Naive assumptions !!

[Teresa]

Since my last talk with my wife about being more open with my CDing, and conversations my wife and I have had with my sister in law on separate occasions, she has come up with some almost naive ideas that she thinks might help me!
She has obviously talked it over with her husband and come to the conclusion that I spend too much time at home, which is obviously not helping with my CDing ! I pointed out to her that the problem lives in my head, not at home so when I go out it goes with me ! I take more risks going out and spend time window shopping and sometimes buying !
No such thing as a cure !

[Annaliese]

She is looking for way to cure you, and you are right, can't change who you are, home or out you are the same person, how does sister in law husband, know anything anyway, is he trans as well. People that don't know anything then try to be experts. Is madding. There in nothing to cure.

[MsVal]

<sigh>
You're a photographer, not a teacher.

They are probably just innocently trying to be helpful. You would probably be better off simply thanking them for their concern and promising to consider theirsuggestions.

I wonder if other CDs have had good success giving educational materials to some of those well intentioned but mistaken people.

Best wishes
MsVal

[helenmichelle45]

Hi everyone (1st post)

Teresa, I read on this forum only today where someone said something along the lines of - I was born like this and I will be like it until I die. So it is what I am.
I would say the problem is theirs not yours. It is not in your head

[Ally 2112]

i agree there is no cure

[Brenda456]

Problem? What problem?

[~Joanne~]

the problem lives in my head, not at home so when I go out it goes with me !

Ain't that the truth :D

[kimdl93]

On a positive note, they didn't suggest leeches or high doses of testosterone. I think its a positive that they can offer naive but well intended suggestions rather than admonitions. Give them time and as long as your talking about it offer them some resources. Don't get caught up in debates that basically pit your beliefs (well founded though they may be) against their beliefs (ill informed as they assuredly are).

[Gillian Gigs]

They could have suggested electro-shock treatments also. I find some of my most difficult days are shopping days with the wife.

[Rachelakld]

Actually it's very sweet that she would like to "fix you".
It shows she has an emotional attachment to you.

Next time she wears pants/jeans/trousers , you could offer to "fix her" by getting her more kitchen and laundry time :)

[Marcelle]

Hi Teresa,

I think you summed it up in your title "Naïve Assumptions". For the uninitiated, what we do is "odd" at best. If you sister-in-law truly cares for you she may be making suggestions thinking she is truly be helpful and supportive. I am not sure of the context of your relationship with her and how the information was conveyed so I am assuming it was conveyed to you by your wife? Anyway, if you feel strongly about it, I would take this as an opportunity to educate you sis-in-law exactly as you describe that there is no cure. Naivety does not necessarily mean "rude or uncaring" but more so confused.

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Teresa, My wife once said that she wished that this would all just go away
I told her that the only way that it will go away is if I leave and take it all with me.

We are both too old for something like that.

[CarlaWestin]

If you turn a naive assumption inside out you wind up with the truth. Let me explain. The assumption that this thing we do is some ill addiction that has seized us like an evil infection that can't be eradicated and, keeps us from enjoying a normal existence. Well, the truth is, you are pursuing a normal and natural pursuit of happiness. Ever ask someone that likes to hunt why they do it? Although it's an acceptable male activity, there's really no redeeming value or need for it. Try to get them to say they just get a rush out of killing something, which is the real reason. You'll hear all of the usual dodges about being outdoors and being a good family activity. Really? Of the few times I've allowed anyone behind the walls of my secret world I've always taken the stance of, "Sorta' makes your life look kinda' boring, doesn't it?" Teresa, I hope you get peace and acceptance but, you really don't need anyone to understand what you do. Really, this can just be turned around to let them know that you're certainly having more enjoyment and personal enrichment with living in two worlds as opposed to their daily unrewarding drudgery.

[DonnaT]

They are probably just innocently trying to be helpful. You would probably be better off simply thanking them for their concern and promising to consider their suggestions.

She could thank them for their concern, sure, but there is no need to make fake promises. She didn't ask for their help.

Instead, I would tell them that since they have no experience in this matter, they really have no clue as to how to be helpful. I would then tell them I need no help, since there is no cure, and I'm certainly not looking for one.

[Amy Fakley]

Well, look at it this way ... your sister-in-law (and apparently her husband) see that you are unhappy, and want to help.

That sure beats the hell out of a lot of more unpleasant possibilities ... they aren't advising your wife to leave you, they aren't trying to drag you into some wacky evangelical "pray out the gay" seminar, etc. They see there is a problem that needs fixing, but they've just identified it incorrectly ... the problem isn't that you are this way, the problem is that you need to find a balance ... and know that the people in your life whom you love are ok with it.

