Kind of Ironic - A Lesson in Blending

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

I hope the holiday season finds everyone healthy and happy and ready to tackle 2015 which is about to rear it's head. :)

I had the opportunity to meet with some GG friends yesterday (still on holidays until 7 Jan . . . ah the life of a government employee :battingeyelashes:). My one friend asked if I would mind if she brought her younger sister to lunch. I did not have a problem so long as she let her know about me as I did not want her to feel uncomfortable. I got the restaurant early and my friends slowly arrived and as we were exchanging holiday wishes my friend with her younger sister in tow arrived. I could tell by the way she (the younger sister) was scanning the group she was searching for the CDer. Now I don't think she was being rude but more inquisitive as it is not everyday you see one of us in the wild or meet them in person.

We were all introduced and we immediately accepted her into our little group as she was quite charming and very fun. The meal went along and evolved into chit chat and the younger sister was asking me all sorts of questions about being TG. Now I never refuse a moment to educate and she was being polite in her questions (albeit some were a bit overt . . . "Umm what do you do with . . . it?" :eek:). So I remarked that when she came in she was scanning the room and asked her if she was looking to pick me out? She said she was and that she had difficulty at first as I did seem to appear as a woman. I then remarked that it must have been easier once she got closer. Again she indicated not so much and it wasn't until we shook hands that she made me. So since we were being honest I asked her what "guy traits" gave me away. She laughed and said "Oh, it wasn't your face it was your make-up" I was a bit confused and asked her was it poorly done? She went to explain "No, your make-up is quite good it is just a lot. Women don't typically wear that much make-up during the day and tend to go with minimal." The fact that I was wearing so much is what pegged me in her mind.

Now don't get me wrong, I know we (CDers) have to wear a lot of make-up to hide a multitude of tells (beard shadow pops readily to mind) but I never thought of it in that way. So I glanced around my group and realized that with the exception of some mascara, eyeliner and lipstick most of my friends were wearing minimal make-up while my make-up was more worthy of a night bar hopping :). So I gave a bit of a laugh and she asked what I thought was so funny. I then said "It is ironic that one thing we rely on so heavily to appear female is one of the things that out us" She got the humour and we all had a good laugh.

Hugs

Isha

[GeauxStacy]

Isha - Great story. It is ironic that the make up we depend on is what can out us in public. I have studied the GGs in my area and you are right, most of them wear little to no make up during the day. They only seem to put it on when they are going to work or out for date/evening out.

The lesson I will take from your story is to practice covering everything, but try to make it look minimal depending on the time of day and what I am doing. Thank you for sharing. :)

[JayeLefaye]

Up close and personal, good gawd-ahmighty, only the most fortunate can pass:-)

It seems to me, dear Isha, that you had an incredibly successful "outing" while out. What a charmingly open-minded younger sister that gal was. No judgement passed, just simple curiosity and honest questions that you answered with equal honesty. Well done!!

Regarding make-up...GGs have a variety of choices...Within the last 10 years I have been "involved" with three.

~1 was from Holland...Not only did she not own any make-up, she didn't even shave...Even armpits...

~2 was a massage therapist and landscaper...she shaved, when she remembered to, but make-up? "Pahh"

~3...My lovely young wife(only three years younger) who has been taking meticulous care of her skin for decades. She looks a decade younger than her age, but spends an hour in the morning "prepping", and an hour every night maintaining...But if you were to see her, you wouldn't think that she was wearing anything other than the barest of make-up, so don't let the other GGs there that night fool ya. It takes a lot of work to look like there's been no work.

But bottom line? Yeah, we fret and fret about getting our make-up "just right"....Silly us:-)....Although I must add that you always look fabulous in your photos!!

Blending and passing from a distance....Both doable...up close and personal? Reality check time....Less is best...

Jaye

[Jean 103]

Isha, your right most don’t ware lots of makeup. I get it most have nice skin and then there is the cost. For me I try to go for a more natural look, but it still takes a lot for me to pull that off with this old face.

[kimdl93]

It's true..we rely on makeup to hide various flaws, but the sheer volume of material can give us away. I try to keep it to a minimum, but it's tough.

If she could t pick you out until you were that close, you are doing well!

