Flirting?

[Diane Lynn]

I have been out for quite some time. now, doing my own thing. Recently, I started going to a local social group, no alcohol. Today, a man walked past me and asked "maam right?" and I said yes. Later, he walked slowly around the room, got close to me, turned around, said "hi" and quickly walked away. Was he flirting? it is new to me.

I left shortly after, but I wanted to go up to him and say, I am Diane, nice to meet you, but didn't.

[mechamoose]

You need to be friends before you can be anything else.

Go ahead and say 'hi!'. Check out if there is common ground.

If there is? Then keep going. If there isn't? He may have already shown himself to be a Nice Guy and worth keeping in touch with.

Relationships happen most often when you AREN'T looking for them.

<3

- MM

[PretzelGirl]

I find that recognizing flirting is possible when a person is there because there is body language and tone of voice to it. If you thought he was flirting, then he was flirting.

[Nicole Erin]

For my money, I say he was flirting but shy.
Just next time you are there, sit on his lap and talk about the first thing that pops up. (hint - it won't be politics)

Only problem with men who like to date transgender is they like one particular thing. They say, "I have never had an experience with a "TG"..."
Not sure what you are into but yeah some men hate the thought of a TG having SRS. Guess why?
He may not be like that but feel it out. I mean check it out.

[whowhatwhen]

I have a hard time reconciling that sort of thing.
On one hand I feel that no one should feel ashamed of who or what they're attracted to (as long as they can consent, ect)

I'd say it's okay only if they're willing to be seen holding hands in public with a nonpassing transwoman but unfortunately I read a lot about most guys wanting it to be some kind of secret commando mission.

The guy sounded shy though, maybe next time eh? :P
How did it make you feel though?

[MarieTS]

Nicole, call me naive, but why wouldnt guys want a trans to have srs?

[DebbieL]

Yes, he was flirting, but he was also bashful. He was probably worried that he might upset you.

I find that a lot of men around my age will enjoy flirting with me. They may not know that I'm transsexual.

There is a very long and winding bath from flirtation to sexual intimacy in a long term relationship.
I ended up going to match.com because it was easier to put out some pictures of Rex and Debbie, state that I was looking for a bisexual woman, and see who responded - about 1 in 100 were very interested.
One of them I married.

I find certain men attractive, but often I need to adjust my gaydar. There are guys who are attracted to me because they think I am all woman, there are guys who are attracted because they think I'm trans and available.

I normally wear a wedding set, but Lee just gave me her great grandmother's ring. It's beautiful but looks more like an engagement ring, so some guys think I'm available.
I've also had a few men who wanted to get to know me better via face-book. They missed the part of the profile that said I'm married.

Maybe when I was much younger, thinner, and less affluent, I might have more interested in a man who wanted a really feminine girl like me, even though I had something extra.
As it was, the only men I had any experience with were guys who thought I was a gay guy. Unfortunately, Rex was asexual and didn't respond well to men or women.

Diane,
With a little more practice in social situations like that one, you'll be more comfortable at being able to "chat him up", asking him questions about himself, name, what does he do, what does he do for fun, does he have family? The "Dale Carnagie" is a good guide. Then he will be more comfortable asking you questions and you can determine right away whether he will be comfortable with you. Obviously he had some interest.

Chatting people up, even when they are clearly not dating material, including women, older people, or younger people, is often a good way to get yourself known such that they will want to introduce you to one of their friends. My sponsor told me to tell 12 people about myself, being transsexual, and so on. Within 3 weeks after talking to the 12th person, I got fixed up with a date that turned into a 2 year relationship.

Soon you will become much more aware of when men are checking you out. You will also get a sense of whether that's a good thing or just something you need to stay aware of.

[Rogina B]

I'd say it's okay only if they're willing to be seen holding hands in public with a nonpassing transwoman but unfortunately I read a lot about most guys wanting it to be some kind of secret commando mission.


THAT is the only way it should be...People need to be comfortable in their own skin.

[Angela Campbell]

get used to it. I get that all the time.

The reason they are not a fan of srs is that they want what is between your legs now.

[Dianne S]

why wouldnt guys want a trans to have srs?

Just as there's a whole spectrum of gender identity, there's a (probably much larger) spectrum of sexual preferences, and some guys probably do like pre-op TS's. I watched a documentary about a guy who went to Thailand and started a relationship with a TS woman; she wanted SRS but her boyfriend didn't want her to get it and was sad when he thought about it.

[Promethea]

get used to it. I get that all the time.

The reason they are not a fan of srs is that they want what is between your legs now.

A puppy? :daydreaming:

[whowhatwhen]

THAT is the only way it should be...People need to be comfortable in their own skin.

It's hard for me to reconcile between "he wants me because of my junk" and "he didn't choose who to be attracted to".
I imagine it's one of those things that depends on how you're treated in the real world, if he wants it to be a secret then obviously things aren't going to work out.

