Trying not to panic

[Sandraellen]

Help, this morning at about 0530hrs, I went for a walk, as you can imagine, high heels, tights, short skirt, wig, no makeup but as a woman. Now, comes the problem, as I walked down the drive the neighbour across the road opened her curtains and looked straight at me, my defence is it was dark and hopefully I didn't look as she would normally see me, but on the down side who else could it be. Now the really big problem my wife is mildly tolerant with my dressing, and two years ago I said I would not go out dressed, I have been out in the mornings and have not been seen before, but if the neighbour asks my wife who the woman was coming-out of the drive at that time in the morning I am in big trouble. Again help ,what I do?

[Dorit]

The way I see it the problem is between you and your wife, not the neighbor. You owe your wife an apology for not keeping your word even if the neighbor never says anything to her. This is an opportunity to realize that if you want to have a healthy relationship with your wife, you have to be honest with her! I hope she will forgive you and the two of you will come out even closer as a result of what might only have been a "close call!"

[DanaR]

I have to agree with Devorah, clue your wife in on what happened. At least if your wife is asked, she could come up with an answer and not be blindsided.

[Sandraellen]

This is really difficult, my wife can not understand why I go out dressed, and put every thing at risk. If I tell her that I have been out again I cannot imagine how she will react it will not be good.

[Dorit]

Sandra, I can certainly understand how difficult this can be for you, and her too. I do believe it would be better for your relationship if she heard it first from you as a confession and apology, and not from the neighbor.

[bridget thronton]

Is a tough spot to be in - but if you tell your wife you control the message rather than your neighbor

[Martina]

Hi, Sandra,
I think that you just have to own up to your wife and tell her that you were about to go out for a walk and as you went up the drive your neighbour opened her curtains and may have seen you in the driveway.
It sounds from your last post here that you have been out before so I think that you are reading more into this than you need too, Just tell her the truth, and besides I only live a stones through away from you.
Good luck.
Martina

[charlenesomeone]

That's a bit of a sticky wicket. Just trying to get you to relax. Lots of
great opinions already. Sounds like the neighbor saw a woman, you know her, will
she say something to your wife? You may need to do like others have said and get in front of it.
All the best with a tough decision.

[Teresa]

Sandra,
I may have to consider the situation you're in because I'm often out but underdressed when walking the dog but have taken to wearing forms so someone is bound to pick up on it ! I doubt very much if anything would be said but then people do like to gossip so our wives could get to find out second hand !
Your situation depends on the sort of neighbour you have but then you've been lucky not to run into your wife if she chooses to get up early for some reason !
As others have said admit to it but you know in doing so you're losing out on your dressing needs ! Something we know we can't ignore !

[Jenniferathome]

Sandra, the chief problems are both the time and attire for this adventure. You become more noticeable the more out of place the visual is. No woman, not engaged in the money for sex trade, is out walking at 5AM in heels and a short skirt. It just doesn't happen in the real world. THAT is what your neighbor saw. She didn't see your face but rather some strange "woman" waking away from her neighbor's house. Nothing good can be going on at that hour and in that short of a skirt! Going out can be great fun, but time and location appropriateness will keep you safe.

[karynspanties]

Obviously you wanted to get caught. Otherwise you would not have done that. I go out on my backyard patio wearing panties, padded bra, full slip and a robe, enjoy my morning coffee. My wife hates it, but I am me, if my neighbors see me, so be it. You may want to smooth things out wife your spouse, but the neighbors......unless you really care about what they think, which it seems to me you don't, I would not worry about it.

[Krisi]

Jenniferarthome said it amd I will say it again. Women don't walk around the neighborhood at 5:00 in the morning in heels and miniskirts. Even hookers are in bed by thay time.

You have let your desire to crossdress in public get the better of common sense. So here's what you did wrong:

1) You broke your word to your wife.

2) You went out dressed inappropriately for the time and place.

3) You walked out your front door dressed as a woman for all the neighbors to see.

You're pretty much stuck now with confessing to your wife what you did but your neighbor will still think that either you are a crossdresser or that you had a hooker over to your house when your wife wasn't home. Your neighbor may or may not tell your wife what she saw but she will still question your character.