[Claire Cook]

Isha, we just have to love this story. There was a recent thread about "helping the cause", and I can't think of a better way of doing it than quietly being open about it and discussing it like you did. I find the same thing -- when I open up to GG's, we just have the most wonderful conversations. Is there a better way for people to try to understand, if not accept, us? Your friend's sister was wonderful, and I had to smile about the makeup comment. I learned the same lesson in a different way. I was wearing too much foundation and trying on tops in Macy's. When I put a nice white blouse back on a hanger I noticed ... oops .. a makeup splotch on the neckline :eek:. So maybe the solution is to apply just enough to hide the beard?

Blending and passing .. maybe the answer is that it comes from the inside? Certainly a major compliment for Isha!

[josrphine]

Hi, My wife has taught me that lest is best, she was a model in Calif, an NYC. Being that I am a senior, I don't wear long wigs to look like a young chickey boom, or short skirts an mile high heels . We are able to go any were an I blend in. I am a women.

[Krisi]

I have said it many times - most women don't wear a lot of makeup, especially in the daytime. Crossdressers tend to go overboard with the makeup, especially around the eyes.

Obviously we need a good beard cover but other than that it's best to keep it low key.

[Sherlyn]

Very cool story Isha ..and I bet a great experience..I had something similar happen ..it was not daytime ..but a night at a club..this guy was staring at me every moment it seemed ...Sooo.. Di being herself had to go ask him what his staring was about .. lol..well apparently my face was to perfect looking..compared to the other girls that night..and being a TG bar ..hes confused on which gender I was ..
and to clarify my look... I tend to go for the... cosmetic counter girl face..( day or night)..:D..could be the problem ..yep !!..but hey ..its me :D

[Heidi Stevens]

You have some of the most interesting outings, Isha! I just had laser treatment number 5 and the pain of it all is beginning to show results. I find I can get by with less daytime makeup than I did when the thick shadow was there. The old saying, "less is more" is truly the mantra needed for daytime makeup. Keep posting your wonderful encounters. Hugs, Heidi.

[MsVal]

Docrobsherry may be on to something there.

Humor aside, I am always entertained by your well thought, and well written posts. Your gentle self-effacing style is never out of line. I suspect that you spoke to your friend's sister in much the same way as your write.

I still have much to learn about makeup. With a grandchild and two adult children at home I have few opportunities, so I have to take them seriously. I will remember your observation when the next opportunity presents itself.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Lynn Marie]

Well done Isha. I hang out with 20 or more CD girlfriends and only a rare few can still appear feminine without a healthy dose of foundation and makeup. It just seems like the way life is in the big city with weathered faces, big noses, and strong chins! LOL What else can a girl do?

[Rachael Leigh]

Oh yes I guess like you I never thought of that but it is true and whats funny is if we went out with minimal makeup on and dressed androgynous that too would prob give us away as a dresser, wow we cant win. Oh well we move on LoL

[Sarasometimes]

There lies the challenge, Isha! I think your alternative, a beard shadow would have been easier for her to notice than the time it took for her to notice the extra makeup you had on. If I was you I would focus on her,"It took me a bit" comment and relish it and feel fantastic under the circumstances. She knew they was a CD in the group and she didn't peg you at first glance, you made to the promise land sister!!!
Also it is true most GG's wear little makeup but that doesn't at all mean that if we do the beard cover... that we will blend less.

[Annaliese]

Isha, great story, "It is ironic that one thing we rely on so heavily to appear female is one of the things that out us" I know in male mode at work and wearing make up, outs me, never thought about it the other way.

[PaulaQ]

If you do it correctly, you can wear rather a lot of makeup, and it still looks quite minimal. A lot of GGs don't wear a lot of makeup because they aren't very good at applying it.

Some of them have skin to support that. A lot of them don't quite frankly.

Sure many will complain that they don't have time, it's a hassle, etc. And those things are true - there's a lot of demands on women now. But many women (and I mean women - cis & trans) simply don't execute makeup well, and just mostly give up trying.

I was surprised it wasn't your voice that made you. That or maybe your upper body. Those are both difficult to change tells for many.

[NicoleScott]

If the heavy makeup outs me, I still see that as preferable to not enough makeup (...beard cover especially...) outing me. Some women wear very heavy makeup, rare as they may be in the daytime, but I love that look. But what do I know? It's never been my goal to disappear in public. Rather, it is to achieve the look I desire, too-much-makeup-criticisms and all.

