Is this a gift?

[Kandi Robbins]

So I'm wondering, for all of you crossdressers that do not identify as female (as I know the mindset for those that do identify as female is, of course, different), I am seeking input from those with the same mindset as me: do you view your crossdressing as a gift?

Two months ago, I would have denied being a crossdresser and would have categorically claimed it was a curse. After self-acceptance and telling my wife, I can proudly state, this is a gift!! I am soooo much better as a man than I ever was.

Your thoughts?

[AllieSF]

Yes, in a way I consider it a gift, one with some negative consequences though. I am very happy with myself and being unwantedly single now it gives me a lot of fun. Negative side includes spending too much on it, spending too much money on clothes and accessories, spending too much money on facial hair removal, and letting other just as important life activities take a seat in the far rear of the bus.

[mykell]

like you i grew up denying i had this curse, today i celebrate my gift, not always easy....some things never are....

[Kandi Robbins]

Hey, we all know, nothing worthwhile is ever easy!

[Carolana]

I think of it as a gift I give to myself. Did it come as a gift from somewhere else? I really have pondered this kind of thing a lot over the years and have concluded that life just happens, with all its twists and turns, and what we make of it is what really matters.

[justmetoo]

It's a blessing. And a curse.

(just kidding. in reality it "is what it is". just a personality trait. if I wasn't a CD I'd be a different person, but would that person be better worse? I wouldn't know any different, but I'd probably less aware of the plight of people who don't fit into societal's norms.)

[docrobbysherry]

Some days it's a maddening compulsion. Just look at my majorly ignored hose, garages, office, car, etc.

Some days, it's the best fun I've had in my life!

[Stephanielawrence]

I agree it is a gift. One that in my opinion helps us with understanding of our wife's. Like mentioned though it can be curse if it becomes all consuming of your life.

[Jonithan]

Comme ci, comme ça. Like others have pointed out, it is both a gift and yet a curse. Your SO is accepting of your "gift". Many are not so lucky. There is a high price to pay for this activity. Even the dry cleaner will let you know it cost more to clean a blouse rather than a shirt. Although, ladies night, some drinks are half off if not next to free!!!

Joni

[Katey888]

I don't know about gift but it can be a major P-i-t-A at times...

'Gift' to me implies something freely given... and hopefully with a gift receipt that will allow exchanges if it don't fit or is the wrong colour! :facepalm: No exchanges here, I'm afraid...

When things are good and harmonious I try very hard to channel it as a gift; a unique blessing - and not just a condition. I guess I'm stuck with it so I should try to find a balance and an outlet for the energy and the desire, and hopefully that will help counter the days when it just feels so weird I can't comprehend why I would ever come back and do this again... it's cyclical I guess...? But there are some monster potential issues if the 'gift' ever gets any accidental public attention...

Maybe I need to review the 'miracle cure' question... :thinking:

Katey x

[Donnagirl]

Gift and curse all rolled into one.

It came close to tearing my marriage apart but then helped to cement a stronger relationship between us.

It is a financial drain, but causes me to take considerably more care of my health, fitness and appearance.

It frustrates and angers me that I have lost control of a part of my life and yet it is a proufoundly calmimg influence over my life in general.

It takes up time that could be better and more productively spent, but has given me back a social life.

And so much more...

I used to be adamant I'd take the magical cure, if it existed, now I'm not so sure.

Donna

[Aprilweathers]

So I fall into the curse that became a blessing crowd I guess.

In the early days of being 12-13 and sneaking around to do it when nobody was home, it felt like a curse and a major burden. I held the same view during my on-again, off-again years. I'd be driven to do it, get some satisfaction out of it, and then feel guilty, swear it off, and find yourself doing it again a few months later when a chance came along. That was the 'why me?' faze of it I guess. Wondering what was wrong with me and why I did this drove me nuts. I just wanted to be 'regular.'

But lately I've been seeing it as a benefit too. I'm less stressed and tense when I keep to my April routine, and more tolerant of folks that fall into the different category overall. I'm better at conversing with women, and think that I understand them better than men sometimes lately. So I'm starting to see the gift component to regular crossdressing.

Yeah, life would be easier if it just went away, but I think that I'd notice it missing. Life would have less flavor, if that makes sense. Didn't ask for it, didn't want it, but since it's here I'm finding there are advantages. Lemons/Lemonade.

[Jenniferathome]

No, not a gift but not a curse. It just is. No different than having blue eyes or brown eyes.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kandi, I've been in this program for over 68yrs. and I feel that I have the best of both worlds.:daydreaming:

[Maria 60]

My wife believes our happy thirty years of marriage is because of the dressing, believes we are closer in communication and have more in common. I have always called it a curse, she calls it a gift.

[Mink]

This is our gift...

Thus is our curse!



sometimes I feel I am cursed to walk this Earth!

