Tips for Protecting CD/TG Privacy?

[LelaK]

How many ways can we get outed unintentionally?
Or what are the most common ways we do get outed?

The thread about someone's phone pictures outing them is what made me think this might be a topic that deserves a Sticky, assuming we (you) come up with a good list of precautions for CDs/TGs who aren't ready to reveal.

Were you caught dressed before you were ready?
Or did you come close to getting caught?

Are these the most common ways we get outed, or which of these happened to you:
1. Our paraphernalia gets found? by whom? where?
2. We get caught dressed? by whom?
3. We get caught with paraphernalia?
4. Our pictures get found? Where?
5. We reveal in online messages?
6. We reveal in person, unintentionally?
7. A confidant outs us?
8. Other?

Or is it best to let everyone sink or swim on their own?

[Mink]

come up with a good list of precautions for CDs/TGs who aren't ready to reveal.

Never crossdress or own any femme clothes or talk about anything!

boom!

yule never get caught!

[charlenesomeone]

Lela, great start, I think if we post pictures no matter where on the net, we will be out at some point.
Almost busted this morning because normal routines do change, you have to have a backup plan.
Paraphernalia will be found, if kept close, be ready for an excuse.
We often reveal things in general posts that give away information.
Lastly, some really deep down want to be out, survival instincts kick in, but deep down She wants out.
IMO
Hugs

[Marcelle]

Hi Lela,

Well, I suppose if you were some sort of TG Jason Bourne you may not get caught. That would definitely entail never leaving a trail (especially electronic) . . . so no pictures, no forums and definitely no social media. You would have to ensure you have zero "femme trappings" in your home (a storage locker under an assumed name would be best). Next is never going out dressed locally. Finally, never, ever, ever share that part of you with anyone.

However, even Jason Bourne can get made in the end. :)

Hugs

Isha

[Carolana]

I have one in the "other" category. I have my browser set so that when I log off the internet, there is no history. Even my places where I log on to, automatically log off when I hit the x. If I go back on the web to this or any other website, I have to log on again. As well, this particular site is not on my favorites (bookmarks). I have to Google search it each time. That way anyone using my computer has no way of knowing where I have been or go. And definitely "my eBay" is on the private setting. No one knows what I have been buying, and I don't sell, because in order to do so, the private setting cannot be used. Fortunately my wife has not ever expressed any interest in exploring my eBay account. I use it to purchase golf equipment mostly and a few other items, but she has no access to my purchase history or my pay pal account, which is connected to a private bank account as well. I had that account prior to our marriage and simply tell her that it is necessary for my internet purchases which include gifts for her. In fact, I have the only key to our mail box so that I can intercept anything I have ordered. But even then, one can have a parcel sent to a UPS store. Just a side note, for eBay shopping, just do a search under "crossdresser". But if you explore things, then your recent four views are posted unless you turn off that feature or simply view a few other things before logging off. If anyone uses your computer and goes to eBay, they otherwise can see where you have been last.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lela, My wife knows but it's a DA-DT , I don't want any thing to do with Facebook
and I always completely clear the history when logging off this forum.:daydreaming:

[Gypsy Sam]

LelaK brings awareness to those who keep a delicate balance between their creative side, and the role they portray in daily life. Appreciate the gentle reminders.
Carolana takes privacy to a whole higher level that seems complex. A spouse may not care to endure our penchant for presenting as female. Enjoying a me time should be a reasonable request within a relationship. Alleviate fears of a lost relationship,and enjoy a creative part of your brain.

[Kate Simmons]

If you are always going to be a closet dresser you have a better chance of keeping it secret. If you go out in public, forget it. You told two friends, who told two friends, who told two friends and so on. :)

[Rhonda Darling]

Great topic!

1) if you use any sort of automatic backup for your phone, your photos will likely end up copied there. Be careful who can access it.

