Just plain confused

[Racheltvvt]

I'm used to the old Binge and Purge game. Been doing it for years. But for the last few years, the purge phase has gotten longer and longer as time went on. Some of it has to do with a less then understanding wife and I'm very comfortable in my "closet".

My confusion comes from a recent online shopping "trip" that took a month to complete. Of course I was debating between dress or leggings outfit. But I would never complete the purchase. Thought there would be better things to use the money for. It wasn't until today that I forced myself to buy an outfit. I find myself torn between family and my CDing. My wife has known from day one. But she is not accepting of it past a pair of thigh highs.

[JillyJones]

Can you explain a little more about the "I find myself torn between family and my CDing. My wife has known from day one. But she is not accepting of it past a pair of thigh highs! please.

[docrobbysherry]

I agree with Jilly. Unless you're just venting? I'd need a lot more history to even form an opinion.

[TerriM]

My wife has known over 30 yrs and doesn't want to see me in women's clothes at all, not even thigh highs. But she doesnt fight me on me hanging a good bit of my women's clothes in our community closet. She never comments on them and acts like they are not there. I get away occasionally to CD events. Her only concern is what to tell my children or other close relatives. My days of purging and bingeing are long over. I just look forward to the next time I can get out as Terri.

[PaulaQ]

What's confusing? That she doesn't like this, but ignores it? Why would that confuse you, a lot of marriages operate on similar mechanisms. Compulsive gambling, alcoholism, extramarital affairs - lotsa stuff gets swept under the rug.

[Maria 60]

Well I don't think you have to think about that answer, of corse family, but there's always that but. There can always be a place were both can win.

[kimdl93]

There's always a conflict between personal and family needs for any married person. Substitute golf or fishing for CDing and you'll see that the same choices are present. My advice is to create a household budget, if you haven't one already, and include some reasonable amount for your personal needs.

As for your wife's awareness and limited acceptance, the two things that might work for you are conversation and time. If you hold up your end of the relationship, meet your family obligations and show affection and support for your wife, you will make it easier for her to soften her views over time.

[Stephanie47]

What you may do with discretionary income is subject to some discussion when married. It's a sign of a poor marriage if one spouse takes total charge of the finances and hogs the money. If you had a more acceptable hobby, such as coin or stamp collecting, would your wife deny you. Or going fishing or golfing? Divide up the pot. The real issue is how to deal with cross dressing in a marriage when the wife is not accepting, let alone supportive. If you're retired military and only mid forties, you have a lot of years ahead of you to be in a state of angst all the time. I found when I was not able to get some time to decompress from my job and family obligations and a little military incurred PTSD, I became grouchy or worse. I suggest you have some discussion with your wife since she already is aware of your cross dressing needs. Frustration and acquiring and purging is a vicious cycle.

[DonnaT]

I can understand the thought that where money is a concern, family comes first.

That is one reason to avoid purging, so you won't have to worry about spending more money.

[Racheltvvt]

First, sorry about my delay in getting back to provide more details. Yes, this started as a "vent". My money situation is by my choice, I have checks so I must have money. My wife came from an old Vermont farming family. Her mother still refers to someone from the transgender community as a "he-she". So my wife isn't completely accepting yet. But she is trying. My dressing has been something I've always done just for me. Have never required acceptance from anyone but myself. Spending 20 years in the military has only made me better at hiding it. It's also reinforced my desire to keep Rachel for myself. But that situation is fluid. I'm fairly convinced that my dressing is the result of a possible abuse as a small child. But that's history and no way to confirm.

More to follow later. My phone is almost dead.