I guess it is possible for Ts to date GG after all.

[Nicole Erin]

Four years ago when I walked out of court with my legal name change in hand, I knew it was now "full time". Pass or not, acceptance or not, etc...

I thought "Well, I guess one thing I now give up is being able to date women". So I never tried. I just dismissed the possibility. No woman would want me now. I was a loser! Gender confused, don't have a lot to offer, etc...

A little over a year ago, I decided, "I want to date women. This dating men stuff just sucks."
So I tried. I used a dating site of all things. The one named after some baby who shoots arrows at people.

What happened you ask? One - I met a lady and dated for a couple months and what went on in the bedroom, cannot be said here. :daydreaming: We drifted apart but that is OK.
Second one - went out a couple times but she was flaky, so I kind of gave up.
Third - went out but once, she was 30 but has the mentality of a high school kid.

So I gave up for months.

Well I decided to revamp my profile on that site and this lady responded. She pursued me pretty strong. We met in person the other night. Been talking or texting for a few days.
She invited me over tonight (no nothing adult here). I flat out told her I didn't want to be friends. I want us to build more. She agrees. Things may or may not turn out but I have a CHANCE. No, WE have a chance. Her and I.

Here is a big kicker - she lives in the very neighborhood I grew up in. Her place was one of my customers when I had a paper route when I was a kid, I even remember that old lady's name. The neighborhood is not far from where I live now.

I don;t know what will come of all this but I do know - I have a solid chance of an actual relationship with a GG AND, in a small way, I was able to get closer to home. "Home" being those old stomping grounds.

I read over and over about how your life is suppose to suck if you are TS (unless you pass perfect or make a lot of money).
So when is it suppose to suck? When are you suppose to be rejected from society, no work, no friends, no chance at love?
If you think your life bites, quit buying into that crap that we lead miserable, lonely lives. Find your groove and your confidence and let me say - life will be better than you ever imagined. You can be yourself AND enjoy everything.

But i guess the main point here - Yes there is a GG that you may build something lasting with. The only question is - which of the GG's that you date will be something more? I am not rich or even well off, I don;t pass that well, yet I manage to do it.

You can too.

[I Am Paula]

I'm glad you're finding happiness and love as your true self.

I don't pass perfectly. I seem to fool a lot of people, but I still don't see it.
I'm not rich, but I don't lack for anything, and I work when I want to.
I have my old friends, and a whole crop of new ones (mostly GG's), my work colleagues, and society as a whole accept me, and I'm still married, after 18 years.

In short, I am deliriously happy. Transition only made my life better.
I know quite a few people who have had a rough go of transition, and I truly feel for them, but there really can be a light at the end of the tunnel. Life does not have to suck as TS.

[kimdl93]

That's really great advice, Erin. I don't entirely believe the adage that there is someone for everyone. Some people are to emotionally damaged to manage a relationship. But for the rest of us, I believe there are more GGs than a few who are receptive to transgendered partners. One has to be willing and emotionally able to put herself out there and try. Failures are part of the process.

[whowhatwhen]

All well and good if you're a lesbian but it seems a lot of guys want an uberfeminine pornstar.
Glad to hear it's working out for you though :)

[ReineD]

I'm thrilled for you Erin, I hope it works out! Congratulations! :)

[kimdl93]

All well and good if you're a lesbian but it seems a lot of guys want an uberfeminine pornstar.
Glad to hear it's working out for you though :)

Well, since you mention it, From adolescence I was always inexplicably attracted to lesbians, lesbian porn especially. As it turned out, and as Carmen Paglia surmised, male fascination, my fascination anyway, really was rooted in projecting myself into the image, not to watch two women, but to be one of them! Go figure.

[Laura_Stephens]

Very happy for you and keeping my fingers crossed as well.

[DeeDee1974]

Glad you found someone. Hope things continue to work out. I believe that GG are more willing to have an authentic relationship with women like me. Atleast that has been my experience since I started my transition.

[Leah Lynn]

Hope it goes well. I had a brief (2 days) affair with a gg. She was gone in a flash when I explained that a small portion of my anatomy didn't perform anymore. C'est la vie.

Hugs,

Leah

[Robin414]

Yes it is! I've known a couple GGs that are actually turned on by it!