I know it's hard to see it this way, but to me (based on your previous postings), this actually sounds Iike huge progress, so ... congratulations! ;-)

[Teresa]

I would like to thank you all for your thoughts .
Just to make the situation clear my wife ran off to her sister in tears twenty years ago when she caught me, apparently no real conversation has passed between them since until I decided to have another talk with my wife. She has told her sister all I said and I have elaborated on the phone with her a couple of times .
I told her the bottom line is she will never understand it because most women don't have that trait in their brain, she will never grasp the thought of having a female side ! She may think from what I've said that I don't want to stop CDing, but this has been what recent events have been about, I can't stop and to continue to fight it after all these years is not possible any more !
There was a follow on to her conversation, again along similar lines.
Her husband is a farmer and holds regular seasonal pheasant shoots, they need beaters with dogs to drive the birds to the guns, so they think it's a good idea to get me out of the house and obviously take part in a manly pursuit !
I've been there and done that one, I'm still capable of doing the guy thing when necessary but again doing enough manly things isn't going to cure me ! All it will do is make me feel more like being the girl afterwards !

I take the point that it's thoughtful help, they think enough of me to realise that I have worked hard to sustain my family and the comments about the possibility of a separation is obviously upsetting them !

[Jean 103]

First I hope things work out you and your wife. Sounds as they think you need a new hobby. What they don't understand is it is not a hobby, and that shopping with the girls is your thing. The last part about shopping is just a guess. Merry Christmas Jean

[Beverley Sims]

Teresa,
People who have not experienced the feeling, really have no idea.

[CarlaWestin]

Teresa,
People who have not experienced the feeling, really have no idea.
Ditto here, Hon!

[Pat]

I would like to thank you all for your thoughts .
Her husband is a farmer and holds regular seasonal pheasant shoots, they need beaters with dogs to drive the birds to the guns, so they think it's a good idea to get me out of the house and obviously take part in a manly pursuit !


Hmmm... so you have this "problem" they can't solve and they're suggesting you go walk in front of a bunch of guys with guns. :thinking: Y'all be careful out there, hon.

[Robin414]

Too bad Stalone or Schwarzenegger weren't çd! When I hear this my I have to say my T boils, like Pink! I love that chic I have to say; )

[Nikkilovesdresses]

How presumptuous of her. Cut her out of your Will immediately. Cut cut cut.

[Carolana]

Interesting subject most of us can relate to in some way. In my case if I should happen to have a climax while dressed up, the mood changes almost instantly and I lose all the feelings associated to the point where I take everything off and clean up and go back to my male self. Obviously for me this is all about the sexual thrill and there is a part of me that most certainly is uncomfortable with the role play. So while I would not use terms like wrong or immoral, as some of society does, there is an element of unnatural that to me is undeniable. By that I mean nature's intention. I am a guy. I have longed for a cure over the years. Haven't seen one yet. I have given up on trying to change. Now I feel I may as well enjoy it. It ain't going away by my willpower. Speaking of that, that female part of me seems to have its own willpower. All that analyzing.... gets tiring. What was the question again?😘

[Anna H]

Hi everyone! Been soooo busy here with lots of work...but thinking of you all! :)

Teresa....here's something that may be useful for someone concerned to
read and maybe learn something from....

http://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/transgender.aspx

It may (possibly) be helpful for someone to know that our...er...'condition'...isn't
something that can be fixed or cured. We've been around always...there's lots
of us. We have no choice in the matter...it's simply the way we are.

I prefer to put myself under the 'TG umbrella' because of professional and widely
respected organizations such as the one i linked to. If someone thinks of me
as a CD/TV and they go looking for information about that, they're going to find
vast amounts of stuff i'd prefer they didn't. But, by referring to myself as a TG
person, i have this backing of highly respected professionals to 'defend'...for lack
of a better term....the way i am. it's not something i became, or chose...it's just
the way i was made.

anyway...i won't take this into the label debate. we have this very real and
long recognized condition we have no choice about. whatever label i have to use
to cause someone Not to think of it as more or less than it actually is, is to my
benefit, i believe.

I hope that's useful!! :)

♥

[Teresa]

Kate,
You may have a good point, I guess doing internet searching under the CD/TV umbrella does bring up stuff that gives people the wrong impression !
With some people no matter what label we choose to use they just won't get the whole picture ! How can wearing a dress and panties be so complicated ? It's just weird and not normal, surely he must have grown out of it by now !!!!