The best that can come of this is that you learn a lesson about what to do, where to do it and when to do it.

[Rachael Leigh]

Going out and maybe your neighbors seeing is also why my wife tells me not to go out. It's extremely difficult to not do that once your all dressed. So I understand what your saying but I agree with others you have to be open and honest with your wife. She may not like it and may be upset but hopefully she will appreciate your honesty

[Adriana Moretti]

wow some of these gals went in on you....which makes sense...not many women are saying " hey, I am going to go for a walk at 5.30 am, let me put on my heels".....BUT I will say...How many real women have been in your driveway before ( relatives, friends etc) that your neibors have seen...and have never came up to you or your wife and said " Who was that women in the driveway ? "....If the answer is never...I dont think you have anything to worry about. Its the day after the holiday...the person in your driveway could of been a relative that stayed over for the holiday and is beating the traffic to the mall by getting an early start. It was dark, and 5.30 ......

[CynthiaD]

I've had conversations with all my neighbors while dressed, and trust me, it's no big deal. As for what your wife should say, how about something like: "That was my husband. He's transgendered and dresses as a woman from time to time." You've got nothing to be ashamed of, girl. And your wife has nothing to be ashamed of being married to you.

[Rachelakld]

I'm also thinking of a conversation with wife, before neighbours ask her about the hooker.

Since it's meant to be winter there (and probably cold at 5.30 am), go for a walk in jeans, jumper & good walking boots, or a jog in those lovey tight female Nike running pants (I just wore mine to shop at Coles at 7am)

[Maria 60]

We are not crossdressers if we don't push the limits. What is it that drags us out that door dressed, it almost like we have no control over it. I myself promised my wife I don't want to go out dressed and then I find myself barbecuing outside with a skirt on. We love it and think we are alone and then the unthinkable happens. It happened to me a few years ago, I was drinking a coffee on a early summer morning, and thought no one gets up that early, after sitting out there for about an hour I notice my neighbour was quietly working in her garden and if I could see her I am sure she was able to see me. I didn't act any different next time I talked to her, and she never mentioned it to other neighbours.

[mechamoose]

"To thine own self be true" is one part.

What you agree to with your partner is another.

This is the base of my disagreement with DADT arrangements... it is based upon denial. I'd rather have a person's understanding but acknowledging their disapproval before I'd welcome someone's approval out of ignorance.

I'm ME, dammit. If I acquiesce, it is because I love and respect you. I will *NEVER* deny who I am in order to comfort your sensibilities.

If you love me, you love ME. Mascara, nail polish, flirty skirts... they don't matter. I'm ME.

You/We/I don't have to compensate for that.

<3

- MM

[RachelRoxx]

Well if you promised your wife you wouldnt go out dressed and did it you cant be mad when she gets mad. First thing is stop doing that. If going out and exploring the world as a woman is something you want then sit down and talk with her about it. Its a thrill I know, I just started exploring as Rachel and its addicting. But im single but if i was entering a relationship that would be laid out. I know my urge to let Rachel out is too strong and promising to never go out is a promise i just cant keep. Be honest about it. If she does call you out about your recent outing DO NOT LIE! Cant stess that enough. In a way, man up and accept you were caught. Never ever lie. She will just wind up not trusting you.

[ReineD]

Again help ,what I do?

Explain to your wife that you could not control your urges.

You and your wife will then need to revisit whether you agree to have the neighbors know or not. If you both agree that it is best for the neighbors to know, then resume your walks. If you both agree that your neighbors shouldn't know, then perhaps you can get in your car, drive 10 blocks, and walk there in the future.

[Sarasometimes]

I find this to be an odd circumstance. You got up before dawn and put all the effort into dressing in an outfit that would draw attention regardless of the time and place and now want help dealing with the obvious outcome? Was your wife still sleeping? What would have been the result if she saw you coming back inside all dolled up, no makeup? She must suspect something anyway since you shave your legs and hands.
I'm not sure there are any GG's here, even the most supportive, who would be supportive of their CDing SO's doing what you did but I would like to hear from them if they care to weigh in.
I can't make a recommendation since I can't envision how this came to be. Good luck!

