/identity
may rub some of you the wrong way, so I thought I'd best lay it out and hear what people have to say before exploding into your community.


I am a straight though occasionally bi-curious crossdresser, who after years of being secretive and uncertain of how to express this side of myself
have decided to make it a part of my performative identity; I am a musician, film maker, writer, dancer and occasional actor, so being a larger-than-life
personality with a deep desire to create art is the way I express myself and feel true freedom of existence.

As such, my fem persona borders on being dubbed a Drag Queen, and I've noticed that around this forum, the term seems to bare a certain amount
of negative connotation. At current, I don't fully understand why this is, but I imagine that one reason may be that it seems a less serious and somewhat mocking
misrepresentation of the very real struggles TS, TG and CD people deal with on a daily basis. I want to respectfully assure you that in my case, this simply isn't so.

While I certainly have (extremely) deep trans feelings, and have had throughout my life, I have come to a point at which I am
enjoyably content with my existence as a male and have no need to transition, or even pass. After struggling my whole life with how my fem side
fits into my greater world, I have found a way of making it a REAL part of me, one that never needs excusing or denying. This isn't the way
everyone does it, but it's the way that works for me, and makes me feel like myself, and the only way I'll ever be accepted; by taking creative CONTROL
of how people perceive me.

So, what I want to ask is this:

Are you willing to accept me as an outspoken, non-trans person who intends to make their cross dressing a publicly performative experience
that feels no need to publicly minimise the fact that I am biologically male and speak my mind in an overly creative manner?

I very very much don't wish to frustrate anyone, so if me being essentially a drag queen bothers people, I will understand
and hope that I can find somewhere else to explore my fem needs and discuss my adventures/successes/failures/concerns/beliefs.

What do you say, folks?



Thank you for reading, and considering.
xx Bouncy

[Kate Simmons]

Works for me my friend. I love performing myself and really you are who you are. Looking forward to hearing more from you. :battingeyelashes::)

[Jean 103]

Welcome, I ‘m somewhat new here also. You probably have more in common with most of the girls here then you may think. As I see it the site is a mix of support, sounding board, and self-expression, follow the rules, stay positive and you should be ok. As for the Drag Queen, over the top, this is me thing. You will find the ones that go out in public for the most part are just wanting to blend in and look good at the same time. I know it sounds like two different objectives as a well-dressed girl will always draw some amount of attention, but none of this is simple and straight forward. There are all levels of dressing as well as some that are completely in the closet to those that dress full time. So I can’t speak for anyone else but, I don’t have a problem if you wish to dress like or be a drag queen.

[PaulaQ]

Actually, you are still trans. Thats OK though. Nobody says you have to conform to either gender.

[Katey888]

Of course you're welcome and of course you are accepted as part of the community... :cheer:

Acceptance on an individual basis by others is something that goes beyond the auspices of Forum Administration (no mind control yet, but we're working on it.. ;)) and so is largely down to the individual. Personally, I am happy to accept everyone here regardless of their particular muse or variation - I happen to believe that diversity is something to be celebrated, and while I may not necessarily understand why you do what you do, I don't actually understand why I want to do what I do either... so we're quits... :D

But you're right - there are some who believe guys with beards or NDDs (Neck-down-dressers) and others, somehow bring disrepute on the rest of us... I don't see it personally, but everyone here has a right to their own opinion and the forum is used to express it - so be prepared for the occasional lively discussion too! :devil:

Soooo.... let's see how you get on. You won't know until you try... :)

Katey x

[erickka]

Welcome BB! You are more than welcome here. It takes ALL kinds of folks to make up this big world we live in, and if everyone were the same, I think we'd all end up bored to tears. I personally believe that diversity is the spice of life, and however you choose to go down the "path" (as long is it is legal) is OK by me!

[Rhonda Darling]

Bouncy.

Glad to have you aboard. If you've had Trans feelings your whole life, then you'll learn from the rest of us just as we'll learn from you. We're a bunch of people on a journey who have met each other along the road. We may not always be going in the same direction or the same distance, but we enjoy the company, camaraderie, and good discussion along the way.

Welcome.