2) when responding to people's blogs, you often need to be logged in to the blog site. If you have a separate fem identity, be sure that's the one you're logged into. It won't do at all to reply as "Rhonda", and accidentally have the login/email address set to "stupiddumbmale@outtoall.com"

3) have separate logins on your computer for each family member. Better, have a "family" computer, and have your computer. ALWAYS have an additional login on your computer for HOUSEGUEST or FRIENDS that allows Internet access, but is not an admin account that can access your login, files, photos, etc. you never know when someone who won't be denied will ask to borrow your computer for a few minutes.

4) Passwords work. Keep them to yourself.

5) clear history, clear cache, and clear saved passwords!

6) don't return home dressed unless you're sure others aren't home ahead of you. If that's a worry, ALWAYS have a change kit with you with clothes, makeup remover, nail polish remover, facial wipes, small mirror, etc. And, have a place in mind to change if you can't get home.

[Andrea_cd]

In the many years Andrea has been around i follow 1 rule to the letter , pay attention to detail , know your familys timetable plan when to dress and when to stay drab , it kept me safe until i forgot to clear a link i had copied and dropped into a online comms chatroom , i wasnt paying attention

[Judith96a]

I suppose it all depends on who you don't want to be outed to! For example, I don't give a hoot whether the reception staff in my hotel that I use on business 'make' me or not. I will not, however, use the same hotel when travelling with my wife!
My basic rule is, keep ~100 miles between 'Judith' and anyone I don't want to be outed too! So, no cross dressing at, or near, home.

[Adriana Moretti]

just be smart about things....and use your head.....and KEEP your head on your shoulders....most of the "outings" come from simple slip ups caused by a blinding pink fog exploding in glitter.... that lipstick on your coffee cup, those stray wig hairs....the blotted tissue paper in the waste basket....the foundation smear on the light switch...the black heel scuffs on the floor.....remember you actually ARE dressed in womens clothes before you go outside to get the dog, or answer the door...or IF you have a doctors appt maybe put on some guy underwear ?

[Jorja]

Hi Lela,
Well, I suppose if you were some sort of TG Jason Bourne you may not get caught. Isha

Hummm, I always had my suspicions about him. ;)

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I have to agree with Judith. Keep a large distance between your two selves. I admit it's hard as Linda has been wanting to get out and it gets tiring dressing up with no where to go!:battingeyelashes:

[flatlander_48]

Regarding computer usage, I'm not sure how you avoid the advertisements from online retail sites that show up on various web pages. For example, I frequent shoe sites such as Zappos, ShoeMall, 6pm, etc. Advertisements will show up similar to the type of shoes that I have been looking at (Hint: it's NOT wingtips!). I don't know specifically how that works, but I would guess it is related to cookies. If that is the case, those need to get cleared also.

In addition to credit card information, anything that is bought online usually has a sheet listing the purchased items and often the prices. For the security purposes we're discussing, they need to be destroyed once you figure out that nothing is going to be returned.

However, none of this applies to me as my wife knows about any significant purchases that I make. She also has access to the iPad I'm using right now, but it's no biggie as she is a member here.

[Samantha_Smile]

Some good tips for PC usage -

Firefox - Has a virtual mountain of extensions and add-ons that let you customise your experience. Firefox used to be my browser of choice, but my needs from it have slowly made their way onto chrome, so I no longer need the following add-on (plus Im doing other stuff which I will share in a sec), and I haven't found it's equivalent for chrome.
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/multifox/
Lets you set multiple user profiles on the same browser - each with their own cookies, history and user settings (including themes). Keep your guy stuff in one and your gurl stuff on another.
No more facebook advertising heels shops to you. (well - less anyway, it's facebook, they know everything about you based on your IP)

What I do.
I have two entirely separate windows logins.
One for guy me - contains everything and is the default login that auto-starts without password. (If a friend used my PC and switched it on, they would not see a login for Samantha and ask who Samantha is.)
And one for Samantha - Its a bit of a faff to get to - I have to switch on, allow auto login, log out of my guy profile and switch to Samantha's profile. It's a safety feature though - If I'm on Sam's login and guests show up, all I have to do is hit reset and I log back into my guy profile by default automatically (and I boot from an SSD - so it's all SUPER fast.)

