Need some advice

[Monica55cd]

Hi I thought I would be telling a story of another fun makeover but the time I used to get a pedicure and make up done then I drove to a wig store to try on a few different looks..any way backtracking a little.. my SO has not been very accepting of this cding news she knows i do it ,..... that I can't stop it... but she also says that maybe she just can't accept it either....any how I've been trying to get an appointment for a therapist and until then she asked me not to get my toe nails polished till then I said ok...wel like a selfish dummy I did it...it meens something to me that I didnt intend to leave it on like in the past just see my look then take it off but she was upset when she asked did you get a pedicure yesterday... ididnt want to lie and said yes..she asked if i had them colored and i said yes too...she really got hurt because i broke my word to her....any how the other bad thing was she told her sister all about me... now i feel really embarrased about that if i ever see her sister again ... i dont think she will be understanding at ALL.....I really love my SO I want to stay together....she just cant seem to understand the strength of these feelings or urges to dress we get..I know i dont understand myself either.......well thanks for letting me vent.... i thought when i told her i would have someone to share all my feelings with.... but not yet i have to keep some inside for now....it helps having this forum to talk things out sometimes...

[Melissa Ryan]

The reality of it all..........I cant explain it either..............

I know this one! OK class, who knows the answer to this then.........Silence will always follow. Speculation, lots. Answers, rare. I know thats not helping you right now. But. Theres a lot of us wondering the same thing. WHY. I dunno, You have done the right thing. You havnt lied. Its an addiction that you didnt at first subscribe to. But its yours. I share this with you, I dont seem to have a choice. Its WHO I AM. I dont even know if I would want to change it. Its just me, and its just you. Simple really. Sept that dont solve your problem. Wish I could, might make it all a lil easier for me too. Even being out to people doent help, in the way you need right now, coz you only wanna be out to more people. As for her sister knowing, hold your head high! You are not a pervert! This is your life! Your being honest, see if she dont have a skeleton or 2 in the closet! Is ok if you dont know bout that though hey!

I wish I had answers for you, I really do..........It is ok for you to be you though. Tiz the truth...........good luck, and there are soooooo many here who will come to catch you when you ned it, thats true too............

[TaraB]

the truth of the matter is the fact that more then just her sister knows. Women love to talk to other women about there problems....that means mom, that means sisters and that means friends. now all these people have SO and of course they tell their SO's...so now they know.

its like a locomotive.....no stopping it.

[Melissa Ryan]

Hmmmmmm, I can see your point. My wife is sitting here dissagreeing with you though. She sees it that the promise broken was a big deal. Fair call too, I spose. She also thinks your theory has flaws. See, If this SO does care, then she would be bringing the trouble back to herself by telling all. I realise you could be right, maybe even from experience.But lets hope for a better out come hey!?!?! ;) :)

[racquel]

its like a locomotive.....no stopping it.[/QUOTE]

That is a true statement but as melissa said keep your head high and beg forgiveness for breaking your word.:cry:

[TaraB]

its definitly not true in all cases thats for sure.i can see some women wanting to keep everything private and respecting the bond of trust she has with her SO....but if she's upset and by the sound of it she is....she will be talking. I'm not saying she's telling the world.....but she's telling her female friends/family she goes to when she needs to talk/advise/etc.

i don't mean to imply that its 100% that her reaction will be this but in this case she already told her sister so it leads me to believe it.

These kinds of things are like balancing on a wire in a circus act. It can be done but people really need to think things out if they took the unwise road and never told their SO before their relationship started. Women can get real upset and rightfully because they feel they invested alot time and effort into a relationship that was all a lie.

One thing i think your SO will agree with me on.....Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

and situations like these can definitly make a woman feel like she has been scorned.

[kittypw GG]