Best,
Rhonda

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Well BB, you've got our attention, now what are you going to do?

[Vickie_CDTV]

I certainly don't mind. I see all manner of different folks in my line of work, a DQ is not going to shock or upset me.

[Jaylyn]

Bouncy welcome aboard. I can hear a little of what you talk about. I for one sometime love to apply my own makeup a little on the drag side. I for one am a lipstick addict and the darker reds are my weakness I love tight fitting dresses and the smoothness of my hose and did I mention heels I love my heels. My favorite wig is a long blond one. I have always been fascinated by the drag queen look and even have somewhat of an artist side to me. I have found a home here. I have been warned a time or two about the rules so follow those but I always have been one not to go exactly according to the rules. Even had a picture that I loved deleted by one of the administration but they forgave me and let me back in. Yes read the rules and I for one would be interested in what you have to say. You may find we are all similar in a lot of our inner most feelings.

[sarahcsc]

Hi Bouncy,

What an authentic and honest introduction. :) Of course you are welcome. I hope this forum will help you the way it has helped me.

Love,
Sarah

[Martina]

Hi, Bouncy,
Welcome to the forum we all play a part in this community no matter how we choose to dress, from the person that only wears undergarments to the one's that fully dress.
We all have a place in this world of our's that some would consider strange or weard to them, but that is only their view of life while others take the bull by the horns and go all out with what they, wear that feels right for them.
Life is to short to follow what other people think as to what we should do or wear, be yourself and express how you feel, why conform to the majoirty.

Martina

[Jackie7]

You go girl, and I don't mean go away. This forum is a big umbrella. Personally I love the drag queen look though I don't do it myself... Any more. There was a time though...

[talonX]

Welcome to Bouncy, and as a new member myself, it's wonderful to see such acceptance!

[Joan.Meredith]

Welcome Bouncy,

I know that what I want to present and want I'm able to present at this time is far enough from one another that some might consider me in Drag when I do any dressing. What it means to me is that I'm comfortable in the skin, and clothing then it doesn't really matter does it.

Joan

[CONSUELO]

BouncyBouncy,

Welcome to this site. I for one have no problem with anything that you have said. I think we all have some of the performer and the extrovert in us and it will be lovely to hear your perspective on issues. In the UK there is an openly cross dressing artist, a potter, who has been given awards for her work = Grayson Perry. I would hope that this site is big enough to welcome the likes of her as well as yourself. if all of the fictional characters of Priscilla Queen of the Desert wished to join I would be delighted.

So, I think it will be great to have such a diverse and creative person be a member. WELCOME!

[donnalee]

Come on in, Bouncy, the water's fine! We've got most of the sharks out of the pool, but watch your fingers and toes and you'll be cool!

[Lori Kurtz]

I joined up here just last year, so I'm not yet an expert on everybody's opinions. As if I ever will be. Here's what I know, though. There's a lot of diversity here--both in terms of where we are on the male/female continuum, and in terms of our opinions about how others express and present themselves. Not everyone will be comfortable with who you are and how you present yourself to us and to the rest of the world. But I think most of us realize that we've all got reasons to fear the judgment of others, and that we need a place to feel safe, and we want to make this be such a place. So thanks for your respectful query. You can expect to receive much respect in return here. I hope you always feel welcome.

[Vala]

Sorry if I'm captain obvious but this site is called crossdressers dot com and the definition of crossdressing is "Cross-dressing refers to the act of wearing clothing and other accoutrements commonly associated with the opposite sex within a particular society." So for all I can understand that applies to you ;)

[Nicole Erin]

Being the new person is always awkward.
People come and go so much though that eventually you will be thinking, "what ever happened to so and so...?"
I guess it is like starting a new job where the turnover is high. At first you hope to be accepted but after YOU are the "veteran" you start thinking, "I don't give a damn who "accepts" me or not".

For your posts, there are only a few things you can really do to "mess up big" around here. One - do NOT argue with the mods. You may not always agree but just let it roll off and your membership is good as long as you want to be here.
I think the only other thing is we have a few people here who think they are superior to everyone else. Even at that, you gotta be embellishing pretty hard or TG-bashing to cross that line.