[Kate Simmons]

I know deep down you are a woman Isha because you like to talk. :heehee: Yeah the makeup thing can be a dead giveaway unfortunately. I used to do the same thing but now tone it down. Here is something that helped me. I went for a MTFTM look just to see what the transmasculine guys may be going through. I made Ericka into Eric a couple of times taking a lesson from Victor/Victoria. First I shaved very close then used beard cover and foundation but no blush and used face powder to tie it all in but toned it down. Then I used eyebrow pencil but powdered it to tone it down. Finally, I made my face a bit darker with a slightly darker powder. While I really didn't fool anyone (they recognized me as Ericka) I did get the experience of looking halfway decent without a ton a makeup. Don't know if you want to go to that extreme but that is how I learned that basically "less is more". ;):battingeyelashes::)

[Brynna M]

It may simply be a case of "which one of these is not like the others." If you know apriori that the is a cross dresser present then you don't need big tells even a little difference could be enough for her to make a correct guess. I'm betting had she not known ahead of time should wouldn't have made you at all. (you really do look that good/convincing in your photos)

[Leslie Langford]

I guess for us CDers, it's a case of d*mned if we do, and d*mned if we don't when it comes to our make up.

Personally speaking, if I'm going to be "read", I'd rather it be for wearing more make up than the average GG as opposed to being "outed" because of my 5 o'clock shadow. Not a good look for a Cder overall, and it does detract from one's credibility...

[Ressie]

It's fun to really cake it on for those days that you really want to look like a crossdresser!

[junetv]

so the trick is to apply makeup in a way that it doesn't look too heavy... :)

[charlenesomeone]

Isha thanks for a wonderful story. It's great you passed as you did, you should be proud.
When is it too much, how close did she get? If it is you, then it was just right.
Hugs
Charlene

[Donnagirl]

Hi Isha,

How old was this younger sister? I only ask as I had a similar experience that I put down simply to the naivety of youth... At the farewell a few weeks ago the host's daughter (18 years old) came home pretty late in the evening when we were all well and truly in party mode... She had short chat with me, mostly about shoes, (go figure) before turning in for the night

Last Friday the group met up at a local venue where one of the gang was playing in the band. Again the daughter arrived late. Now this was not the place to go dressed, drunk youth, a few fights, fairly rough place so it was boy me in attendance. I bought the daughter a drink and passed a casual comment about being in boring shoes this time. Her first reaction was a look of confusion, made worse when I added I wish I was back in heels... It was then the penny dropped and her reaction was priceless... She had met boy me few times in passing but had no idea that it was me she was talking to the previous weekend. She took some convincing, showing of photos, etc... For a while I'm sure she thought we were pulling her leg!

Now I can call on poor lighting late at night and alcohol dulled senses but her not 'picking' me was a real surprise... She was not told about me, was not expecting to meet someone 'cross dressed' and no one gave any indication. I think that was the best camouflage of all. Poor girl is now really keen to meet Donna again.

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Thanks for your comments. Don't get me wrong, I believe she was being kind in saying my make-up gave me away before my face or other male physiology. I think what she really meant was that the make-up was the big tell which put the icing on the cake. I was out again today as Isha waiting for my wife to finish at work and I decided to go minimal with make-up . . . serious disaster as the beard shadow on my upper lip was clearly visible by day's end. I do have to admit though, the minimal make-up was much more comfortable than the usual spackle I employ.

Donna, she was 23 years old and real sweetie. She was genuinely curious because she has a friend at university whom she is sure is TG/CD and was just curious what my take was on it and if she should approach him.

Hugs all,

Isha

[Eryn]

Great story and some interesting insights.

I became aware of the "heavy makeup" tell early on and since one of my goals was to be able to go out as a GG does I've put a lot of time and money into getting rid of my beard. I've been very happy with the results.

I still wear makeup, but now its sheer mineral makeup, not the full-coverage PanStik with which I started. I'm free of beard shadow and I should be able to go out with just lipstick but I am always left with the dilemma of looking at my makeup and thinking "Well, I'll just even out my skin tone a bit and get rid of the dark circles under my eyes." Next thing you know, I'm doing a bit more and a bit more and you know where that leads. Still, no matter how much I do, I see women of my age with the same or more makeup on, so I'm not getting too carried away.

[MissTee]

Wow, have to say I never thought that trying to cover up would be a tell. Thanks for sharing, Isha.