Monica,
It is good that you did not lie when you were caught but why oh why did you make a deal and break it!!!!! The reason I myself am having trouble accepting my husbands behavior is that it seems compulsive and self indulgent. He spends money he does not have to buy female things and does not take care of the essentials first. This is interpreted by me as an inability to control himself and then I doubt that he will ever gain balance and that I can not accept. It is also interpreted by me as a waste of money if you pay to get a pedicure and polish and then take it off ???? I don't understand the logic behind that one. Like Dr. Phil says you need to get real. If you want your marriage then DO NOT BREAK THE DEALS THAT YOU MAKE WITH YOUR WIFE. If you think that the deal is unreasonable then say so and strike another one that is reasonable. This will make her trust you. If you want her to be accepting then you must help her by being honest and reasuring. If your words and your actions don't match then it is nothing more than a lie and people in general will mistrust you. Now I am having a hard time understanding your embarrasment about her sister knowing about you. Again if this is something so ingrained in you that you will have it at all cost then why would you be embarrased? I would tend to think that embarassment means that you feel that you are doing something wrong and if you are trying to get me to understand you then why would you want to do something that is embarassing? Do you see how confusing it is to your wife??? This is something that is an issue in my life. Anything that consumes your life is not a good thing, be it drinking, over or under eating , crossdressing etc. It would be a lot easier to accept if all of our family and relationship needs were met and crossdressing was the frosting on the cake. Good luck and don't make anymore deals that you can not keep. Your wife will respect you more and trust that you are committed to keeping your marriage healthy and enjoyable for the both of you. Kitty.


Hi I thought I would be telling a story of another fun makeover but the time I used to get a pedicure and make up done then I drove to a wig store to try on a few different looks..any way backtracking a little.. my SO has not been very accepting of this cding news she knows i do it ,..... that I can't stop it... but she also says that maybe she just can't accept it either....any how I've been trying to get an appointment for a therapist and until then she asked me not to get my toe nails polished till then I said ok...wel like a selfish dummy I did it...it meens something to me that I didnt intend to leave it on like in the past just see my look then take it off but she was upset when she asked did you get a pedicure yesterday... ididnt want to lie and said yes..she asked if i had them colored and i said yes too...she really got hurt because i broke my word to her....any how the other bad thing was she told her sister all about me... now i feel really embarrased about that if i ever see her sister again ... i dont think she will be understanding at ALL.....I really love my SO I want to stay together....she just cant seem to understand the strength of these feelings or urges to dress we get..I know i dont understand myself either.......well thanks for letting me vent.... i thought when i told her i would have someone to share all my feelings with.... but not yet i have to keep some inside for now....it helps having this forum to talk things out sometimes...

[Monica55cd]

Kitty... the fact that i feel embarrasment for her sister knowing does meen that I feel i'm doing something wrong...Ihave felt that way ever since I was a kid doing this....that it why I tryed to hide from myself for over 15 yrs in my marrige which ended 4 yrs ago...I'm having ttrouble accepting this in myself i guess.... but when i try to be more accepting of it in myself it makes we feel worse when something like this set back happens...I realise there is no turning back what is said so if her sister knows thats it i'll have to deal with it...one thing my GF has said is that it's not fair to expect that I dont let her use her support group to talk to... like her sister...I can understand that but how do we have balance of keeping this to ourselves for now...how do other couples handle this problem...one other thing you siad that hit home was about the cding being the ony icing on the cake..well I wish that was it but my GF has said that very point... "maybe I could accept it if it was the only thing I have to accept about you"
I've always thought that a couple can be ok with each others differences if they accept them..they dont have to like them just accept them... for example she loves food from all over the world...(she's Italian) i'm a plain food person with limited tastes...I like action movies she likes foriegn films...i like baseball....she hates sports....the thing is I enjoy watching her enjoy the things she likes i can enjoy them through her seeing her enjoy it...she cant do that with me ...i guess i wish she could be more like that with the things I enjoy....

[DonnaT]

Hi Monica,

I agree that when making deals and compromises, one must either keep to it or negotiate for change.

With regard to the painted nails, and it being wrong for you to get them done, has your GF explained why she doesn't want you to paint them? I mean, they are covered most of the time, and no one else will see them polished.

As for her need for support, well, you really can't deny her need can you. If that is her sister, a friend, clergy, mother, grandmother, whoever. Accordingly, when you enter into a relationship you have to be prepared for others learning things about you that you wish they wouldn't.

I've told my wife she can talk to whomever she desires, and even join the forum. I find no reason to hide, I am not embarrased for being transgendered.

You are not doing anything wrong, and at least (probably more) 3% of the male population is also doing some of the same things. What we do is normal for us, the transgendered. Just because there are a few in society that think it is wrong, does not make it so. Stand up and be proud of who you are.

[Monica55cd]

Thanks everyone for your advice...I'll try to feel better about myself but it is hard to undo 40 yrs of feeling bad about myself...I do feel that this forum is a good place to learn about acceptance of myself....hearing everyones personal stories and feelings some that i can relate to helps thanks again all...