You will probably be fine.

[LelaK]

I accept anyone who doesn't put others down. And I accept them when they don't put others down.

The owners of the forum are rather uptight, I think, and don't even tolerate words like she-male. They're somewhat authoritarian and insensitive to members by deleting posts excessively.

[Annaliese]

Bouncy, welcome girl, glad to have you here with us, you will fit in just fine.

[docrobbysherry]

Whether or not u feel you've been accpted here will take time. However, I can say most here WANT to accept u and anyone who dresses.

As far as being a drag queen? I can only tell u my experiences here. While not identifying as a drag queen, or being gay, bi, I have been known to present a bit over the top in photos and posts here. And, once in awhile I get properly slapped around for it!

But, it sounds like u have a thick skin, BB. I think you'll do JUST FINE HERE!:D

[immike]

Absolutely marvelous with me?I'm a very closeted,secret CD,of many years&unknown to family&friends? I dressed in mothers clothes,at an early age,secretly,after
she would leave for work.I would spend the morning trying on dresses,skirts,her silky blouses&I'd lift a fresh,unopened pkg of her pantyhose&dress in one of her
many skirtsuits&sit at her makeup table&use one of her wigs&do my face&nails

[ashleymcculloch90]

Hey B.B.

I'm sure that you will be fine here. I have went on a few rants and no one has hated me yet (at least outwardly ). Just don't forget that respect is key. You, i, or _______ may feel one way but that dose not mean everyone (or anyone else) dose. Be kind and no one will look at you sideways.

Now join in and show us what you have to offer.

-Ashley

[Debb]

BB, +1 on the welcome mat. Whether all of us agree with all of what you'll say doesn't matter. Some of us, agree or not, will get much out of your participation, and you well get much out of the forum. You're .. one of us (chanting) .. one of us .. one of us ..

[trisha11]

I would love to accept you, welcome to the forum
To each their own in my opinion

[Karyn Marie]

Hi Bouncy,

You are very much welcome to the forum, and I for one, am glad you joined. You seem like a wonderful lady and I can't wait to learn about you and read your posts.

Karyn

[ashleymcculloch90]

You're .. one of us (chanting) .. one of us .. one of us ..

"His name was Robert Paulson, his name was Robert Paulson, his name was Robert Paulson........."

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Bouncy
Everyone here is looking for some type of acceptance.
How could anyone expect to be accepted by others and refuse
to accept others themselves? What's that word???? Hypocritical?
I see no problem with anyone that is doing their thing, their way.
Of course we will have to check that darn rule book again!
Welcome to the forum.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Rosaliy Lynne]

Welcome aboard, Bouncy.

First, everyone has a [somewhat] different journey from everyone else. There is no right or wrong way to be yourself. If YOU accept yourself, everyone else should. For those who don't not to worry. You will fit in well here as long as you respect others and follow the rules.

[Helen_Highwater]

BB,
I'm looking forward to reading the reports of your adventures. It will be interesting to find out just how the muggles react to you.

[Paula_Femme]

Hi Bouncy

We're a pretty eclectic bunch here, so dive right in, speak your mind, and knock yourself out! :heehee:

Cheers!
Paula

[Tina June]

Welcome to the jungle - we accept all who are accepting.

[Tiffany Jane]

Bouncy, your introduction grabbed my attention, like many others, only because it reminds me we are all here for a place to feel like we belong. We all have our own stories, plans for change, or just to come to terms with our own feelings. This is the right place. Drag queen or dude in dress, as I often see my reflection as, is only a term to describe the outward appearrance we portray. Crossdresser covers all the emotions, questions, and activities I have found myself dealing with over the years.

Welcome and make yourself comfortable. Perspective is better seen through many people's eyes.

[Taylor Ray]

The fact that you started a thread with very clear, respectful, and mindful communication informs me that you are a quality sister interested in the positive potential of sincere dialogue. You may find (as I did) that there are a core group of gals here that approach the forum the same way: which is highly beneficial.

Sure, I get dinged and muted and erased from time to time, because, as in any forum or "community", there are unwritten rules. But in this forum, it appears that all members (and all places of the "spectrum", as they like to call it) are accepted, as long as the notion of respectful dialogue is accepted as mutually beneficial.

