it was never about happiness

[Inna]

For the past 4 years I have come a distance otherwise inconceivable by the standard of my past life. Since that faithful day I often hang on to the notion of striving towards happiness.
Yet, as I mature in my self I come to realize that happiness didn't have a part in my strive, nor was this done to better my self. All I did was run out of options!
I have conceded to the inevitable, as though prophesy has overcome my resolve to keep it denied.

I wasn't brave as I often hear being described by those whom I have bestowed knowledge of my former life. I simply did what I had to do.

I am still seeking normalcy without understanding if it ever come. I am joyful of reality I worked for, days of my life interacted as though nothing was ever different about me, and to those who know me in this life only, I am the girl next door.

I am writing this here, from a perspective of growth which encompass my being both, within and without. As I find spirituality and corporeal realities intertwined in a helix of self!

[celeste26]

Still it is best to remain in a vulnerable and open position, because all the joy and happiness comes from being in that position. Should we shut down and stand in a 'protect' posture we shut down the joy and happiness too. Cant shut down "only the bad stuff" because it all comes from the same place within us. Acceptance of our imperfections releases the door to that joy. There is nothing like using perfection to keep acceptable far away.

[Veronica_Jean]

As you point out so well, running out of options seems a good description. But on the other hand a side effect I never expected was a feeling of inner peace I have never previously known. I continue to seek happiness in various aspects of my life and while those desires have changed somewhat, it is wonderful to realize that I have a sense of self acceptance and peace to help me try to find the happiness I hoped I would always get.

Veronica

[kimdl93]

Reaching that point, exhausting other alternatives, seems to be the defining line between wishing and acting.

[GabbiSophia]

Inna I find myself more and more having to make changes so that I can function. I am not happy about the situation and happy to be going through. I actually have never understood how it brought happiness to someone. Though I stand at the edge of the cliff truly understanding why those who have come before me have jumped. I will not be happy or happier but I will be able to function again, at least I hope so. I know that going forward like this is miserable and there is now way that I want to try to do it. Happiness to me would be best summed up by just being normal.

[Rachel Smith]

For me Veronica nailed it.