[Rachelakld]

as I age, my eye sight gets worse, that is a curse.
The older women look hotter now, that's the gift :devil:

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Kandi,
If I consider all that has come from my CDing, and had to choose gift or curse, I would say
that it would be much more of a gift for me than a curse. How could anything that brings such
happiness and contentment into my life possibly be considered a curse.
I think the curse that we feel is present, in most cases, is just a fear of the unknown.
Well also the financial issue. ( Think budget people ! )

Did anyone have trouble sleeping as a child because you feared the monster in the closet? Not me!
( Mine was under my bed )( Don't let your foot hang off the side while you sleep!)
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Gillian Gigs]

It was this curse for many years, as it was cloaked in self unacceptance and shame. Once the self acceptance came I grew in compassion for others who have things about them that society either frowns on, or rejects. That is the gift part. People can be so cruel to anyone who doesn't fit into what they think is normal in a society. There is a big fringe area out there with alot of people in it.
I see it something like this;
There is this one crowd that thinks they are so cool, and so many want to be a part of that crowd. This group says what's cool and what's not, and everybody else is so hung up in trying to be in this cool crowd they can't be themselves because it might not be cool. People get sucked into this vortex of attempting to live up to somebody elses standard that they live out their lives in misery. So who says that this crowd are the cool ones? They are cool because they accept themselves, yet the most uncool thing they do is to reject others by their whims, and many are the suckers for letting them have this control over them. This curse starts in school and rolls into every arena of life.
The best thing we can do is accept ourselves and accept others regardless of their differences, that's called love, and that is cool. If you need a special gift to accomplish this then use it, remembering that others may have their special gift also.

[MissTee]

I would not call it a gift. I also would not call it a problem. It's just an ingredient that contributes to who I really am.

[Kate Simmons]

The real gift is being able to become whoever you wish to be. :battingeyelashes::)

[Traceyjo]

Absolutely. I have often described my crossdressing as a gift. That's because I have a wonderful life apart from my femme side anyway, prosperity, great family, excellent health and all the things a male enjoys but I consider the extreme pleasure crossdressing brings me to be a marvellous bonus that adds so much extra to my life. For me there is no downside to it, no guilt, no regrets, no embarressment, no feeling of being born the wrong gender. Just pure joy and fun and a deep feeling of gratitude that I discovered this side of myself that I wasn''t aware of in my youth.

[Ressie]

It is what it is

[deebra]

Yes it's a gift, where else do you get that wonderful feeling when you step into a pair of panties, put on a bra with forms and wear heels or pumps. Dressed like this and walking in heels, looking in the mirror; what else is such a turn on? Then I'm more of a CD and love being a woman more than most.

[Pat]

I would say it's a gift but a misunderstood one. It's a problem to us because we buy into the gender binary so early in our lives we have a certain amount of self-loathing because we don't understand that we have a place in this world -- we don't have to be male OR female, we can be whatever the heck it is that we are. And the gender binary bites us again when we think the way to handle the situation is to try and flip between one value (male) and the other (female) when in fact whatever we are, we are that all the time. I like to think that someday there will be a place for the two-spirited people where they can be what they are and be a benefit to society as a whole. I'm sure some of the ills of society are caused because we're not out there fulfilling the role we have. But I don't know what that is. And I don't know how to change the world. So I put on my dress and try to find personal happiness like everyone else in my situation. And that's the curse.

[Caden Lane]

All I have to say here is; "I crossdress, whats your superpower?!?"

[Ina Girdle]

Kandi, Great thread & viewpoint! I am constantly amazed at the variety of people and their situations here, but also the common threads that we share as well! I never really thought of my cross-dressing as a gift, until I was able to accept it and myself, which came with age & experience. Before that there was lots of guilt, repression and self-loathing. Once I was able to gain self acceptance and ask my wife for her acceptance, I have been able to practice and thoroughly enjoy my GIFT every day! My advice to younger cross-dressers, work hard at understanding yourself and come to terms with it, stop fighting and accept this as a gift you ended up with, it does not go away!

Thanks, Ina G.

[Barbara Maria]

When I look in the mirror and see that reasonably pretty woman(to me,anyway)instead of that ugly old man,it makes me feel so much better about myself.For me,definitly a gift.

[Isabella Ross]

Without a doubt, yes!

[Jaymees22]

Yes this is a gift that keeps on giving, me happiness!!! Hugs Jaymee

[Kandi Robbins]

Once I was able to gain self acceptance and ask my wife for her acceptance, I have been able to practice and thoroughly enjoy my GIFT every day! My advice to younger cross-dressers, work hard at understanding yourself and come to terms with it, stop fighting and accept this as a gift you ended up with, it does not go away!

Thanks, Ina G.

BINGO! Once I finally realized it would not go away (only took 48 years!), then self-acceptance started and everything that has happened since is slowly falling into place. Planning to venture out into the great big world soon, which could either open things further or seal me away for good. Fingers crossed.

[NicoleScott]

Neither a gift nor a curse. It is what it is. There have been plenty of pluses and plenty of minuses. While many CDers have replied that it is a gift, I wonder how many NON-CDers would, if asked, say they felt cheated that they were not chosen to receive the gift of crossdressing.