[ReineD]

I'm not sure there are any GG's here, even the most supportive, who would be supportive of their CDing SO's doing what you did but I would like to hear from them if they care to weigh in.

Thanks for asking. My SO and I decide together who should know and who shouldn't. We each have people we don't wish to tell, and we are both OK with having other people know. Since this is a small town, we've decided there should be no CDing in our own back (or front) yard.

I'd be disappointed and angry if my SO decided to change the rules without discussing it with me first.

[Katey888]

It's all been said before me SandraEllen... ;)

You said you wouldn't do something and you have - you have to 'fess up and apologise to your wife for any potential damage limitation... chances are the neighbour won't mention it because most folk don't think that way... (I had a neighbour once watch another neighbour's car having all four wheels stolen in the middle of the night and said she didn't say or do anything because she thought they were just having some maintenance done on the car... :eek:)

I guess if you seek thrills in this way there are occasionally going to be some uncontrollably exciting times when you least expect them... but you should be thinking of the impact on your wife too... and I can't imagine many 67-year olds out dressed the way you describe, even in Nottingham... be sensible... :)

Katey x

[Helen_Highwater]

I don't want to pour fuel on the fire but; how many times have you read hear about "I love the sound my heels make on the sidewalk". Have you stopped to think that other neighbours, hearing noises outside at 05:00 in the morning have looked out to see who's about and you've not seen them because you've already walked by?

As for your current predicament, plan for the worst, be ready for the inquisition, but do nothing until it happens.

I would then advise the following:
DON'T DO IT AGAIN! If you want to go out then do as other have said and do it away from home. How you work this into your married life is down to you and your conscience.
If you can't resist the urge to go out your own front door then again do as others have advised and dress age and time appropriate. However be prepared to get caught. It's as inevitable as sunrise.

[Jill Devine]

Ultimately we should not write a cheque that we are not prepared to cash. Going out dressed in close proximity to friends or neighbours is a MASSIVE risk if you are in the closet.

[Sallee]

I pulled into the driveway one night when the coast appeared clear and what to my surprise popped up but my neighbor who was bent down behind her car. She looked up and said hello I looked at here and said hello back. Nothing else was said or ever has been said. She knew it was me, no doubt.
What are you going to do JUst say its my kink and be done with it if anything is ever said.
Of course you could always make up a great story about how thinks were going in the bedroom and it was a bet you had with your wife etc etc. take it as far as you want LOL

[Pat]

[...] In a way, man up and accept you were caught. [...]

I'm envisioning a t-shirt: Man up about the woman you are....

[franlee]

Honesty is always the best policy, how you present it is where the understanding comes into play. My suggestion is to explain you did it with the mistaken idea that you would never be seen but it was important to experience the moment. If she can't understand that you may need to re-examine where you two are in your own life and marriage. Because you are not going to give up being curious and experimenting with who you are. And as far as the neighbor the simple fact is she may never say anything, if she does your wife doesn't know so she has nothing to answer for.

Personally I wouldn't sweat it, and don't invite trouble. Confront it if it appears on it's on. I wouldn't lie but I certainly wouldn't elaborate on the subject unless it was a must. With this said, I would have a heart to heart with the wife on what I am going to do and do my best to help her understand it and except the facts. This incident could be a positive motivation to a better marriage. IMHO

[Judith96a]

SandraEllen,
Bridget and Martina have it about right.
You need to tell your wife the whole story - you've broken your promise and potentially difficult position. The very least that you can do is to give her a "heads up"!
Consider this - you look out of your window at 05:30 and see a woman wearing short skirt and high heels emerging from a neighbour's house. You don't recognise her as the lady of the house and you've no idea if the lady of the house is at home. What's your first thought? Your neighbour may not say anything to your wife - whether that's good or not I'll let you decide!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sandra Ellen, It seams that you've gotten yourself between a rock & a hard place.
Only time will tell.