Poop!

[Anne Elizabeth]

I am tired of this body! I am tired of this mind! I did not ask for it and should not have to choose between it and my wife. I should never ever have had to make a choice between and life with a great wife and this xxxxing dilemma. I try so hard and it is so difficult I give up. I can't handle it any more and I can't handle anything else. To xxxl with it all.
By God if it was chosen for me a long time ago then why should it be so hard to find purpose in it and in me. Nobody believes in me so why should I believe in myself. There is nothing left but to give up. I quit! I give up! I have to find a way around it! I have to find a reason to be here within myself. Not because of my wife, not because of my kids and grand kids, parents, family and friends. MYSELF, There has to be a reason for all this stuff. Because, if there is not then, there is no purpose to be. And if there is no purpose to be then what the xxxL are any of us doing here?

Anne Elizabeth

[arbon]

No one ever asks for anything bad in their lives, its part of the deal. Not just for us, but for everyone.
Yeah it is hard being in the position you are talking about. Been there, done that. I can say it is not all hopeless. Life goes, we rebuild and it can be alright again.

[gonegirl]

Sure there are reasons this happens to people, and you could expend a huge amount of emotional energy trying to understand or qualify it, but in the end you'll arrive at the same snswer we all do. It just is.
Voicing your pain and frustration is good, much more productive than bottling it up until you explode. Now that's it's off your chest, you can do one of two things. Spend another year in purgatory, feeling cheated and sorry for yourself, or take some active steps to improve your state of mind and by extension, your life. You likely have some inkling what those steps are, maybe you need to change your body chemistry, maybe your physical appearance, or perhaps get yourself to a really knowledgeable gender therapist who can help you unravel who you are and what you need to do to live your life.
If you are TS, I can guarantee there will be more suffering in store if you choose to fix yourself, but there's more sufferimg if you do nothing too, so you might as well get on with it.
Something else, it might feel like a choice between your life or your wife, but she will be who chooses what she can live with, not you, just like your family and friends will choose. Yes, it totally sucks, horribly so, but there are much worse things that can happen to a person. Really.

[Carlene]

It is a tough place to be. If you truly feel like it is life or wife, then perhaps it might be time for professional help. I don't have have any answers for you that you haven't already considered, but I do understand your angst and very much wish for you to find some purpose and a level of happiness that you so much deserve.

Carlene

[Nikkilovesdresses]

You describe yourself as an artist- all this is perfectly normal for an artist. Artists are miserable at least 50% of the time, everybody knows that. And they're mostly left-handed. Go and buy some new shoes- at least you'll be distracted for a while.

Cheerily,

Nikki