My second Christmas

[I Am Paula]

I started this out as a response to Lea P's post, then realized it meandered from the OP.

Christmas as a guy was an awful time, when all my friends, and family, seemed to take great joy in reminding me of my predicament. As a youngster I'd get a baseball bat, or a Tonka truck, and I wanted to be a princess. As a teen the clothing started. OK, I'd eventually wear it as part of my disguise, but it was such a letdown. Even the very last Christmas, before announcing my transition, and my dysphoria at it's worst, I was showered with...guy stuff. Pretty depressing.

Now- I approach Christmas with the wide eyed wonder of a youngster. I fret over my holiday outfits, spend an hour setting the table, primp the house just so, and get joy out of Christmas shopping, and trying to choose perfect presents. This, my second Christmas as Paula, will be my best. The first one, I spent some time trying to figure out exactly where I fit in to this picture. It was the first time some family members had met Paula. Was I being judged?

I will drift into my niece's house this afternoon in my long black velvet dress, and pearls, and I know exactly were I stand, in my family, in my world, and in my own mind. I am complete.

Merry Christmas everybody.

Spend one moment to think about and bless those in the LBGT community who have been cast out of their families because of who they are.

[KaraK]

I hope your second Christmas will blow out all your bad memories of this wonderful evening.

Merry Christmas, and shine like the beautiful woman you are!

[kimdl93]

Merry Christmas to you too, Paula. And thank you for reminding us of the too many unfortunate young people who have been rejected by their families simply because of who they are. Beyond remembering, those of us who can should consider a gift to a local homeless shelter or support group...and be so very grateful we haven't found ourselves in the same predicament.

[Michelle789]

Paula, I can totally relate to a lot of the things you said. I feel like I was given a second chance at Christmas. I feel like much of my Christmas spirit was robbed by my ever increasingly dysfunctional family, and by gender dysphoria both. Since I'm living full-time as a woman, and am not visiting my family this year (they don't want me to go visit the dressed as a woman), I feel like I've been given another shot at Christmas.'

However, my expectations are a bit different. I do like gifts and nice food. I also really enjoy Christmas lights, and wanted nothing more than to be able to get ample time at home to enjoy them at night. Well, I ended up getting stuck with a lot of parties and other "fun" things to do, like going to Universal Studios. I mean, they're fun to do too. But I feel like lately it's been too much going out partying and less time staying at home, relaxing, and enjoying the decorations.

I feel burned out and it's been more stress lately. I'm all for fun outings and parties, but in moderation, not all clumped together in a short amount of time. Everything in moderation, and everything in it's proper time and place.

I finally got cut a break tomorrow, well, hopefully, and will stay at home and enjoy my lights and tree, watch a movie at home, and listen to Christmas music. Just how Christmas should be. Nice and relaxed at home, hopefully cuddling with Cody :)

[Jennifer-GWN]

Paula;

All my best to you and have a very Merry Christmas. Now remember to stay alert and attentive to all the cow stories.

Cheers... Jennifer (drabbing it out for the next 10 days)

[Rachel Smith]

Merry Christmas Paula.

There is nothing wrong with having those previous memories of past Christmas times. For me it helps me to appreciate the current ones more. This is also my second and I do enjoy it more as well.

[Eringirl]

Merry Christmas Paula! So glad that are building new memories from happy experiences!

Erin

[Leah Lynn]

Merry Christmas, Paula. I managed to get off work early enough to go to my daughter's last night, albeit in drab. At least I had fun with the kids. I told everyone that I was spending today in a deer stand, not to bother me. I actually stayed home, and finally had an entire day to be me. First time I put on the whole face in ages.

It's not a Great Christmas, but it's not bad.

Hugs,

Leah

[flatlander_48]

Spend one moment to think about and bless those in the LBGT community who have been cast out of their families because of who they are.

That is a good thought and I'll share a memory of a deceased friend.

My friend was originally from the Midwest, as I am. I'm struggling with the details a bit as it has been some time. I believe around the end of his high school time, his parent learned that he was gay. His father's reaction was to kick him out of the house. There were no second chances or turning back. However, as is common to many gay people, he had a considerable desire to do well and prove his worth to his father. He worked on the railroad and became the youngest train crew leader they ever had. He got into real estate and sold many houses in our town. He even became a landlord with rental properties. Although I never really knew the full story, I think he had trouble with the IRS and it cost him dearly. But, he reounded and opened what turned out to be a prominent gay bar in our town. Through it all, whenever he heard of someone who had been kicked out of their home for being gay, he was always there with good advice, a place to crash and a few bucks. He pointed many kids to places where they could get help with substance abuse and get their lives back on track. That helped to keep many kids off the streets and worse, but I don't think he ever got full credit for what he did.

Anyway, Greg if you're looking down on us at this time, you did a lot of good and you were gone too soon.

As The Bard said:

The evil that men do lives after them;
the good is oft interred with their bones.

DeeAnn (known to you as Don)