[Katey888]

Nice story Isha - you do have some great friends... :)

Moral of this one? Bugger all we can do about it really. :eek: If we want to go out in the normal world and at least go some way to camouflaging the underlying male physiology, there is going to have to be some applied material science going on, particularly for us older gals if we want to tweak the age clock backwards... Of course GGs can just go out and look like a GG... :doh: BUT... There are still some GGs who do go for that more 90s look of the 'cosmetic counter girl face' (Thanks Sher.. ;)) - it depends where you are in the world, venue and time of day...

I suppose us non-lasered types have two choices... live with the makeup tell or just go out at night... I think I may be staying with the latter vampire-like tactic for now... :devil:

Katey x

[Teresa]

Isha,
Thanks for your story , I did a reply on Kate's thread about trying to blend and going OTT with make up and clothes !
I'm surprised she didn't pick you out from your hand shake obviously you've worked on that but male hands are often a give away !
I try to grow decent nails and shave my hands but I just can't lose the calloused, cracked skin !

[Sarah L]

Thank you for telling us about this. I have found that when I take the time to "do my makeup right", I am more likely to get spotted than when I do it in a hurry. I couldn't understand how I was more convincing wihout the extra effort. I guess I know now and will adjust my habits.

This story has been a big help to me.

By the way, you do look great in your picture. Before I read your post I though your were a crossdresser's wife or girlfriend.

[suchacutie]

Stepping back a moment, the makeup "gave you away" under the circumstance that she knew you existed. That's a completely different level of investigation from being in a group where everyone initially assumes a gender from first impressions. Given that, how great is it to have some honest validation for all of the work we do to cover up the masculine "clues" and replace them with feminine ones!

The other piece working here is age. As we get older we are "allowed" more makeup in any gender :)

Thanks so much for letting us in on your experiences. They are so insightful, helpful, and fun!

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

It's fun to really cake it on for those days that you really want to look like a crossdresser!LOL!! This made me laugh quite hard... But I am guilty as charged. I am fully aware that I cake on WAY more makeup than an actual woman. But since I am okay with the fact that I will not fool everybody, and there are plenty of other cues that will give me away, I would rather have too much, than not have enough. My look comes from the fact that I try and create shape (facial contours) where there is none. The only way to do this is with makeup (I don't have nice round cheekbones, or thick lashes, so I draw them on).

Does this bother me? Hell no. I am what I am... I am a crossdresser. This is my routine. If all people see is my layers of makeup (which I take pride in applying with some skill) that's fine with me. I like how I look,... if that means I am outing myself, OH WELL. I can deal with that. :)

[Alice_2014_B]

Thank you Isha for sharing.

Quote: "It is ironic that one thing we rely on so heavily to appear female is one of the things that out us"

[GenieGirl]

Awesome story and glad to see you blend in so well especially when she was actually looking for Waldo. I can agree with her on the makeup thing and when I see women out in public with lots of makeup on I usually zone in on them to see if they are tg or just like to glam it up at Target etc. This is actually why I wear as little makeup as possible so I don't stick out in that way when I am out. I keep it as simple as possible while still staying with a sexy makeup look. I do sometimes go a little glam with it if I am going out somewhere were the girls will be all made up :). Glad you have such an awesome group to go out and be Isha with.

Ginger

[pamela7]

Thank you Isha, you've confirmed welshgirl's opinion on this: "less is more".

in the UK make up is a sign of so many things - class, social group, personal choices, so we have women who are always so covered you never get to see their natural faces and others who go nowhere near anything most of the time.

I've been SO surprised by just a little bare mineral foundation to cover the beard and even-out the face - it looks passable and as if no make-up, and as i've seen how it works for her too, we literally did just walk around town unnoticed. I mean a 6'1"+heels is always going to get noticed to some extent.

The other big tell she says, is the hair. Getting a fully-bodied, longer wig, but not too long, reduces the visual impact of big shoulders, to the point they look right. Add in some waist-tightening measure and natural clothing flare at the hips and the right proportions emerge. It's simple, subtle and therefore well-hiding, just a "large lady".

[Deeaw]

LOL!! (I don't have nice round cheekbones, or thick lashes, so I draw them on

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[Beverley Sims]

Isha,
I am blessed with a fair light beard and anything but minimal makeup is all that i need.
Otherwise I look like a painted lady.

Sorry to see you need Plaster of Paris to cover up all those telltale signs. :)