One last shared experience: even the bad comments and threads and rejections can become valuable to your inner process.

[devida]

I don't know I have ever seen anyone who was rejected by this community. Maybe I haven't been here long enough. I suppose there are group norms but they are pretty inclusive. I am non binary, which makes me a minority of a minority since most members here are bigendered. I don't think of myself as a cross dresser because I am expressing my gender through my clothes, and that gender is neither male nor female. Still any feelings I have had of not fitting in here are completely a result of my difficulty with identifying not a result of members telling me that I do not belong.

I also think that all gender expression is performative. How could it be anything else? If you want to make the performative nature of gender expression more obvious, as far as I am concerned you will just be doing everyone a huge favor in helping, like Conchita Wurst, people understand you are the gender you present, not the gender some doctor,who really had no expertise in gender identity issues, said you were at birth.

So you might find it isn't so much whether the community will accept you. People here are inclusive, tolerant and kind. They will accept you. It may be more how easy it is for you to accept the community.

Let me put it another way. I am the most radical person I know. I know almost no one who thinks the way I do and practically nobody who dresses or presents themselves the way I do. Many of the conversations here have absolutely nothing to do with my life. I have to work to understand them because they are so foreign to me. But I have never felt rejected by the members of this board. I am transgender but transgender is a big umbrella and it encompasses all kinds of people.

Even people as different as you and me.

[Brynna M]

We're all big girls. If you're not mean or blatantly rude be what you want.

[Tracii G]

Just be yourself.
Like Nicole Erin said follow the rules and you should be fine.
Don't start arguments or show racy pics.

[Isabella Ross]

Looking forward to the show, Bouncy! Hello from Canada...

[raleighbelle]

Join the club!

[ReineD]

Are you willing to accept me as an outspoken, non-trans person who intends to make their cross dressing a publicly performative experience
that feels no need to publicly minimise the fact that I am biologically male and speak my mind in an overly creative manner?

Absolutely!

You know yourself and this is the greatest gift of all!

[KittyD]

Well BB your pretty much in the same boat as myself from what I read :)
I read this and look into a written mirror...
Most who read my posts or have seen my videos know me as what you have written... It's not easy show casing your ways or expressing your love of your art.
And some will love it and some wont...!
We as CD's all have our different ways and feeling, so in all honesty get ready for some highs and lows and enjoy the trip :D
Either way I got your back sister and I love Ya to bits already and very much looking forward to your style :)
Big Phat hugs@Ya Sister...

Kate :D

[Marcelle]

Hey there Bouncy and as others have said . . . WELCOME! There is not right way or wrong way to approach being TG and from your introduction I would still say you fall on the TG spectrum and have found a way to integrate you feelings into your life. Well done as balance is a great place to be! I look forward to reading more about you.

Hugs

Isha

[Teresa]

BB,
Why people worry so much about how they portray themselves, Cding has no rules ! If that's how you wish to be then fine , your occupation lends itself to your way of thinking ! You're obviously happy with it ! The only rule is accept others for what they are and don't try and don't make them feel bad if they have a different way of presenting themselves!

[BouncyBouncy]

Dear everyone,

You can't imagine how overjoyed I am to hear your reactions and responses. I have always been one to prompt reaction, so to have received nothing
but support, understanding, respect and warmth is an absolute honor, and one I thank you for from the very bottom, top, sides and epicenter of my heart.

I'm so very used to being rejected, as I'm sure we all are, which has always been especially painful I've felt that I've finally found a community in which I might be appreciated or understood,
only to be seen as doing something 'wrong' or counter to the beliefs, rituals or conventions of said community. I feel your generous and gracious support flow to me like a river of love and
familiar kindness, and while part of me relishes the opportunity to go absolutely all out and be 300% me on overdrive, I plan to constantly keep my respect of the community at a highest priority level.

Thank you for allowing me to rise to my absolute potential. Please be sure to let me know if you ever feel I'm overstepping;
For someone who consciously challenges themselves and forces myself out of my comfort zone in pursuit of that sublime adventure, I can occasionally get ahead of myself and
upset others without immediately realizing. You have my word that I will always show you all the same respect, love and encouragement that you have shown me.