The benefits to this are mainly organisation and adverts are targeted towards each of my presenting genders.
It's win win. Plus I get to have my windows task bar in hot pink without my friends ever asking awkward gender biased questions. (I know it shouldn't matter)
It's also useful to try to categorise my physical presentations into virtual personae that are kept separate from any nosey friends.

[sometimes_miss]

About 20 years ago, a man who was sort of connected to organized crime told me, that the number of people who knew a secret and could keep it a secret, was, ONE. I've always remembered that advice. There have been many times I've been tempted to do something that might inadvertantly 'out me'; fortunately, each time, I erred on the side of caution.

Another was, only do something if you are sure you can live with the worst possible result. Because sooner or later, it's going to happen.

[Zylia]

Rule #22: Don't assume that people won't notice, e.g. You dressed as a hooker on your own driveway, the bra you wear under your 'civilian clothes', etc. If you don't want to be outed, you really shouldn't try so hard to out yourself.

[flatlander_48]

True. It's sort of the corollary to the thought process of a 2 year old where you are invisible if you cover your eyes...

[jackielynn]

Be very competent with the technology you use but act like you have no idea how to use it around other people. "Wait honey, how do you delete the internet history again?" Know the schedule of those who could catch you. Give at least an hour and a half clean up and treat the whole thing like a crime scene. Most importantly, treat it as a separate you, different names, emails, location etc. I post pictures of myself in fem online and honestly I have no fear of anyone ever connecting it back to me.

[Yoshisaur]

Here is a small list of some of the things I do to avoid getting outed and keep myself in the closet:)

-Keep clothes and everything else In a huge storage box with a lock on it, saying it holds old belongings.
-Lock my room doors for long periods of time so its not suspicious when i'm dressing.
-Make sure I only dress when i'm sure no one will be around to see.
-Any pictures are kept on a USB flashdrive and deleted from my phone
-All clothing and makeup receipts are shredded and thrown out.
-This forum is the only place I go to for CD related discussions
-Use incognito mode to browse the web so there is no history

[SandraInHose]

Here is a small list of some of the things I do to avoid getting outed and keep myself in the closet:)

-Keep clothes and everything else In a huge storage box with a lock on it, saying it holds old belongings.
-Lock my room doors for long periods of time so its not suspicious when i'm dressing.
-Make sure I only dress when i'm sure no one will be around to see.
-Any pictures are kept on a USB flashdrive and deleted from my phone
-All clothing and makeup receipts are shredded and thrown out.
-This forum is the only place I go to for CD related discussions
-Use incognito mode to browse the web so there is no history

I, like many of us, already do most if not all of these precautions, but there's always a slim chance for Murphy's law to occur.

A prime example...my son works various hours, so I always check when he expects to be home. I'm home at 3:30 one afternoon, and text him asking his ETA coming home. His response was simply "5". So I figured I had an hour-and-a-half, and went downstairs fully dressed from the neck down. As I'm changing shoes, I hear the front door lock being opened, and of course I high-tail it back upstairs as fast as my nylon-covered legs will carry me. After quickly undressing and coming back downstairs as nonchalant as I could, I asked him about his text. I assumed he'd be home AT 5, he meant he'd be home IN 5 (minutes). Too close for comfort!

[reb.femme]

Put me down for No.2, by the wife, in her nightie.
Sounds like a scene from Cluedo :heehee:.

Rebecca

[Katey888]

I've read so many posts here of accidentally-on-purpose outings, I don't think we need a sticky for this... those of us who really want to keep this a secret will, and those who don't (or can't...) - won't...

There is a touch of Darwinism about this too - in that those who have managed to keep it completely secret for so long are so practiced at it - and paranoid - that they should be the least likely to be outed... as long as they really want to keep it so... But I do see the subtle and not-so-subtle pressures that abide here too - the desire to share with a partner; the feelings of guilt around keeping it from others; the forlorn hope of acceptance from some...

Thinking from a slightly different angle but of a similar secrecy scenario: How many people in a normal population have a secret extra-marital (or relationship) affair? Validated research indicates anywhere from 30-60% of males admit to this... and I bet a lot of them manage to keep that a secret. OK - so there's no clothing stash, but a lot of other elements may be paralleled - phone calls, photos, emails, clandestine meetings... I don't think it's that difficult if you really want to keep it a secret...

