"Gabriela"
01-06-2015, 11:36 AM
Hi all!
I hope this new year is rocking for you as it is for me :D
I wanted to know your opinion and advice...
I told my GF a couple months ago that I like to use girly clothes... it was cool because she even got kinda turned on. She helped me buying some clothes, shoes and accessories. The last quarter of 2014 was kind of complex because I had to work and then study at the university during the night. That split us apart a little. There were some other kind of family issues (not necessary to talk about it) that affected her a lot.
I started trying to release the stress by my own means, like getting into another music band (heavy metal to be precise) and well... after telling her about my crossdressing habits, I felt like a rush going through my whole self, and I wanted to explore deeper and faster into this facet of my soul. The problem was that while this was happening to me -and I'm talking about since I found this community and felt so encouraged to embrace this lifestyle- she went on a trip with her parents and we almost could not talk at all. Then she came and found a very different (??) Hugo, more femme-mannered, kind of a metro-sexual dude! I told her about me getting new makeup, shaving all my body hair (except for my arms) and getting an appointment for laser hair removal on the face. Oh! and adopting GABRIELA as my female name.
Maybe I didn't consider her reactions at the moment, I don't know if I was selfish for changing in that abrupt way in such a short time! The thing is that now she's confused. She thinks of Gabriela as if this character was a new person trying to get into our relationship... she feels jealous about it. I try to tell her that she has nothing to fear, that Hugo is the main part of my life, that I love myself as a man and I wouldn't wanna take this as further as it might get, because I don't want to suffer as much as many other TG people have, and mostly because I don't want to be a woman... I don't even care if I don't pass as a girl, but I do love to dress like one, and have a good impression of the work I do for it and if I go out I don't want people to see a disarranged dude, but a person who makes a good effort to be happy and beautiful.
I had plans to go out in public in daytime with my GF last Sunday. She couldn't join me because she had to stay with her partents, so I asked if I could go on my own, and she said she was OK with it. So I did go in the afternoon to a mall in San José and it went pretty well for me indeed. I'll tell you all about it in another post. What happened with this was that after chatting with her on whatsapp for a while, I sent her some photographs of my outfit that day... she replied nothing, not even a "hey! you look good!"... it felt so disappointing...
My GF is not so easy-going when it comes to changes, and she has made me feel that I'm putting her through a lot of that. She says she doesn't want me to deny my feminine side, and she is doing an effort to accept me, but she definitely doesn't feel attracted to Gabriela at all. I mean, she looks at Gabby and sees another person, not Hugo. I know this is not only about me, and I also need to be supportive and comprehensive to her, and try to help her know if she'll be able to stick around a person with this likes...
I love her and I don't wanna lose her! I don't wanna stop CDing 'cause it's something that I hid for my whole life and I don't wanna hide anymore. I don't intend to present Gabby to my in laws or my family... I'm trying to make her understand that family is the most important thing for me, and I need to balance it with my Gabby side too. But she says she's afraid of how far this can get.
She says she's totally ignorant about CDing and she doesn't understand a lot of what I tell her about me and even about the things I read and the support I get in this site. I don't wanna push her a lot into coming here or going to a couple therapist either. I prefer to wait until she's ready.
I'm so afraid of losing my GF. We got so much plans together and I don't want that a part of me that doesn't intend to be bad and hurt anyone, ends up being the cause of death of my relationship with such an important person for me. I know many of you have gone through really harder situations, so I thought maybe you could give Hugo and Gabriela some help! HELP!
Hugs!
Gabriela and Hugo :)
I hope this new year is rocking for you as it is for me :D
I wanted to know your opinion and advice...
I told my GF a couple months ago that I like to use girly clothes... it was cool because she even got kinda turned on. She helped me buying some clothes, shoes and accessories. The last quarter of 2014 was kind of complex because I had to work and then study at the university during the night. That split us apart a little. There were some other kind of family issues (not necessary to talk about it) that affected her a lot.
I started trying to release the stress by my own means, like getting into another music band (heavy metal to be precise) and well... after telling her about my crossdressing habits, I felt like a rush going through my whole self, and I wanted to explore deeper and faster into this facet of my soul. The problem was that while this was happening to me -and I'm talking about since I found this community and felt so encouraged to embrace this lifestyle- she went on a trip with her parents and we almost could not talk at all. Then she came and found a very different (??) Hugo, more femme-mannered, kind of a metro-sexual dude! I told her about me getting new makeup, shaving all my body hair (except for my arms) and getting an appointment for laser hair removal on the face. Oh! and adopting GABRIELA as my female name.
Maybe I didn't consider her reactions at the moment, I don't know if I was selfish for changing in that abrupt way in such a short time! The thing is that now she's confused. She thinks of Gabriela as if this character was a new person trying to get into our relationship... she feels jealous about it. I try to tell her that she has nothing to fear, that Hugo is the main part of my life, that I love myself as a man and I wouldn't wanna take this as further as it might get, because I don't want to suffer as much as many other TG people have, and mostly because I don't want to be a woman... I don't even care if I don't pass as a girl, but I do love to dress like one, and have a good impression of the work I do for it and if I go out I don't want people to see a disarranged dude, but a person who makes a good effort to be happy and beautiful.
I had plans to go out in public in daytime with my GF last Sunday. She couldn't join me because she had to stay with her partents, so I asked if I could go on my own, and she said she was OK with it. So I did go in the afternoon to a mall in San José and it went pretty well for me indeed. I'll tell you all about it in another post. What happened with this was that after chatting with her on whatsapp for a while, I sent her some photographs of my outfit that day... she replied nothing, not even a "hey! you look good!"... it felt so disappointing...
My GF is not so easy-going when it comes to changes, and she has made me feel that I'm putting her through a lot of that. She says she doesn't want me to deny my feminine side, and she is doing an effort to accept me, but she definitely doesn't feel attracted to Gabriela at all. I mean, she looks at Gabby and sees another person, not Hugo. I know this is not only about me, and I also need to be supportive and comprehensive to her, and try to help her know if she'll be able to stick around a person with this likes...
I love her and I don't wanna lose her! I don't wanna stop CDing 'cause it's something that I hid for my whole life and I don't wanna hide anymore. I don't intend to present Gabby to my in laws or my family... I'm trying to make her understand that family is the most important thing for me, and I need to balance it with my Gabby side too. But she says she's afraid of how far this can get.
She says she's totally ignorant about CDing and she doesn't understand a lot of what I tell her about me and even about the things I read and the support I get in this site. I don't wanna push her a lot into coming here or going to a couple therapist either. I prefer to wait until she's ready.
I'm so afraid of losing my GF. We got so much plans together and I don't want that a part of me that doesn't intend to be bad and hurt anyone, ends up being the cause of death of my relationship with such an important person for me. I know many of you have gone through really harder situations, so I thought maybe you could give Hugo and Gabriela some help! HELP!
Hugs!
Gabriela and Hugo :)