On the other hand if you read some of the ads guys put out for transwomen they read like "I'm basically looking for a ******* pornstar. Oh, and I don't want anyone to find out."

[Angela Campbell]

A puppy? :daydreaming:

Yes a dachshund

[Rogina B]

On the other hand if you read some of the ads guys put out for transwomen they read like "I'm basically looking for a ******* pornstar. Oh, and I don't want anyone to find out."

"They" are often looking for the "Brazillian transsexual" that they see in their videos...Never hurts to tell these guys that "those girls" aren't available because they are too busy making movies! lol

[DeeDee1974]

He sounds like a shy flirter.


I'm usually either creeped out or oblivious to others flirting. Men for the most part are interested in me for the wrong reasons alluded to above. They are also so forward about it with their line of questioning that I usually wind up turned off. Ideally I think I would love a boyfriend, but men never seem to be in it for the right reasons.

I'm actually about to go on a third date with a woman I just met last week. She was my waitress when I was out to dinner with my friend Diane. I was oblivious to her flirting (compliment to my shoes, outfit and legs) and Diane told me "she's totally flirting with you". How do you know? Diane claimed that once she complimented my legs that gave it away. I handed her my phone # on the way out. Tonight I hoping for a first kiss.

[DebbieL]

Keep in mind that Flirting has very little to do with sex, it's validation and affirmation of each other. Women flirt regularly, men give them compliments and the girls thank the guys for the compliments. Accepting a compliment or flirting back is NOT a commitment to have sex.

So when someone (male or female) flirts with you - flirt back and enjoy.

[whowhatwhen]

"They" are often looking for the "Brazillian transsexual" that they see in their videos...Never hurts to tell these guys that "those girls" aren't available because they are too busy making movies! lol

I wouldn't even be mad lol, I mean, you could argue about exploitation of trans sex workers but I'm not gonna lecture a guy on what floats his boat.
Just at least own it all the way and not be afraid of being seen with one of us in public.

[donnalee]

Frankly, from your description, it sounds more like stalking. Pass.

[Leona]

He was creepy. Don't take it personally. That means he *wanted* to have sex with you, and he may not have cared if you consented or not. The situation (and perhaps his "shy" personality) prevented him from trying to have sex with you, with or without your consent.

I get a lot of people flirting with me, male and female. I go out mix-dressed a lot. But in at least 60% of cases, I'm the one initiating the flirt (I do it at least a little bit defensively, because if I initiate a flirt, it's a lot harder to respond to that with something transphobic). Still, in 40% or so of situations, the OTHER person initiated the flirt, making boyfriends and girlfriends both jealous.

I'm not even a catch, physically, unless you're into women with distinctly masculine beer guts.

But the creepy ones are obvious. They're too much off the radar, and yet they're on the radar, like your guy. I had one guy who I might have hooked up with ask me where I worked. I refused to answer, he asked why. I told him I didn't want to talk about it because I could lose my job if my coworkers found out, so he drove away.

Yeah, creep.

Then you find yourself where you are. Like a 14 year old girl asking "Does he like me?". Since it's safe to say you're not 14, you need to try to rapidly advance your girl portion to your current age, because there are predators that want what you have to offer and don't give a damn what you think about it.

[docrobbysherry]

Does, "I'd really like a bj", qualify as flirting? If not, I have no idea what it's like from men.

[Leona]

No, doc, that's not flirting. That's CREEPING.

Men, for the most part, don't flirt, and the ones that do don't do it very well. It's really a sad thing.

My wife has told me repeatedly not that she loves how I flirt, but that she loves that I flirt at all (she also likes how I flirt, mind you). She's dated enough guys that don't flirt, they just hang out and hope/expect to get sex later in the evening. She finds it a pleasant change of pace (going on 4.5 years now) that she gets flirted with by the guy she wants to flirt with, and there's no expectation of sex, the flirting is its own reward.

[MarieTS]

It just seems so odd to me that a guy interested in a TS would wznt her to have a stem! I mean, why? If the guy wanted to go to town on a stem he could more easily find a gay dude. I would think they would be into TS gals because they believe TS is sex deprived and more willing and desirous to have sax than your typical gg. In other words, they would think a ts is an easier mark, and it would be tremendous if the ts had an innie instead of an outie. Guess I dont understand men!

[whowhatwhen]

Not really.
They're interested because they're attracted to women but also want to play with a penis, it's not a big conspiracy.

I can't fault a guy for being attracted to transwomen, I used to, but sexual orientation is just as fluid as gender identity can be so it makes sense for some guys to be interested.

That being said I'm not excusing hump'n'dump guys who just want a t-girl to host his wiener for the night or are creepy jerks.
Most trans admirers are straight because as you could probably guess gay men aren't attracted to women, in the end it's all about who is going to treat you well.