Katey x

[flatlander_48]

The thing is, there is no such thing as the Perfect Crime. Our secrecy falls into the same category. In aerospace, you can only have so much redundancy before you can't get the thing off the ground. Similarly, you can only check so much and have so many contingency plans before it becomes paralyzing.

There is a old saying: A Lie Has Short Legs. In other words, over time you have to keep reinventing and reinforcing it in order to keep it in place and make it seem reasonable. Basically, that's what you're signing up for.

[Krisi]

The two things I read here over and over again that are going to get you caught are:

1) Leaving your house and coming home dressed as a woman (no matter what time of day).

2) Having photos of yourself dressed as a woman on your cell phone.

Either one of these will out you sooner or later, most likely sooner.

I'm often amazed at how some folks lack common sense or the ability to predict what might happen if they do certain things.

[Lexi Moralas]

Here a few I can think of :
1) don't get cocky or too comfortable! Meaning don't fall into the trap of thinking you have it wired and you will never get caught. You know slowly your stash becomes easier to access. You take advantage of increasing shorter blocks of time to dress. Thinking your SO isn't tec savvy enough to figure out what ever system you have in place to hide what you do on line. ( this was exactly my downfall BTW)
2) shop in person , but never in your town or where you run the risk bumping into someone you know while approaching check out with a pair of size 9 heels In your hand. Shop in the morning just after the store open and there a few other customers to worry about seeing you.
Always and I mean always pay cash! And for the love of god keep the receipt in your hand and throw it in the garbage pail right out side the store as you exit! Don't put it in your wallet with the change.
3) let your girl persona have her own money. By this I mean keep a separate stash of cash for girl things that you add to a little at a time a few bucks a day or what ever. So you don't get the old " you had $200 in your wallet yesterday where did it go " or " what was this ATM withdrawal for ?"
3) if you go out in public don't do it in your town or a town where you know people
4) have a completely separate on like identity, stay off face book ! If you can do every thing from a smart phone ( it rarely out of your possession long enough for anyone to really check it out. Like the lap top that is at home while you are at work all day ) if you can have a separate device like your old smart phone for all your girl activity. You can connect to wifi with out it being active as a phone. And even text from it and if to want to you can restore it to new every time you use it.
4) have a routine for clean up, keep track of all your things , make sure you have everything before pack away your stash ( once my cat got ahold of a detachable garter , luckily I was the one who accidentally found it behind the toilet)
5) if you are taking your stash out of the house in a duffle bag or something have one the is dedicated to this purpose and keep it with your stash. Do not use anything that is around the house or some one else might use. Sooner or later something small will get left in the bag.
6) use a make up bag or even a zip lock to keep your makeup organized so you can keep track of it.
7) when taking off makeup make sure very tissue every wipe every q-tip goes directly in the toilet and flushed. Check to make sure nothing fell on the floor. This goes double for any shavings from sharpening lip liner pencils ect
If you get ready and change back in the car make sure you have a small grocery store bag with you for these trash items and dispose of the bag at the first gas station or McDonalds you drive by.
8) aways and I mean always make one last check of everything. Because that panic feeling of " oh no did Leave something out ? " will show on your face , and people might not know what but they will know your uncomfortable about something. So I double check or 3 can go along way toward feeling confident you didn't leave any evidence behind.
That's all I can think of right now
I would advise reading # one again
That's a big one
Xx Lexi

[Helen_Highwater]

Lexi (post #27)
Your No 7 tip; "When taking off makeup make sure very tissue every wipe every q-tip goes directly in the toilet and flushed." This is OK until the drains block up and then the drains man asks, "Who's been flushing these down the toilet?". Flushing anything non soluble will some day cause a blockage. My tip would be to place them all in a carrier bag that you can then put in the garbage on the day the bins are emptied or dump it in a public litter bin.