Now for some more specific responses:


Hi Bouncy,
What an authentic and honest introduction. :) Of course you are welcome. I hope this forum will help you the way it has helped me.
Love,
Sarah

You perhaps don't know how overwhelmingly glad I am that my intro came across as authentic and honest. It means a great deal to me
that you saw it that way, as it was indeed my intent. Too often my emphatic honesty can be perceived as sarcasm or, I don't know, SOMETHING negative! :)


Actually, you are still trans. Thats OK though. Nobody says you have to conform to either gender.

Oh I'm most certainly trans, no doubt about it :)
And I am one of the most voraciously non-conformist people you might ever meet
(something that I'm sure could be said about most of us here)


Well BB, you've got our attention, now what are you going to do?

Put on a show ;)


You go girl, and I don't mean go away. This forum is a big umbrella. Personally I love the drag queen look though I don't do it myself... Any more. There was a time though...

You've just made me exceedingly curious about you and your past…! :)


Welcome to Bouncy, and as a new member myself, it's wonderful to see such acceptance!

Glad to be taking this adventure in parallel with you TalonX.
I was in San Fransisco not long ago - if only we could've hit the town together!



The owners of the forum are rather uptight, I think, and don't even tolerate words like she-male. They're somewhat authoritarian and insensitive to members by deleting posts excessively.

Thank you for the Tip LelaK, I'll keep that in mind and be careful to choose my words :)


"His name was Robert Paulson, his name was Robert Paulson, his name was Robert Paulson........."

In death, the members of project mayhem DO have a name…


BB,
I'm looking forward to reading the reports of your adventures. It will be interesting to find out just how the muggles react to you.

Crossdressicus Totalis!
It's funny, muggles have only ever reacted well to me when I'm in drag in public, though, that COULD be because I work in festivals, so I'm constantly surrounded by performers and artistic maniacs. Even MORE funny, women always seem to be the more gropey and disrespectful, perhaps because they assume a drag queen needn't be treated with the same respect a 'real woman' does… hmmm…


The fact that you started a thread with very clear, respectful, and mindful communication informs me that you are a quality sister interested in the positive potential of sincere dialogue. You may find (as I did) that there are a core group of gals here that approach the forum the same way: which is highly beneficial.

Sure, I get dinged and muted and erased from time to time, because, as in any forum or "community", there are unwritten rules. But in this forum, it appears that all members (and all places of the "spectrum", as they like to call it) are accepted, as long as the notion of respectful dialogue is accepted as mutually beneficial.

One last shared experience: even the bad comments and threads and rejections can become valuable to your inner process.

I very much enjoy the way you write, and you've immediately assumed a position in my mind of a quality sister as well :)
Also, as a creative, I'm ALL about audience feed back whether positive or negative, so I'm open to everything!


Just be yourself.
Like Nicole Erin said follow the rules and you should be fine.
Don't start arguments or show racy pics.

I've made sure to scour the rules and digest them fully,
I just hope any pics I post won't break or bend any unwritten rules :)
We shall see the reactions when that happens I suppose!


Once again, thank you, so very very much everyone.
I feel free to be overt, performative, ridiculous yet wholly respectful self in this community.

I feel very blessed to have found you all.

xx Bouncy


PS. For future reference, I am an utterly open book, and love expressive myself, so if you ever have any questions or curiosity about
any facet of me or my personality, please do go right ahead and ask. I want to know you all, and I would love for you to know me.

[ReineD]

The owners of the forum are rather uptight, I think, and don't even tolerate words like she-male.

It's not the owners, Lela. The term she-male is incredibly insensitive and hurtful to our transsexual members.

[ashleymcculloch90]

It's not the owners, Lela. The term she-male is incredibly insensitive and hurtful to our transsexual members.

Yes it's the same as a racial slur. At least to me it is.

[Beverley Sims]

As you progress through the forum your self conscious nature will meld into one of confidence and any one here would accept you almost immediately.

The things that may be a bar to acceptance by some would be extreme criticism ofothers and probably radical beliefs.