[GenieGirl]

So glad to hear that dating is going well for you Erin. I used to think the same thing about not finding women who would want me as female but I was wrong in a big way too. It's awesome to see things are looking up for you vs down like you said happens to some if not a lot. Wish you two the best and Happy Holidays!

Ginger

[DebbieL]

Yes Nicole, it really is possible to find women who want to date a TS, pre-op or post-op. Many of the women I dated were bisexual, leaning more to the lesbian side, a 4 or 5 on Kinsey's scale of 1 to 6. You do need to keep an open mind and be willing to explore options and alternatives you may not have thought of when you were still a guy.

A good thing to do is not rush into a face to face meeting, but spend some time talking on the phone. Lee and I talked on the phone for about 2 weeks after meeting on match.com. I had included pictures of Rex and Debbie in my profiles, along with a profile that mentioned that I was transgender. Lee sent me a message saying "dude, you're wearing a dress, what's that about". I told her that I was transsexual, that I'd lied about that to my first wife and wanted to start based on honesty. She showed her daughter my profile and response and she said "Well mom, at least you won't have to worry about bruising his fragile male ego".

I also told her in advance that I was not well endowed. We talked about many things, friends, family, her activities in her church, my activities in 12 step programs and Landmark Education, and our respective families. We decided to meet for sushi dinner. When I got there, she was off guard because instead of kissing her lips or her cheek, I kissed her right below her ear. We had a nice dinner and she made it clear in no uncertain terms that she wanted to come to my place.

When we got home, she was surprised to see that I had toys, and got very excited. A few hours later, we relaxed and she was happy. Over the next two years we continued to date and got married.

Even though she knew I was transsexual, I had lost hope of a successful transition, but after a stroke, a heart attack, and the death of her mother and my father, I realized that I needed to transition. At first Lee was not OK with it, mostly because we needed to talk it through. I was getting real life experience on the road and on week-ends, but when I told her I was looking to start hormones, she balked. It was rocky for a few months and we had a few shaky months, but we finally went to my gender therapist together to discuss her concerns.

When she told the therapist "I'm not a lesbian", she asked about the things we did together sexually, what she liked most, and then asked "Have you ever had that with any of the men you've dated?". That was when her eyes popped open and she said "Oh my God, I'm a Lesbian", the therapist said "probably bisexual, but that's why you like Debbie so much".

Other concerns like "what will my family think?" and "what will the people at church think?" were addressed over time, and it turned out that everybody liked Debbie far more than they liked Rex. Even at work, people liked Debbie more than they liked Rex. And the love we have for each other is deeper and more intense than ever, because I don't have to maintain the mask. I can still be goofy, but it's not the painted on clown face while I'm crying in pain inside. I can be authentic.

[Nicole Erin]

Funny thing happened last night at work so here it is -
Friday I didn't hear from my new squeeze hardly at all. For some reason it bothered me. New relationship jitters I suppose.
Yesterday she called and we were talking about stuff. Nothing exciting, just junk like work, schedules, how she is moving to a new place next week (even closer to my house) and just whatever.

But that call put me on a "high". So later at work, two of my friends there who were done for the day (both bisexual women) I told the younger one, "I am doing good, I talked to my sweety". Well the other one who is my age all the sudden seemed really disgusted. Hard to describe her reaction other than "shock" and made a remark along the lines of "She better be hot or I will beat her ass". The younger one said, "Yeah we know you have had the hots for Erin quite a while". The other one started saying something I didn't quite get but seemed kind of pissed.

Thing about the one my age - I had thought of asking her out before my present lady-friend snagged me up. But I already know she probably would have acted stupid like I was a creep for asking her out. You know how GG's can be in that regard.

Still trying to get my head around everything. As a young man before marriage, I tried to make myself look good and put forth a lot of effort in dating but never got far. I have had better luck getting dates and getting laid as "Erin". Even in my crossdresser days that was the case.

Now that I say all this, watch me get dumped by my present lady-friend and go on another dateless spell.

[Rogina B]

Correct me if I am wrong,Erin....You are not on HRT and you are fully "potent"...Correct? If this is true,then your situation varies from so many members that post here.

[Nicole Erin]

Rogina, that is correct. No HRT. F/F parts.

Of course, the problems I too often run into is to be dating and things going well then find out whatever GG I am dating has more problems than a third world nation.