[LashingKarma]

I never Let anyone use ethier of my computers that keeps alot hidden i live with my mom so she only thinks i wear panties dosent know anything beyond that

[Jean 103]

The odds are really against you the closer someone is to you. You are bound to slip up or something beyond your control will happen, if you are on this site it is just a matter of time. Or what I mean if you CD it’s just a matter of time, or maybe it’s just me. Your injured in an accident, end up in the hospital, your wife now has your uncleared smart phone and keys to your storage locker. Shopping with the wife and the SA at the checkout recognizes you from past purchases and asks about your Halloween costume. The thing at the checkout, we wear already separated at the time so it didn’t matter. Throwing away receipts at the store which I did was not enough. You may be better or luckier than I am, at any case I wish you all a Happy New Year

[victoria76]

It's a shame to have to hide it, but indeed, I do too. I keep my clothing in a tub in the closet. Nothing is on my facebook whatsoever. And also, nothing in my phone. It all comes down to it being in the tub in the closet, and this computer (which absolutely nobody uses but me)

The mail, on the other hand is a different story. I live at home still (cheap rent) and usually when things come in the mail from ebay, they are discreetly packaged. There was however the time I bought a cheerleader outfit on ebay, and although the package was plain, the return address had something about cheerleader uniforms on it! Boy I am glad I happened to catch the mail that day before someone else did! :o
By the way, I have a second ebay just for these purchases! I had a friend find purchases in my main ebay account a few years ago! That was awkward! He asked what is this stuff? And even pulled up the auctions! I said, huh... must be a glitch... whew! I was convincing, actually walked over and looked at the screen and was saying "what the heck???" I managed to escape that one, and soon after simply opened another account... Haven't been caught dressed up yet!

[immike]

Katey888-I've managed to stay secret for years,even with 2 sisters? I started secretly wearing mothers clothes,after she would leave in the morning for work.I would
spend the morning,in her closet,trying on her dresses,in the mirror,and wear her skirts&silky blouses&every so often,I would take a fresh,unopened pkg of her beige
pantyhose,slide into it,pick out one of mothers ultra expensive skirtsuits&a silky blouse&dress up in it&slide into a pair of her heels&sit at her makeup table&try on her
wigs&pick one&do my makeup.One day I was fully dressed,in one of her outfits,with pantyhose&heels&my sister's car pulls up in the driveway,and I high tailed it into
the basement,in heels&hid until she left&I was quaking in fear

[flatlander_48]

That'll put the fear of God in you!?!? The interesting point to me is that what compells us to do this outside of the mainstream activity can be much stronger than our fears of being caught. It speaks to why we need to do this.

[Lexi Moralas]

Good point heather , I didn't even think about the girls with septic ,
I'm on sewer been doing it for years and never had an issue

[NicoleScott]

I am one of the many of us who believed that the desire to crossdress would be replaced by a desire for the bride. For me, I crossdressed far less in the pre-nup period than before. I was wrong, and found myself caught in the "reveal trap". I chose to dress secretly, knowing that she could not accept my crossdressing, and I was right. A windstorm knocked over a garbage can, and picking up the spilled contents, she discovered a pantyhose package not in her size. Busted. Divorced.
I mistakenly believed that trash in a trash bag in a garbage can put out for pickup is perfectly safe. Ouch.
But inside the home I went to extremes, although it's hard to call it extreme if it kept my secret safe. Two things come to mind: 1) not only did I make sure I accounted for all 10 painted fake nails, I made sure I accounted for all 10 adhesive nail tab backings, and was close to panic a few times when I could find only 9. But I eventually found all 10 every time. 2) my wife was brunette, and I preferred blonde wigs. So I made sure stray blonde hairs wouldn't bust me:
- check the hair brush, cleaning it of any stray blonde hairs caught.
- vacuum the carpet wherever I went in the house.
- empty the vacuum bag/canister.
- clean the vacuum's roller brushes for hair that wrap around it while vacuuming.
- dispose of the vacuum bag/canister and roller brush contents. (The garbage can should be perfectly safe - haha).

There seems to be no end to the list of little things to consider.......I better check the dryer lint filter.....